AF Daily Sunday 8/15

[greeneyes]

Happy Sunday Fabbies!

If you want to really feel "normal" (some days I just don't ) read today's Dear Abby column.

It is already 77 degrees at 6:30 AM and the humidity is so thick I had to do swim strokes to get to the newspaper in the driveway. It isn't raining, but the juniper branches droop over the sidewalk heavy with large drops of dew clingling to the tips of little needles. A blanketing fog that seems to have silenced the birds casts and erie feel about the morning.
A feeling that makes you glad to have company on the wooded trail by the river....

Mercury goes retrograde this week on the 20th. Plumbing repair is something not recommended for that time so I hope to wrap it up with the plumber tomorrow and Tuesday. We are already in the shadow so be careful with communications and planning and be flexible in the event things don't go well (like travel schedules). It's a good time for information gathering, pondering possibilities, connecting with people / old friends that pop into your mind. Try to put off major purchases, signing contracts, and medical procedures. It lasts about 3 weeks and then fades out with another week or so of shadow.

I saw in the paper this morning that this afternoon at a beautiful cathedral downtown, there is a musical production of the 17th century vespers. With orchestra and musical performers from other churches and around the state. It peaked that part of me that is curious about all things new and different (for me). SO many possibilities and things to do without AL clawing desperately at your ankles trying to shackle and imprison you.

I think I throw in a load of clothes and go outside and see if I can change spooky into beauty. Being queen of the universe and all, I'm sure I can pull it off :H

Hope all is well with everybody - especially our buddy Lav.

Have a serene sunday!

[Guitarista]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

You've just got to walk out the door Greenie, and your beauty will transform all.

Have a terrific day everyone!

[papmom3]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

what a beautiful post Greenie!! have you ever thought of writing? you really have a way with prose. Thank you for the warnings of the "shadow" of Mercury. I've never been into astrology but the way you put it makes it seem so logical and "why not?".

I hope you do go listen to the vespers. I be it will be haunting and beautiful!!

Off to a pap playdate this afternoon-old friends and hopefully new people to meet as well. the boyz should have fun although LM will be sorely disappointed that the food will be well secured and out of harms way. :H

[Hippy Chick]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Hello fellow abbers.

A question for you.... when does it get easier?

Soon I hope.

Hipster

[Guitarista]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Hi HC,

It takes time to get the drinking thinking/habit, and takes time to break it, and create new thinking/life pattern's, which is probably the most trivial bit of useless info you need to hear right now, as you'd be well aware of this fact.
For me, it took many month's, not just a few, to start to settle into a different lifestyle. We must have patience, and keep going whatever we're feeling, or however frustrating thing's seem at times. Stay on course, ride the hump's and bump's, and you'll come out the other side smilin'. Patience, work, commitment. But the big one for me is Grateful. Be grateful. Find gratitude within you, and express it, feel it, think about it every day. And just relax, keep chugging along, develop yourself, grow, challenge yourself, and enjoy the journey. Before you know it, maybe after a year or so? (different for some folk), you'll be flying!
What are you feeling now? Freedom? Clarity? Pride?

Have patience HC, and keep working, cultivate gratitude, and enjoy yourself. The al thought's become far fewer as we grow, and naturally change focus. It just get's better and better. Magic abound's my friend!

[Hippy Chick]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Thanks Guitarista.

Mazzie said today in the nest that when she gave up drinking she thought her life would be instantly fixed. I felt the same way. I thought drinking was my problem and if I stopped things would get better. But to be completely honest, life now is worse than before. I know it is because I have to face everything sober now - I cant numb myself to forget or avoid things. And I know that I am suffering from depression (which I am in the process of sorting.... need to increase the dosage of AD's) so it is like you said - I just need patience. One thing I have been very short of all my life! Sometimes it just seems it would be easier to say bugger it and get hammered.

I am grateful that I have found this site and for the people here. I will concentrate on developing gratitude like you suggested.

Thanks again for your support. I am not ready to throw eight months away. It just gets hard sometimes.

Take care
Hippy

[papmom3]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Hey Hipster!! Welcome to the dailey ab thread!! So good to see you here! I know you are going to find great company, great stories and great advice.
Baby steps HC, baby steps. I too thought everything would magically turn around for me-you know that I did. What I'm finding now, after 3 months, is that it isn't one great big cosmic bang but little itty bitty things that are different and better: walking one of the dogs in the morning (new baby step), coming home some nites and WANTING to cook or bake (new), really really looking forward to my reading session at nite and naturally becoming drowsy and dropping off to sleep, a tad more patience with certain people (very new although this morning I have NO patience with the boyz - I think they know we're going somewhere today) well you get the picture. I have to really stop and think about these things or I'll miss them completely. I have to work more on my gratefullness and I have to work much more on accepting my powerlessness over AL. Notice I said over AL, not that I as a person am powerless. I think once I do that, things might fall into place a little easier. I think there are some things going on in your life that are scary to you that were hidden or pushed aside with AL. All I can say is that a lot of people here are going through scary things right now and we are all here to prop you up and help you through it. Please stick with us-I think you find yourself inspired everyday!!
:l:h Pam

[one2many]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Sorry to intrude on the thread, just wanted to post this for Hipps. We all go thru feelings like that, I wrote this a few months back as i was feeling similar to you.


My New AF life is CRAP!
It seems to be a commen theme this week on the boards about feeling let down or unfulfilled by your new AF life...I posted this on another thread but am putting in here too, just to let you all know that you are not alone and this feeling is very normal and happens to us all.



When I ditched the booze....

My life would change....

I would become happier, more confident, everything would slot into place, my troubles would be over, I would be on easy street, Nothing would worry me or upset me, life would be a piece of cake, my brain would work differently, I would be happy all the time, I would no longer have depression or sad thoughts, I would have a wonderful life, people would applaud me, fanfares would sound and angels would sing..

NOTHING prepared me for the brutal reality that this wasn't the case.
I felt cheated and disappointed and somewhat angry that I had put in all the work to kick booze and I didn't feel any different, my life was NOT any better, and yes I wondered why I even bothered...what was the bloody point..you were meant to feel better..right?? It was meant to get better? Life was meant to change.....

It didn't except for...

My clear head in the mornings and the feel of clarity on waking...

No hangovers, headaches and sick tummy..

No flashbacks of things said and done and no cringe factor upon remembering.

The bedtime stories now told lovingly to my children instead of the excuses as to why I couldnt read them as I had to go and relax with first drink of the evening.

The money I have saved by not buying alcohol and smokes.

The compliments I have received telling me how well I look.

The feeling of freedom knowing that alcohol has no hold over me, I have broken free of its power and I am living independant of it.

The problems that are there are now being dealt with and not swept under the carpet in a drunken haze.

The little pieces of me that emerge day to day...new pieces of my personality that have been stifled by alcohol.

The feeling of LIVING and not just drifting along from day to day doing the same old thing and expecting different results.

The feeling of acomplishment, and getting to like myself again ( I am not at the loving myself bit yet but still working on it, we are all a work in progress)

The knowledge that, although I felt like a fish out of water the first few times I went out socially, it is slowly but surely getting much better and easier to handle and when I look around and see some of the antics going on , I feel blessed that I have made the decision not to be the ringleader any more.

The chance to FEEL........I mean really feel...all my emotions...without the crippling distorted illusion of alcohol..I can identify my feelings and deal with them accordingly.

And finally the realisation that my problems are still there, money worries still present, sadness, fear and confusion are with me on a regular basis...BUT I can deal with them now...feel them, understand them and know why I am feeling this way..instead of burying them or intensifying them with the help of alcohol.

In conclusion....life is not all sweetness and light, not the perfect world I did expect it to be..but it is a Utopia in comparison to the one I was existing in and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Oney x

[paguy]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Good Morning and Happy Sunday All!

Hippy Chick - I know you already know this but there isn't anything easy about our journey to be AF. And, as you pointed out, perhaps AL is the easy way out for many of us who don't want to face some of the harsh realities that we are dealt in life. As Guitarista has pointed out, it takes patience and lots of it! For me, I would add that it is a constant balance between patience and frustration.

Once I begin feeling frustrated, rather than choosing to avoid an unpleasant situation, I now begin to focus on what I have control over and know that I am in charge of my behavior and that I want to have a positive outcome. And, for me, drinking AL does not provide the 'quick fix' or 'easy way out' of a frustrating situation or problem and therefore, does not lead to a positive outcome. This may sound like an oversimplification, but I am finding this approach has helped me deal with managing some challenging moments over the last 30 days.

You know that you have all of our support and I, for one, am very grateful to have this community.

[patrice]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Oney
Mate probably one of the best posts I have seen for a while.. Thank you.. stopped me from stopping the fight tonight
Big up

[patrice]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

mmm wrote a lot more.. but Asian Internet connection cuts out so fast... hey but thats one for the fridge for me... thanks so much ONe

[Lavande]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Good morning Abbers!

Waiting for the rain to start here as well Greenie.

Hippy Chick, good to see you here
Time heals all wounds.............we really do need to learn to be patient when we stop drinking! We all want that quick fix which is just not possible. I was so deluded that I thought my chronically miserable husband would finally be happy when I quit drinking & smoking. Turned out he couldn't care less!!!
I believe it took me about 6 months of AFness before I really stopped thinking about AL. I just kept reminding myself of all the things that are right in my life now. Oney's list says it all! The Freedom is the best part Hang in there, be patient with yourself, it does get better!

Hope everyone has a terrific AF Sunday! Thanks again for all your support, means so much to me.
Today is a new day & tomorrow will be another........I'll figure it out.

Lav

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Happy Sunday Fabbie Abbies!

Greenie, thanks for getting us started today. Sounds like we signed the contract for the Big Remodeling Project just in time. Will be cautious the next few weeks! The music event you mentioned sounds awesome and I wish I could go with you! Hope you get relief from the heat soon. It was only low 80's at 8AM today which is relief compared to how it's been! Not sure what the rest of the day holds weather wise.

Lav, it's good to see you here this morning. I'm sad for Mr. Lav who has such deep problems of his own that he is unable to appreciate the beauty inside and out of Mrs. Lav. Our world here at MWO is definitely a better place because you are in it.

Hippy, welcome to our thread! For me it is definitely easier today than it was early on. Life's problems didn't magically start solving themselves, unfortunately. I am just clear headed now to work on life's problems, and as G and others mentioned, to be grateful for what is wonderful in my life. Rarely are things all bad. Even in the midst of bad things, there are often amazing opportunities to learn and grow. Sometimes it's hard to see. I know for sure that drinking never solved anything. And at some point, it stopped being a decent escape route. The consequences got too big.

I also find that 'getting out of myself' is very helpful for keeping a good perspective on things. If I spend all my brain time "chewing" on my own problems, they seem bigger than they really are, and can seem all consuming. If I step back and look at a larger frame that includes a bigger piece of the world around me, I can see that my problems are not as huge and unique as I thought they were. Other people have problems too. Often their problems are even worse than mine. I am back to gratitude now.

Oney you are not intruding on anything!!! I love that post. LOVE. IT. A. LOT!!!!!

P3, sounds like you and the little p's have a fun day lined up. No, I was not a gymnasts. Just a sport (along with figure skating) that I like to spectate! I think all will work out just fine with your sister. One of the things I am working on (and it's hard for me!!) is not stressing like a mad woman over future events and things outside of my control. I tend to want to imagine conversations that haven't even happened and get all busy reacting to this fiction. That is a viscious circle for me. I'm trying to learn to do what I can, and accept the rest, and stay in today. (don't know if that is relevant at all to what you are going through - that's just what came into my head as something I am working on!)

PAGuy, I enjoyed reading your approach to things. You are right about us always wanting a 'quick fix' that is simply not possible most of the time. AL doesn't provide it and often nothing else provides it either if a "quick fix" is not meant to be. When will I learn that I am NOT in control of the universe???? (Greenie is! :H) Hey - how did your trip to the gym go?

Hello Patrice. Keep hanging in there!

Went to AA and will probably go back again as I found out one of my friends is speaking later this morning. Then will try to pack up a few boxes and then go visit my other friend. Reaching out in real life. Hard for me. Good for me.

I am finding myself wanting to stress eat over this remodeling project. I better get over that because it will be a long project and there is not enough ice cream on the planet if that's what I rely on to get me through it.!

One thing is for sure, there will be no drinking for this DG today.

DG

[JustJoan]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Oney, that was an awesome post. Thank you!!

[paguy]

AF Daily Sunday 8/15

Oney - great post. That's a keeper for my file - Thanks!

DG - yes, I made it back to the gym yesterday and walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes - about 2.65 miles. So, I am taking it slow and easy. Plan to head back to the gym later this afternoon to do some more walking and maybe add some leg extensions and squats. My body is telling me it's ready so I'll take a conservative approach.

Hey all - I wanted to share an experience I had last night that was very revealing for me. A friend who lives nearby came to dinner and this was our first get together since I've been AF. In the past, we clearly have been enablers for one another relative to alcohol and she was sooooo uncomfortable with my new outlook and determination to be AF. I just explained that I was "on the wagon" and was not drinking. Her first response was, "I've lost my drinking buddy". So many of you have commented in your posts about how AL addiction leads to such a selfish outlook and lifestyle. And, here was my friend, only thinking about how my decision was going to impact her!!! It was a very revealing moment for me.

Furthermore, when she arrived, she brought with her a pitcher of her newest cocktail concoction that she recently had on a vacation to the Caribbean and insisted that I 'take a sip". This was after I told her that I was not drinking. I really was offended by her lack of respect for me and what I am trying to accomplish. I am happy to tell you that I stayed strong with my conviction and I did not "take a sip".

I can only assume at this point that our 'friendshp' is clearly going to change. I am anxious to see what she says to me the next time we see one another. I am sure many of you have experienced similar circumstances when it comes to interactions and friends and family and observing their reactions.

In our society there are so many personal interactions interweaved with alcohol use and abuse - making it a continuous challenge for us to be successful in achieving our goal.

Don't worry - I am still strong in my convictions!