Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

[dancelot]

Hi, everyone!

Today is an important day for me - 1 year AF! I'm grateful for this site that got me started, kept me going, and all those hard line but kind AF folks - because that is what I personally needed. I'm so grateful to have stumbled on this thread 4 months later, and learning something more about AA, but mostly seeing the serenity and hope I saw here. I thank you for your gentle wisdom, your understanding, and encouragement and for welcoming me (and anyone else here) into this little oasis. I'm not by nature a "joiner" of anything, but I always feel a part of and comfortable here on this thread. I very feel grateful and kind of humble, when I expected I'd feel "whoo-hoo!!!!" So thank you all, you were a big part of what got me this far and keeps me on the right track. :l :h

I notice when I spend time here and go to meetings how my whole attitude changes. Patience is something I am getting better at. Forgiving others and myself. Acceptance. life on life's terms. I won't forget "spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection" - my favorite saying!

I went to a women's meeting Saturday, was 10 minutes late but told myself "no excuses - go anyway." I think I have a sign on my back saying "she's about ready to find a sponsor or definitely thinking about it seriously" or something. i keep getting handed these phone lists......

I met some other members I haven't seen before and stayed and talked awhile after. One woman who has 9 years made a point of marking her phone # and e-mail (something I hadn't thought of doing - and probably good for me. I hate picking up the phone for any reason - plus writing keeps my thoughts more organized, and I can see what I said, and be much clearer than when trying to talk, think, and listen). I even talked to her about how about the fear of women's meetings, and my own fears of opening up my vulnerable side. Having a real and meaningful conversation one on one feels so huge to me, even though it is only a small step in the right direction. One foot in front of the other I guess. I talked to someone else I hadn't met before with 8 months, who previously had 8 years up until then.

There was another one who picked up a desire chip, and who previously had around 8 years, but hadn't kept up the program and then relapsed. She as a woman in her 50s, she was attractively dressed, wearing makeup, hair styled, cool earrings..... but she looked so incredibly sad. Beautiful on the outside, but you could see her soul and spirit crushed. To see that in person is a powerful reminder of how we are all just one drink away. I've also noticed so many recent relapses around the years markers - I wonder why that is, and whether it's coincidence, or complacence, defiance or what?

I am so glad to be getting back to it, and glad you guys were here to keep me in the loop. Hope everyone has a wonderful day! :l :h

[Pie]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Congratulations dancelot on your spectacular achievement! :clapclap: You must be so very proud!!

Pie

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15


:yougo::yougo:CONGRATULATIONS ON 1 YEAR SOBER DANCE!!!:yougo::yougo:


I am so happy for you! Have you (or will you) picked up your 1 year coin? Wish I could be there. That first year is such a wild ride! Here is to many more, lived one day at a time.

Every time I walk through the door to a woman's meeting (which I only started attending in the last month or so) I think of you. I think it is good that we are both doing this since there is something uncomfotable about it. I know for me, that is a "siren" screaming GROWTH OPPORTUNITY!!! I have such a hard time admitting I'm in need when I am low. I'm really trying to collect more numbers and actually CALL more women. I figure if I can get over my fear of calling during calm seas, I will be more likely to do what works (reach out for help!) if / when the seas get stormy.

While I am never grateful that people relapse, I AM grateful for each one who comes back to the tables to share their experience. It seems the people who relapse after multiple years of sobriety have something in common. They all seem to drift away from their sobriety plan - meeting attendance or whatever their core activities were to keep sobriety strong. If I think meetings are a huge time committment, I definitely don'e that the time and energy it would take to relapse, considering all the insanity that comes with it for me.

And thanks for starting us off this week! And hello Pie! (still love your avatar and smile every time I see it!)

I don't spend very much time on facebook but I was "drawn in" for a bit yesterday. While I was there, I noticed a post from a woman I know (and "friended") via professional contacts here locally. She is a big drinker. She described going white water rafting over the weekend. Just the sort of adreneline rish I used to love, followed by copious amounts of booze to try to keep that "high" going. I hadn't really thought about those experiences for awhile. (for me, the most memorable adrenaline high was either skydiving, or flying with Fighter Pilots USA which is definitely a kick!) I was just imagining her - knowing that she drinks like I used to before I completely isolated - being all charged up after a day of rafting and then "getting" to sit around and rehash the day while drinking lots of wine. It sure brought back memories of that feeling.

It didn't really make me crave drinking. More like it gave me nostalgia for that experience. I normally don't get to go to my 7AM home group on Mondays, but I left Curves early and caught 1/2 the meeting. Just felt like I needed to pull my head out of that historic cloud and clear my mind. It worked. I'm glad my instincts today are "go to a meeting" rather than "go to the liquor store" if I'm feeling unsettled about something. MUCH better for my sobriety this way.

Well, my quickie lunch is over and now I'm going to get to work! Hope everyone is getting a great start to the week.

DG

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Congratulations on 1 year AF Dancelot! That's huge! :goodjob:

I didn't make it to a meeting yesterday, and then as I was driving home today after running some errands today ....poof, a sudden urge to drink! It followed my pattern of isolation, I suddenly thought oh, I'm going home to be by myself for hours, what a good time to drink. It was like a thought out of habit since that's what I've been doing for so long now until these last couple of months. I went to two meetings on Saturday but I really shouldn't have missed my Sunday night regular. It's amazing to me how just missing one day starts that progression of the mind back to craving. Fortunately, Im carpooling with a girl I met to a meeting tonight, we have never hung out before so should be cool. Glad I have a positive plan in place! And excited about meeting a possible sober friend my age, I really need more sober friends.

Hope everyone has a great day.

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

:goodjob::goodjob::goodjob:

Congrats Dancelot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been out of town on vacation and then been too busy to check in here. So glad I am able to today to see your first anniversary. I always enjoy your posts.

Thanks for the input on relapse also today. When we are new to this I think we falsely assume that if we can get a few months under our belt, we are "cured". I hate to see people relapse, but I think it is always important to listen to them and their viewpoint of why they did fall. In just the six months I have been attending AA, I have seen quite a few come back and their story is usually about the same as what DG said, complacency and not implementing the program into their lives.

Hope all are doing well. Hoping to have time to catch up on posts.

Have a super AF week!!!!

HG

[momof3]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Congratulations Dancealot.

1 year is a huge milestone. You've been through the first of everything without drinking.

Yay for you.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Congratulations Dancelot! That is a Big Deal.
Good to see y'all here again this week. Let's stay sober.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Thanks guys! I went to a great women's meeting tonight, and what a wonderful way to celebrate my "birthday"! I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and the term "wise women" came into my head. That's what these experienced members really are. One of them I sat next to this week and last, her sobriety date is 1973 - about the time I started. That always floors me when I hear that.

I was happy to see the woman from Saturday back again - she also announced she has a new sobriety date. That was quite moving when she picked up another desire chip, a huge hug, and about one full minute of applause.

DG, I got lots of hugs and applause, but they only give out year chips on birthday night. I really wanted one tonight, but i guess I'll have to wait!

Thanks again guys! :l :h

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi everyone,:l
I know i should not be on here but when i read dancelot post had to say Congratulations on 1year AF and i love reading your post.
This thread is one amazing thread i do miss it.... But i do make up for loss time. and do reading or meetings oh and housework must not forget...
My hubby give me the green card the other day it upset me but, im aware of this , i know he did not mean it .....i did not drink on it even though i said to myself fuck it i show you, i just went to bed and woke up went to work and felt a bit better, and i had the red light on STOP.
I remember when i first went round my sponsor house she give me homework :shocked: she ask me how many AA numbers i have on my mobile phone, i only had her number. I had to get one new number every week on my phone. she said i need a good net work around me, and she is right, it was hard because i find it hard to trust but im learning.
It took me over 5months to get a sponsor deep down i knew if i dont get one i was scared if i relapse also i knew i had to work this program to make this work for me, but i know i have put a lot of hard work into it and didn't want to lose it..... when i hear people say in AA about relapse they say your relapse date normally happens a few months before it going to happen on the day, i can so believe this now thats why AA has made me very AWARE of this and what goes on around me, this is my spiritaul awakening (awareness) it growing inside me and for once my eyes are open everything i see is like HD (high definition) im leaning about myself and that inner child inside me. Theres a lot to learn about me also my hubby has to learn that im not that old person that he knew when i was drinking, it takes time to heal inside. sometimes im still like a empty shell inside. but working the program is helping me, going to step meetings straight after work and am always late but i get there and i need to be there and it ok to be late.

Everyone have a lovely day and keep safe.xXx

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi all! Phil, good to see you as always. :H Yep. Keep it simple. Let's stay sober.

Dance, I forgot that some place do one time / month anniversary recognition (the chip part anyway). The places I've gone so far get your chip for you on whatever day you announce it. I got a little chill reading about the woman's meeting you described as I know we shared some fear about women only meetings. I'm beginning to think that maybe if I put my heart into it and find a women's group to "connect" with (I think the Friday one) the rewards might be greater even though the fear is greater. That's usually the way things work out.

Catch, it is FABULOUS to see your post and to know that you are still sober and workin' your program (learning and growing). I don't understand the part about what your husband did? Green card? Anyway...sounds like it was something difficult and I'm glad you put on the BGP's and got through it sober. We have to know inside that we are good people and other people's opinions or actions don't affect that. (even though it hurts sometimes)

Our open topic meeting yesterday was a really good one. It was about hanging out with friends who still drink (or in some cases use drugs). I have changed my people, places and things and am rarely in a situation where I'm just hanging out with people who are hanging out drinking. I go do some business social events. I've learned that at those things "everyone" does not drink. In fact only a handful over drink as I used to. If drinking is the main focus (or an important focus that nearly everyone is engaged in) I just don't care to be there. It's boring. I'm not obligated to *make* hanging out in a drinking situation fun just because I'm an alkie. I'll find other fun.

My life could not be changing and filling up for the better if I was still hanging out in the same old places with the same old people doing the same old things I used to do - just drinking a Diet Coke. I wouldn't trade my new life for my old life+Diet Coke for anything.

If hanging out with the same old people is leading to relapse, gotta grow up and make some changes. That was the gist of the group discussion. I mentioned BGP's. Sometimes just gotta put 'em on.

Have a great day all!

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi, everyone!

Good to see you again, Catch! And you've got 7 months today - congratulations! I too am glad you went to bed instead of drinking - I find anger but especially hurt can hit the "fuck it" trigger. The point is you took another route. Times like that are when I see I need to do the AA program. But it is great to see you!

DG, they do give out month chips in regular meetings - Monday is chip night at our group. I visited a different group on a different night and they gave me a 9 month chip, even though I'd never been there. That's the one I wish was a little closer - a small cohesive women's group, and they always go to dinner after (and cut up and are so funny - just don't let the iced tea run out!). :H

Someone after the Saturday meeting mentioned changing friends. In my case, most of the friends I have either don't drink or do it rarely. When I think back though (many years now), I alienated even other heavy drinkers with my bad behavior. I became a solitary drinker and justified I was OK since I no longer drove drunk or got into fights or told people what I really thought of them. I learned to control it enough in public, and save getting trashed for later when I was alone. I always looked forward to that part.

We were discussing the 8th step Monday, listing everyone we had harmed. Many had had the revelation that they had harmed others I guess by omission (this would be me) - either by believing themselves not important enough to effect anyone else (me) or because of neglecting various things, being unreliable, not being present in personal relationships, etc (me). Like me thinking if I wasn't starting a fight or cussing you out, or something obvious, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Somehow this got on the topic of mothers and everybody kind of groaned. I couldn't clearly articulate it, but when I heard that, it just rang true. I think a lot of my women issues have to do with my mother and older sister's codependent relationship. I was sort of left on my own in a lot of ways, and I remember my mother telling me how selfish I was, then putting me down when I'd try to do something helpful for someone (I was trying to figure it out by copying what other females seemed to know or take for granted - I was clueless). I was able to mend my relationship with my alcoholic dad, because he was accepting and I found if I was honest with him, he was capable of seeing my side and also of forgiveness. I wasn't in a hate or estranged relationship with my mother (thankfully), but I always found it best to keep some emotional distance, and keep my private life private. That's probably a healthier way to be anyway, but I think I see where this woman fear thing comes from.

Learning to let go of fear, and trust others, but not be blind about it. These are issues I do need work on. Learning boundaries too - I know I'm clueless there, and that can create problems and confusion. Guess I need to keep working the program. The "tough girls" meeting is tonight, and I plan on being there.

Have a great day all!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Dance, I enjoyed your post a lot. I think my "women issues" started with Mom as well. Like you, I am just looking to heal it, not to place blame or open old wounds in my relationship with Mom over it.

Enjoy your tough girl meeting tonight! I can't wait for mine on Friday.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi Everyone:

First: Congratulations Dance! Year one is so very big. At some of my meetings, after they give the monthly chips, they ask all the members w/one year or more to raise their hands to show the newcomer that the program works. It feels so good to do so.

Our son & his family left yesterday. My husb & I do a lot of child care, but we don't have kids in our home 24/7 for a whole week. Whew! It was a lot of work. It was great seeing them come & a relief to see them go.

At last night's speaker meeting, the speaker spoke about his (3) relapses. I too need to hear about relpase. Especially now that I've got some distance from the day-to-day insanity. Sometimes my mind offers me the sanitized version of my alcoholism. Today I wrote out a goal list while I was waiting to get my hair cut. Some of my list consisted of:
-go to meetings I don't ordinarily go to.
-speak to newcomers after meetings.
-reach out socially to my AA friends...to that end, I'm having a potluck Fri. night to celebrate a b-day of one of them.
-get a female sponsor & begin again on the steps.

I must admit that in the short time I've been in AA, I've seen a lot of people coming & going. It's a bit disconcerting. I can only hope that they will one day hit the kind of bottom that will cause them to become committed. It's hard to see when I really like a person. This is the case of a young man that got one year right before I did. I haven't seen him at meetings lately.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi it me again,
Got a bit of time on my hands, sorry not explaining what a green card or green light means, it means when a person kinds of gives you permission or to go head to drink. I suppose in that past i would of but today i feel like i have work so hard for this, do i really want to go back to that dark place...NO WAY.... when my other half said to me that he doesn't see me anymore if im not at work im at meetings and if im not at AA meetings i have my head stuck in a book readin, (must be getting better) or im just a empty shell i dont say notthing, he said he prefe'sr me if i was drinking that when the green light come on. If that makes sense's.
The 8th step not done that one yet but i have been to step meetings and i know the last person that i will have on that list is me...
I have been reading the Co Dependebts guide to the 12steps which is really helping me understand the 12steps in depth and in details.
It funny when people come into our lifes and fix us along the way, i didn't realize but a person i was picking up to go to fellow up group meetings doesn't go anymore because that person has move on, i was upset because i miss that person, when i told my sponosor about that person she said that the person was fixing you making you feel better. I know i have to be careful because iam still very valnerable. It helps to talk to my sponsor i do feel grateful that i have her as a sponsor.
My obsession thinking i turn into determination, and when i read codependents book i could not believe it when it said that obsessiveness turned upside down becomes determination how true that is well for me it is!
Tonight is step 2 meeting cant wait, for me sanity is when iam at peace with myself and take care of myself with others instead of taking care of them. I come to believe by seeing other people with problems that been restored to sanity but seeing is believing by coming to meetings and seeing it with my own eyes. We stop empowering the problem and begin to empower the solution.
I do feeling like step2 takes us out of darkness and into the light of hope and promise.
I was sharing the other day and all of a sudden i said i dont know what to say, then i waited for a moment.... i went with the flow of my feelings it was really wired the words just come flooding out of my mouth. could not believe it.

Have to go keep safe and love to you all.:l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Catch: I like your definition of sanity as taking care of yourself instead of others. I was raised to take care of others, & I take that to an extreme. I rob myself & my loved ones of autonomy. Sometimes I forget that the 12 steps apply to all aspects of life...not just drinking. Mary