July Jamboree ~ Week 4

[ladybirdheart]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

I had such an odd night. I did not sleep at all, not ten minutes, felt just like university before a big test but without the apprehension, just lots of thinking, no worries or wretchedness, just AWAKE. I feel fine now and hopefully won?t go face down during dinner out tonight. I thought a lot about things that each of us are facing and will face and our efforts to be alcohol free through all times joyful or heartbreaking or tedious. I liked us. I thought about the undercurrents in our lives that endure through it all, our unique attitudes and ways of making sense out of things. I thought about how I have at times been afraid to post when I was not feeling or doing well for fear of altering the confidence and hopefulness or sweet spirit of others and how when I finally ventured forward, nobody went off the deep end and neither did I. I am glad that we have the courage to talk about things that scare us. Alone is harder. I look forward to the rest of this month and to August, and each of you with your stories and observations help make this possible. Love, Ladybird.

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Ladybird,

I hope you feel better soon. Insomnia is awful! I agree 100% with you. I love this thread and all our friends here spend a lot of time to support people in rough times and celebrate in good times.

Rebirth-very sad story. I was just plain lucky that I didn't get caught drinking and driving. One of my childhood classmates was driving drunk when he was in 20's and killed a man and severely injured his passenger. He spent several years in prison, and his wealthy parents went bankrupt paying for lawyers to defend him because the victims' families filed lawsuits against him. He is so guiltridden and has a very hard time still maintaining a job because of what he did. He is in his 40s and still lives with his mother.

On a more positive note....enjoy your trip to India. Are you going on vacation?

We will miss you,

Rusty

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Rusty - I need to hear stories like that. They help me to stay sober. The problem with alcohol is that you cannot gauge how drunk you are. I use to think I was perfectly fine but now that I am sober, I see just the effect of one glass.It totally changes a person. My mum will be solemn and after one glass of wine she is a giggling wreck. ..my partner says he is fine but cant walk in a straight line...my best friend tries to light her cigarette and cant even do that... Everyone looks drugged up! I guess they are...Jeez .the times I have driven when drunk..I have been so lucky!

You mentioned bac in one of your posts. Do they really help or do you think its your determination that is helping the cravings? Yes I am holiday with my partner, I hope we dont fight. His snoring really annoys me

LBH that was a lovely post. I personally like it when people are expressive and honest. I am a sensitive person and understand that life can be damn hard. it's good to read other poeple's worries, pain etc. i dont feel so lonely.

xx

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi Rebirth,

Yes, the BAC and the NAL really do work, much more than L-Glutamine. I CAN moderate, depending on whether I am with someone, and my environment (out to dinner with friends, clients, etc). My downfall is when I'm alone on the weekends. I drink out of loneliness and frustration/anger with one of the companies I work for. I just don't want to moderate....I'd rather be AF because how well I know moderation is a slippery slope to my drinking being out of control. The NAL and the BAC fend off those of-so-powerful cravings when I'm vulnerable, like on the weekends. I also want to be AF because I didn't realize until a few months ago, that the morning after a heavy bout of drinking, people can still smell AL on your breath, etc. I shudder to think of the times I went to work on a Monday morning reeking of wine or vodka! That can't happen again!

You mentioned the effects 1 glass of wine have on people and I think you're right about that...especially in older people who don't weigh a lot and drink on an empty stomach. My elderly friend, 82, weighs only about 170 pounds and if he has just one beer and then has a couple glasses of wine/champagne, he instantly turns into the nastiest man who probably could become violent. I have avoided spending time with him because of this. It's like a gun goes off in his head and he turns into Mr. Hyde.

I don't envy you being with your snoring partner. I can't sleep in the same room when someone is snoring. I would be awake all night. I hope you guys don't fight....what a way to spoil a holiday.

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Rusty that was one of my biggest paranoias..bad breath. I am in jewellery retail and need to get close to people. I would purposely step back a bit but I bet I still stank to them. One of my friends turns really nasty when she drinks. She is suddenly very critical and aggressive. I hope one day she will give up the drink. I see it on her skin already.
When I am drunk I just love everybody..far too much!! I am just hopelessly helpless.

I got a wicked idea to stop my partner snoring. gonna stick a pea in each of his nostrils.

Ha ha just kidding. Right! Got to go to India!

[sooty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

hello everyone and happy Friday to us all. Lets hope the weekend is relaxing and reviving for us all, especially those friends who're not sleeping too well.

Rebirth hope you have a fantastic holiday, don't know what to suggest about a snoring partner, i certainly couldn't cope with it, I wish you luck.

I've just got back from lunch with my old colleagues, they gave me vouchers for a very posh shop for my birthday so I shall go and treat myself to something utterly frivolous!

Have a good day folks, keep strong. Talk soon
love Sooty

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Rusty I use to try moderation before I quit for good. I managed monday to thursday but the weekends were impossible for me. I tried that for nearly two years but it still didnt stop me from being a drunk on the weekends. It still didnt stop me from blacking out, burning myself while cooking, drink driving etc.
I feel blessed that I got to my rock bottom before losing everything. It is a comfort to know that there is bac etc if all else fails.

Gotta go. Chow bellas!

[rebirth]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi sooty!cross posted. x

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi Rebirth,

I am with you, and agree. I had to stop before I lost my business, friends, family.

Good for you and we will celebrate your 60 days AF!

Love,

Rusty

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi Sooty,

Happy shopping-lucky girl!

[dill]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good day Jammers,

It is a lovely, cool day here in Ohio.

Red, enjoy you last quiet weekend, but don?t stress too much about your son moving back in. Things will unfold as they should. Your son is not unlike many of his peers in this poor economy. I feel so badly for this generation. Does he have a degree? This is a good time to be in school getting a degree or training of some kind. Is that an option for him?

Rustop, that passage about the teens, dogs and cats was timely! We have two elderly dogs here and Mr. D and I were talking just the other day about how stand-offish they have been recently. I hadn?t equated it with being cat-like, but that?s exactly right! As far as teens coming around, I have been through it with two. My daughter was quite difficult as a teen, but in her mid twenties she wrote us the most lovely letter thanking us and telling us how much she appreciated what we had done/tried to do as parents. It was really nice. And, our son, who was also challenging in his way, told us in his very early twenties that after all he?d put us through, he was determined to one day ?make us proud? of him. Well, he?s 28 now, and he has certainly done so!

Sped! So glad you posted. I?ve been thinking about you. You shouldn?t hesitate to post, even when you have the blues. If there was ever a group that can understand, this is it. Have fun with your sister and keep in touch.

Rusty, that is so great that you were able to move home and gather yourself. You have certainly done well and I?m sure your parents must be very, very proud. Also, I love reading your posts. I think you bring a unique and interesting perspective to our little group.

Rebirth, were you raised by adoptive parents? Bon voyage to you and your partner. I think it would be so exciting to see India. I love Indian food and I make a pretty good potato curry! Maybe you?ll be able to check in from time to time. I hope so. We?ll be thinking of you.

LBH, so sorry you couldn?t sleep, but it sounds like you just made the best of it, using the time to be reflective. I feel honored that somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone intelligent, sweet , sensitive and sensible was thinking about us! If you have not read The Shell Seekers, you ought to. I think you may be Penelope.

Lav, did my cool weather make it your way? I hope so.

Sooty, Chill, Cyn, and all who check in, hang tough!

[Rusty]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Hi Dill,

It's cool here too, today. Thank you for your sweet comments and on this particular day, I don't think I deserve them. Believe me, I worried my parents terribly when I was first starting out in my career. I had no confidence and my insecurity cost me a few jobs when I was in my twenties and early 30s. I am glad my dad isn't here to see my drink problem unraveling. I bet he's rolling over in his grave. My drink problem worried my mom for 3 1/2 years and to this day, I can't forgive myself for all the pain I caused her. She is proud that I've been successful with my business but my drink problem (too early for her to think I've resolved it. I have to give it time) and my weight are what she's concerned about now. SIGH. I'm getting sad now, Dill. I must sign off for the moment. I think I will go to the gym to get myself out of an on and off funk I've been in all day. Sorry to be so morose.

I love reading your posts, too. You are such a valuable part of this thread and you always offer such comforting and practical advice.

I'll check in tomorrow morning.

Love,

Rusty

[Chillgirl]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Just wanted to say goodnight Jammers,

Rebirth - India! Wow, I so want to go there... have a wonderful time and please tell me all about it.

Sped - coming up to a year AF is a fantastic achievement! Im curious as to why you struggle with it, what is it you think when you have thoughts about drinking? All my memories are so negative that whenever i think about it I immediately feel relief that its over. I hope you dont mind me asking.

Lav - its great you like the adults your kids have become, I think my folks feel that way too about my Sisters and I and its really credit to them for doing a great job.

Dill - You sound like you have a lovely son too... can you blow some of that cool weather this way, we are melting here!

LBH - Your way with words is as poetic as ever, what a heartfilled post! I hope we all feel we can post here when we are down because the whole reason for this site and for our thread is to offer support and friendship. I am in a very good place mentally at the moment and I work everyday at improving myself and learning something new about being sober. Im very bad at asking for help and portray to my friends in the 3D world that Im tough. But when it all goes horribly wrong I will come here to you guys because its easier to bare your soul in our anonymous world. In a way I think the advice we all give each other is far more true and from the heart because we dont have any pre concieved ideas or oppinions about each others lives.

Rusty - I know we dont like our Mum's to worry but I guess its just a measure of how much they care. I will never be able to repay my Mum for all she has given me or for all the sleepless nights I have caused her!

Im attending a wedding tomorrow, my 1st one sober! Its a very flamboyant artist friend of mine who is marrying a girl 30 years his junior... he is English and she is American and there are guests flying in from all over the world so it should make interesting company.

[Lavande]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good evening Jammers,

Had the kids here for an unplanned spur of the moment dinner tonight. It was nice

rebirth - buy earplugs! I dealt with a snoring spouse for years, it was terrible. He even went for a sleep studyto rule out sleep apnea as a cause. He was told to lose weight & his snoring would stop. He didn't bother so I moved across the hall for some peace & quiet. Wishing you a wonderful trip To India & happy 60 AF days!!!

LBH, those sleepness nights are tough, had one myself this week. Switching to decaf for a while. Thinking about this group does help me feel better too.

Rusty, I think most of us have found when you turn a point in your drinking career moderation is no longer possible. I tried moderating for a couple of months before deciding going AF would just be easier in the long run - and it has been! Don't waste a minute of your time beating yourself up about your past behavior. It's history - it's over & can't be changed. Put your energy into doing the best you can today & tomorrow

Sooty, glad you enjoyed lunch with your former work friends - I always do myself.

Dill it was cooler here today. I was able to get outside & do a few things without turning into a puddle of sweat.

Chill, the wedding sounds interesting! Can't wait to hear your report afterwards.

OK, time to put my feet up & relax.
Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.
Lav

[rustop61]

July Jamboree ~ Week 4

Good morning everyone

Rebirth - India, wow, hope you have a great time. It's somewhere I would love to visit. Hubby has but I have yet to get there.

Sped - Hope you are feeling a little better. Lots of people seem to hit this around anniversaries.

Red - I am sure things will work out fine with your son. Enjoy your quite week-end.

Rusty - Worrying about your kids is par for the course with mothers, it's because she loves you so much, dont beat yourself up.

LBH - Hope you managed to get a good nights sleep.

lav - Its great the way you have your adult kids around.

Chill - Enjoy the wedding, it sounds interesting, tell us all about it.

Off to the airport for hubby and eldest daughter. She is now a US citizen, hubby was born there and his parents were US citizens. We had to get her citizenship sorted before her 18her birthday so she now has dual citizenship, Irish and US.

Dill, Cyn, Sooty and anyone else I missed hope you all have a great week-end.

Rustop