Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

[retteacher]

Everyone: I'm starting this thread a little bit early, because I won't be able to get on line tomorrow until very late. I wanted to talk about how grateful I am to be a member of AA.

Today, we had our 2nd annual picnic for our Fri., Sat., Sun. groups. It was held at a local park & was potluck w/hotdogs & hamburgs thrown in. I remember last year's picnic so well! I was still very new, only a few months in the program, & I remember making myself go. My husband (an absolute jewel of a guy) went with me. I didn't have a horrible time last year, but I was still a very newbie & was uncomfortable much of the time.

This year was great fun. I brought a bag of board games, & we played games & ate great food. The camaraderie was incomparable. The picnic ended w/a meeting...right out there in public. There were 2 great speakers.

In the middle of the biggest crisis of my life (my daughter's cancer), I can feel grateful & realize that I'm sober & doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Unexpectedly, at the end of the meeting, the chairperson asked me to read the "acceptance" passage from the BB. It was so apropos to my life.

Tomorrow I'm going w/Patty to the oncologist to find out what the future holds in terms of treatment. Whatever it is, we'll have to accept it.

Thanks for being here. I do come to MWO but don't always have the time to write.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi Mary. Thank you for starting us off for the new week! I had to smile when reading about your experience at this years picnic. Last summer I didn't attend many AA social events and felt a bit out of place at the ones I did. I'm glad I stuck with it. Over the last year I have made real friends in AA, and this years social events are not only comfortable, but very fun and something I look forward too. I'm glad I kept going back.

I will pray for you and also mention Patty's oncology appointment to Sister. I hope you know what a special place Patty has in her heart. I hope all goes as well as possible.

I love the acceptance passage. It brings tears to my eyes because it holds so much truth for me. For anyone who may not have heard it / read it, here it is:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

How fabulous that you were asked to read that!

DG

[papmom3]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

thank you Mary and DG for starting this thread early. DG, that Acceptance Quote was EXACTLY what I needed tonite. I was VERY disturbed at my sister's tonite. Very angry and up until 2 seconds ago, wallowing in self pity. Now I know those feelings needed to be felt as there is a plan for me. I'm just not seeing it right now. I need to accept that I cannot drink, but everyone else in my family will continue to drink until they feel it isn't right for them anymore. And if they never feel that way, then I have to accept that too. There is a reason I am AF. Not just the obvious ones. There is something more-I can feel it-I just can't see it.
Have a great nite and great dreams everyone.
:l Pam

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Great start Mary, I too love that passage and have used it a lot this past several months.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Good morning mary, DG,P3 and cpn1004

Thank you mary for such a positive and uplifting message. I am reading the acceptance passage for the first time. It's a perfect start to the day.

I dreamt that i drank last night and feel rather jangled at the moment. That passage is helping me alot. Thanks guys.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi all. Rebirth, isn't it great to be able to come here after one of "those" dreams and just get settled again?

That acceptance passage is on page 417 of the current edition of the Big Book (449 of the previous edition). It's part of one of the stories. It just rings so very true for me.

I came across this link about acceptance by someone named Buddy T. It really describes EXACTLY how I used to be (and still try to revert back to now!) getting things all backwards. I want to try to change what I have no control over (bullying, pouting, etc. just doesn't work and makes ME miserable!). Then I don't want to step up and have the courage to change what I CAN. I certainly didn't want to face my alcoholism and do what it took to stop drinking, that's for sure. Anyway...here is the link. It's a short article by for me, was a good read. Key to Serenity - Page 449

You guys are my meeting today so I hope you post lots of thoughts today!! Have a good one.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi DG,
Yes it's great to able to share my feelings on here. It's comforting to know that people understand what I am going through. I find this site a Godsend.

Acceptance is certainly a big issue in my life. Infact is the root of all my insecurites, fears, anger etc.and I really enjoyed reading Key to Serenty. Its something I will have to read over and over again.
And the more you practice good thinking, the more automatic it becomes..

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Wow, that acceptance passage is great.

Today I luckily ended up getting the day off. I am going to have to use a vacation day to avoid short pay, but I realize that it's the only way I will get to a meeting as have father in law in town and we have to go shopping for upcoming renovation and I want to put my sobriety first, even if it means giving up a vacation day. I could have made it up on my day off Thursday, but I'm just not willing to reschedule my plans with my sponsor to do my third step. And she gets irked with me for working so much anyway, I realize I need to slow down and focus on recovery. The thought of vacation makes me uncomfortable anyway since I usually use vacations to drink all day and all night by a pool or the beach. I would rather use my vacation today to get excercise, go to a meeting and get in bed early.

I am suddenly thinking about how difficult a day like today would have been for me if I werent sober. Getting off early unexpectedly before father in law gets to town- I would have probably had a few glasses of wine when I got home from work at 9 am- then been sleepy, and buzzed, then father in law gets in town, and wants to drag me all over town shopping, so I have to "appear" sober, and can't have a drink the whole time shopping, even though it's "MY day off" which means MY time to drink all day, so I would have been cranky and not very helpful on the shopping. Doing things like shopping where I had to leave the house got very difficult for me when drinking because I would be craving a drink the whole time. I didn't care if it was morning, noon or night, if I wasnt at work I didn't want to do ANYTHING that took me away from a drink for more than 1 hour. That's just the honest truth. Also, my husband accepted my drinking at anytime, but having to see family and not drink had gotten very hard for me. I always had drinks before, which really made it worse, once I have one or a few then stop that always creates a foul mood. I would plan the week before not to drink the days I saw family, but once that day came I couldn't keep myself from having some drinks. Especially alone at the house, bc that's where I did my drinking.

I am grateful that today I can use my day to be useful to my father in law who is coming for a month to stay with us and help do our kitchen renovation in September, I can go to a meeting, excercise, go to the library, anything I choose to do. I'm really much less boring now than the drunk girl sitting isolated in her house, stuck in the work, drink, TV cycle.

Hope everyone else is having a great Monday.
MG29

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Wow MG. I coulda wrote that. That is EXACTLY how I thought, how I viewed vacation time, family time, days off of work, and exactly how I drank. Like you, I am so grateful to be sober today. By putting our SOBRIETY first, we can stop putting AL first. Because that's exactly what I used to do.

I applaud the way you have chosen to use a vacation day to take care of yourself and your sobriety.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi. everyone!

Thanks for the link DG! That is so true - and I just bookmarked it for quick reference on my bookmarks menu. It kind of expands on the serenity prayer (which I find myself sometimes saying several times a day or when I wake up and can't get back to sleep).

These lines stand out for me:

"The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.

Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey."

Being able to acknowledge seemingly conflicting feelings - acceptance of some things just being what they are, especially annoying ones, without hearing another little voice telling me I'm still a jerk or a fool because I am angry, envious, disappointed, whatever. I mean this in the sense of being aware of my own feelings rather than suppressing them, not as blaming others or avoiding responsibility. I do find when I keep the acceptance and serenity part first and foremost, those feelings get smaller (rather than suppressed or ignored) - but then maybe that's real acceptance!

I like how the second paragraph explains in simple terms how we do have choices, and that acceptance does not mean rolling over and maybe being a doormat. Avoiding conflict was how I dealt with anything - I learned at an early age to not partake in the turmoil in our house. In the process I learned to not show my true self. I do have to be aware of the difference of when it is OK to walk away versus running away and avoiding.

I am more aware of it anyway, but I definitely need to do the work on both of those. I need to remember to break it down into smaller steps. To me, fear of change and the unknown is so big (bigger than I'd like to admit, which explains lots of things in my life). "Accepting it as part of the journey".... that's something I needed to hear.

On the plus side, I recently had a discussion with a friend who has battled a weight problem all her life. In the last two years she has changed her lifestyle, and lost over 100 pounds. In talking, she confided she still battles what I can only describe an addiction - to sugar. She has weaned herself off it, and if she stays away from it, doesn't desire it, but if the thought gets in her head, she cannot let it go, she will have dreams about it, and she confided she really can't have just a small piece of cake - she wants more and has literally eaten a whole cake (more than once). I replied to her that she was like me and alcohol, and told her my story - and felt OK doing it. She then opened up about her concerns for a family member's self medicating/escalating alcohol consumption, as well as the individual's denial.

This was very meaningful to me, and not something I've experienced before (or maybe because it was a true unforced but honest conversation). It showed me a couple of things - (1) Progress I've made. Being able to talk honestly to a non AA or MWO person about my own alcoholism, and feeling no fear or shame or later cringing and thinking, "did I say too much?" (3) Hopefully helping another person (or persons), but at least allowing someone to vent and be understood when what they are dealing with is addiction. I am proud to say I went about this using the AA approach. At the same time, I was also humbled, but in a good way (I hope that makes sense).

Didn't mean to get off topic there! And yes, DG, I did go ride this weekend (about time!). We have a new covered arena so I have no excuses - there's shade - though I still need to get out early - just not at the crack of dawn!

It's great seeing this thread so active, and I really enjoy everyone's posts. I need to stay on top of it, or there's a lot of catching up to do. I just checked and there's already more than one new post since I started writing this. So I'll post this and play catch up again! Hope everyone has a great week! :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Everyone:

Patty's visit to the oncologist went incredibly well. She actually declared Patty cancer-free. When she said those words, all 3 of us (SIL was w/us) burst into tears. I don't think the doc was expecting that. At any rate, those nun's must hold a lot of influence in heaven, because we couldn't have asked for a better outcome. No chemo, no radiation: thank you Sister.

Again, I couldn't be more grateful to have gone through all this sober. Today was icing on the cake, because I could enjoy the good news wo/feeling guilty for any kind of slippage. I'm even starting to feel that I'm getting my life back a little. My SIL is off for the next few days & can help w/the cooking etc., so I can take it a little easy.

I'll be going to my meeting tonight.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

I just read that little article that you gave us the link to DG. I needed to read that, because I've needed to do a lot of accepting of this disease that seemed to spring up at us wo/much warning. There are so many smaller things I need to accept, including myself & the mistakes I sometimes make as I go through life. Thank you so much. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Mary, I got a tear in my eye too reading the good news about Patty! Sister will be very happy to hear that. 90 Nuns praying does seem to have a bit of power! I'm also happy to hear you are going to get a little break. Please make sure you are taking care of YOU.

I've been thinking a lot today about the acceptance reading and also the description in that link that fits me (and sounds like some of you too!) so profoundly. It's astounding how much misery I brought on myself beating my head against the wall trying to change things/people I couldn't, and refusing to work on the one person I CAN change which is me.

I'm loving this weeks thread already. I love all of your comments!!!

Phil - are you in Chicago? Are you going to try to catch a meeting at the Mustard Seed? I understand that's a "don't miss" - especially a closed meeting. The girls and I keep talking about a road trip to the city to attend a meeting there. I really want to do that once summer gardening madness is behind me!

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Mary, that is so wonderful to hear. What great news! So happy all the prayers have been answered and your daughter is doing so well.

Marriedgirl, I also could have written that story. Drinking at home alone, planning it in advance, being upset when the plans didn't go my way and on and on.......thanks so much for sharing.

Haven't read the acceptance in the BB yet, will get to that later.

Have a great week all.

Winefree

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi everyone!!
Boy A lot of GREAT posts today... I'm overwhelmed and will need to go back and reread.

first.. Mary, I'm so glad your daughter had such great news!!! How great to appreciate that whole experience sober. True Sober living at its finest.

re: serenity and acceptance.. funny I was just reading in the living sober book the section on "live and let live" , about how I used to get so worked up about things that annoyed me, about how people should have been living their lives differently... while I was sipping (no guzzling) my wine thinking I was holier than thou. I had a co-worker actually freak me out alittle today.. someone who had no idea that I drank every night , he said , you are so much calmer than you used to be>> I said , when did you notice the change? He said , about a month ago.. ho ho , I stopped drinking 5 weeks ago. Oh boy what do you know.
Re-birth: I am feeling jangly right now too.. mostly because I have time on my hands now in the evenings now that I'm not sitting numbing out with my wine glass and I'm kind of reflecting on where this is all going to take me.
I went to a step meeting last night that started with step 1 yay, just for me now!! It was a great meeting.

bye for now.