Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

[j-vo]

Hi all,
Good luck on your first meeting back Rebirth! My fourth meeting I attended tonight was with my sponsor and I can happily say that this was the first time I walked in without wanting to run out!

I met my sponsor at the DQ about an hour prior to a speaker meeting. We talked about our pasts and it was so nice to let these things off my chest, but also to hear about her story. She gave me a bunch of stories of her and her friends on CD's. I'll start to listen to those on the way to and from work. She is an amazing woman. We went into this meeting, which is not our home meeting, and everyone knew her. She introduced me to many people and I'm sure I don't remember one name! There was also a guy there that lives right down the street from me, his daughter is in the same class as my son. He reassured me that my being there would go nowhere. I was relieved. His wife tends to be a chatter and it's a small world in this neighborhood if you know what I mean. But if it did happen, I don't think anyone would have the guts to come up to me and say, "Hey, I heard you attend AA." I think I'm feeling more comfortable about that. And a girl I'd graduated many moons ago is a member of my home group. Cool with that, too.

The speaker told of his climb up the ladder to alcoholism, the trouble he got into, and how he came to be sober in AA. The message I get all the time is to come back, read the big book, work the steps, believe in a power greater than yourself, get down on your hands and knees and pray every morning and night. I'm doing all of that and plan on continuing. I want this new life, this new sober me and I feel so good meeting people that have struggled just as I have abeit our stories are different, but ended up with the same result: Alcoholism.

I'm going to another speaker meeting on Friday evening, which would be prime time for me to drink myself into oblivion, so I'm glad I have a focus and a plan!

Have a good night.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi j-vo and thank you for starting this weeks thread! I love reading about your experiences. I love knowing that when I walk into any AA meeting, there will be a familiar feeling even if I don't know a soul in the room (yet!). We are all connected by a shared experience in our alcoholism, and in our recovery. Have you ever checked out the free speaker downloads available on iTunes? If you find out that your sponsor's speaking is available on iTunes, please let me know. Would love to listen to her!

Here are some useful links for anyone who hasn't book marked them yet, and might be interested:

Daily Recovery Readings

Big Book On-line

I really identified with several of the readings for today. It was hard to "pick just one" but I think the Walk in Dry Places is my favorite of this batch.

Walk In Dry Places

Planning for others.
Letting Go.
There are times when we think we see perfectly what others ought to be doing. It pains and disturbs us when loved ones..... our children, perhaps... do not heed our advice. In planning for others, we can easily fall into the trap of enabling. An enabler is a person who supports others in an unhealthy addiction or
dependency.
We must not plan the lives of others, no matter how dear they are to us or how attached we become to them. They must have the freedom to live without obligation or the belief that they could not have succeeded
without our help. Freedom of choice is a precious right that includes the freedom to make
mistakes.
I'll release any tendency I have to plan for others. At all times, my responsibility is to keep on the right track and let others
be free.

I have to really work at NOT planning for others. Especially my husband. Planning for others leads only to frustration and resentment for me. A viscious circle. I was even worse about this when I was drinking. How ironic - My own life was a downward spiraling disaster but I wanted to decide what everyone else should be doing? Geez. Insanity indeed.

I'm going to my regular 7AM meeting this morning. I'm looking forward to it. Today is "open topic" and it's usually something really good and relevant.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi jvo & DG: I too plan for others. It's definitely not my place to do so. When they didn't do what I thought was best for them, I was vulnerable to drinking. "Let Go Let God" is a slogan of AA for a good reason. Also, the first step is a good one to remember. When I'm not managing others' lives, I'm free to manage my own. I have to remember (ala step 1) that I'm powerless over other people as well as alcohol.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi j-vo I I feel so energized reading your posts. I really wish I had a sponsor but I will be patient....

Unfortunatly I didnt make it to a meeting last night as an old friend called out of the blue. She was in a state and I didnt have the heart to tell her that I didnt have time for her. I cant go tonight either because I have promised to help someone with their move...

I will need to go some as I havnt been to a meeting in three weeks! Thats not good. I feel restless too. It's like I am missing my AA fix!!

Hi Mary I am a born organising and seem to always organise other people but I am trying very hard to do less of that. Anything to keep my stress levels down! I always do more than I admit I can

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi all! Today's meeting was a good one. Any time this woman chairs she gives a lot of thought to a topic. So if nobody else brings something up, she introduces a topic. There is a Hazelden Meditations book called "Keep It Simple." She based the topic off of the reading for today which begins "There is a big difference between being self-centered and having self-love." This raised a lot of very interesting conversation. Most people easily admitted to the self centered nature of much of the drinking activity. But another theme developed and that is the challenge most of us either have or had learning to like and love ourselves. I certainly didn't like the person I became in my active alcoholism. I guess I hadn't thought too much about whether I like and love myself now. Especially the "like" part. I know I like myself a lot better than I used to, that's for sure!

The reading suggests and exercise which I decided to work on today:

1. I'll list 3 things I like about myself.
2. I'll talk to a friend and share these things.
3. I'll ask my friend what he or she likes about me.

I think #2 will be the hardest for me.

Rebirth it is good of you to help your friends! This is an area where I am still working to strike the right balance of doing for others and also doing for me (working on my recovery).

Mary it's great to see you! When I first went to AA I had no idea how many areas of my life I would end up applying Step 1 to!

DG

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi All!

I haven't posted in a while, but I always make sure I have enough time to read this thread. I have really enjoyed reading all the posts. It is really great to see other people getting the courage for the AA program through this thread. This is what also prompted me to research AA. I am so grateful for these folks here for opening my mind to this.

I have been attending AA nearly every day since January, and feel so blessed to have found the program. It's amazing what such a short time can do for us.

I live in a small community where there is only one group, but how fortunate I am to have such a great group. I had a temporary sponsor for the first couple of months, but then I asked another lady to be my sponsor, and she has been great for me. She makes me do things that are out of my comfort zone, but to my surprise, they are helping so much. :blush:

Have a super sober rest of your day!!!!

Thanks for all the awesome thoughts today.

HG

P.S Mary, hope your daughter is doing well.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

HG, it is fabulous to *see* you and I'm really glad to hear that you are continuing to grow and prosper in sobriety.

j-vo, you mentioned an important point about the fear of seeing people we know. I had that fear big time when I first started going. But I don't any more. If anyone takes issue with me NOT drinking and attending a program that helps me with that....oh well. Good that you have already gotten past that first experience of seeing someone you know. I think once it happens, it loses whatever power it had. I now look forward to seeing AAers at some of the Chamber business functions I go too. No way would I ever think I could "sneak one and nobody would know" or any of that goofy thinking.

Also, I think the more my ego comes in check, the less these kinds of things bother me. It really is an ego thing to worry abundantly about what others think of me.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi All,
It's been one long, long day. After work (clerical day for teachers) I took my son to his new school. He's going into 7th grade and they allow you to go and walk through their schedule with them, practice their lockers. Well, the whole community was there! And I know Mary spoke of seeing others you know in AA and DG, you just mentioned it. Well, at the walk-through tonight, I saw the wife of the guy I'd seen last night at the meeting. I got paranoid. Extremely. It was like I couldn't look her in the eye. But then I thought, "Wait. If anyone did know and talked (as there is so much gossip in this community) I don't think that's any of my business." And I told myself to smile and say hi to people, stop and chat a little, and keep walking. They aren't my close friends or people I have to deal with everyday. And if they were close to me, and loved me, they knew I'd be doing the right thing. So, yes, I still worry about what others think of me, but I hope one day that I can hold my head high and say "screw it!" Not my problem.

Mary, I didn't know your daughter wasn't well, but I'm sending cyber hugs for you. You're a retired teacher, so you probably know of the anxiety of the beginning of the school year. Today was clerical day and our schedules got screwed up and it put me back two hours, which led me to staying two hours late. Tomorrow is the first day of school, but I finally got my ducks in a row.

Rebirth, thanks for the nice energizing compliment. I have no energy left at this point of the night after the crazy day, but I can say, I'm sober! It's hard to be patient with the sponsor thing. I went to those different meetings and the third location I got really lucky. Are you going to different places. If so, maybe you'll find someone at another location.

DG, I know that familiar feeling already going to these meetings. Different faces, same loving and welcoming feeling. It's amazing. I'll have to ask my sponsor about the CD's being on Itunes. My guess is not, but who knows? I just texted her, and I'll let you know. I can't believe my luck, coming into contact with this wonderful person to be my sponsor. No, not luck. It was the big guy upstairs!!!!!!!
Thanks for the Walk in Dry Places. That's food for thought. Being a teacher, it's engrained in my to direct, guide, and a lot of times, we don't give our students a chance to let the lightbulb light up on their own. It's hard to give space and that's something that applies to the classroom as well as "real" life. I need to think about that.

Horsegirl, doing things out of our comfort zone is one of my biggest problems. I can say, though, these past few weeks of doing that, I already feel a bit stronger inside. We grow when we make these good choices to move forward.

I'm ready to fall over here! 5 a.m. get up tomorrow and those big kids will be swarming the hallways! Have a great night.

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi everyone!!

Alittle late checking in with this week's thread but I just read through it all and of course it is just like having my little AA meeting in my office!
J-vo. good luck with the new school year!! I'm sure its exciting and nervewracking at the same time. What grade do you teach?
re: meeting someone you know.. I went to ameeting (woman's meeting) and there was a co-worker of mine there. We made eye contact but nothing else. That is why there is anonymous in AA!! We have to trust that it works! But I got butterflies when I saw her too!! luckily I don't work closely with her. not that that would really matter eventually.. something in common for sure. As a teacher in charge of kids I can see your concern.

DG. I loved your dry places reading! I am so much like that. especially telling my family how they did stuff wrong, very critical.. big character defect of mine. and definately worse when I was drinking.
I was especially hard on my step kids and husband! I look back now and I know when I get to step 8 and 9 I will need to do some amending with my step kids. This Sobriety thing has been SO good for me learning to let stuff go that I never would when drinking.
But at the same time I am also not beating my self up as much either now.

Just so glad to be sober and looking forward to meetings now. The nervousness is gone. but it has taken probably 60 meetings to do that. I stepped into a meeting last night alittle late and one of the guys said. "there she is!" like they were all wondering if I was coming.. it makes me think about how the regulars... which I will be one someday probably wonder if someone doesn't come if they went back out.

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hello all-

Feeling like a bit of a bum today, went to work then came home and took a two hour nap at like 5:30 pm and didn't make a meeting or the gym. So, I've been feeling pretty bleh since I woke up. But, I know I still have to not be so hard on myself, my sponsor and I were talking about this and its very easy for me to get mad at myself over things like this and be way too hard on myself. I don't have any plans/thoughts of drinking, and I will definitely go to a meeting tomorrow.

I hate it when I miss meetings though! Even one day off and I can tell! Whether or not it's a "good" meeting just getting off my rear and getting there keeps my head in the right place.

MG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Happy hump day!

M9 I feel the same way if I dont go to a meeting. I also feel blah....

j-vo I should go to other meetings besides my home group but I find it difficult to change. I have become so comfortable with my group..perhaps too comfortable. Not sure.

It's also happened to me a few couple of times when I have recognised someone at a meeting. My stomach would churn because she was a customer of mine, or a neighbor. But its ironic how that would bother me as I didn't seem to care how I behaved and looked like when I was drinking. I shrug it off because it shouldnt matter. What matters is that I am making the effort to stop making an ass of myself!
DG is right in saying that it's just your ego talking.

Well have a good day everyone and hello to anyone i have missed out. A new girl called mara just joined and I am hoping she will join us on this thread. She is only 18.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Everyone: I'm doing well. My daughter is also a teacher & has just gotten her classroom set up for the year. She has a lot of courage. She doesn't have any surgery until Oct. when they remove the lumpectomy scar & take a little more tissue from around it...it's a precaution. Gradually she's coming to terms w/her loss...it isn't easy.

I've been busy, but I realize just how important keeping up w/my meetings has to be for me. From what I've heard about relapse, stopping going to meetings is the #1 cause. After that, it's losing touch w/sponsor & AA friends. I'm working on the 1st step & am planning on seeing my sponsor (1:1) some time before the end of the weekend.

Other than that, I'm just trying to pray for tolerance (especially for my husb) & mind my own business. It's not my place to judge how others lead their lives.

Mary

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

Hi everybody,

Well, I made it through the first day of school with the kids and I can say it was a darn good day! I teach 13-14 year olds and they can be quite the challenge. This group of 8th grade seems to be chattier than last year. I'll have to squash that! I played this game in which they had to use a descriptive word with the same beginning sound as their first name: Jolly Johnny. As they came up with them, I wrote them on my seating charts. It helps me to remember their names more quickly. But something I can say is that it tells lots about their personalities. I had a girl who called herself Intelligent Isabella. Another who called herself Anxious Ally. Quite interesting!

Cher, that's why I don't go to meetings near my workplace! But who knows. Eventually it may get out. I guess now I'm so early and a newbie that my insecurities are strong. Hopefully that will dissipate and stronger feelings will replace that.

Married, I see the importance of the consistency of the meetings. I've written on my calendar two meetings that I will definitely go to weekly, and add an additional one as my schedule permits. The consistency reminds me that this program works, that I'm accountable, someone's watching over me, HP and my sponsor! (I act like I've been going to meetings forever when in reality it's only been 2 weeks!) But I've been feeling so good lately. This is when I trip up and start to make stupid mistakes. This is when I should reread the threads and tools here as well like "What I hate, loathe, ...about drinking. That's when I need to remember that I am an alcoholic and it's not ok to drink (just today!) I get overwhelmed when I think...forever? I need to remove that from my mind.

Rebirth, going to other groups may be your ticket. I'm sure you have people in your home group you're close with. Do you think you could ask one of them to accompany you to a "speaker's meeting." Then you could scout out who's at that meeting and see if you'd connect with anyone there. I liked what you said not worrying about what others thought when you were drinking, but have that feeling like I do at meetings of someone you may know. The fact is, we have all of our senses working for us as sober people. We feel everything, but that's a good thing. Just about a month ago, I was at a bar and a band was playing. I was so obliterated as I was dancing, the drunk people were even pointing their fingers at me. I staggered out of there. What a mess. I'm not staggering - TODAY!

Reteacher, prayers for your daughter. That's a tough situation. My mom had a mastectomy a few years ago for breast cancer. I get checked twice a year now. What does your daughter teach?

DG, my sponsor replied to my text about the CD's. They are not on Itunes, but I'm going to see about burning them for you. I just finished listening to her story. I was laughing and crying at the same time. She's freakin' amazing!

Have a good night.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

jvo: She's a 6th grade teacher. She's looking forward to the school year starting. Keep up w/your mammograms & checks. It's important. My daughter is only 36, didn't drink, smoke, exercised regularly, breastfed, no family history...in other words this came out of nowhere. Thank God her nurse-practitioner found a small lump. Keep checking...it can happen to anyone. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Week of 8-23 to 8-29

I went to a meeting last night I had never attended. I'm very glad I went, as I saw many of my friends including my sponsor. It was a topic/discussion on self-esteem & how it changes when we work the AA program. Many interesting comments:
-You can't just take up space at meetings & expect change.
-You've got to work the steps & change your behavior.
-Length of time in the program is not a criteria for change...everyone is in on a 24 hr. basis.
-It's easy to slip back into "the old me."

My sponsor was the last person to speak. She has 22-23 years in AA. She said she doesn't want to celebrate anniversaries, because she is just another AA member who is working the program on a 24 hr. basis only. She declared that she is as close as or closer to her next drink as the newcomer. I think that she is saying that we can never get complacent & take our sobriety for granted. It's then very easy to stop going to meetings & subsequently relapse. She confided in me that if she ever relapsed, she'd have a hard time picking up a 24 hr. chip. That fear is what keeps her from having that first drink.

Some interesting comments. I listened carefully.

Mary