AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

[rustop61]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Good morning everyone

Beautiful morning here, have just had my walk in the woods and like you Rusty am feeling good. The exercise does help but then a blow up with one of my teens can ruin the whole effect.

I have been meaning to do something about meditation for a while and have just enrolled in an 8 week course. It's a mindfulness based stress reduction programme. It's one evening a week starting around 21st September. I know some of you have mentioned meditation, has anyone done a course like this? Will keep you all posted on how I get on. I am having visitors overnight so I had better go and get the room ready. Will check in later.

Rustop

[dill]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Good morning Star and Rusty,

Rusty it sounds to me like a very good decision on your part to part company with the curmudgeon. There is no reason to be around people who don't treat you respectfully and kindly.
Star, it's an interesting question:

How do all of you handle situtations with difficult people?

I tend to avoid difficult people. I have a great deal of tolerance but there are definitely some people that get to me. I try to have patience with them if I have sympathy for how they got to be that way. But when I feel like they have no good reason, then I deal with them as quicly as possible, then get away. Often times I will be passive aggressive towards them: say nothing but just look directly at them. I don't like to waste energy or time with negative/difficult people.

Peace and strength to all for an AF Tuesday!

[dill]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Good morning Russtop, cross-post.

I have recently ordered a book and CD with guided meditations. Ms. Sooty helped me find one that I think will work well for me. I hope it arrives today.

[Rusty]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Rustop,

The meditation course sounds heavenly. I have never taken a course like that before. Enjoy your visitors.

Star-I don't usually have a problem dealing with difficult people as I have to deal with difficult people many times in my job. I handle the situations with family members (only 1 that asks the cost of things) very much the same way you do. The situation with my friend has a long history, too involved to go into on this forum. I felt obligated to keep in contact with him because it was my best friend's wish. She had very low self-esteem and knew he would be lonely when she died, so our contact has been dinner, lunch out, etc. Nothing romantic. I have tolerated him for way too long. I am done now. It was the right decision for me :-)

[Rusty]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Hi Dill-

Sorry-cross post. How is school going?

Star-I wanted to add that in my career, fortunately, I am the one who always gets to be in control, due to the nature of my work, so people have to kow-tow to me most of the time. I handle difficult people very calmly because it is effective, and business is NOT personal. But when it's someone in my personal life who is negative and brings me down, I need to cut it off. Like Dill, I try to have empathy for them and try to understand how they got that way, but in the end, I'm much better off if I can avoid them. I am very fortunate that I work out of my house, and if one of my bosses or a co-worker ticks me off, I can hang up the phone and swear til I'm blue in the face. And I never answer an e-mail when I'm angry. Worst thing you can do.

[rebirth]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Good morning

sooty I am loving this weather too... yesterday was perfect. I spent the day at the park just me , my partner and my little boy. We played football, went to the playground and ate icecream. I just thought that life couldnt be better...

Star and Rusty and Dill. I do the same. I avoid anyone who is negative to me. Whats the point? why add to the stress if it's not worth the battle. Life is way too short.

Rustop please let me know how to meditate cause it's something I have always wanted to do (another thing in my long to do list!)

On a health kick and have eaten only one piece of toast and four plums. Groan..I am starving!!

Oh well. At least i am not drinking!!

[Lavande]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Good morning friends!

How do I deal with the difficult people in my life?
I didn't do anything - he moved out :H

Honestly, I've been surrounded with difficult people all my life. My Dad was unbearable - we all moved out as soon as we possibly could as kids!
Then there was the million or so difficult patients......I got so sick & tired of one nasty old man I had him discharged from the hospital minutes after he threw a urinal at me :H:H
Luckily I was young enough & agile enough to jump out of the way & avoid being hit!

My collection of guided meditation CDs is growing
I've been listening to the Inner Healing Compass teleseminars all summer. A lot of the speakers have offered free gifts to download & enjoy. I'm taking advantage of everything.

Must get ready for a day with EB!!
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday.

Lav

[spedteach]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Morning everybody,
Funny you should ask about difficult people. Feeling a little antsy yesterday after work, too early for dinner so thought I would cruise around K Mart and pick up some odds and ends. I was going to buy a tall kitchen trash can. When I got to the cashier, I asked her to put my other purchases in the trash can and I could just carry all of them that way, so I would not use plastic bags. She told me that would make the can too heavy. Then she proceeded to plastic bag each one of my purchases, one item per plastic bag, a box of light bulbs, a bath mat, a cat's water bowl, a box of granola bars. She stared at me the whole time. I walked right out of that store, thinking what was that all about. It did cross my mind to start removing each item from its plastic bag and placing it in the trash can, but that almost seemed like an aggressive act. Poor cashier, she must have been struggling with something. Think I will probably take my business elsewhere. Actually she was a little scary.
But back to the question, it's like I tell the kids at school when they complain about someone bothering them..."just don't play with them, walk away". I am so non confrontational, but Dill I know exactly what you're talking about with that passive aggressive stare. My husband come "home" tonight and I am dreading it.

Rustop, last fall I took a 6 week meditation class. We would meet at the teacher's home. Have a brief lesson, meditate for about 30 to 45 minutes, and then talk about our experience (only if we wanted to) afterwards. I especially enjoyed meditating in a group. Something wonderful about that collective breathing. The yoga class I go to every week incorporates a brief meditation period. It is such a good practice, beneficial in all kinds of ways.

Rusty, I just have to dispel this myth of my being tall and willowy!! I am barely 5'2" and am usually described as petite. I do hail from good German stock though and as a result I see myself more oak like than willowy. Hey, stay cool as a cucumber at work today.

My to do list for today is a mile long. And I really need a new trash can for my kitchen. Guess I'll go to Target!
Later.

[sooty]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Rustop I dont believe the meditation course that you are going to join - I'm doing one in October on mindfulness - based on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn - he of the mindfulness stress reduction programme! Mine is 4 sessions spaced every 2 weeks so taking 8 weeks in all. Between us we'll be able to instruct all of us on here!

Another fabulous day here so I've been out for a walk and am planning on going out again later when I've had a little nanna nap.

I hope everyone has a good Tuesday

Dill hope your cds and stuff arrive today and that you enjoy them!

See you all later
love Sooty

[rustop61]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

OMG Sooty (as the teenagers say), that's the same course I am going on! However, its once a week for 2.5 hours over 8 weeks and a full day at the end of October. I am really looking forward to it.

Regarding awkward/toxic people I too avoid them. It's harder when it is family, my MIL could be a right bit of work. I find that my tolerance level has really gone down as I get older. I have one BIL who is very like his mother and I refuse to allow myself or the girls be subjected to his passive aggression, zero tolerance policy in place. Hubby has to deal with him, end of. Life is too short and I think you are right Rusty. For your friends sake you tried, it hasnt worked so move on.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Well todays theme certainly seems to be meditation! I know in advance our name for next March, March Meditators!

Here is a link to some free guided meditations plus two great free gift downloads which include over an hour of top gurus (including Jon Kabat Zinn, Sooty) speaking about meditation and the other one has beautiful meditation music.

Getting Started with Meditation

Difficult and negative people I usually avoid like the plague! If Im feeling exceptionally strong and focused I sometime like to see them as a challenge and try to turn them around into being upbeat and positive. Sped I too am the least confrontational person I know.

Im having a challenging few days, I heard yesterday that my ex had been on a 5 day drinking spree alone which means there must be trouble at home with his girlfriend. I worry about him so much as having been there I know how much worse drinking makes our problems and with all the financial trouble he has I feel desperately sorry for him. He is trying to keep us all afloat and as well as supporting me, his girlfriend and her kids, he also supports his Mother who his father left with nothing. He was due to make the payment to me for Sept and arrived at the house with some cash as the usual bank payment will not be honored this month. He looked dreadful, bloated and hungover.... There was a moment, a split second exchange between our hearts and he reach out and hugged me tight. It was very rushed as he was late for an appointment. Hence to say I was a bit of an emotional wreck when he left. Sometimes I think it the bigger scheme of things i was put here just to love him, to get sober and to help him get sober. Im going to call him in a few days and ask him to schedule some time for us to talk, then Im going to put aside everything to do with our finances and separation and see if he will open up to me about whats going on on the inside.

[rebirth]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Chill it's clear that you still love your ex very much...why did you part in the first place? Was it recent? Why is he supporting you? I understand if you dont want to answer these personal questions.

[Chillgirl]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Hi Rebirth - we parted 6 and a half years ago after being together for 15 years. His drinking had got out of hand then and at various times he seems to control it better then it all falls apart again. The reason he is supporting me is because we never divorced or got round to splitting our assets. I trusted him and was always happy he handled our investments. In hindsight if we had sold everything when we parted I would have had money to invest in my own home or something but I guess I always hoped me might get back together so I never pushed it.

[rebirth]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Chill- Sounds like you had a very strong relationship.But even something initially solid can change.. Funny how it does. I am still working on why my marriage ended. I saw the cracks but we both were too inexperienced to deal with them. Plus we both drank which did not help with the intense arguements.He was the love of my life. I have never loved anyone as much as him since.
Except for my son ofcourse but that's a different kind of love.
Sometimes I wonder if we would still be together if we had not drank so much. maybe that is your quest...to get him sober. x

[Chillgirl]

AF AUGUST - WEEK 5

Rebirth - Like you and your ex, we both drank too much. what started off as a fun and party lifestyle ended horribly. Yes I can honestly say that the biggest reason my marriage failed was because of AL.