Wednesday Oct. 25

[dilayne]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Gina..that's a totally AWESOME costume! Good luck with the new job shit and congratulations on your Abs!

[vinophile]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Hey All,
Great topic Nancy. Triggers are everywhere!! I purposefully went out and bought a newpaper today as I'm a firm believer that we should read the news as opposed to listening to it 24 hrs a day on the tv.A whole section was devoted to wines and some of the great wine bargains to be had in the area.I was thinking about how I would take a ride to this liquor outlet to buy a case when I remebered that I'm not drinking!!! Oh well, that trigger is over and the paper sits under the catbox now face down.

For me the most consistent trigger is worry. I'm not overtly anxious and to others seem carefree but in the time I have spent not drinking i have learned that worry does eat away at me. Often I would have a hard time telling you what I worry about. It's just there......
Each day that i don't drink does make me feel a bit stronger and more able to deal with being anxious. I'm not a nervous person.Instead of coping with nerves or worries I have learned over the years to douse any fear or anxiety in wine. I know it's important to learn to deal with these normal emotions without medicating them.

Hopefully can check-in later.
Janet

[YoungAtHeart]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Wow, Mike, I forgot about the HALT triggers, yep, that's me, too. I can't tell you how often I've drank when I was hungry and was too lazy to fix some dinner. After two glasses of wine, who cared about dinner?? Lately, I've been MAKING MYSELF fix something, even if it's just some scrambled eggs, and boy, it will take care of a craving right away! I think I'll buy some stock in whoever makes Lean Cuisine! Also, last night I was in bed with a book by 10, and I had a great night's sleep! I'm getting better at sitting with anger.

As far as internal aloneness comes in, boy, that goes back a long way for me. The feeling is one of being on the outside looking in or feeling like eveyone else got the rulebook to the game of life but me, and I'm desperately playing along, but feeling like a fraud and hoping that no one notices. Or as Di puts it, feeling like you are wearing your "false self" while the "true self" hides deeper and deeper inside. I used to feel that people wouldn't accept the "real me" (as I didn't feel that my mother did). I don't feel that way nearly as much as I used to (one would hope not after years of therapy!), in fact, I see LOTS OF PEOPLE walking around showing their false selves to the world. I know now that lots of people feel like they didn't get the rulebook either!! But I do feel that it can be very difficult finding people who are capable of making that true and genuine connection, especially when you are as frightened as I am of getting hurt again.

In fact, it is here that I have been taking more risks than I have in a long time. Even here in cyberspace I feel vulnerable! I have let you all in, and I care about how you feel. The funny thing is that I don't mind being confronted, per se, what really bugs me is being misperceived or judged! Can you tell that my mom was critical and judgmental? I was close to my dad as a kid, but I only got to see him for a few hours a day, and truth be told, he wasn't going to win any mental health prizes either.:no:

At any rate, it was rather easy to fall into being a divorcee who sat home at night and amused herself by drinking way too much and reading books instead of living life. It feels good, but scary, to be climbing out of the hole. Letting go of booze is a lot less scary than learning how to live again.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[xtexan]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Howdy folks!

Triggers...what can I say. Seems like I see a rock on the ground, and then I remember when I got drunk by a similar looking rock.

I see a salt shaker on the table, and I remember that margarita brain ripper I had back in Dallas.

I mean its a zillion things I have that are associated with getting drunk at one time or another. I see how it may be a bit funny, getting an urge just from seeing a cardboard box or something, but to me, it's been a Mt. Everest of a psychological issue to deal with.

But, day by day, all those little things, are now being associated with a state of sober perception. Thats why I still have to make the decision some days, not to drink, minute by minute. It's not every day anymore, but those days still crop up. The worst times still are Friday evenings. That party in chat last Friday, although bizarre in so many ways, allowed me to be a sober cut up, rather than a drunk cut up. It was therapeutic in a lot of ways.

On that note, I started listening to "The Psychology of High Self Esteem" again by Nathaniel Branden. It's my fourth go around, and new things are coming into my conciousness again. That is the hallmark of well-crafted audio programs I think, just like movies. You can see them, or hear them again and again. Each time something new just jumps out, that you may have missed before.

So, Kathy, you speak of the "false" self, and that's one of the big things on that audio program. The real self is the child self. It's still in there, whether we like it or not. The child self figures prominently in that audio program, and it must be resolved and dealt with before any real adult growth can occur.

A lot of people, who have never had a drink in their life, have shut the child self out, and forgotten them. I see them everyday. They always have some addiction, maybe not alcohol. Maybe food, or gambling, or sex, or cigarettes, or something. But they always do something that is not good, to shut that child up, because it can be a screaming little brat until it gets what it wants.

This time around, by God, I am going to find out what little Neil is wanting so damn bad. I will go the extra mile, to get him whatever the heck it is he needs. It's hard for a gray haired fella like me to drag this out, but I have found it's a major piece of this sobriety thing for me.

Little Neil wants to be told by his father, that he doesn't need to be afraid of the world. Now that father, is the sober adult Neil. Neils real biological father is a thousand miles away, and has long since gotten old himself. The things that get passed from generation to generation. The dysfunctions. The neuroses.

Well, it all stops now. It stops right now! Adult sober Neil is going to get little Neil fixed up good, with whatever he needs to be a happy kid. It's a real thing, that until it gets resolved, abstinence will be a white knuckle torture. I want abstinence to be an expansion into a world of great possibility and potential.

Be well.

Neil

[YoungAtHeart]

Wednesday Oct. 25

I think It's that "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," Neil? Oh and respect, acceptance, patience, tolerance, encouragement, a little, but not too much, indulgence, appropriate limits, and love, love, love, love.

And yes, I have seen a lot of people addicted to things other than booze!

Oh, and love the costume, Gina!

[southernbelle47]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Wow guys!!!!!!! I'm impressed with your post today!

Thanks for making me look like a good mayor!

Gina.....I have to admit that sometimes I can do the "silent" treatment thing. I guess that is the "child" in me having a quiet temper tantrum! That way I can feel like I win without ever having to do the grown up work of fighting it out.
3 weeks! Great!

Janet........wine IS everywhere! I was watching a show on tv tonight (War at Home) and the mom pulled out a wine bottle every few minutes..

Kathy...have you tried the new Kashi frozen dinners? I think they are a step above the others!
Is sis there? Maybe you could take turns cooking?

Di.....I do understand what you're talking about. I have been blessed to have had a few real friends in my life. Ones that I can be my true self with. I wish that for everyone.

Neil......my child self.....hummmm. Does she HAVE to grow up?

It's been a good day here in Absville. Thanks for being such good neighbors!

Nancy:l