Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

[retteacher]

I think I got the dates right on this thread. I'm doing OK...taking care of my sobriety & my daughter.

I'll be back.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

my dear teach tht s the main thing,wishing u well gyco

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Many thanks Gyco. I'm realizing more & more that drinking would be so counter-productive. I'm needed for help & drinking would create the vicious cycle that is so energy draining.

This morning I got together w/one of my AA woman friends for a walk in the park w/the dog. We talked program & just generally bonded. I can see why the program is called a fellowship. We talked about people who get sober wo/AA. I'm not a complete AA purist & have seen it done. My brother got sober by himself. My son did as well. I couldn't get sober w/just MWO though I tried & tried. I need a fellowship for sobriety & for a new way of life. I haven't given up my old friends, because there isn't an alcoholic (besides myself) among them. However, I need people who follow the 12 steps. I also need the 12 steps for philosophical reasons. Now that the obsession has left me (at least for today), I need AA as a path for a healthy life.

Anyhow, I'm always very glad when I reach out to others in the program. My efforts are returned to me 100 fold.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Hi Mary and gyco. Good to see you both as always, and thanks Mary for getting us started this week. gyco, I hope life is treating you well. Mary, your strength during this difficult time for your daughter continues to inspire me. Sister sends her regards and prayers.

Mary, I like the topic you raised about fellowship. One of the biggest blessings to me about the AA program is that fellowship - the face to face connection with others who have the same affliction (AND RECOVERY POSSIBILITIES!) that I do. It was a step in the right direction for me to connect with others at MWO. And without MWO, I might not have been willing to go to AA, and who knows where (or if) I would be right now. But I isolated in my later drinking years. Reaching out to others, but only from behind this computer monitor was still isolating in some way. It's just not the same as face to face, at least not for me. I am learning to get out and experience life fully again and that is such a blessing. MWO was a great start and AA is helping me go that extra mile back to the land of the living.

Todays meeting focused especially on the "Meditation" section of this reading:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

Before alcoholics come into A.A., they are "flying blind." But A.A.
gives them a directed beam in the A.A. program. As long as they
keep on this beam, the signal of sobriety keeps coming through. If
they have a slip, the signal is broken. If they swing off course into
drunkenness, the signal stops. Unless they regain the A.A.
directed beam, they are in danger of crashing against the
mountain peak of despair. Am I on the beam?

Meditation For The Day

Be expectant. Constantly expect better things. Believe that what
God has in store for you is better than anything you ever had
before. The way to grow old happily is to expect better things
right up to the end of your life and even beyond that. A good life is
a growing expanding life, with ever-widening horizons, an
ever-greater circle of friends and acquaintances, and an
ever-greater opportunity for usefulness.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may await with complete faith for the next good thing
in store for me. I pray that I may always keep an expectant
attitude toward life.

We talked about the difference between having general hope and optimism that the sober life holds great promise for us, and the "outcome" based expections about things outside our control that tend to lead to disappointment. I thought of you guys here as this is a topic we discussed in a thread a couple weeks ago. I'm realizing that there really IS a big difference between optimism and general expectations and the more specific things that never come out the way I hope.

Today I'm just going to take it easy and believe that good things will happen. And no matter what happens, I ain't drinkin' today!

DG

[bear73]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

hello all - it looks like my job may disappear soon with NHS reform so I am really liking the bit about positive expectancy and I will focus on that in the months to come.

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

hi again just poppin,maybe just crawlin in,i am a gyco,hahah,life is what it is,everyone needs somthin that works,ive as you no , hav gone thro AA for many years,it is like a faith,somthin tht bonds people in a way tht many will never understand,the church if i may say has been persecuted for thousands of years,AA has only been thro it since 1939.i beleive tht was the 1st publishing,they were working on the program in 1934,if AA is wht gives u comfort,that is good,thnx gang

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Hi everyone!,
Just got back from an AA meeting. I'm closing in on 30 days again... but this time it feels so different going to AA.. speaking of fellowship. that IS the difference for me, meeting some incredibly long term sober people face to face who genuinely want me to stay sober and keep coming to the meetings.
I love the informality of AA, now I am starting to feel comfortable and people are getting to know me!! the real me!! the honest me!!

hang in there everyone.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Gyco I am definitely bonding to people! It's making me realize that I "isolated" way more than I even thought I did. Once drinking became top priority for me, I could be surrounded by people and still be alone. It is taking some time and work to truly break free of that - to learn how to give and recieve love without reservation.

Cher, I too love the wisdom from the people I'm meeting who have many years of sobriety. Both of my home groups have a great mix of long term sobriety, and newer people. Everyone brings something of value to the tables. I bet you are looking forward to your 30 days!

I've been thinking about how much I misunderstood AA prior to going. I thought I "knew it all" - even about things I had never investigated. One example is the concept put forth in Step 1 that I am powerless over alchohol. Before going to AA, I mistakenly thought that meant AA was suggesting I am a powerless person. Not responsible for anything myself. Expecting "God of my understanding" to do it all for me. I thought AA didn't work because lord knows I laid in my bed during many a hangover begging God to take away my desire to drink.

Imagine my shock when I figured out that AA is actually about a ton of personal responsibility. If something is within my control, then I am responsible for doing the right thing about that thing. I also have the choice to do the wrong thing and I have exercised that choice diligently through my drinking career.

The powerlessness AA speaks of is the powerlessnes I have over alcohol if I drink it. If I have one drink, I have no idea for sure what will happen next. Probably a whole lot more drinks. That's what history tells me. Any efforts I have ever made to control my drinking were in vain. I cannot control my drinking. I am powerless over alcohol.

If I had power over alcohol, I would have one or two drinks when I go out to dinner on special occassions. Then I wouldn't drink any more until a holiday. Or maybe a wedding. And then I would have one or maybe two drinks. If I had power over alcohol, I would have maybe 6 or 8 drinks a month max. I have tried and tried until it nearly killed me, but I have never been able to do that.

I am powerless over alcohol. I cannot drink safely, ever. The day I finally accepted that was a turning point in my life. I hope this explanation helps a bit for anyone who might be like I was misunderstanding that point.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Hi all
My partner isn't as supportive as he thinks he is and I would like him to attend an ANON meeting (dont know if it's even called that).What exactly happens at these meetings? Does anyone know?
He is unsure of going but I believe it will help our relationship.
Its been a bit rocky since I have stopped drinking as we no longer share the same interests we had at the weekends. He is not an alcoholic but rewards himself with some beer on the weekends. i have told him to stop drinking in front of me. He will do it but is not happy to have to drink secretly.

Someone told me that our relationship in now doomed and I need to accept that it's over since I have stopped drinking and he still drinks ( but in healthy doses )Do you guys share this same opinion?

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Hi Rebirth. I know that retteacher is familiar with Alanon and I suspect she will offer comment on that when she is able. It sure couldn't hurt your relationship for him to go I don't think. (has potential to put you both on the same page I suspect)

I really admire the women her at MWO who have quit drinking while their husbands have carried on the party. I'm not sure if I could do that. Mr. Doggy is a normal drinker. He drinks one or maybe two beers occassionally. And every day is not an occassion. Every week is not an occassion. Sometimes he has a beer with the guys after dog training. He never drinks when we are together. He doesn't see this as "giving up something" because alcohol has no value to him. That's what makes him "normal" as a drinker.

I still wonder about the seemingly high value your partner puts on alcohol when it is such a problem for you.

If there was something that I'm not addicted to that my husband asked me to give up (in front of him) to support his need to do ____________ I think I would try. If he were diabetic and asked me not to eat ice cream in front of him since he couldn't have any, I would do that and it would be easy. (And I DO consider ice cream a reward!! :H) Why is the not having beer in front of you so hard for him if he is a "normie"?

I know that living a sober life is a big life style change for most of us. I can see that being a more challenging issue for a pair where one needs to change and the other doesn't want to.

I'm just rambling as I find the situation very interesting. I hope it works out in a positive way for you and your son - that is the important thing!

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

Rebirth, I went to one Alanon meeting with my husband. He had gone to one or two before I went to AA, trying to find out how to get me to stop drinking.
The meeting we both attended was run similar to AA. It was a speaker meeting, with a wife giving her experience as the non drinker with an alcoholic husband. I think just as AA gives us fellowship, it is a means for the non drinker to feel like they are not alone. What they are feeling and experiencing they have in common with others. It also sheds light on the alcoholic and why we are the way we are.
It certainly can't hurt for him to go and you could both go together.

DG, thanks for the explanation of the powerlessness we have over AL. Even after a year AL free, I still have moments when I think I could control my drinking and only have a few. Or what would be the damage of having one night to drink? Well, I have to hold on to all the other AA's experience of trying the controlled drinking to know that it more than likely won't work and could lead to a devastating binge.
"I'll keep coming both here and to AA".

Mary, still have prayers coming your way.

Winefree

[papmom3]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

DG- THANK YOU!!
Your explanation of Step 1 is just what I needed to hear. I definitely was caught up in the whole "AA wants me to admit I have no power over anything" thinking. Your explanation make so much sense-They should hire you as an interpreter!!

I now can go to my next meeting with eyes open wider and heart willing to hear and understand. Thank you.

:h :l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

My husband attends Alanon. It's very similar to AA w/people working the steps, getting a sponsor, & sharing at meetings. The focus is on the non-alcoholic person in the relationship, & how he/she can progress into a happier life.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

DG.
I also question my partner's drinking. I think he has a dependancy on it but doesnt want to admit it.But he bites my head off if I mention that he seems to have a slight problem. "Dont tell me that I have a problem when I dont. Its you who is the alcoholic". I will look up a Alanon meeting. That will definitely shed some light to the situation.

Thank you winefree and red for your imput. x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 18

WF, good to see you as always. I really enjoy hearing Alanon and Alateen speakers. There is a once a month meeting I sometimes go to. It's interesting to hear the spouse perspective and also the kid's perspective. Those with young children should really listen to some kids to figure out how much the young ones really DO "get" of what's going on. I always find it pretty shocking how aware they have really been.

Rebirth, I think the challenge with your BF is that it's very difficult to convince another person they have an AL problem. I sure didn't want to hear it. I wasn't ready to address the problem until *I* figured out I had a problem. Anybody else who tried to help me with that process was just a nag in my view. You may want to go to an Alanon meeting yourself if you are concerned. I do know people who go to both as this is often a "family disease" as they say. (strong genetic connections it seems) It might help you sort out what you can and can't do about the situation WRT BF.

Mary, it's good to hear that your husband goes to Alanon now. Does that help keep you on the "same page" so to speak?

P3, I'm finding that a lot of my reactions to AA things initially were based on misunderstandings or misinformation from my pre-recovery days. I don't embrace everything they say 100% - far from it. But I try to keep an open mind until I understand what is really there. I often remind myself that I didn't need to like 100% of the people in a bar in order to drink there. I didn't need to like 100% of the beverages offered in a liquor store in order to buy something there. Heck, I didn't even have to like the liquor I had on hand in order to drink it. So I can deal with a few things and a few people I don't agree with.

There is a section that is often quoted from one of the Big Book stories about Acceptance. One of the quotes from that section I really like is one that goes something like this (might not be exact). "There is a little bit of bad in the best of us, and a little big of good in the worst of us." I often think of that line when I am busy looking for similarities rather than differences with people who on the surface, don't seem "like me" at all. All of us have many facets to our personalities and characters.

I am finding that each and every word in the steps and in the Big Book was parsed and reviewed and edited to where each word is there for a reason and mean something. Another facet of Step 1 that I find facinating is the use of the word "We" rather than "I." "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." We Admitted. The old timers I like to listen to say that this is an acknowledgement that alone, we were powerless to stop drinking but somehow together, we have a chance. One alcoholic helping another. I like that.

Enough babble! I gotta go! Thanks once again for accepting me and my sandwich worthy posts!

DG