Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Wow just got back from a mind buzzing meeting! What a great meeting!! The main sharer was fantastic. So inspiring! I can't get over her share. She was a prostitute on drugs, lost everything including her children..then found AA just over a year ago and she has turned her life around..living a normal life now, has a relationship with her children and is just glowing with positivity.
I also got massives of support and encouragement from other members...some even hugged me with tears in their eyes. This was the meeting I wanted when I returned from my holidays. Glad I went somewhere else. I also found someone who I think could be my sponsor

Okay got some stupid questions. Would love some advice:

How do I ask someone to be my sponsor? What if she says no? Is it normal for a sponsor to also have a sponsor?Can a sponsor help more than one person? Does one do step work with only a sponsor?

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Rebirth,

You just ask. If they can't do it because they have too many sponsees, just accept it. Don't let a "no" be the cause of any resentment.

It never hurts to ask.

Yes, you can only have one sponsor at a time. You can have mentors but only one sponsor, if that makes sense.

I am glad you have connected with someone you feel can be a good sponsor for you.

Just ask. Point blank. She will tell you if she can or can't. It is that simple.

Good luck!!

Love,
Cindi

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Cindi. Okay I will ask her the next time we meet..God. It feels like I am asking her out on a date. How rediculous.

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Rebirth,

This is one of those times you must say the Serenity Prayer.

It makes a lot of sense in this situation, don't you think?

Do what you feel in your heart. It is either meant to be or not.

Relax.

Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Rebirth, so excited that you had such a good experience at a new meeting. I used to not like getting out of my comfort zone to try new meetings, but now I'm coming to like the fun of it, and meeting more people. Learning more stuff. It's all good.

What Cindi said - just ask her! If you DO get a no, understand there could be many reasons for that and it's very unlikely to be personal to you since this person doesn't really even know you.

Also, it is very common for someone to agree to be your sponsor on a temporary basis. This is a good thing, and if you like this concept you could ask someone to be your temporary sponsor. While it would work this way anyway, the "temporary" just makes it clear to both parties that it's a trial to see how it works out. If it's not working for either party, you just go your separate ways. (that does sound like a date! :H)

Until I went through all 12 steps with my sponsor, I didn't seek other advice on the steps, other than meetings I attend which discuss the steps in the group. Different people have slightly different approaches. I wouldn't want to confuse myself of make it challenging for my sponsor by having too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. The way I figure it, I will go through the steps many times in my life so there is plenty of time later to learn and try different approaches. The meeting I go to where we are working through the "Women's Way Through the Twelve Steps" material was started after I completed the steps with my sponsor, and also being done with her approval. (not permission. I don't need her permission. But I respect her and trust her judgement so I seek her input before making these decisions)

All the best to you!

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hi everybody,
Jeez! Couldn't post since Sun. night and it's so busy here! I think we might be growing as a fellowship and growing in numbers, definitely growing in great messages here.

I had my first small group women's meeting with my sponsor and three other women last night. I really enjoyed it. It was intimate, and easy to converse about our topic which was the start of the book. Actually, we started with the Doctor's opinion (or message?). Back in 1939, they were able to say that they couldn't cure this "allergy." That they had seen people who had no hope save their lives by talking to others with the same problem, serving and helping others, working the steps, and most importantly, connecting with their HP. I have to reread it because it's a good message and inspiring. I haven't yet started on the first step, but my assignment is to reread pages 1-57 and absorb more, relate and reflect upon what I'm reading. I think this is a great start and foundation that my sponsor is helping me to build before beginning the steps. Tomorrow is a speaker meeting for me, yet another new location. This will be the fifth new place, although I go to my home meeting on Sat. morning.
Question: How many of you have your spouses involved in your recovery? It's so new to me, but I can see that eventually I'd like my husband to come and listen to speaker meetings or just how an open discussion transpires.

Mary, I'll be following you and your beginning steps as that's where I'll begin shortly. I've only lived my new life for three weeks, yet I wouldn't want to go back either. I feel so good and worthy of living.

Cinders, great wisdom and advice in all of your posts. Thank you so much.

Rebirth, I'm so happy for you. You had an awesome meeting and a possible sponsor. I hope it works out and I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

DG, great Hazelden message and analogy! Thank you.

UKB and Cher, Good luck on Step 4!

Dance, I can relate the the perfection thing. Good for you opening up and sharing with others at your women's group. Yes, that does feel great.

Hi cpn, yes, it's busy here! I need to drink decaf and nobody in AA seems to do that much!

Have a great night everyone.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

I went to a great meeting with the "tough girls" tonight. The topic was to do with Step 1, and when and what was your realization you were an alcoholic. I could have talked awhile on this topic, but listened, and there was a lot of great input. There's a wide variety of experiences in this particular group, and many long term sober as well as a lot of more recently sober.

I like going between the two groups, hearing different people whose stories I'm not as familiar with. Even with a regular group, at different times I'll hear something I didn't know about a particular individual, and it always adds something.

Someone recently said our meetings were like a quilt that everyone adds to. Something else that relates to my fave, "progress not perfection" is this - when the Amish make a quilt, if they make a mistake, they leave it for two reasons. The first, only God is perfect. The second is to remind us that even though the quilt is imperfect, it is still beautiful.

(from DG) Dance, it sounds like that was probably a difficult circumstance to work through at the time, but it was also a growth opportunity? I dont' necessarily appreciate those while I'm going through them (which is often LOL) but I sure appreciate the lessons learned in the end.

DG - That was a (pretty big) growth experience. It also points out maybe I haven't gotten as far along as I thought with my old family issues and such. But then again, maybe it's because before I wasn't ready. That type of progress sometimes can only be just so much at a time, in my experience, and isn't always immediately apparent. So a difficult situation can turn out to be a blessing in disguise (and I might not like it and don't have to, but do have to accept it

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

I'm actually really wishing I knew how to poach the subject of Al-Anon the support group for family members/spouses/friends of alcoholics. I think I have mentioned it before. My husband doesn't seem very interested. I was thinking maybe if I just requested once a month he go along to the Wed.night meeting where they have an Al Anon meeting also with me maybe he would go, but again, not sure if this violates "attraction rather than promotion" deal.

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Dance!! I loved your analogy about the quilt!! I'm a quilter and I'm one the rare ones that doesn't pick it apart if it isn't perfect!! Now I feel even better! I used to think it was probably because I had too many glasses of wine while I was quilting but I will still think fondly of my imperfections in my quilt as a reflection of my imperfections as a person and to be reminded I don't have to be perfect!! yay, that is all up to God. I was alittle blue tonight and your post made my evening!
Just moved my youngest daughter to an apt. for her junior year of college and now we have an empty nest again.... She can be annoying but I will miss you running in and out of the house.
Tomorrow night is my small women's group.. look forward to that.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Dance and Cher I have yet to experience an all woman's meeting. Can imagine its totally different to the mixed groups.. I remember your picture of a quilt you made Cher. It was gorjass!!
MG and j-vo my relationship was very volatile in the initial stages of my sobriety. My partner was still drinking and it got on my nerves. We fought alot because of this but despite our difficulties, I had his support and he was willing to go to an alanon or open AA meeting. In the end we went to an AA meeting and it really helped him to see what I was about. it was a great move. I would highly recommend it.
I have noticed that his drinking has slowed right down and now he only has a can of beer a week.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Married Girl: My husband goes to Alanon. We actually started going together many years ago when our son got into drugs/alcohol (clean/sober now). He just kept going, as Alanon keeps a person on keel & fixing his/her own life. When I started in AA, he kept going & also goes about once a week to an open AA meeting w/me. It helps him understand the disease & what I've been through. Alanon & AA have taken root in both our lives, but it isn't easy. You have to make time & energy for it.

I don't think it would be wrong to mention the benefits of Alanon to your husband. In addition to wondering if he has the time/energy for it, he might be a little nervous about such a new experience. Pick a time when you feel close & stress-free. If he says "no" you'll have to accept that. You can at least plant the seed. In the meantime, work on your own program, stay sober, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc. etc. Once he sees you change, he might sit up & take notice. He might want to change along w/you. Giving up alcohol & joining AA are major life changes. Anytime someone in a relationship experiences a change like that, the other person is affected as well.

Good luck!

Mary

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Married, Rebirth and Mary,
Thanks for the advice on Alanon. I believe my husband would go once to hear it, but knowing him, I don't see it becoming a part of his life. I think what's important is seeing me working on my recovery, but then again, I feel as though both he and I could benefit from learning and understanding this disease together. I feel as though he doesn't know me or understand the real me until he goes (even though I've been with him for 30 years). His father was an alcoholic, died from liver cancer related to alcohol (he suffered with cirrosis for several years before his death). He seems to sometimes not want to face problems like this, but then again, it's not hard to talk him into something that would be important to me. Thank you again.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

If Alanon is supposed to happen in someone's life, it will. Until then, I only have my own life to move forward. That's the only thing I can be sure of...my own progress.

Tonight's meeting was on step 4. It was great hearing all the perspectives about it. One of the biggest lessons I took away tonight was that in order to be thorough & searching in your inventory, all your secrets have to come out. "You're only as sick as your secrets." I hadn't heard that for a while.

I'm working on Step 1 again. It's a different experience w/a different sponsor. Today I wrote down all the things I did under the influence that I wouldn't have done sober. Deception, lying, & betrayal. It wasn't pretty.

But, if I'm going to stay sober, I have to do this. It's not to beat myself up. It's to break through any denial I have about being a "real" alcoholic. Yes, I am a real alcoholic.
-Normal drinkers do not try to fill their glasses when no one is looking.
-Normal drinkers do not keep bottles hidden.
-Normal drinkers do not hide their drinking from their loved ones.
-If normal drinkers drink too much on occasion, they admit it & don't drive under the influence.

I'll be back tomorrow.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hello everyone. I have really enjoyed reading your posts this evening as I was not able to go to a meeting today. Thank you so much for sharing. You never know who you touch with your sharing.

My husband is not the "group support" type or even much of a "group doer" type in hobbies or anything. He is extremely supportive of my participation in AA and that is what counts for me. We often talk about things I am thinking about as a result of a meeting. We have some really good conversations - he is always open to that. He has commented many times about he positive changes he sees in me since I started going to AA. There are times he will handle a situation differently than he might have in the "old days" and will comment that he learned something from our AA discussion. He is willing to go with me on occassion when it's important to me - i.e. when I have been the speaker at speaker meetings, or to a couple of the summer picnics to meet my friends. (and eat good food. :H)

I don't push because that doesn't work with him anyway. I am the alcoholic in recovery so I do what I need to do and I am very grateful for his support.

I think this all works out differently in each relationship depending on the people. The important thing is that I don't drink and keep growing in sobriety.

Thanks again!!!! Keep 'em comin'!!!

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

retteacher;950335 wrote:

But, if I'm going to stay sober, I have to do this. It's not to beat myself up. It's to break through any denial I have about being a "real" alcoholic. Yes, I am a real alcoholic.
-Normal drinkers do not try to fill their glasses when no one is looking.
-Normal drinkers do not keep bottles hidden.
-Normal drinkers do not hide their drinking from their loved ones.
-If normal drinkers drink too much on occasion, they admit it & don't drive under the influence.

Mary

Mary- I do this often as I need to remind myself that it was that bad! Denial is what stops me from getting well so I need to suppress that by keeping my past drinking memories alive. Thats why I need to hear thoughts from newcomers because they remind me of why I need to stay stopped. it is so easy to forget at times and suddenly think that it wasnt so bad. It was!!

j-vo my partner only went to one AA meeting but it squashed any preconcieved ideas about AA. He was full of admiration for the people attending that particular meeting.

It's my AA birthday today. I am three months old. Sadly I wont be getting a medal because my home group has run out of them. But it doesnt matter. I am still happy.

Have a lovely friday all. x