Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Good morning all,

Mary - this particular old timer has always spoken to me with kindness and given constructive advice in the past. It was a shock to the system when he suddenly spoke to me with a slight aggression in his tone. But I have spoken with someone from my home group on this matter and have found out that there was a hidden agenda for his tone...
I am not going to go into it in detail but let's just say that his motive was not honourable! I am just reminded that even old timers can still be very sick people and he is certainly one of them.He is only human after all. I will be avoiding this man as it's better for me to do so.

As for AA. I have nothing but praise. This little incident will not stop me from attending other AA meetings. It's a fantastic spiritual program and I have met some amazing jaw dropping inspiring people through AA. Some of their stories take my breath away. I am blown away by their inner strength. I cannot thank AA enough for planting those little seeds of hope that there is a life without drink.

Have a great tuesday everyone. x

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Great stuff Rebirth. Go for it!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

rebirth, I am so happy for you that you spoke with someone who was able to help you work through this issue and come to a healthy conclusion for YOU. You are absolutely right that we are ALL sick people trying to get well. I can't wait to hear about your next meeting adventures. Sometimes these incidents that are upsetting and uncomfortable are the key to helping us grow to another level in our recovery.
:l

Good to see you both Mary and Cinders. Good posts all the way around.

Today is "open topic" Tuesday at one of my home groups. That usually makes it interesting! One of my friends who is a teacher assistant was assigned to a school this year that is a bit off the beaten path. Her commute is longer and to such a small town that her meeting schedule during the week has to totally change. Until she gets that sorted I am texting her with the topic of the meetings I am attending and she uses that as food for thought. It's amazing how creative we can be with the "brain stimulation" that meetings provide - even if we can't make them for a time. Rebirth, you certainly did this while traveling!

Have a wonderful day one and all.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

First:

Cindi: Very happy to see you! I don't get to other forums, so I haven't seen you lately. My daughter is doing OK considering. She has her first day of school today. A very spunky woman indeed.

Last night I went to a 49th anniversary meeting w/2 speakers. It was very special. One of the speakers was a Latina whom I had met at another meeting. It was great to hear her story which she told w/feeling & emotion. My husb went w/me & was greatly impressed. Alanon works for him most of the time, but AA has the power...after all, we're dealing w/life & death as alcoholics.


Mary

[Guest]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hi all

I've started going to AA again after probably at least a year away, and certainly 2 years away from regular meetings. I went to my first ever meeting about 7 years ago, which wasn't a good experience since smoking was still allowed and I was sat in room full of smoke, just not getting the message at all. Sounded all too religious for me. Anyway went to my next about 4 years ago, and still didn't consider myself one of the crowd. I said a load of self-important things to the group and just didn't get it. Over the years I've sometimes felt intimidated by the old-timers, some just come across as tellling you what to do and I was sometimes frightened to go after a slip as I knew they'd say "We told you so", or "You aren't doing as suggested".

I didn't use AA to get sober this time as I knew it would/could just make me worse. I got myself sober but then came back to AA as I knew I needed some sort of support in rebuilding myself as a person, so I never needed to drink again. So that's what I'm doing right now.

I am currently seeing a counsellor and I'm wanting to look at some of the steps with her, and indentify some of them in our work together. At the moment I'm interested in Step 4 and was wondering if anyone would share with me how they went about Step 4?

Thanks in advance as I know this is very personal, plus is usually done via a sponsor - but it's where I seem to be at right now.

UKB

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Good Morning everyone..
Alittle late again this week, boy what a busy and incredibly wonderful thread we have here!!!

REbirth: yay for you for getting to the bottom of this guys comment, Just part of our "growing " experience. I know for me.. My " best thinking" usually leads me to "me thinking" and that is why the step work is so great. When we can step out of our own selves and look at why someone might react a certain way it can really help and getting some other's perspectives. I know I have always been so autonomous, loner when I was drinking esp. and wouldn't pass stuff by other people and that is not healthy. The fellowship here and AA is extremely important I think to long term sobriety.

Today I go to a meeting that I like alot.. very diverse crowd.. some from work release from jail all the way to Grandma with 30+ years.. and then I get to meet with my sponsor. Will be discussing step 4 and getting started on that. I think I needed this amount of time sober before I started this.. because I am noticing things I wanted to forget and thought I had coming back now more than even a couple of weeks ago.
UKB! welcome back AA and I will keep you posted as to my work on step 4 as I do it.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hi UKB and Cherbear,

I havnt started any step work because I am still trying to find a sponsor. I am in regular contact with an old timer from AA but she told me not to do the steps...God knows why. But I make my own decisions so am looking forward to finding a suitable sponsor who will help me go through them.

I am stepping out of my comfort zone and attending a new meeting tomorrow. I am so nervous! How silly!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hi all! Todays meeting was great as usual. The topic ended up being fear as it pertains to things in our past. The "wreckage" so to speak. I like the promise that says we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. It was nice to really reflect on that promise and see that for today, I do not regret the past nor am I afraid to look closely at it. That was not true when I first started going to AA. I don't always know how it works - seems like magic sometimes. But going on faith and doing what the program suggests is working positively in my life. Who knew?

Welcome UKB. I'm like you in that I was not ready at all to open my heart and mind to the principles and steps of AA before I stopped drinking. I feel fortunate that I found MWO and that got me started. Because I had NO luck at all stopping drinking on my own. I needed the support here. I was about 8 months sober when I first started going to AA. I think we have to be ready otherwise it's just a lot of stuff to "fight." I'm hoping you will post here with us some as I always enjoy reading what you have to say.

Cherbear, I love diverse meetings like the one you describe. Hope you enjoy it!

Hello Mary. Hope your daughter's first day goes well. She sounds amazing! The speaker meeting sounds like it was amazing to.

Hello to all others!

The 4th Step. My sponsor and my Step Coach who coached me through Step 4 are very "stick to the Big Book" in approach. That's not the only approach it's just their approach. So that's the one I went through it with. Some of you may recall that I started out with one sponsor and that didn't work. I was in "sponsor transition" as I was trying to start Step 4. I read a lot of stuff on the internet and read the Big Book and the 12 &12 and really had a tough time just figuring out where to start. When Step Coach agreed to work with me temporarily, he said "get a piece of paper and start making a list of people or institutions you are angry with." This list of my resentments was where I started. From BB p. 64 (where the Step 4 info begins):

Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.

What my Step Coach guided me to do was start with the first column only in the example given on page 65 of the BB - that list of "I'm resentful at..." I found that once I got going with that list, it started to flow. There is a lot more than just the list of resentments of course but for me, that got me going so I could move through the rest of it.

There are lots of different approaches I think to step 4. Tools and worksheets and such have been developed to support this work. I will be very interested in hearing what your sponsors suggest. I have a lot of stuff to look at and try before I think I can decide what my own opinion about "best practice" will be.

I sure felt good when Steps 4 & 5 were done. Very freeing for me. Don't forget that it's the FEARLESS moral inventory!

Happy travels,

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Rebirth - Glad you got to the bottom of that and found a solution. I started attending women's meetings for a reason. Back when I started avoiding going at all for 4 months was because of an individual who I thought of as a friend who I began to feel had some questionable though not 100% provable motives. Instead of facing it and confronting it, I fell back into "addict default mode" response. So then I behave irresponsibly (and rudely), which then snowballs to "I'm not perfect" because I knew I should have handled it differently, then feel pissed about that, because I felt someone was manipulating me and trying to control me, then pissed off at myself that I still can't stand up for myself.

Then my thinking goes to, this guy's an oldtimer, probably everybody is friends with him, loves him, etc, and they'll think I'm just a jerk, therefore I can't go and talk to or ask someone such as one of the women members their advice.... Then I was pissed because I didn't want to run into this guy, so I couldn't go to my usual meeting and wouldn't see guys like my "twin brother" Tall Paul, or Artsy Mike that I sit by most days.... and I really missed AA and felt I screwed it up when I really needed it (and I sure regretted not having a sponsor!).

The positive to come out of this is, at a women's meeting recently, after discussing my trust issues and my sicko family issues, I told this story in full detail, got nothing but unconditional support, and I feel did break through my trust issues. That feels so good. I was a little apprehensive of attending B-Day night, because everyone is there, and this guy likely would be (and was). I went anyway (another member who is a little tentative was going, and I told her if she went, I would, and didn't want to let her down). The woman who started this particular women's meeting many years ago was so supportive, she knew how scared I was inside. I am glad to have that. I know when I have done more work, I can deal with my part in this, even if I can't right now. I know I am OK if I'm not "perfect." Progress not perfection. Seems perfection is my downfall.

I had another great women's meeting last night too. I am reaching out a little more each week, staying and talking to other members instead of hoping they'll come up to me. I shared a couple things which another member has the same issue with, even though she's been there longer than me, and she hugged and thanked me afterwards. That's always great when you don't want to talk, but do, and someone else needed to hear it.

Anyway, the point is, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. There's always an alternative, and it's OK to do that. And nobody's perfect, not old timers, not us, but that is how the real world is too.

DG - I started :Hthis post before you wrote your last one - wreckage of the past - how appropriate! :H

Hello, Mary, j-vo, Cherbear, UK, and everyone else - You know it's great reading when I have so many half formed elaborate replies in my head, and have no idea where to start so it takes me days to! Have a great week everyone! :h

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

dancelot thanks so much for your insight. I liked your comment about progress not perfection as perfection is also my downfall!
I guess my newfound freedom can sometimes be a bit overwhelming and I do feel like a toddler at times. Living a life without drinking is something I did over 22 years ago and although I am loving my sobriety, I also feel lost and unsure at times. I rely heavily on the support of others to steer me in the right direction. Maybe too much sometimes..

okay I am waffling now

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

WOW! It is only Tuesday and look at all these posts.
It is great to see so much activity.
I heard someone say that all it takes to start a new AA group is "a resentment and a coffee pot".
It struck me as humorous.

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Phil that is hilarious and soo true!!!!

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Totally agree. Very true Phil

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Hi all. Dance, it sounds like that was probably a difficult circumstance to work through at the time, but it was also a growth opportunity? I dont' necessarily appreciate those while I'm going through them (which is often LOL) but I sure appreciate the lessons learned in the end. I like that with time, I am able to better appreciate a wider range of people and ideas, and accept different people and ideas without always getting upset. I used to get upset about anything that fell even slightly outside of my range of expectation. I'm learning that I can keep quiet or I can state my opinion, whichever seems best (and I'm not always right with that!) and then just move on more easily. I'm learning not to hang onto stuff. (I guess that is letting resentments go!) Anyway...not sure if any of that babble is relevant, but I enjoyed your post.

Rebirth, one of the blessings of AA for me has been learning to trust others. During my many drinking years, I thought I had to have all the answers myself, and be sefl sufficient in every way. I don't think it's a weakness to rely on others. We just have to use good judgement in choosing who we rely on. Learning to trust a sponsor for guideance was a particularly difficult one for me. But it's been such a blessing. There have been a number of times both AA related and not, where I'm just glad I didn't have to come to an important decision all alone.

Phil, one of my home group meetings was admittedly started (years ago) over a resentment and a coffee pot! :H I don't think anyone really remembers what the resentment was all about now...but that's the story they tell!

I like the Hazelden message today:

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I have to laugh at the times I?ve knocked myself out over a tough spot only to find out afterwards there was an easier way through.
--Robert Franklin Leslie

We receive messages throughout the day that tell us ways of doing things. The door to the store says, ?Pull.? The red light tells us not to drive through the intersection. The cereal box says, ?Lift tab and open.? Our car's gas gauge tells us ?empty.? With these messages, we are given the guidance on which to base our decisions.

We can choose not to pull the door. Then we?ll spend a lot of time and energy pushing until we finally read the sign. All that effort expended, just because we couldn?t stop to get some guidance!

The Twelve Steps offer guidance for an easier way through life. We don?t have to knock ourselves out over these Steps; all we have to do is follow the direction they give us.

How can I use the Steps to make my life easier?

I'm all for making my life easier so I'm going to reflect on that one for sure!

Have a great day everyone.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread 8/30-9-5

Everyone: I'm just checking in. I can't go to a meeting today, so later I'll read all these entries extra well & try to comment intelligently. I'm working my 1st step & it's going well. Mary