Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi Mary and Catch and all others at home and on vacation!

Mary, I love your goals list. I hope you are resting up after taking care of the kids!!

Catch, thanks for explaining the "green card." (in the US, a "green card" is a document that is required if you are not a US citizen and want to work in this country... ) "Green light" I understand! I am so glad you are walking away from that green light to drink. I am right with you - I don't want to go back to that dark place either.

I love your description of Step 2 and the hope and promise it holds. Something about the way you wrote what you wrote really struck a chord with me. I can see how you might just have words flowing from HP when you speak at a meeting.

Todays meeting was really a good one. Just one of those "magical" ones where the energy just felt extra great today. We talked about the tools of the program (using them!). We also talked about appreciating each day as a gift. I am trying to appreciate my day today as a gift. (not easy each moment in this heat/humidity but I'm working on it! Progress not perfection.)

Well...time to resume the zoom. I always enjoy everyone's post and Catch it is awesome to have you around for however much that ends up being.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi all. I am excited about the Women's 12 Step Study meeting today. The tough chicks. I am grateful that I feel drawn to this group. I know that's for a good reason. The guide we are using to study the steps is "A Woman's Way though the Twelve Steps" by Stepahanie Covington, PhD. There is a book and also a workbook. I finally got the materials and am enjoying reading, and doing the assignments in the workbook. Catch, I thought of what you said about Step 2 (and made a note of it!!) as that is the step we are currently discussing.

Hope everyone is gearing up for a fabulous weekend!

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi, everyone!

Catch, I am enjoying your posts. I see so much growth in you. I like the idea of "obsessiveness turned upside down is determination". When I was first AF especially, I did something like this, and it made all the difference in the world, first getting through and then maintaining after those first days. "Willing to do whatever it takes." Turning our weaknesses into strengths. Taking something within ourselves that is so powerful that it was controlling us, and turning it back on itself.

I know many people who are unfamiliar with AA misunderstand the when they hear "powerless" and think it says we are powerless as people. It says "powerless over alcohol" - I can't argue with that, and when any alcoholic is honest with themselves, I don't think they can either. As the first paragraph discusses, we can find a huge amount of power and be able utilize it just by changing our thinking. To me that means by facing and admitting our weaknesses, we can turn them into strengths. Being honest can also mean seeing our positives as well as our negatives.

So much of living successfully AF is the learning part. By that I mean learning about ourselves, learning new ways of thinking, coping, etc in addition to breaking the habit and replacing it with different behaviors. The internal change. I believe that too is a continuing process, where more is revealed all the time.

Another positive of meetings - hearing the long term members discuss how things like going through the steps at different points in their sobriety opened up more about themselves and their understanding every time. It is always so wonderful to see, whether it is someone new just getting it, or a long term member's new insights.

DG - Enjoy the tough girls meeting tonight! Mine on Wednesday was great. The topic was that saying at the end of the first part of the Big Book that these are steps are suggestions to be followed. To me that relates to the idea that AA is a program of attraction vs promotion. When we are open to it and willing, it is there (kind of like HP - when you become open to HP, it comes into your life - but you must ask and be open and allow it in). If we leave, it is still there. It is up to each of us to take full advantage of what the program offers.

Good to see you too, Mary, also Phil, MG29, HG, mom, pie, and I hope I didn't miss anyone. Great contributions this week as always. I always find it so cool that even though we are not an official AA meeting, it always works like one. It never fails to get me thinking - sometimes so much so I can't respond - sometimes I have no idea where to begin! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I look forward to my women's meeting tomorrow. :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Everyone: I've been very busy but never miss a meeting when I can help it. Last night's potluck was short & sweet allowing all of us to go to a meeting...my husb cleaned up after us. The simple pleasure of sober living are so rewarding.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hello Mary and Dance and all others coming and going and lurking and whatever!

Dance, I hope your women's meeting was awesome.

Mary, I wish I lived near you - your pot luck followed by a meeting (and Mr. Ret's clean up!) sounds fabulous too. I hope Patty is doing OK. Sister is so happy for her and can relate to what a relief it must have been for her to hear the words "cancer free."

The women's meeting yesterday was great. Catch, I thought of you as we discussed some facets of Step 2. This work book is pretty cool in terms of the suggested exercises. What really makes it powerful is to discuss the exercises as a group. I end up reflecting in new and different and ultimately deeper ways during / following all that discussion. Yesterday's topic was an exercise about "hope." We considered two statements - one very pessimistic (reflective of the darkest days of my drinking) and another much more optimistic. It's interesting how we can have vastly differing beliefs about things even though the facts of the situation remain the same (i.e. cup half full / empty). One of the women had a grand child born during the meeting. (not AT the meeting! :H)

This mornings BB Study was good too. We read a few pages including the section about the car sales guy and the whiskey in the milk. That story always gets my attention because that's just how easily - and with no rational logic - I relapsed. I had no mental defense. I'm starting to develop a much better understanding of what that means. So many things that seemed like jibberish when I first started going are becoming much more clear.

I am so grateful that for me, a focus on spiritual fitness and ACTION every day towards that has helped remove the compulsion to drink. For today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

DG: Tell Sister thank you so much for the lovely energy she sends Patty's way. She is doing well, though as you can imagine, she is mourning the loss. The reconstruction goes slowly. I doubt I would be willing to go through it, but Patty is young & beautiful & wants to look as good as she can.

We did have a wonderful potluck & meeting afterwards. There's such a difference socializing wo/booze. It's congenial & positive. There's nothing sloppy or inappropriate.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Mary, I like that too - no worries about sloppiness or dire stupidity on my part. I shudder when I think back and how I thought I was "OK" or "not that bad" when I was so clearly drunk. Always thinking other people were drinking like me, but most were absolutely not. And now when I'm around people who drink like I used to drink, it often seems they think they are "fine" when it's obvious they are tipsy. That is a scary look in the mirror.

I was working in my office some today packing up stuff for the upcoming remodeling project. I boxed up all the books that are in my office (and I LOVE BOOKS!) and took them to the basement. I was a little :egad: going through all the recovery books I purchased before I went to AA. I think I must have practically all books that say something about "quit drinking without AA." I REALLY was afraid of AA! That was a walk down memory lane that just made me grateful for the contented sobriety I feel today.

Have a good evening one and all. Special thoughts out to our vacationers and good vibes for your continued sobriety and fun!

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Dance, congratulations on your one year!
I haven't been checking in this past week and missed your special day, sorry.
Read through most of the postings. Thanks to everyone for all the great discussion.
I too need to hear about others relapsing. It keeps it fresh and upfront, that we are at risk and need to keep ever vigilant. More phone calls, more meetings, reading AA literature, following the steps, meditation and prayer assist me when I start to think "I wasn't that bad either".

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

DG: I too was invested in NOT joining AA. For me, I think it was about not wanting to declare myself an alcoholic, recovering or not. I didn't want the public knowledge (even my husb), & I didn't want to openly admit I was powerless over alcohol. That would have been an admission that I could never drink safely again. Even joining MWO was an attempt to recover "on my own." Now that I'm in the fellowship, I can see how unrealistic that was. One night while I was trying to fall asleep, I went over the 12 steps in my mind. They all say: "we" not "I." Yes, it's a fellowship...that's where the recovery is for me.

I was speaking about this to my husb last night. One of the Sun. night guys is having a bar-b-que next Sun. My husb noticed how much social stuff AA's do. I told him that most have had to make a whole new set of recovering friends, because their old drinking friends would lead to trouble. Fortunately, I've been able to keep many of my old friends, as they rarely drink & never to excess. I do love my new AA friends though.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

WF, good to see you as always! Sounds like you are on top of your program which is awesome. I hope life is treating you well.

Mary, I've developed a deep appreciation for all the social things AAer's come up with. I don't go to all that many of them, but it's wonderful they are there for all to enjoy - a little or a lot. You are right that so many people have to make very drastic changes in their friendships and activities. Especially for the ones who are single (aka no family at home to do things with - NOT single as in the "dating" sense of it!). It's great having a lot to do with others rather than being alone. We have entered 'picnic season' full swing here. For the next 6 weeks or so there are multiple picnics every weekend it seems.

Went to the usual Sunday 12&12 meeting today. We read and discussed Step 11. I was just mentioning yesterday on another thread that I've been lax in terms of taking some quiet time in the AM for prayer and meditation. I need to get back to that on a more consistent basis.

I liked this Hazelden reading from yesterday:

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Oh, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.
--Sir Walter Scott

To deceive means to fool people into believing things that are not true. As addicts, we did this in many ways. We lied. We hid facts. We were sneaky. While we were trying to fool other people, we also fooled ourselves. Every lie was like a knot. Pretty soon we were a tangled mess. Our lives became unmanageable, tangled webs of life.

Our recovery program ? an honesty program ? tells us how we can untangle our lives. In the First Step, we admit we are all tangled up in our life of addiction. Second, we realize we can fix it. Third, we decide to take on the job of fixing it, no matter how much work it takes. In Steps Four and Five, we find the knots with the help of another person. In Steps Six to Ten, we untangle these knots.

Without the tangles, our life is free and ready to be used for whatever we decide. Steps Eleven and Twelve help us find good ways to use the gift of life.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thanks for giving me my life, strong as a good rope. Please help me keep it straight by being honest today with myself and others in everything I do.

Today's Action

Today I will work on straightening out one knot ? just one.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

DG: Thanks for the quote. I really must read about honesty regularly. Lying, subterfuge, & deception were the hallmarks of my disease. Since I completed the steps, I've been trying to pick up on every single lie that enters my head...even small exaggerations. It's not easy to be rigorously honest, especially after a life of hidden truth.

By the way, I finally got out from under all my travails & asked a woman AAer (22 years of sobriety) to be my sponsor. We're meeting tomorrow to read the 1st step together. I'm happy.


Mary

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hello everyone,
Well, just got back from vacation and I hate to report this, but I did drink. I know I wasn't ready, didn't have the tools I need for AF to work. I will not make any excuses now, because we already know all of that.

I'm sorry that I have not read many posts as I've been unpacking. I did make it to the book store today, and I bought the AA book. I hope it's the right one. It did not say "big book" although that may be a part of the lingo I don't know just yet. The book, "Undrunk" by A. J. Adams (A skeptic's guide to AA) came in the mail also while I was away. I will begin my new journey with these tools. I also have the book "Gifts of Sobriety" also AA related. Lots of reading and learning to do! I hope as I learn that I will be able to share with you all. I have not attended a meeting since the first one I attended before leaving on vacation. I have found three new locations to attend, and I'm not sure when I'll get up the courage to go just yet. I will look for a compatible sponsor, but won't rush into it. See, I'm learning!

I understand at some meetings they choose a topic such as gratitude. I just want to say that I'm grateful for learning that my journey will begin again, with a different direction, and I'm grateful that I have to knowledge, albeit very little, to allow me to realize that this will be what I need to stay sober. I probably mentioned I've got a pretty large library of memoirs and success stories in my closet. The majority of books I've read have one common denominator: Recovery and meetings and working the steps. I believe that this is where I will find my way out. I've read Rational Recovery and Alan Carr's books. I'm sorry, but IMO, they are full of crap - sorry for such harshness!

AND...CONGRATULATIONS DANCE!!!!! THAT IS SO AWESOME!

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Thanks j-vo! Glad to see you back! The Big Book is titled Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe just pick a meeting and go? I kind of had to just pick one and just do it to get back to it, and I'm glad I did. I'm settling in with my old group, and getting comfortable with that other women's group. At least settle back in with us.


To anybody new reading this, "the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking." You don't have to be stopped already. There were a few who are still struggling at the Saturday meeting. There was someone who obviously was still doing it sitting near me. The first time it happened (smelling alcohol) was disconcerting, especially at an AA meeting, but when you think of it, isn't that the best place for them to be? As long as they not disruptive (which I haven't seen), all are welcome.


A weird thing I've noticed being AF is I'm real sensitive to the smell of it on anybody, or in a room. I used to only notice it if someone had had a lot (probably couldn't smell it because that's probably what I was used to smelling). One time I hugged a friend of mine goodnight, and it was like sniff, sniff, "he had alcohol today, it's faint but there," and I'd been hanging out with him for 2 1/2 to 3 hours, and didn't notice it earlier just sitting by him, and he wasn't drinking during the time I was there. Weird. Sometime I'll have to ask someone I guess. "What time was your last drink?" :H Sometimes I think I'm too curious for my own good.


On Saturday I got brave and asked someone which one she was on the call list (there are several with the same first name). I realized mostly I just wait around for someone to talk to me, and sometimes it happens, sometimes not, and if I wanted to speak to someone in particular, I had to seek them out myself. I said I might e-mail her first since my conversational skills are non existent, especially on the phone, and she's OK with that. Good thing I've been at MWO so long, plus another different forum - I'm pretty comfortable expressing myself this way. Then it will be easier in person I think (or on the phone.... ugh...)."


I think all of us that had the fear of going to AA was because AA is for "real" alcoholics. Of course that wasn't us - we drank a lot, and had no control over it, but that doesn't mean we're really alcoholics. Yeah, right. When I found MWO researching online, I was actually putting off contacting AA, so I was looking at every website (all of which said I was an alcoholic when I took their questionnaires. I think I kept taking those tests hoping to find one I wouldn't fail).


I was putting it off I think by looking at other options probably trying to find "a way out" of not following through (sorry for the bad pun), at the same time knowing I was truly at the end of the line, I could not deny it any more, and I had to do something. Fortunately it did work out that my first encounter here was with some strong ABs people who told it to me straight, and set me on the right path from the get go. Even then the Higher Power was leading me to what I needed. Interestingly, at the end of the night (I stayed in chat for 8 hours I think) a frightening abusive (and drunk) individual came on (and most everyone logged off suddenly). I was really creeped out, but also saw that as a sign and a lesson of the reality of alcoholism - it was something to be very, very afraid of. Thankfully I saw it that way, and not as an excuse to escape from it by drinking (though there was nothing left in the house and it was past alcohol sales time). That's what my "Day 1" was like, and I hope to never have the need to have another one.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/9 thru 8/15

Hi j-vo and welcome back from vacation! I think you have a good attitude. Excuses don't matter - just getting back on track matters. Around here, you can purchase a Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous as Dance pointed out) at most meetings. My suggestion? Just pick a meeting and GO. Then do it again. I know how daunting it feels early on. If you just make yourself do it a bunch of times, you will likely look back one day and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Dance, I'm still working on that "pick up the phone" thing. I can see how well it works. I suggested to sponsee 2 that she should call someone new every day and just build her network. Now she has a zillion friends. I need to take my own advice! :H

Oops...I guess it's Monday and we should be starting a new thread. I'm off to see if that is already done and if not, perhaps do it.

DG