July Jamboree ~ Week 4

[dill]

Hi Jammers
Welcome to the last week of July!
Cyn, agility class with your dogs sounds like a great deal of fun! Good exercise for you, too. Not something you could tackle hung over. Glad you are here with us. We have hot and humid weather with spotty thunderstorms. I sure will do what I can to try to send some rain your way.
Lav, did Mr. L fix his aquarium or is that on his agenda for today? How long are you on EB grandson duty? I hear you about the heat. It is oppressive here as well. I go outdoors as little as possible. I think we are supposed to get a break in the weather on Monday, but it will be a one-day-only event.
Sooty, have fun on your little trip and we'll look for you on humpday.
Wishing you all a peaceful AF Sunday.

[Lavande]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good morning Dill & everyone

Honestly Dill, I have no idea if the fish are alive out there or not. I have my hand full with EB! He's not up yet so I thought I'd check in & say hello. His parents return sometime on Tuesday so the fun goes on. The funny thing is - I have an appointment tomorrow morning. Instead of rescheduling it I asked my daughter if she could come over to watch EB. She said yes - so the babysitter has a babysitter coming over!!

The temp for tomorrow is predicted to be only 89 degrees. They call that a break!!!!!!!

Have a good day!
Lav

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Morning Dill and Lav
Lav you will be proud of me. I passed the krispin kreme counter and only ate one! x

[ladybirdheart]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Beautiful morning here; cool and dark with clouds. Many of the plants have regenerated far better than I anticipated after the hail and the colors of eggplants and peppers and roses are vivid in this light. I love to see living things recover and prosper, makes me think of us. Cyn, I shall never hear a rousing Irving Berlin again without thinking of you and your bears, what a delightful story. Next time you find yourself in deep woods, please stop beneath a tree and quietly sing ?What?ll I Do? and ?Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep? for me. I am going to play dress up with our Shelley today in anticipation of perhaps helping her find an outfit for her son?s wedding. She is very funny and smart and it should be hilarious attempting to pry her out of her running/hiking/biking attire and into a little Audrey Hepburn sheath. Tomorrow I have a work assignment and look forward to big thunderheads and good music on the way down and back and to wrapping what passes for my brain around what should be far out of my comfort zone in between. I used to stop for alcohol on the way home from such a day but it doesn?t mean the same thing anymore, one more door that has closed. Thank you Dill and Lav and Rebirth for starting things off on this last week of July. Love, Ladybird.

[dill]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Rusty, I see that you posted at the end of week 3. I was sorry to hear about the flooding. Glad your mom didn't have any real damage. I hope your travel were safe.

Rebirth, congrats on stopping at just one krispy kreme. I myself managed to drive right past my favorite donut shop today on the way home from Church. That wasn't easy. One of my big reasons for going to that particular church is because of its location relative to this donut shop!

Lav, how did dinner with Mr. L go?

LBH, I am so very happy that you are back to 'normal'. I shall be thinking of you tomorrow as you take on the world and the clouds. I envy you and Sped having your own little 3D support group. I have been with you in spirit today. I am like Sped, not very interested in dress up. I usually have on jeans and a t-shirt if I am not at work. I was thinking yesterday what a disappointment I must have been to my dear mother. She would attempt clothes shopping with me when I was her little girl and I was SO uninterested. I feel badly about it in retrospect.

I used to stop for alcohol on the way home from such a day but it doesn’t mean the same thing anymore, one more door that has closed.

I have been turning this over in my mind today and wondered if it doesn't mean the same thing any more, what does it mean now? (I hope you don't mind my asking. Just don't answer, if you do mind.)

[Lavande]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Congrats on the reduced calorie intake rebirth - one Krispy Kreme is plenty!!!

Dill, Mr Lav showed up for dinner, ate & left. What else is new???
He did spend a few minutes talking to our daughter & son-in-law, played with EB but left as usual without really saying anything. Yes, I am tired of this routine.

I heard a tornado was spotted 20 miles north of here this afternoon. It then headed east into Delaware. I wouldn't have liked being here alone with EB if it had turned this way. I'm grateful!

Have a good night everyone.
Lav

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good morning Dill, LBH and LAV,

Wow - cant imagine living in a place with the likeihood of a tornado turning up. Must be quite scary at times?? Lav you probably have a basement? Is that how you stay safe?

LBH - I relate to a door closing since I have stopped drinking. The doors that closed for me was the obsessive preoccupation of getting my drink. I knew every off license in my area, the closing times, what bottles they sold,the price of them, when I last went there ( cause I did not want them to think I had a problem!), my emergency stashes etc etc.
It was a full time occupation being a drunk! Thank God thats over.

The only issues I have now are my changes within my relationship. It's alot more challenging than I thought. My partner still drinks and wants to maintain his old way of life whereas I want to embrace my new life without drinking. He is trying to be supportive but he forgets that it's not always easy for me.Oh well. If it's meant to be it,s meant to be.

All I know for sure is that I have to protect my sobriety. Thats number one at the moment.

Ugh I dreamt that I was trying to buy a bottle of wine last night. I didnt drink in my dream but was about to. I have woken up feeling really awful. It's the first time I have dreamt of alcohol.

[Gaia]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hello all,

I'm so HAPPY it's the last week of July. Because, you know what that means? Another month of all zero's in the drink tracker.

Rebirth you are really keeping at it. How long have you been with BF? I know how it is to love someone with different views on the world, but really doesn't he want the best for you? Isn't the best for you not being a full time drunk?

That being said, I think it's hard for them to be considerate all the time. I find it hard when we're alone and DH drinks huge glasses of wine with dinner. I wish he could just have one glass, not 3/4 of a bottle. Usually it feels the worst for me during the first 10 mintues, then I almost forget.

Best,
T.

[rustop61]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good morning everyone

It is great to finish the month on an AF note. I too have a hubby who still drinks wine and it is challenging always having it there. Like you say Gaia the first ten minutes are probably the worst, you do get used to it. I am religiously taking my supplements and they help with the cravings.

Was at show all day with daughter on Saturday and then visitors arrived at 8.30 am yesterday and I have them for a week so I doubt if I will get much MWO time.

Hope everyone has a great AF week. I will check in when I get a chance.j

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Wow, what a busy weekend on this thread. I was busy too! Rustop61, guests for a week! I am exhausted from one weekend with guests. Saturday I was busy cleaning the house from top to bottom and getting food in. In addition my son called and there was drama that I did not need. This is not going to be easy with him, and I was numb. In the end, we are going as planned, but I am not looking forward to it. Anyway, had a lovely time with my daughter and friends. The weather was good, and Sunday it cooled off and was a perfect day. So. Now we are here at Monday morning, with everything to handle today.

Lav, sounds like your life is going well except with the pattern with your husband, and it is hard to understand your marriage dance. He treats you so poorly, over and over again, using depression as his excuse. You have made changes in your life and sound like a strong, vibrant, dynamic individual. What is the payoff in allowing him to treat you like dirt, take you for granted, use you? I wonder what he would do if you hired an attorney and served him with divorce papers? Took a stand and said, hell no, I am tired of this and deserve better? Gave an ultimatum and created a life for yourself. Would this force him to take you seriously? I do not know how you take the stress, and to go AF with this going on. You are amazing.

Rebirth, it is hard when one partner uses and the other does not. I think you are doing a fantastic job. Food is the hardest at times. I stay away from donuts but love them. Personally, I ate badly this weekend as usual, but made soup last night and went back to healthy eating. It is all any of us can do.

Gaia, another month AF is an accomplishment. I hate to see July go, I love summer.

Dill and LBH, great observation regarding not stopping for alcohol on the way home after a day's work. I can greatly relate as I used to have similiar rituals. LBH has a different mindset and has formed new habits, new patterns of living. It means she is no longer drinking like she used to and does not need alcohol to unwind. LBH has other ways to unwind. New routines, things she does during her day and after work. It takes time, practice and effort. I know because I am often observant of how I have changed my habits, too. Alcohol is no longer a normal part of life. Thank goodness.

There was a thread that discussed the difference between counting AF days, and individuals who are "slipping up," yet acting like they are successful. We all have our individual journeys and make progress at our own pace. It takes time to form new habits and live a new life. For some, it has to be now as they are close to jail, some other loss, or death. So, where ever you may be in your AF journey, give yourself a pat on the back for the changes you have made, and know that AF your life will continue to get better and better. You will like yourself again.

I am reading a cool book called "Walking to Canterbury," about a man who is taking a pilgrimage based on a tradition during Medival times. He switches from present day to medival times, with references to Chaucer. I am finding it fascinating as he is a great writer, and makes the everyday sacred.

So let's look for the sacred in our day. Sending you peace and strength.

[dill]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

LBH, When I read your statement that alcohol “doesn’t mean the same thing anymore.” I think that maybe you simply meant that the intensity of need for it isn’t what it once was. But I started to think about what alcohol “means to us” more so than just the intensity of need.

It is a blessing that that compulsion subsides over time. But what alcohol means to me now or, what it is for me now is changed. That’s probably what brought me to MWO. Alcohol used to be a friend. Now it is an enemy. It used to bring me comfort. Now it brings me pain. It used to bring me laughter. Now it brings me tears. It used to be something I did openly and “normally”. Now it is something that I hide and cover up. It used to mean a warm tingly feeling, relaxation, and gear shifting from stress of the day, to calm of the evening. Now it means a descent into muddled thinking and then oblivion. I am one who has had slips frequently on this journey. I must be a slow learner. But many if not most times that I slip, the result is not a pleasant experience, but an awful one. I am coming closer each time to saying “NEVER” will I drink again. That door is still slightly ajar for me, which is what leads to the ‘slips’. But I am afraid that the occasional slips keep the beast alive, if only on life support. I need to slay the beast! I find it best to do it a day at a time. Thinking long term is still too much for me.

Red, you sound like you are doing really well and growing more resolved every day. So am I. Is Mr. Red still doing it along with you? You are in for some bumps having your son home. Stay strong. I'm still reading Shell Seekers. I haven't had many good chunks of time to spend with it. Today I will though. I really like it. The main character, Penelope, reminds me of our LBH somehow, and so does the writing style at times.

Lav, good weather today!! I hope you get to spend some time outside with EB. I am so sorry Mr. L’s visit didn’t bring more pleasure. I truly understand how difficult this must be for you. You have had so many years together. Even if things didn’t get resolved or discussed, at least you had some time together. Maybe it will lead to his healing.

Rebirth, I was reading the weekly AA thread and saw the picture you posted of the beautiful bracelet you made. It is lovely. You are quite and artist. You are also an inspiration on this site. I enjoy reading your posts and do gain strength from them. As for al dreams, I have had a few, but they are few and far between, thankfully.

Giai, it would be impossible for me to quit if Mr. D drank wine in front of me. I'm so glad I don't have that challenge to over come. You are very strong.

Rustop, enjoy your guests, but check in when you can!

I will be spending the day on the nameless boat, reading, and remaining AF.

Peace and strength to all.

[Lavande]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Just stopping in to say Good Morning!
I'm getting ready to head out for an appointment. My daughter will be here in a few minutes to take over babysitting duty. This will be good practice for her

Later,
Lav

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi Gaia and Rustop61 – My partner and I have been together just over a year and I do believe that he wants to be supportive. I think it’s confusing on his side to gauge how I am feeling sometimes. I can be really strong and upbeat some days and other days I am utterly miserable and find it difficult to deal with life. Then knowing I have lost my “crutch” (my drink) makes me feel even more miserable. Only last week I suggested we went to the pub and I was absolutely fine to be around drinkers. This weekend I couldn’t stand having any drink around me. I just didn’t trust myself.
This type of behaviour is driving my BF barny. I think he would prefere if I was steadily becoming stronger rather than being irratic and unpredictable. I cant help myself though. It’s gonna take time. I have to remind myself that I drank heavily for over 15 years…I can’t expect to change overnight.

Hey Star – I love the lilies on your avatar but arnt the yellow bits lethal! They dye everything!

Hi Dill – thank you for the compliments! I share the same thoughts as you do about alcohol. It use to give me pleasure, comfort and now it’s the total opposite. I can no longer drink just a few. I have to drink to get drunk and that’s very dangerous for me. The fact that I like to be out of control indicates that I have a real addiction to drink. I am so grateful I reached the “never again” stage because I have managed to save myself from serious damage ( well, I HOPE that my liver is still okay…). Its serious work to stay off the drink but I take great comfort in hearing the old timers say the the compulsion becomes less and less.

Habe a great AF Monday everyone.

[Lavande]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

The baby/dog sitter has returned, all is well!
My daughter had a good time here with her nephew EB
This is good practice for her since she will be having her first baby in February. She couldn't keep the Insanity Twins out of the kiddie pool - but oh well! Golden Retrievers just love water regardless if it's in a pool, river, bay, etc.

Red(Star) in answer to your post this morning - It is my policy to not issue a threat unless I intend to act on it - I don't belive in divorce especially not after a marriage of nearly 40 years. Mr Lav has always had emotional difficulties, he is out of control right now. Yes, his behavior is hurtful but there really is no perfect situation, is there? His thinking is (and has been) very messed up! His family was supremely dysfunctional, he doesn't know any different. I am hoping that his psychotherapist will eventually get him to understand that there are healthier ways to think & approach problems. And, quite frankly, I just flat out refuse to compromise myself any further. I want to stay where I am, close to my kids & their kids. If I had to move to a new residence of my own, it would be too far away. The housing options are few in this rural area. I found the plan for this house, it suits me & allows me to run my small biz right here at home. I couldn't & wouldn't be able to do this from a condo somewhere. Nope, I'm here to stay, one way or the other.

OK, back to work until EB wakes from his nap!
Have a good day one & all.
BTW Dill, it is sunny, pleasant & just under 90 degrees today

Lav

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good Afternoon Lovely Ones,

I started work at 5:15 a.m. today but am finally off work, and am looking forward to a relaxing evening of a run and a swim in the pool.

Great to see everyone's posts.....my laptop is to be repaired by tomorrow and I don't have to work for the rest of the week! YIPPEEE!!!!!

Dill, you asked us if we would comment on the quote "I used to stop for alcohol on the way home from such a day but it doesn?t mean the same thing anymore, one more door that has closed." That used to happen to me, but very rarely, and that was about 2 years ago. I've been lucky because I've never felt the need to travel with open booze in my car, and fortunately, I confronted myself with my AL issues before they caused me, my career, and relationships irreversible damage. I live alone, so I don't have the challenge of having a partner who drinks and all my friends drink very little. Now, when I'm tempted to "reward" myself with AL, I tell myself my reward will be that I will be able to do anything I want that day or night if I don't drink....because AL takes away my motivation to do anything. I have also made a list of all the truly physically beautiful people I know or have met that don't drink, and remind myself that they don't feel like they've missed out on something because they don't drink. For some reason, even without taking NAL or BAC, I am indifferent to it. Why, I don't know. (you're probably sorry you asked ME that question! :H