af daily sun 11 July

[bear73]

well i drank yesterdya after all my best laid plans - it's the feeling uncomfortable/behaviour chnage bit I can't get over.I think it's also cos I'm thinking long term at the back of my mind.

I smoked tonnes and I had 3 beers and 3/4 of a bottle of wine - bad hangover, I don't fancy skating so much today but I'm gonna do it anyway.

I'm frustrated and cross with myself - you've all given me lots of support/good suggestions and time. How many times have you all said to me change how I socialise?

I feel like I need to give myself a kick up the arse and I am frustrated that this time the longest I have in a row AF/NF is 6 days.

Back to the drawing board with the plan, and the one day at a time focus.Re read of living sober is due I feel and my old posts/your input/tool box.

Good day all to come - loving courgette recipes - willing my little babies to grow bigger.
DG - grilled peaches put mascarpone(or low fat creme fraiche if you being good), honey,crushed amaretti biscuits and some pine nuts in middle - yummo - think was an old jamie oliver recipe.

anyway today at world cup final party - people will be drinking but am confident i won't today (never tempted with a hangover). I feel yuck and there will be lots of yummy food so will just eat and chat all way through match!!

good day all to come - skating and thinking in the park for me

[Marshy]

af daily sun 11 July

Ab fabbers!

Well, bear, as you say you've heard all the advice. It's up to you to put it into practice if that's what you want to do. If it's not what you want to do... well, I don't know how that works. I was so desperate to stop drinking (even more desperate than I was to drink) that I was prepared to do anything, including becoming a hermit for a few months to avoid all temptations. And - guess what? - my friends were still there when I emerged again and are all happy that I've stopped killing myself with alcohol.
World Cup party? You know there's going to be gallons of alcohol sloshing about and you're choosing to go. It's up to you in the end.

I'm taking a break from cleaning windows. Yukky job but long overdue! I'm having a day at home pottering and cleaning and listening to Joni Mitchell (old hippie that I am) and recharging my batteries. I feel quite tired after recent events. I'll be going to a couple more AA meetings this week. Feeling the need for it at the moment. Not that I have any desire to drink. In fact, I'm lucky that now when something bad happens that little voice in my head says "DON'T react by drinking! Don't drink!". Phew :H

Have a sober day all! (Bear, that means you!)

[greeneyes]

af daily sun 11 July

Morning fabs!

bear, sorry you have to start over! Oh and....:b&d: bear, are you preparing yourself mentally (and physically too as in taking your own drinks) before you go socialize? What happens during that space in time just before you take that first one? I'm thinking something in there needs to change. You better drink an arse load of water if you're going to skate.

Lav, :l yep, you deserve to be happy all right. Buckets of happy!

The sun is over the trees and the tundra beckons. Better start my chant about being grateful for my little piece of the planet. I've got a humongous fire ant mound in my herb garden. Feckers. But here's what I'm thinking! So you disturb them and the move, well their abandoned mound serves like aeration to the lawn right? I'm desparate for a silver lining (and a tube of cortizone).

What am I going to do with those tomatoes?

Cindi - wish you'd drop in!

Have a sunnyside up AF day!

[greeneyes]

af daily sun 11 July

X-post marshy. Glad you are taking time for you and know what to do. I know what you mean about the AA meeting being something other than quelling urges. It's a good safety net to get into when you need it. I think it's the higher power component being on the front page.

[Doggygirl]

af daily sun 11 July

Good morning fabbie abbies! Looks like the sun will be shining again today. It will be a nice day to sit with Dad on the porch and follow Mom around as she is always pottering.

Bear, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. But you already know that. It's easy to see that you DO have a desire to stop drinking. I guess that has to be greater than the desire to drink, as Marshy said. But even that isn't enough without a good solid plan. I know that I would not even WANT to be constantly around people drinking when I don't and can't drink. Happy hangover.... (just kidding)

Greenie what did I miss about the tomatoes???? Those ant hills are a bugger. I've got a couple spots of them in my garden and if you step on them holy crap that are all over my feet biting me in seconds!!! But no poisons in the garden so the ants rage on. Let me know if you figure out a solution!

Marshy, I love Joni Mitchell too. Old hippies abound I guess! I hope you have a wonderful relaxing day pampering yourself. I find a lot of comfort in AA meetings too. Familiar faces, an effort to be a better human, peacefulness. I know what you mean about it not being just for urges.

Well I am off to AA myself. I like this little Sunday morning group. Then it will be either zuke brownies or bread. Might have to flip a coin!

One thing is for sure, AL is not on my agenda today.

DG

[bear73]

af daily sun 11 July

thanks Marshy, Greenie for your input - I'm sick of hearing myself say the same things!!

Plan is take diet 7UP with me and leave if i can't hack it.
Days with hangovers don't tempt me to drink - I have steely resolve on days like this.
It's when I get to a week AF and the little voice saying 'you can't do it' , 'never drink again, impossible' kicks in.

I do need to change my social life, I did last time at the beginning I remember.
Time to scan through diary and see what is coming up and do some re-jigging.

[bear73]

af daily sun 11 July

and Doggygirl - cross post!
Thinking and planning writing down a plan day today for me

[Lavande]

af daily sun 11 July

Good morning Abbers from another aging Hippie - love Joni Mitchell

bear - make a true commitment & stick to it! You know the rest!

Marshy, keeping myself busy has always helped me thru tough times. It's only when I allow my thinking to get out of control that I get into trouble. Sending you strength & hugs!

Good luck with the yard work Greenie! Mr Lav promised to return to cut grass today since yesterday was a rain day. He better get here because I will not go out & fire up that huge, diesel powered tractor. That thing scares the hell out of me!!!

DG, those zucchini brownies sound pretty good - think I may make some myself! Have a nice day with your Dad.

Greetings to everyone & wishing a super AF day all around!
Lav

[Gaia]

af daily sun 11 July

Hello Abbies,

On a whim, today I am organizing our very last trip before some very big changes and this time I am choosing the destination. I think it is a beautiful spot and something we all will enjoy, but I am pleased to say that this trip is for me.

Marshy, I am so sorry to hear that there is no good news about your mom. You are handling this very well, and she's lucky, so's your dad, to be able to rely on you. Good luck with the windows. I love Joni Mitchell too. It's a Chelsea Morning!

Bear - well another day another dollar, as they say. I think DG have good advice. It's a matter of making changes within yourself which eventually will keep you strong with your with others. I recently heard, with horrors, the term 'dry drunk' which is really a humiliating term. My fear is that I will become or am one. Well I hope not but I do think that real changes, deep down, are what will carry us.

Greenie your FH is a trip. You have the strangest conversations with him, it seems. It's nice to see your sense of humor come through. Have you tried telling him he must have a yeast infection?

Lav - it sounds like a step forward that DH is going to come around more. He can run but he can't hide forever. You are such a rock.

DG - hello. I'm not sure I'm ready for any other type of brownie than the old fashioned ones. Let us know if the zuc ones are tasty.

Papmom thanks for the encouragement. Every little word from each of you is so refreshing to me. I thank you all so much.

Yesterday DH had lots of wine with dinner, and really really I wasn't wanting any. Today we're going to a party (again) and then it's ... VAMOS ESPAGNA!!!! TENEMOS QUE GANAR!!! I'm bringing my own AF beer to mix with lemonade.

Go Lance, too. Two of the top 10 record times for today's stage are held by him. However, there is a big shadow of doubt around his having gone so fast for so long and all in a challenging uphill. Sorry to hear that. Another ding for us Americans!

Well I need to go eat some pistaccio ice cream now. Bye for now!

[Marshy]

af daily sun 11 July

Gaia;908657 wrote: I recently heard, with horrors, the term 'dry drunk' which is really a humiliating term. My fear is that I will become or am one. Well I hope not but I do think that real changes, deep down, are what will carry us.

I never understood the term "dry drunk" until yesterday when a woman at the AA meeting I went to was talking about how angry and resentful she is that she can't drink.
Ironically, she works in a detox unit and spends her day telling patients all the "correct" information about drinking, but when she leaves work in the evening she just wants to get totally wrecked. I felt so sorry for her, that she should feel that way.
I understand wanting to get drunk, but I don't think I've ever resented other people drinking because I never drank like them anyway.

Lav - Mr Lav coming over two days in a row! Sounds like an improvement.

Back to the windows. I've got more square feet of bleedin' windows than I realised.
But at least I don't have ants in my pants

[LVT25]

af daily sun 11 July

Hello friends!

I'm skipping church this morning and feeling a tad guilty, but have a shooting sports meeting/practice for 4-H and frankly I am so tired of trying to fit 40 different things into my days! What I need to do is start a little house cleaning...the place is getting deep again, and of course hubby commented on it. Not really in a negative way against me, I reminded him that I'm just not home enough to keep it clean--but the boys just will not make an effort to pick up after themselves! I'm sure you guys that don't have kids are ever grateful after hearing me whine about mine! Anyway, i need to take baby steps and start cleaning one area at a time and start getting rid of stuff! Soon!

I asked hubby why he wants to cut down on the beer and he said he wanted to feel better. Part of me wants to jump up and down for joy, but the part of me that was married to another alcoholic for 4 years knows better. Friday, the day he told me he needed to stay away from his drinking buddies for awhile, I saw his pickup at one of the biggest drinking buddies he has. So, immediately I am upset and obsessed with thinking about it. THAT is why I wish he didn't tell me things like that. I guess it brings out the super co-dependent in me and I turn into the person I was before--all focused on the wrong person. But, the good news is, he only had a couple that night and we took his mom out for supper with his alcoholic sister and brother in law and I think he only had 3-4 beers. Which he reminded me that 5 beers in 5 days is really good for him. Which I told him absolutely! I need to try to be more supportive than pessimistic. But my guard is already up, which is a defense mechanism I learned long ago.

I may need to make a road trip through Illinois and then south to pick up some fresh produce from you guys! It is weird hearing all the talk about zucs, cucs and tomatoes when I just finished planting mine July 1. Which is probably pretty stupid since we're zone 4! But, the stuff in the greenhouse should be ok as long as it doesn't cook. After the huge storm we had last weekend, I think I am one of the only ones around that still has a garden. I hope mother nature lets me keep it!

Bear, I'm not sure what to say to you anymore,, except that whatever you are trying to do to stay sober is not working. Do you have the hypno cd's? The book? IMHO you need to get really honest with yourself and find a plan that works. Obviously going out with your drinking friends doesn't. I thought you were going to be with non-drinking supporting friends last night? Anyway, I'm not trying to be mean, I just wish I could help you stay sober and off the cigs--if that is what you truly want. I think you need to dig deep and find the answers within yourself and do what it takes if you really want it.

Well I better get busy. I read everyone's posts yesterday and today,, and got a little something from everyone! And damn, those brownies look delish! Have a great day all!:h

Special hugs to you Marshy!:l

[greeneyes]

af daily sun 11 July

OK, the ants set up house in the yard so I dusted that area. I'll just keep following them around I guess ~ until they move to the neighbors' yard . DG there is an organic product with spinosad you might check out Organic Fire Ant Control

Not only that, but I have a fly infestation. Hundreds. Seriously. They go to 4 main windows at one end of the house. I'm having to use bug spray in a sweeping motion at the windows when there's about a dozen there at a time. I cannot figure out where they come from but am guessing something got in the attic and died? :yuk: Either that or there's a yeast infection around here somewhere.

[Pamina]

af daily sun 11 July

Hi Fabbers,

Why oh why could I not learn the girly girl skills at a time when trial and error would not have been such a big deal? Who's going to understand a 29-yr old who can't apply nail polish?! :upset: I've been invited to a garden party tomorrow and thought it would be nice to have presentable feet. And yes, the toes are so far down people probably won't notice. But my fingernails are a mess, the lines are uneven and the polish is all gooped up... Sigh... At least it's not ants or flies - didn't learn those skills either, sorry Greenie. Though wouldn't use FH as backup, I agree with Marshy's map (that was hysterical!!). Hope Mr Lav has turned up to do his bit around the garden - totally understand the fear of massive machinery. LVT, I get the fear of disappointment but maybe you can think of it as his promise to himself, not to you, so you'd be less invested in the outcome. He'll do what he's ready to do, whatever that is. Bear, KTAB posted a lovely little story yesterday, I think on the Army thread, about walking down a street with potholes and gradually changing how you walk. Gaia, enjoy Spain, hope it's not too hot. Marshy, another fan here of Joni Mitchell! So DG, are you coming over to help me with these nails?? I bet you can do nails with mini-sequins. Yes, I've read the Servan-Schreiber book and yes, I'm a fan. He's a psychiatrist who's into integrative medicine and writes columns for various magazines here. I'd also read his previous book on recovery without Freud or Prozac before I ever knew he'd had brain cancer twice (and survived). He's far more moderate than some of the other CAM people, but he's still rattling the cages of conventional medicine.

OK folks, time to hit the nail polish remover. Have a fab evening all!

[Marshy]

af daily sun 11 July

Greenie - do you live near a farm? My parents get loads of flies in their house when a farm nearby is muck-spreading or some such activity.

Pamina - if DG can't make it over in time, how about one of those nail bars? Can't move for them in my neck of the woods. Never been in one tho.

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone, much appreciated

[greeneyes]

af daily sun 11 July

No, no farm nearby. It's slowing down. I swear I think there was a hatch from something dead. The attic stairs haven't been fixed so I can't investigate up there. much to my relief There is no funny smell or anything.

I'm glad it's sunday night. I had gotten away from my PBS Masterpiece Theatre ritual and that one was a good one to start/end the week however you look at it. Tonight is murder on the orient express.

Peace.