Hi everybody,
It's been a long, yet short weekend. I had to go out of town yesterday morning for a baby shower. But on Friday evening, went with my sponsor to a speaker meeting. It was a close friend of hers, who also attends our Sat. morning home group. It was moving and I had tears at one point. It seems the more speaker meetings I go to, the more I relate to the same fears, "isms" of alcoholism. The perfectionism, same kinds of fears, the same low self image... But then it makes me feel good because these people have got so many years of sobriety, and they've worked so hard to keep it. It's attainable and I that's comforting to know.
I was around alcohol all day yesterday. At the baby shower, it was an open bar. At my cousin's afterwards, beer, wine, sangria. I drove, which was a four hour drive out and back, so I didn't have to come up with an excuse of why I didn't want a glass of wine. But I have to say that what was the most important to me was the fact that I wasn't uncomfortable with it. No self-pity. I heard my uncle later in the evening slurring his words, and my sister had a few too many (although she almost never drinks too much) and I thought to myself, "I've got something better than booze." I've got peace right at this moment. And all the moments the rest of the night. Got home after midnight and was tired this morning, but I went to church. Haven't been there in a long time. Actually, I went to a Pres. church. I'm Roman Catholic, but don't feel much there. So I went to church and felt great about his message. "God Speaks To Us." I've been feeling him speaking to me more than I ever have.
Cher, I'll go to a women's meeting also on Tues. evenings. It's at my sponsor's house and there are only about 5 people in attendance. I look forward to it. We'll begin with the beginning of the Big Book as they just finished it. Perfect timing for my start! Hope your sponsor gets back soon!
cpn, that's awesome that you find meetings on the road! I don't travel for work, but if I did, I would be locating AA places.
Dance, that's a deep topic "being willing to go to any lengths." I feel as though I'm already living a different life and I'd go to any length to keep this going. My son high fived me the other night because he asked me when I came home from a meeting if I drank that night (he doesn't know that they don't serve alcohol at AA meetings!!!!!) and when I said no, he high fived me! He asked my husband how long it's been since I drank. I know he's proud of me. I feel the same fears as you do. I'm coming to understand that a lot of us alcoholics struggle with those fears, but can let go with the help of our HP. Congrats on your 1 year chip! I pictured you running up and back. I'm laughing with you! Cute.
Rebirth, I guess not being in AA for very long I took offense to that man's behavior towards you. I certainly would have cried if someone reacted to me, more harsh than necessary, but that's my insecurities. Then I though what DG and someone else (sorry) about how important meetings are to your sobriety. That makes sense, but then again, some people have a hard time with being assertive tactfully. Maybe we need a kick in the ass from time to time, but getting it from a stranger is a little, well, strange! You asked about speaker meetings. That's when someone with long-time sobriety tells their story. What led them into the drinking life and how AA saved them. Some give more details than others, but the same message is important: Their HP, working the steps, going to meetings, serving others, honesty. If you have a meeting booklet, look for a speaker meeting to attend. I really like them
DG, I bought blank CD's and I'll be burning those speaker meetings for you this week. If you'd like to pass them onto anyone here to listen to, please do. Happy anniversary to your 19 years and 3 weeks!
Mary, I'm glad your meetings are going well. I understand about facing your fears and as you do they decrease. I can say this honestly. I'd try to face my fears in the past, but that never did the trick for me. I'd force myself to do things I was so afraid of, but it just blew up in my face. BUT...I never asked my HP for help or or maybe I did, but I didn't have that belief or peace of mind that it would actually happen. I'm feeling that way now. Less fear. But I can see the long road ahead of me. Good luck on beginning your steps!
__________________
AF since 8/14/10
It's been a long, yet short weekend. I had to go out of town yesterday morning for a baby shower. But on Friday evening, went with my sponsor to a speaker meeting. It was a close friend of hers, who also attends our Sat. morning home group. It was moving and I had tears at one point. It seems the more speaker meetings I go to, the more I relate to the same fears, "isms" of alcoholism. The perfectionism, same kinds of fears, the same low self image... But then it makes me feel good because these people have got so many years of sobriety, and they've worked so hard to keep it. It's attainable and I that's comforting to know.
I was around alcohol all day yesterday. At the baby shower, it was an open bar. At my cousin's afterwards, beer, wine, sangria. I drove, which was a four hour drive out and back, so I didn't have to come up with an excuse of why I didn't want a glass of wine. But I have to say that what was the most important to me was the fact that I wasn't uncomfortable with it. No self-pity. I heard my uncle later in the evening slurring his words, and my sister had a few too many (although she almost never drinks too much) and I thought to myself, "I've got something better than booze." I've got peace right at this moment. And all the moments the rest of the night. Got home after midnight and was tired this morning, but I went to church. Haven't been there in a long time. Actually, I went to a Pres. church. I'm Roman Catholic, but don't feel much there. So I went to church and felt great about his message. "God Speaks To Us." I've been feeling him speaking to me more than I ever have.
Cher, I'll go to a women's meeting also on Tues. evenings. It's at my sponsor's house and there are only about 5 people in attendance. I look forward to it. We'll begin with the beginning of the Big Book as they just finished it. Perfect timing for my start! Hope your sponsor gets back soon!
cpn, that's awesome that you find meetings on the road! I don't travel for work, but if I did, I would be locating AA places.
Dance, that's a deep topic "being willing to go to any lengths." I feel as though I'm already living a different life and I'd go to any length to keep this going. My son high fived me the other night because he asked me when I came home from a meeting if I drank that night (he doesn't know that they don't serve alcohol at AA meetings!!!!!) and when I said no, he high fived me! He asked my husband how long it's been since I drank. I know he's proud of me. I feel the same fears as you do. I'm coming to understand that a lot of us alcoholics struggle with those fears, but can let go with the help of our HP. Congrats on your 1 year chip! I pictured you running up and back. I'm laughing with you! Cute.
Rebirth, I guess not being in AA for very long I took offense to that man's behavior towards you. I certainly would have cried if someone reacted to me, more harsh than necessary, but that's my insecurities. Then I though what DG and someone else (sorry) about how important meetings are to your sobriety. That makes sense, but then again, some people have a hard time with being assertive tactfully. Maybe we need a kick in the ass from time to time, but getting it from a stranger is a little, well, strange! You asked about speaker meetings. That's when someone with long-time sobriety tells their story. What led them into the drinking life and how AA saved them. Some give more details than others, but the same message is important: Their HP, working the steps, going to meetings, serving others, honesty. If you have a meeting booklet, look for a speaker meeting to attend. I really like them
DG, I bought blank CD's and I'll be burning those speaker meetings for you this week. If you'd like to pass them onto anyone here to listen to, please do. Happy anniversary to your 19 years and 3 weeks!
Mary, I'm glad your meetings are going well. I understand about facing your fears and as you do they decrease. I can say this honestly. I'd try to face my fears in the past, but that never did the trick for me. I'd force myself to do things I was so afraid of, but it just blew up in my face. BUT...I never asked my HP for help or or maybe I did, but I didn't have that belief or peace of mind that it would actually happen. I'm feeling that way now. Less fear. But I can see the long road ahead of me. Good luck on beginning your steps!
__________________
AF since 8/14/10
I am so excited to hear your sponsor speak! Will it be OK with her if I make additional copies for sharing with my local peeps?
Comment