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AF Daily Monday Sept 6, 2010

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    AF Daily Monday Sept 6, 2010

    It's way past Wakey Wakey time so I'm not sure where everyone is!!

    Here's a sandwich rant. I posted it on the Weekly thread too so please forgive me for the duplicate post. I just need to hear as many opinions as possible so I can figure this thing out.

    Here goes:

    Had an interesting day at the herding trial yesterday. It took me an hour to set up the Xpens and shade cloth so that my doggies could be comfortable and safe out of their crates. My friend kept her dogs in their crates the whole day except for little walks at the end. I'm feeling a bit judgemental about that. Soon after we got there she gave me the bad news that the clambake was actually the night before and we missed it. The good news (not sure I agree with that assessment) was that they saved our lobsters for us (frozen). I paid her $30 for the clambake so that was the most expensive lobster I've ever had. I haven't even unwrapped the tinfoil so see how big it is. I'm very angry at her lack of preparedness, organization etc. She was supposed to call the guy in charge 3 weeks ago to see if there were even any lobsters left. I asked her 3 times if she had called and each time "oh, not yet". had she called they would have reminded her it was on Sat. nite this year. They also tried to call her Friday nite but used the cell phone # she keeps "forgetting" to put minutes on. The woman has 3 cell phones and no one knows which number to call. So bottom line, no clambake for us, just $30 worth of frozen lobster.
    She also kept promising to introduce me to her herding friends. Also didn't happen. I only heard one person address her by name. And once again I was left to set up the site and take it down all by myself. And once again she didn't get the Element filled up with gas the nite before like she promised. And once again her yard is filled with trash and poop and her house is gross even tho she told me her kitchen and one room had been cleaned. Not true. And once again she keeps talking about getting another herding dog to work. She doesn't work the ones she has!! She hasn't trialed or taken lessons in years! I'm trying so hard to find the good in this woman. so far it is the fact that she loves my devil dog and would take him in a second if something happened to me. I know she loves her family and grandchildren. She was taken advantage something awful by her oldest granddaughter and finally kicked her out of the house but I know she'll be back. She didn't even take all her clothes!! This woman isn't a threat to my sobriety-she doesn't drink at all. But her approach to life is so different from mine. So many of the things I value she doesn't-clean house, neat yard, keeping promises, being a team player etc. I do have selfish motivations by keeping a friendship with her in regards to my dog (if I can't get a kennel license by next March she'll take DD and get him his rabies shot in her town where she has a kennel license), but I also keep hoping some of my values will rub off on her. How can she be happy living in the filth she does? And in the debt she has? I constantly find myself critisizing her and I hate it.
    I'm heading out to a local large fair with her in a few hours. I almost thought about cancelling but it's a gorgeous day and as long as I'm home by 4 I can still do some of the things around here I need to do. I'm going to try very hard not to be critical and to see the good in her. it's just so frustrating.
    Thanks all for letting me rant and rave. One of these days the answer will come to me.

    I hope everyone is enjoying their day off (US) or their day in general (non US). Will check in tonite.

    :l
    New Birthday: May 8, 2010

    "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

    KO the Beast!!

    #2
    AF Daily Monday Sept 6, 2010

    Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
    The courage to change the one I can,
    And the wisdom to know it's me.

    I know these situations are difficult P3, but the truth is that we cannot change other people. We just can't. It doesn't work. You will only end up frustrated and hurt if you try.

    It IS possible to have friendly relationships with people despite our differences. The key for me is to 1) Accept that other person as they are with no expectation that they will ever change anything and 2) with that acceptance in mind, determine what type of relationship and activities will work for me given that other person's characteristics.

    I know it's much easier for the rest of us to view this situation from the outside looking in than it must have been to live it all weekend long. I think my "takeaway" from this one might be to try to appreciate this persons GOOD qualities (which you pointed out some) and also be realistic about whether this is a person I could comfortably spend another weekend with in the future. I think part of this is accept that we can like and appreciate certain qualities of a person while acknowledging differences that might limit the amount of time we want to spend. It doesn't have to be "all or nothing."

    I would also suggest not seeking feedback about whether you are right or wrong in your feelings. (Yes P3! You are right to be upset about that! or No P3! You shouldn't be upset about that! Your feelings are your feelings, and group agreement doen't make them "right" or "wrong.")

    :l

    Can I come over and share your lobster?? I hope it's good!!!

    Hello fabbie abbies!

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


    One day at a time.

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      #3
      AF Daily Monday Sept 6, 2010

      thank you DG!! I needed that outside perspective!! I never even thought of picking and choosing activities! It did seem like all or nothing!! As I look at what we have done together, it is the long trips, some overnight WITH the dogs that really leave me frustrated with her never being on time and leaving me to pack, up pack, set up, take down etc. Todays trip to the fair sans dog will be a good indication of something we might be able to do together with a minimum of frustration. I hope. I will truly take the serenity prayer as you posted it to heart and with me today. Thank you so much!! :h
      New Birthday: May 8, 2010

      "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

      KO the Beast!!

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