AF August - Week 2

[spedteach]

AF August - Week 2

I did a long post here this morning and then lost it. That is so frustrating. Anyway, thanks for the congrats. I guess one thing that still nags at me was during all those years of drinking, I truly believed that only when I stopped drinking, could I be happy. And as you all well know I have been struggling with the ups and downs all year with no end in sight. Things are definitely better sober but they are not (yet) as I imagined they would be. I'm such a complainer; need to start doing gratitude lists.

Chill, my heart's with you today, sweetie. That dog story and ex hubby story. You're sounding so sad but I know you are one strong woman.

Lav and Dill, heat index warnings in Indiana. AC and AF...I'm there.

Sooty, is it ever hot where you live?

My son and I are venturing out in the heat to explore the culinary attractions of central Indiana. Wish us luck!

Thank you all for being around this past year.

[ladybirdheart]

AF August - Week 2

Shelley. Well done on your anniversary. While I am of course sorry abstinence has not been as rewarding as you had hoped, your ability to rise above this and sustain sobriety has helped me beyond measure. Not everybody feels an easing with it, it is not necessary to be grateful or happy and ride off into a better world to keep at it because as we all are learning, it is not an end in itself but it does allow for the ability to act. Be free. Love, Ladybird.

[sooty]

AF August - Week 2

Sped I apologise for not adding my congratulations yesterday - dunno how I managed to miss the fact that it was your anniversary! Senior moment probably

And in answer to your question no it probably doesn't get hot here, at least not by your standards anyway! We do have sunny days obviously and they're hot enough to give you sunburn - we get all excited if the temperature reaches 30C which it probably does about 1day a year and the authorities start giving out health warnings etc.

I got lots of cleaning done yesterday - its quite therapeutic once you get going - its the getting going that I find difficult.

Well its humpday and I'm off out shopping soon - hope we're all feeling fit and managing to keep cool
Love Sooty

[Stargazerlily]

AF August - Week 2

Good morning to all, I am back after a rough trip. Driving 10+ hours a day for three days was not fun at all. I am exhausted. Plus, when I came home, I was locked out of the house, and there was not food. I am still so hurt and angry, I am having a hard time letting go. I am not in a good place at this particular point in time. But the main thing is we had a safe trip. My son is directionless, and scared. It is just so hard to handle. Plus, living with two men, I apparently am expected to be their maid. I am resigning from that job, I will tell you. Back to work this morning, it will be a relief to get out of the house. I am seriously thinking of moving out, getting a new job, relocating, or something. Currently, I am angry, hurt, and just fed up. Sorry to be such a downer. It is like the old pattern is back, and I hated it so much, the only person I can change is myself.

Chill, you and your ex are communicating kindly, which is so important. It sounds like he is in a bad place financially, as so many are worldwide. When you have a history with people, there is so much emotion to deal with. You are doing so well, AF.

Dill, thanks for the recovery readings, I read the past five days and appreciated that input. Letting go is what I need to do, so I'll try.

Rusty, your one post about losing it and telling people off at work struck a chord with me. I had a dream on my trip that I told someone off at work, then regretted it. So, a lesson to be learned.

Lav, I like the directions of your posts. You are really searching for a different way. It sounds like your husband acted a certain way for years, and now you are reacting differently. Healthy, but not easy. You are taking charge for yourself, and no one else. I am enjoying reading about the changes in attitude and action.

Sped, congrats on one year. You are doing so well. It is so hot and humid. BUt, it is hot all over the country, I was in six states and the temp was in the high nineties to 100 degrees in all the states. It is just a hot summer!! What are your reflections on one year of being AF? The best part, the hardest, and changes in daily life? It is interesting that after a year thoughts of drinkng pop up on a regular basis.

[spedteach]

AF August - Week 2

I want to go to Sooty's house. I don't even know what 30 degrees C is but I know it's cooler than Indiana! I've been getting up every morning, turning off the AC, and opening up the windows. This morning I was met by a solid wall of humidity. Maybe it will rain, wondering if that will make it better or worse.

We found the most wonderful little Italian restaurant last night. Linguini with roasted garlic, fresh tomatoes, basil. Everything from local farms. And a block away from my son's apt. I cleaned my plate.

Star, glad you are back but what an arduous trip. I'm headed back west on Friday, expecting heat until I hit the Rockies.
I know about living in a male dominated household. It's thankless. It's good you can escape to work.

Quiet thread y'all.

[dill]

AF August - Week 2

Good Morning Sped, Star, Sooty, LBH, and all to come.

I am just popping on to say "Happy Humpday" and then I'm off to walk with my friend. I am in a rush right now, so will try to log on again later.

If what you are doing is not working, take a moment to stop and take a
look at what you are doing and, if necessary, take another path.
--Jan Ruhe

[Rusty]

AF August - Week 2

Good Morning My August Friends,

Hello from steamy Wisconsin!

Shelley-I want to congratulate you on your year of sobriety and my apologies for being a day late. Like you, yesterday I wrote a long, heartfelt post and then I lost it! :upset: But I just wanted to say :goodjob: and you're an inspiration to all of us. I know what you mean about sobriety making things better but not great. You're not a complainer at all; like a lot of us here, you've had a roller coaster year of emotions and a lot of things going on with your son moving, etc. Who wouldn't have down days or weeks? How was Chicago? What sites did you see? The culinary treats of central Indiana...Amish cooking, I presume? I'm chuckling because I am in Indiana often on business and hoping you and I can hook up this fall/winter.

Chill-please be cautious, sweet friend. I hope your ex is not trying to be manipulate you. I hope he is not trying to curry sympathy from you and make you back down about increasing your maintenance payments.

Ladybird-how are you? You always have the kindest things to say to people....what a wonderful friend you must be. You must be going through a heat wave as well....I guess I'll enjoy ours as we'll be complaining about the cold and the snow in the wintertime.

Star-I don't know what to say, sweet friend. I agree with you resigning from your unpaid maid's position....good idea. You have so much on your plate right now with your son back home now and your job. It's bound to raise hell with your psyche. I would want to run, too. Although a year ago I just would have jumped into a bottle....tasted so good and so soothing (NOT....never solved anything and never will!) Star, what do you do for a living, if I might ask? Regarding my telling people off at work... when I was in my 20s and VERY immature, I told co-workers off at work but it hasn't happened in a long, long time. Now when someone REALLY upsets me (and they do), I am very calm about it and it really goes a long way. Only took me 20 plus years to grow up!

Sooty-with all the cleaning you do...your house must be sparkling. You're not a Felix Unger (from The Odd Couple) are you? Sooty, forgive me, where do you live?

Lav-I agree with everyone here that you have such a healthy attitude about the changes in your life. Good for you. Can I join your group of non-hormonal friends? I promise I won't do my Kathy Bates imitation!

Dill-Good to see you! I enjoyed the fair although it was 95 degrees. I thought of your farm because I love to see the cows at the fair. OMG....the amount of work it takes to make them look so good so those cute kids can win a blue ribbon and some hard-earned cash. When I was in high school, that's the way a lot of my classmates put themselves through college-making money off their cattle.

Dill-you asked how I am doing and I am doing great! I have this week off, and on Monday, I went to the State Fair with my two closest friends. Both were recipients of a very drunken Rusty-on-the-weekends, drunk dialing, personality change from nice to Cruella Daville (WHERE ARE THOSE PUPPIES!?!). Both have forgiven me and on Monday, I again expressed my thanks and gratitude to them. Dill, I came SO close to losing them as friends and they admitted that when I was drinking they had to distance themselves so they wouldn't get hurt. I don't blame them. We had a lovely time and just yesterday, I received lovely cards from them. Um, Lav, do tears of joy count as being hormonal because that's what's happening right now.

Hello to Rustop (hope you're having a great time), Rebirth (check in, please), Paguy, and anyone else I have missed, have a great AF day!

Ok, Ms. Rusty Chatterbox should go for a run to avoid record-breaking heat and mosquito infestation!

Have a great AF day, everyone! I just love all my friends on this forum....you are the best!!!

Love,

Rusty

[Chillgirl]

AF August - Week 2

Happy Humpday Guys

Lav - I havent read colin Tipping although his book "Radical Forgiveness" has be recommended to me, have you read that one?

Sped - I guess maybe when our lives arent what we want we think everything can be cured by giving up AL and maybe thats how you felt. What it does give us is a clearer mind to then deal with the other issues that life presents. I really hope you find more peace this year.
Your pasta sounded devine! I have always been a real foodie and I think I even enjoy it more now as I get to concentrate on it rather than making sure my glass is always full.

LBH - Im glad you are experiencing the benefits of being AF. When I have a black moment and visualize myself one day in the future picking up that glass, I see it as the end of "me" as if I have surrendered my soul to the devil and the thing is.... I know it would be the end which is a great reason not to do it.

Sooty - I love clearing out! Great therapy...one of these days I will just have empty rooms :H

Star - Oh dear.... I really feel for you, you are going through a hugely tough transition. the only words i can offer are for you to try to practice acceptance, when we argue against the way it is we can never win. Everytime you have a negative thought try to turn it around an find a positive statement about the same situation i.e. "they expect me to be their maid" becomes "I have the opportunity to teach them both how to do these chores for themselves!" :H Try to make light of it before it pulls you down too far.

Dill - Enjoy your walk. Thanks for the quote it reminded me of another I like "Remember, if you?re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!"

Im not in a great place today, I have a meeting tomorrow morning with my ex and the tone of his texts have been hostile with lots of "!" used so Im anxious. Its so strange that the person who I used to rely on to take care of everything is now the one im in conflict with. He is the business guy and i know will run circles round me in my understanding of the world of finance. However, I will determindly hold my own.

[Chillgirl]

AF August - Week 2

Hi Rusty - crossed posts, Im rambling today as well :H Hope all is good with you :l

[Rusty]

AF August - Week 2

Hi Chill-

That's ok. You're not rambling. :l:l I'm just worried about you because he seems to be the "financial" guy. Please don't give into him, Chill. I speak from experience as I was accepted into law school (I didn't go) and I 've dated several lawyers in the last 20 years and according to my ex (a lawyer, I spoke with him last night), the spouse who feels like he/she has the upper hand, will use it to their own advantage and of course has no empathy for the other person.

I would certainly come and visit you if you wish, whenever I get to Portugal (and there WILL be a day!) :h

xoxoxo

Rusty

[Lavande]

AF August - Week 2

Good morning August friends!

HOT & HUMID!!!! This is the 7th heatwave this summer...........getting rather boring!

Sooty, I'll gladly hop on a plane with Sped & come to your house. We won't make a mess in your sparkling clean house, promise

Chill, I really wish you had someone to attend these meetings with you just to be sure that you're not being railroaded! I don't know that trusting these men is in our best interest!
If you can, pick up a copy of Radical Forgiveness. I did & it really has helped me deal with a lot of confusing thoughts & feelings. I'm not excusing his behavior, just looking at it differently.

Rusty, so nice to hear that your friends are standing by you. We really don't get too many people like that in our lives, do we? Yes, please join my small but growing group of non-hormonals!!! I love my daughter & daughter-in-law to pieces but find I have to duck to avoid being hit by the flying hormones around here. The good part of all this is that I will be blessed with not one but two new grandchildren next year I just keep reminding myself that this is a very good thing!!

Red(Star), sorry you returned home to typical male thoughtlessness! My Mom always said 'Men are just stupid - they don't know when they have it good!' Boy, she wasn't kidding!!!! I have to say, at this point I'm pretty much fed up with all of them...........

Well, time to get to work! Hope everyone enjoys a wonderful AF Humpday!
Dill - looking forward to temps below 90 the rest of the week - yay

Lav

[sooty]

AF August - Week 2

Sped - 30C is about 86F and that is boiling hot for us - its usually around the mid 60s and of course we do't get the same humidity as you. You are all welcome to come - but I expect you'll be cold :H

Rusty I don't do much cleaning - I wish I was Felix in the Odd Couple - I have a blitz and then leave it until its scruffy again - I'm not one for tidying up as I go along!

Hope everyone is having a good humpday
love Sooty

[Rusty]

AF August - Week 2

Sooty,

I love the UK! I miss it (waaaahhhhhhhhh). I've been to Manchester, Nottingham, Birmingham and Leamington Spa. Do you live close to any of those places?

You must be roasting, Sooty. My client said there was recordbreaking heat and of course no AC because it's usually not hot enough to install it. Miserable! He works in a manufacturing site and they are all sweltering there.

[sooty]

AF August - Week 2

Hi Rusty, I'm in South Wales so nowhere near any of those places but I did grow up about 50 miles from Birmingham!

I've had a good day, so happy to be AF and I managed to lose 1lb in my diet class!

See you all tomorrow
love Sooty

[Chillgirl]

AF August - Week 2

Good morning gang

Sooty -well done on the weight lose! It's always the best incentive to keep it up for the next week....

Lav - after your post I went and downloaded "Radical Forgiveness" and had it playing last night as I was chatting on here. I was at the part when it was saying that ex and I had agreed to go through all this together before we came into this life and joked that I should be sharing the CD with him at our meeting. Zenstyle suggested if the meeting didn't go well, I share it with him by throwing the CD at him :H boy did she make me laugh! She then added that if I was a good shot he could listen to the CD while recovering in hospital! :H

I had been worried I might not sleep with going over it all in my head so I'd written all my thoughts down to get them out instead of being "in" my head. And as a bonus after being on here I went to bed laughing as well..! I'm still this morning and will listen to more of the CD as I go my early morning dog walk....