AF Daily - Thursday July 22

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

Marshy;917495 wrote: Wow, he really doesn't like the haircut. :H

Or how about this? The first thing that occured to me (and I might be totally wrong, of course) is that he's feeling insecure. DG, you've given up drinking, lost a lot of weight, are getting out and about, meeting lots of people and making new friends, and getting fabulous new hair and nails. I wonder if he feels threatened (ie, thinks you might meet someone else) or feels left out of your new life? Just a thought....

hummmm.... changed just about everything except the husband so far, eh?

pottering in the garden - that's good to hear marshy.

Walking in the wood this morning, I had an AHA moment that was humbling and left me with a load of guilt and shame to sort out. Feck. Just what I needed. Well aparently it IS, so I may as well sit here and sort it on out, let it go and honor the new perspective.

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

hey DG-I think Marshy hit the nail on the head. I bet your new haircut is so gorgeous and becomes you so much that it was the last straw for Mr. Doggy. I bet he is horribly afraid you're going to find a new Mr. Doggy next. Lot of change in a very short time if you think about it.

Marshy-have a great walking trip!! Could you post the link again? I'd love to see where you're going.

Greenie-deep breaths OK? Those AHA moments can knock us for a loop. Remember to curl your tongue!!

Auntie G-careful with the SamE but hope it's helping. Hope the shelter work goes well tomorrow!!

LVT-great job being there for the kids. You are so strong!!

Lav-hope you had a great lunch. No tornado warnings today thank god!!

I want to build a bomb shelter!!! Seriously-I've dreamed of one for years!!
This weekend I am going to try to figure out a way to put all 5 animals in the basement before work on the days they are predicting severe storms. But i have to do in such a way that grey kitties doesn't get eaten by devil dog and the dogs aren't in crates all day and can't get to the litter box. I never want to have that helpless feeling again!!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

Auntie, so wonderful to have you here again today with us and sober! That is wonderful. You are so right that it's the insides that matter.

P3, I used to think crates were "mean" but I am no longer of that opinion when crates are used appropriately. Mr. D's young Schutzhund prospect is a "kennel only" (large kennel - NOT crate) dog but the other 4 are mainly house dogs. But each has there own large crate in the garage. There are often reasons why for their safety or the safety of others they spend the odd day in their crates. That's OK. Trying to keep them lose in tight quarters was NOT safe and it took a couple of good dog fights with injuries to open my eyes in a practical way. That's my 2 cents on it anyway. They spend that time sleeping for the most part, and they don't have to worry about being bothered. For our situation with our dogs, we also feed in the crates to avoid any dominance issues over food. Works good for us and the dogs seem to lead the life of O'Reilly here (whoever that is!)

Greenie, those AHA moments can be so difficult. The growth opportunity is usually worth it. Hope you are doing better with your sorting than I am today.

Marshy I'm so glad to hear that your Mom seems to be trudging along OK considering the circumstances. Pottering is such a cool word. Glad she is pottering today!

When Mr. Doggy and I met I was about the same size I am now. I gained and lost the weight (twice) since we got married. And when I was heavy the second time AND in the last few years of my drinking, I REALLY let myself go. It wasn't just being heavier - I know many women who are stunning who are not twiggy by any stretch. I didn't dress nice, I didn't bathe every day, I NEVER did anything with my hair other than a pony tail - not even a trim or color. I rarely put any make up on. The girl he married disappeared but he always said he loved me anyway, which made me feel so good. And feels all the more bizarre that he is pulling this crap over a freakin' hair cut.

Blah.

DG

[Marshy]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

DG - Hmmm, bang goes my theory. It can't be the hair though, can it? Who freaks out about their partner's hair? I'm sure it looks fabulous

Papmom - pond, check. Bomb shelter is an obvious next building project :H
Here's a nice gallery of pix of where I'm going Image Gallery

Greenie - Well, at least you've had the aha moment. Now you can work through it and come out the other side stronger/wiser/more healed.

[Gaia]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

Hi there,

I'm fine. Another AF day for me. It felt better just to write about my feelings though. You know how it is, I bet.

DG - I have to say that I am stunned. He slept in the basement? Over a haircut? Are you SURE it was about the haircut? I think LV had some good ideas - you are changing and that means new behaviors. That can throw a monkey wrench on the stasis.

One idea - could you approach him with humor? Bring him a sunflower and put on a loving face? Make the first move? Hopefully it is all solved now anyway. What do you think he will do? Sounds like maybe tempers just flew and things blew up. I bet he regrets it. Hugs for you.

Greenie - on the AHA - I hope you can process it and it works out making you understand the world better.

ALl other Abbies - NIGHT NIGHT!

[rebirth]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

night night from me too. x

[Pamina]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

Wow, a bomb shelter! Great idea. All of us could take turns hanging out there whenever we're feeling tempted and need protection from the evil AL. Or spiders. Or tornadoes. Good to hear you got thru your day without one, Gaia.

DG, I do think Marshy's onto something in her first comment. Did you tell him about cutting your hair in advance? It's a very visible change, like a new persona. Maybe he feels he's lost the old you, the girl who needed him and leaned on him in her hard times. Long hair has all sorts of symbolism. Hopefully he's started talking about it by now.

Enjoy the Peak District, Marshy. When are you leaving? Have you packed yer brolly?

Greenie, are you settling into your AHA revelation? I had a bit of an AHA myself today, but about fear. My sister's now been offered a place in a care facility, and it looks likely she'll move in about 3 weeks. Talk about fast tracking - she was super-express-tracked. Anyway, when she moves into a place with 24/7 supervision, I can let go of my fear of 25 years that I'll be forever responsible for her. You'd think I'd be overjoyed, and I was last night when I found out. But today I've been in this indescribable 'now what' mindset. I think I'll join Mr. Doggy in the basement. It's great that (DG and) my sister are doing so well, but what does life even look like without a fear that's been woven into the fabric of your being for pretty much your entire adult life - strange, eh!

Thanks for all your comments on my icky boss issue. :l

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

I'm so very sorry to be "me me me" today. I thank all of your for your ideas - it's helpful. This cannot be just about the haircut. Or can it?? I told him last Saturday I was thinking about it. He gave me the "right answer" which was - I prefer long hair, but it's YOUR hair and you are the one who has to deal with it.

He has an odd streak in him that is emotionally scary to me. And I usually see it over the craziest things. This silent treatment. He knows it cuts me deeply. I'm sure it cuts me TOO deeply and of course, that is my problem. But sometimes this feels mean. And I really have difficulty with "mean." Something more? Maybe. Mean? Maybe. I dunno. It is strange to just sit here wallowing in this without AL. I don't desire AL, thank God. It's just different and scary.

I would rather be alone than have too many days like this.

DG

[bear73]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

hey all

DG and Marshy - sending you positive thoughts.
Rebirth -keep it going.
I have had a crazy emotional tearful and angry few days at work - getting some coaching from HR to support me so this cloud does have a silver lining. I think she may be practicing as a life coach which I am interested in too - double silver lining!

Still AF and NF and know that everything would feel so much worse if I wasn't - need to catch up on Tuesday and Wednesday's posts.
12 hour day at work - exhausted but not sleepy yet - need to lie down and chill out with hypno tape I think

Night night all - see you tomorrow

[Chillgirl]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

DG - When you ask Mr D what the problem is does he say its about the hair? I have to confess I used to make an awful fuss when my ex boyfriend cut his hair. I loved his hair and he used to go and get it shaved like a marine which I detested and it was the source of a few fights. I understand that it was his hair and totally his right to do what he liked with it but there were certain things Id do to please him about my appearance, for example he always loved me in high heels which I wasnt really a fan of but Id get dressed up and wear them when we went out to look attractive to him. Therefore my point was could he not get his hair cut so short knowing how much I disliked it? However, I notice you did ask him and he didnt make a fuss whereas if Id ever been asked in advance I would have pleaded with him not to cut it. I like Gaia's suggestion of approaching it with humor, its not worth the anguish its causing.

Bear - Im so proud of you for being AF & NF despite your shitty time at work! You are doing great!

LOVE the suggestion of a bomb shelter! Metephorically speaking Im going to go hide in here next time the world is behaving badly......

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

DG - I know ALL ABOUT the silent treatment...........I've been on the receiving end for the past 3 1/2 months - for the love of God!!!! Really serves no purpose, does it? Hopefully Mr DG will get over his snit sooner rather than later

Greenie - did you happen to hear today's Inner Healing Compass speaker Martin Boroson? He talked about his One-Moment Meditation: Stillness for People on the Go. I think a lot of us would benefit from learning his methods.

Had a great time this afternoon lunching with my nurse friends. We all get along so much better now since we all retired No stressful moments with us anymore, just friendships. They all know Mr Lav & think he needs a major head shrinking!!!!

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.
Have to go out & say G'Nite to the hens.

Lav

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

DG, I must confess I have a knot in my stomach just hearing about the atmosphere in your household right now. I would be absolutely miserable being treated like that. The silent treatment is a very dysfuntional way to handle emotions. I learned that when I was married to my other alcoholic. My mom was really good at it. Anyway, I hope you two can work things out soon, I feel for you.

And, I DO have a bomb shelter in my basement. It is actually a "gun room" (Det will appreciate this) concrete all around. If the house falls down around us, we may never get out though. I really need to have it better stocked with radio, batteries, water, etc.

Nite!:h

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

LVT25;917774 wrote: I really need to have it better stocked with radio, batteries, water, etc.

chocolate, and lots of chocolate


Fecking feck, what a day! FH still has his arm. His family is nuts. I got my dad settled down and in the process found a clue to my AHA. I'm on my second bowl of "that" squash casserole.

Pamina, this is a good thing and you'll get to that. DG I have some uncharitable things to say about the silent treatment but I have to go to bed like right now.

God bless nurses and shrinks. I absolutely don't know how they do it day after day.

Full moon coming up. Remain in your seats with your seatbelts securely fastened. Now lets all dream of silver linings. They are there even if temporarily invisible. :l

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Thursday July 22

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DG-must be the season for chopping hair off!! I did it 2 weeks ago-got a perm to go with it and I love it!! No more hairdryer in 90+ heat! Everyone loves it. Last time I had short hair it was straight and I looked very manly (I thought). Couldn't style it to save my life. That was about 7 years ago. I think I'm keeping this and will be getting an even tighter perm next time. Before you know it I'll have silver hair and tight short curls and will have a standing weekly appointment for a wash and set. OMG!! NOOOOOOO!

Without reading through the rest of the thread, this gave me a huge tummy laugh. (and my tummy is huge so it was big.)

No. We won't go there.

Thank you so much for making me laugh today.

Love,
Cindi

Okay, now I will read the rest of the thread.