AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

[greeneyes]

Good Morning Fabbie Abbies!!

Hot and humid. Very hot and humid. Really need to mow the tundra this AM too.

Marshy I keep thinking about your dad for some reason. Hope he is coping alright. You mom sounds pretty good from what you say. And you do too. :l

I was pondering the universe and how things work out and thought of an old BF. I broke things off and he was angry for a long while. He married someone who looks like greenie, is NAMED greenie, who became alcoholic, and used triathlons to redirect. That amazes me. How did that work?

DG, I had to pull out my red purse. Life is good with a red purse. You need one.

I absolutely could not do my work yesterday. I simply don't have the know how. So today I'll call the accountant for assistance. It's grand to know exactly where I'm lacking and it isn't because of an AL muddle. Sounds weird but it's true.

HAve a grand day and relish in your accomplishments!

[Guitarista]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hiya Greenie,

Have a great day!
Best wishes to you and your family Marshy.

A safe, sober, and magical day to all!

[Marshy]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hi Greenie & G & all to come,

He married someone called Greenie??? :H

Wet & windy here. Excellent! The earth needs the water. My local park is very parched.

Papmom - Maine sounds lovely. But getting to the States has become such a hassle now because of the extra airport security and last time I went I had to buy a visa for ?60 which British citizens never used to have to do. I think they might have reversed the visa thing now but it's so much easier and quicker to hop off somewhere in Europe - don't have to buy a visa and don't have to have a full cavity search at the airport. (OK, kidding about the cavity search).

Greenie & DG - my dad's doing fine now mum is home from hospital, thank you for asking. He was totally lost without her at home. Apart from him being worried and upset, it was partly because he was suddenly thrown into having to do things he doesn't normally do (the domestic stuff).

The day before mum was due to be released from hospital, he was asking me whether or not he should change the sheets on their bed. Yes! Change the sheets - she'll want nice clean sheets! Then when he was making the bed he asked me which way up a sheet went because it had a decorative edge and as I was telling him, I just grabbed part of the sheet to help him with it and he said "I can do it!" and got a bit snappy. So I was treading a fine line between trying to help and letting him do things himself and not treating him like a child because he was doing things he's not familiar with. (The cooking was a WHOLE BIG SAGA :H:H).

And, you know, throughout it all I was so damn glad to be dealing with it sober. I'm looking forward to seeing them in a couple of weeks to assess how things are going.

Work has suddenly cranked up. Catch you later. Have a good day all!

[Lavande]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Morning Abbers,

Another hot, humid day here too! The afternoon/evening thunderstorms never bring any lasting relief.

Cherry tomatoes doing well - still dehydrating slowly. Yes DG, zucchini chips are next

Marshy, the Bahamas provide year round swimming fun! We took the family there for Christmas there one year & had a ball! Seeing Santa Claus water skiing was hysterical!!!! Snorkeling Christmas Eve morning was fabulous

OK, time for a bit of work. Wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday.

Lav

[LVT25]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hello friends--I need to vent, you better make a light lunch!


"I heard a speaker tell of her neighbor's cat. They named him "Party Cat," because whenever they had a party the cat would always come over. Well, Party Cat was at the party and was getting petted and talked to and he got in a chair and rolled over on his back and just basked in the love that was bestowed on him and someone asked the cat, "What do you do to deserve this?" Everyone laughed, because they knew that the cat deserved the love and attention by just being a cat.

We are just like Party Cat. We don't have to do anything to deserve the love that God has for us. What we can do is start practicing basking in that love and being happy right now regardless of our situation. It's so easy to do really. Start by catching yourself complaining or whining about something and once you've made the catch start thinking about all your blessings. Gratitude is like sulfuric acid when it comes to dissolving worry, anger, depression and a long list of negative words. It takes a little practice, but practice makes it easier and easier. Yes, it's time to be happy NOW. So be it!"

This was in a newsletter I get from "Flylady". I need to print it out and hang it up so I can look at it every day.
First, I want to apologize for coming here so often to whine about my hubby. Second, I want you to know I appreciate having a place to vent otherwise all this stuff gets stuck inside of me making me miserable.

I was so angry at him last night. You know the whole on the wagon-off the wagon thing. I spend a lot of time thinking while I'm mowing all day long, and I was thinking yesterday about trying to tell him some of my thoughts or things that I have learned since I quit drinking. I decided I was probably going to have to put it in a letter. But anyway, the opportunity arose last night (as I was giving him a haircut):H to maybe share with him my thoughts. He was going on about how his bowels quit working when he quits drinking beer (sorry TMI) and I told him I was sorry I could have warned him about that and he said he already knew it. I also asked him why he never seems to take any advice from me...he'll listen to his mom, his sister, his co-workers.....but it seems not me. As it turns out he did do what I suggested, I just didn't know it. Anyway, I wanted to let him know that I think the best way for him to cut down on the beer was to reduce the quantity he drinks at one time. He cut me off and told me he was going to do whatever he wanted. I let this go and soon my son got into the beer fridge and found a pop and a really old NA beer I had bought months and months ago. Which hubby had taken out at one point and it sat outside forever, then he must have put it back in there for some reason. My son always wants to drink the na beer, and we always say no, and I told him that one was skunky.....anyway the conversation turned to how wasteful I was to buy a 6 pack of NA beer and then not drink it! I was like--WTF!! He said well there are 2 O Douls in the kitchen that have been there forever! Excuse me? I have to defend myself over this? That's when I got mad and came inside and didn't speak nicely to him when he came in. I just hate it when he gets to that obnoxious drunken stage! But if he wants to get drunk, then I guess that's how he'll be treated. I can't explain the feeling.
This weekend we are going out of town for a friend's 50th birthday. I want to go see them, give her my wishes and then go do something else besides watch him and everyone else get drunk. I'm getting tired of justifying by soberness. UGH!

My sister had surgery yesterday to remove the bad bowel they left in her all those months ago. I know she was hoping they would close the ostomy--but not yet. She is moving forward with baby steps. I'm thinking I'm going to go spend a few days with her when she gets home. I need a break...from everything.

Thanks for listening.:h

[greeneyes]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

so how did his haircut turn out?

Seriously, I have a couple things to say but I'm going to mow some more and think on it. I do that too... think and mow, think and mow, edge some and then mow thinking :H :H

[Gaia]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hello,

LV you've got some stuff going on with DH. Do you think that maybe he is mad at himself about his losing control over AL? I don't know if he's lost control, but if he's touchy about it it seems like he's struggling with something. Sounds like he wants to cut down but can't at the moment. Red flags must be running wild in your mind. Just don't let it impact your sobriety, ok?

A red purse! A luxury! Go for it everyone!

Greenie for Queenie!

Gotta run.

[greeneyes]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hi gaia!

LVT, it's a puzzle to me that he would view the NA beer as wasteful if it is still there. Wonder why that made you so mad? Gonna go do some mow thinkin'.

[greeneyes]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

I think I would have been mad because I would regard buying and consuming lots of beer (not as a conniseur) to be wasteful. I absolutely CRINGE over how much money I wasted on alcohol but I would not have wanted to hear about it at the time. Do you feel lthat way now ~ that it is wasteful in that manner?

[Lavande]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

:l LVT,

I don't know about you but I am clearly tired of being ignored and/or being treated like a brainless idiot. It always seems that when I have something 'profound' that I would like to share, something that I think would be of great benefit - he changes the subject, or starts an argument & leaves me feeling
You are probably feeling a lot of frustration.............I totally understand. You are not alone!

I treated myself to a haircut today & feel better
I also treated myself to a Farberware Mandoline Slicer that came with no instructions!!!!!
I am not searching the internet for words of wisdom to help me install the blades without slicing myself too. I want to make my zucchini chips!!!!!

[Doggygirl]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

** Time for dessert! **

Hi all! :l LVT. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in recovery yourself (successfully!) and have to deal with Mr. LVT who from the sound of it is in some denial or confusion or something that is probably stagnating him as your life is growing and moving. I wish I had some good suggestions to offer but I don't do the mowing around here so cannot do mow thinkin'. I guess the one thing that keeps coming to mind since I first read your post is just the fact that we can't change other people so we either have to accept or move on. Trying to make other people change things was a huge mistake I made over and over and over in the drinking days.

I'll say a prayer for your sister and hope she keeps on with her recovery. I hope you get to go visit her soon.

I get exhausted just reading about all the drinking things that so many of you have to endure. I truly just find it so boring and am so very grateful that drinking events are so minimal in my life. And the few I do have to endure - we don't have to stay long. These days it's not that I get urges and want to "join the fun" (not). I just find the whole drinking scene boring if that's the Main Event (which it often is, whether that is the intention or not..)

I was thinking the other day about some of my relatives who have never drank (that I know of) and who are staunch non-drinkers. No AL in their homes, they don't care to be around people who are drinking, they will go to places where drinking might be going on, but they don't hang out there or anywhere with drinkers, etc. They have a lot of fun. Used to make me really mad when all I wanted to do was get to a drink, and here they would be at a family get together playing games and laughing their asses off while I was miserable. And I thought drinking was fun. It was NOT fun to have AL's ball and chain around my ankle.

If I never went to another drinking focused party, that would be fine with me. I am willing to LEARN how to have some real fun in life. Not the fake illusion of fun that AL provides.

Well, That was quite the tirade. I think that was spawned by the notion of LVT and the 50th b-day party where the grown ups will be getting drunk once again. I would just be so tired of that.

Anyway....

No crazy gay virgin nail jobs today. I will be seeing the viscious one at the dentists office for a teeth cleaning. That brutal kind where they numb you for it and only torture 1/2 your mouth at a time. I think I just figured out why I'm feeling edgy today and wanting to eat every stitch of low fat weight watchers ice cream in this house.

Well, there will be no drinking AL anyway. Chalk up another sober day here.

DG

[Marshy]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

LVT - sounds to me as though your husband said he'd give up/cut down and has found it's not easy or that he can't do it. So he's feeling... pick any of the following... a failure, worried, angry, defensive.... and so picks a fight with you about something stupid to distract from the fact that there he is, getting drunk and feeling bad about it, when he made a big thing about giving up. Possible?

Lav - Bahamas. Oo, I'll have a look at that. :banana:

[Pamina]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Hi-de-ho Fabbers,

LVT - one word comes to mind: projection! The fact that he drinks however many real beers a day and spends however much on those beers on a weekly basis is neither here nor there, not something he needs to feel guilty about when he can fixate on your remaining AF beers in the fridge. How to spark awareness in another - it is a mystery!

Lav, please don't cut yourself with that whatever contraption.

DG, you need to explain 'crazy gay virgin nail jobs"!!! I mean, you didn't bail me out with my miserable nail polish experiment. I did apply a second coat and it's been marginally passable, but what's gay virgin got to do with it??

Marshy, your story reminds me of my dad when my mum was ill (with pancreatic cancer). He was completely flummoxed when left to his own devices in the kitchen. I don't even really understand how men of his generation got away with it, spending a lifetime being looked after by some woman, either their mothers or their wives.

Gaia, how's Spain treating you?

Greenie, you did one of those Colin Tipping things, didn't you? Online or in person? Any thoughts? I'm thinking of the online options.

I"ve been in high anxiety mode for the past few days after learning that I have to have a "Staff Development Review meeting" with my (odious) boss next week. A new framework agreement governing our contracts came into force last year but its provisions have not been enforced up til now. They now want to apply it all the way in this age of austerity which would mean more hours in my case. I do accept that on principle, but I have a huge aversion to this guy as a person, and I'm afraid I'll just clam up/freeze/break down/some other catastrophic reaction when I'm in his presence. I know that sounds ridiculous in print but people prone to bullying behaviour have that effect on me. Fear, fear, fear (sound familiar?) Anyway, I've talked to various people about it today, tried to calm myself down and I do feel better. I know I have to take it ODAT for another 4 days, and that just seems like an awfully long time at the moment...

[greeneyes]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

Pamina;912175 wrote: Greenie, you did one of those Colin Tipping things, didn't you? Online or in person? Any thoughts? I'm thinking of the online options.
I did the miracles retreat last summer. It was awesome! I have the Radical Forgiveness book and worksheets. I have not done the online options, but plan to. Funny you ask that because I just got a bunch of e-mails about how I was doing with a career or job search or something but I'm not sure what he's talking about. I have to look at the e-mails again.

He's in England now isn't he?


Marshy;912120 wrote: Lav - Bahamas. Oo, I'll have a look at that. :banana:

Marshy, :banana: would be Jamaica..... just sayin'

[Marshy]

AF Dailey - Thurs 7/15

greeneyes;912199 wrote:
Marshy, :banana: would be Jamaica..... just sayin'

Oh. :H

More like this?


Pamina - I've had a couple of vile bosses but they were usually OK on a serious, one-to-one level. Just tossers on a day-to-day basis. Is this your first review with him? Maybe he won't be so bad when he's having to behave like an adult? Attached files [img]/converted_files/1303792=5635-attachment.gif[/img]