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AF Daily - Thursday September 9

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    AF Daily - Thursday September 9

    Morning Fabbies! I will be off to Community Leadership School shortly. I'm excited because today our small group will meet with the organization to hear the details of our project. My team will be working on something for the Senior Services Community Center. Can't wait to see what we will be up to! Last time through this I only cared about surviving my hang over until class was over. I'm so glad I did this as it is SUCH a stark reality comparison to "how it was" as a later stage alkie trying to function, and how it is now as a recovering alkie being ABLE to function. Sobriety is a gift that I will cherish today.

    I hope nobody will be annoyed with me sharing this today (ouside the AA thread). I am always facinated by the writings of Bill Wilson, mainly because his writings demonstrate that nothing is "new" with alcoholism. The progression of the disease is not "worse" because of my personal circumstances or because I'm a woman or because of the nature of our modern busy / stressful / whatever times. It's the way it's always been. This was written in 1949:

    As Bill Sees It

    Face the Music, p.251

    "Don't be too discouraged about that slip. Practically always, we
    drunks learn the hard way.

    "Your idea of moving on to somewhere else may be good, or it may
    not. Perhaps you have got into an emotional or economic jam that
    can't be well handled where you are. But maybe you are doing just
    what all of us have done, at one time or another: Maybe you are
    running away. Why don't you try to think that through again
    carefully?

    "Are you really placing recovery first, or are you making it
    contingent upon other people, places, or circumstances? You may
    find it ever so much better to face the music right where you are
    now, and, with the help of the A.A. program, win through. Before
    you make a decision, weigh it in these terms."

    Letter, 1949
    Am I really placing my recovery first? When I was struggling after relapse, I remember many times when I would be AF for a couple days, and then break that short streak because Mr. Doggy pissed me off, or whatever. I was definitely not able to stay sober when I was making it conditional on other things and/or not putting it first. I still have to make sure I am keeping recovery at the top of my list. I have NO doubt (because I already proved it to myself) that all benefits of sober living that I currently enjoy will be out the window in a flash if I drink again. I love my life today so I am willing to do whatever it takes not to drink again. And just writing this helps reinforce it, just for today. I will have to reinforce it again tomorrow, but that's OK.

    Now. Who is up for some fabulous sweet potato garlic jam today? Buy two jars and get a free jar of applesauce.

    One thing is for sure...... there will be NO drinking for this doggy girl today.

    DG
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


    One day at a time.

    #2
    AF Daily - Thursday September 9

    If you're marking, I'm making a sandwich
    sigpic
    Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

    Comment


      #3
      AF Daily - Thursday September 9

      greeneyes;955358 wrote: If you're marking, I'm making a sandwich
      Good move.

      DG
      Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
      Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


      One day at a time.

      Comment


        #4
        AF Daily - Thursday September 9

        Hello!

        Zooming in. Haven't had time to turn round lately and haven't had time to see what everyone here is up to - hope all are well. I had a nice few days visiting mum, now back and work and very busy.

        DG - thanks for the reminder about priorities. Always good to hear that.
        Hmm, I'm obviously out of touch on all the jam activities. I've got some (homemade by ME) stewed apple for a snack today, does that count? And you reminded me that I requested some info about volunteering on a conservation project and haven't heard back yet. I'll have to chase that up.

        Greenie - I hope things are going OK with FH and you're happy about how you're dealing with it.

        Hello to everyone else!
        sigpic
        AF since December 22nd 2008
        Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

        Comment


          #5
          AF Daily - Thursday September 9

          Doggygirl;955357 wrote:
          I was definitely not able to stay sober when I was making it conditional on other things and/or not putting it first. I still have to make sure I am keeping recovery at the top of my list. I have NO doubt (because I already proved it to myself) that all benefits of sober living that I currently enjoy will be out the window in a flash if I drink again. I love my life today so I am willing to do whatever it takes not to drink again. And just writing this helps reinforce it, just for today. I will have to reinforce it again tomorrow, but that's OK.

          DG
          Hi Greenie, DG

          DG your post made me think about what stops me from slipping or relapsing. I very quickly got why the "fuck it" mentality didnt work and that by drinking when someone else upset me harmed no one but me. Your words "I LOVE MY LIFE SO IM WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES" strikes a cord with me but if im really honest the main reason I dont drink is FEAR. Im not sure if thats I healthy reason or not but it works.....

          (Hi Marshy - x posts)
          "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
          AF - JAN 1st 2010
          NF - May 1996

          Comment


            #6
            AF Daily - Thursday September 9

            ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
            I have officially stated my position and upheld my boundaries. Why oh why do I feel so fecking tormented by it???? Is there such a thing as confusing sadness at a situation with responsibility for it?

            I am just grateful grateful grateful that I will not drink over this. I recognize all the familiar feelings and could easily slug it down and when I look at the simple idea of that knee jerk reaction, why the feck would I even think of punishing myself with AL? Because I feel responsible somehow for someone elses unfortunate choices?? How stupid! If all I believe to be true IS true, then however things work out are for the higher good, including my own. (I feel like throwing up)

            Sorry about all this... but thanks for listening.
            sigpic
            Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

            Comment


              #7
              AF Daily - Thursday September 9

              Thanks for the words DG. Interesting reading.

              Today is day 5 for me. I actually woke up feeling a little hungover, but then realized I didn't drink last night and probably just need some coffee.

              I don't think I slept well as my wife convinced me to go for a late night burger and onion rings. Blah, I won't do that again. :eeew: I want/need to lose a few pounds as well.

              Mo.

              Comment


                #8
                AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                greeneyes;955451 wrote: ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
                I have officially stated my position and upheld my boundaries. Why oh why do I feel so fecking tormented by it????
                Because unfortunately we do feel responsible for other people even when we *shouldn't* and it's detrimental to us. On the bright side, it means you're a caring human being. On the not-so-bright-side it's crap :H
                Tricky stuff to deal with, Greenie. But you will be able to look back on it one day with equanimity.
                sigpic
                AF since December 22nd 2008
                Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                Comment


                  #9
                  AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                  THE CHICKS ARE HERE!!!!!!

                  I put a few pics in Photobucket...........EB likes them

                  Chicks September 2010 pictures by elkmills - Photobucket
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                  Comment


                    #10
                    AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                    Lavande;955530 wrote: THE CHICKS ARE HERE!!!!!!

                    I put a few pics in Photobucket...........EB likes them

                    http://s831.photobucket.com/albums/zz235/elkmills/Chicks%20September%202010/
                    No a good link!!!! :upset: Can you repost? Did EB get to go with you to get them at the post office?

                    Why do people have such difficulty with the fact that a drinking day breaks an AF stretch in the same way that losing a game breaks a winning streak for a sports team? F'ing up doesn't undo previous hard work, but is DOES break a streak. That's just factual. I suppose it's in our nature as alkies to want to change around the facts to make them seem more attractive or more acceptable or something.

                    DG
                    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


                    One day at a time.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                      DG the link works for me - you need to scroll down a little...........

                      The PO called at 7:15 am!!!
                      EB & his parents came over later

                      Greenie, hugs to you today!
                      Sometimes it really hurts to be a good person............
                      hang in there - everything really is OK!
                      AF since 03/26/09
                      NF since 05/19/09
                      Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                      Comment


                        #12
                        AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                        Lav!!! I want chicks!! They are so cute!! Prolly DD would like them too-for dinner!! You are going to have so much fun raising them and teaching EB all about them. He has such a cool look on his face! Congrats!!

                        DG-Deep breaths! Not sure where the rant came from as I haven't had time to explore the site today but I get it and agree. If you're counting days of AF and drink, it goes back to zero. I didn't do that the first time I slipped but I did the second time because it was the right thing to do, hence I'm 4 months AF not 6.
                        thank you for the excerpt today-it was very timely.

                        Greenie-just keep talking and ranting. It helps. I am in no position to agree, disagree or give advice having not been in a marriage before or even a long term serious relationship but being a natural nurturer I can certainly relate to the overwhelming desire to "fix" things for other people. We all have to recognize and respect our boundaries and I think you are doing a magnificant job!! BTW-very glad you made it out of the river unscathed!! In no way do we want to lose our Queenie!!

                        Marshy-glad you had nice visit with mom and dad

                        Chill-fear is my main motivator right now as well. Don't really care if it's a healthy one or not, it's what I've got and what I'm using.

                        Mohun-from what I understand the first month can be really bad for some people-not much different from how they felt after a night of heavy drinking. Just ride it out, drink LOTS of water as you are probably majorly dehydrated and don't forget your supplement. Hope you feel better tomorrow morning.

                        PAGuy-hope you're resting comfortably and are being well taken care of. Sending healing pings your way.

                        If I've missed anyone, please forgive me. Not much to update you all on. busy day at work then agility then dinner now heading to bed as I feel very worn down. Day off tomorrow which is nice then 2 days of agility close by. I'll check in tomorrow.

                        :l
                        New Birthday: May 8, 2010

                        "Because dwelling from, not upon, the space you want to inherit is the fastest way to change absolutely everything."[/i]-The Universe

                        KO the Beast!!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                          happy late evening one and all, a bit sleepy to add anything cognitive but glad to 'feel' your personalities and wonderful attitudes. So wonderful to have my dear Dx home sleeping really well again happy to say.

                          be well
                          nosce te ipsum
                          (Know Thyself)

                          Comment


                            #14
                            AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                            Greeting's Abber's!

                            Count me in for some jam DG! Great post re our recovery needing to be our top priority, daily! For me, my emotional well being is crucial, so i make sure i look after that, and do things that make me happy. I don't waste my time with negative folk, unless they're in need, etc.
                            Best wishes Det.
                            How are you going there Rebirth? Haven't noticed you posting for a couple of day's?

                            A fab weekend to all!

                            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                            Comment


                              #15
                              AF Daily - Thursday September 9

                              DG, love the post about sobriety being no.1 priority. when ive slipped ive definately had a 'fuck it' moment. and yes it did 'fuck it'. i hope i have learned from these slips. feeling pretty good and strong at the moment but i know it would only take one of these moments if im not on my guard. its kinda like snakes and ladders.. climbing up and sliding back down, sometimes just a little way, sometimes a long way. i prefer to keep climbing the ladders
                              Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
                              Keep passing the open windows

                              Comment

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