I'm off to a roaring start. Wrote a profundity of all profundities, tried a computer smarty-pants move and lost the whole kit and kaboodle.
But, since I've laid it out there, I might as well step in it.
Purging the past.
I've thought many thoughts of the past these days and have been struggling to find something positive in all that muck.
I kept hearing Leonard Cohen's tune: "Bird on a Wire".
In it, he describes his relationships with people from his past and those he is involved with now. "Like a bull with his horns, like a child who's stillborn....I have torn every one who's reached out for me."
Can you relate to that too?
I have boxes and boxes and boxes of STUFF from my past. I can't see myself as a good person in any one of the damn things.
I hate the thought of going through them, but I hate even worse for someone else to go through them.
I'd rather clean them out myself.
I'd rather sift through it all and throw out all that bloody shame.
I am tired of that crap taking up all that space in my house.
It's what keeps me from getting better and I know it.
Maybe the physical act of filling up those green garbage bags will allow me to take a deep breath.
And then I can put them on the side of the road and walk back to my house.
And breathe some fresh air.
Helen
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