Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi Everyone: Just a quick check-in. Lots going on. Mary

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hey guys,

I'm doing my 4th step and wondered does anyone have a "list of fears" they can refer to.. to help me with my fear list??? I'm struggling with that one?

Love you guys,

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi everyone

Cherbear;966113 wrote: Hey guys,

I'm doing my 4th step and wondered does anyone have a "list of fears" they can refer to.. to help me with my fear list??? I'm struggling with that one?

Love you guys,

Hi Everyone,

Remember Cherbear there is no wrong or right way to do the steps, you can always come back to it later on.......Im doing my step 4, im not going to rush it, but i really need to get it done. All the best.x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi everyone! j-vo, I like Dr. Bob's version of the 3rd step prayer. I like that the Big Book suggests making the prayer meaningful to me - not necessarily the exact prayer in the BB.

Cherbear, I started with this at the top of a page: "I am afraid of:" And went from there. You can google for a lot of ideas. The key for me was to just sit down with a piece of paper and get to work writing. I had analysis paralysis as long as I kept searching for "the best way" to do it. And of course if you feel stuck the best person to ask is your sponsor!

Hi Mary. Isn't it great to deal with busy times in life with a clear head? I don't know how I survived before all muddled with a hangover or drunk or figuring out how/when/where to get drunk for all those years.

Tough Chicks today. I am really coming to love this group of women. I have been to other women's meetings and I liked them just fine. But this group I am starting to feel really connected to and it's special. If you haven't found right group yet, keep going to different meetings.

I thought of something very ironic a couple days ago. I would NEVER have gone to a bar and decided "I don't like this bar. All bars must be exactly like this. Therefore, I won't go to any more bars." But for years and years I was willing to pre-judge AA without ever even going once. Defense of addiction is powerful. I hope my sobriety is becoming just as strong.

Have a great Friday everyone.

DG

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi Catch 22 and DG,

THANKS!! I know I've been trying TOO HARD "to get it right" (likely one of my fears ... you think!)
I'm going to take your advise and just start writing.

Last night in my woman's group we talked about willingness, I love that part of AA.. that you must be willing in all aspects of life. Right now I have to be willing to relax and just go with the flow and pray while working on my 4th.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Cher: Fear absolutely ruled my life & was the basis for my drinking. As I look back on my life, it seems I was afraid of everything:
-other people - their opinions & thoughts
-criticism
-illness of loved ones (ironic as it actually happened the first year I was sober)
-loss of control
-confrontation
-making a mistake
-etc.

There wasn't an area I wasn't at least a little nervous about. I'm sure it had to do w/avoiding difficult/challenging situations. The more I avoided (through alcohol), the worst the fears became. I'm certainly not "fear-free," but I now have strategies for working through fears & coming out the other side.
-I've seen that I can have a great, social time sober.
-I've seen that I can live through crises sober.
-I've seen that I can have conflicts/confrontations sober.
-I've seen that I can have people angry/disappointed in me & not get unglued or guilt-ridden.
-I've seen that I can do things I've never done before (kayaking, skiing, etc.) sober.
etc.

Without sobriety, none of the above is possible. None! I can only progress through fear & challenge if I stay sober. There's no other way. Crutches (i.e. alcohol) do not work for me. I've tried it too many times to count. It always backfired.

Good luck w/your 4th step. It will turn out fine. I'm going through the steps for the second time. I know I have a lifetime to perfect it...if perfect is even possible.

Mary

PS: DG, yes, busy & sober is much, much better. Instead of using my precious leisure time to get "wasted," I actually rest, read, enjoy something. We're having the little g-sons stay w/us for the weekend so that their parents can have a precious weekend to themselves. It'll be fun but tiring for 2 60-something g-parents.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Great words Mary.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Mary, I agree with Phil that is a very good post. Summarizes much that is true for me as well.

Todays Big Book meeting was great. Step Coach was there for only a short time, but was there. I think he is sliding downhill fast. A couple of us were talking that we need to see about having some "meetings" at his house. His wife brought him today and that is a Big Thing as he ALWAYS insists on driving. ALWAYS. I'm glad the Saturday AM meeting is "Open" so she can come too. Nobody would complain about her presence even if it was a closed meeting I don't think. Step Coach is very highly regarded. He has helped so very many people and is just such a positive influence. He will be missed deeply when he is gone.

We read Steps 5, 6 and 7 in the Big Book and then went around the room to share. One guy likened Step 5 to a court room plea bargain. We have to admit the truth in front of others, but in exchange we get a lighter sentence. I suppose there is a similarity there. I just felt such a relief after doing my 5th step. The world did not end because someone knew my darkest secrets. My brain did not explode. The sun did not set right then and there. It was OK. I think that was the beginning of me started to trust people again.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend, and rebirth I'm thinking of you especially. You hang in there.

DG

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Mary,

Thank you so much for your insight.
You are so right about alcohol making fears worse.. I used to call it anxiety?? but it is fear Huh!!!
I've got some thinking to do.

Enjoy the weekend.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi, everyone - DG, Mary, Phil, J-vo, Cherbear, MG29, Rebirth, Catch, Gyco, and welcome to RedFingers! Good to see Guitarista and Sheri over here too!


I was so busy with Tigger recently (and had fun, fun, fun!), so I haven't posted here, and am just now getting caught up for this week and the past two before!


Congratulations J-vo on getting your 1 month and Cherbear on getting your 3 month chip! I treasure those things - I need to get one of those frames they sell for them. Or maybe the Big Book cover to put the 1 year in.


I've been to great women's meetings all week (and the ones before). I've been making a big effort to stay after and be social (which is big for me). If no one talks to me, I make myself talk to someone. I made a Facebook friend of someone who is moving away too, who has had a very positive influence on me recently (FB is actually good for something).


I've gotten a lot better about sharing too. I still sometimes don't know what to say (regarding the topic), but have been sharing anyway. It helps these meetings are smaller, and there's almost no excuse to not try (unless you really do need to just listen). We had a newcomer the other night, so discussed how we came to that point ourselves, and when we came to the realization we were alcoholic.


I talked and talked on that one, partly because this newcomer was a lot younger than many of us in the group. I know it helped me to see that many people start out with such similar drinking patterns in their early years - even then it is obvious (maybe to everyone else anyway, though I knew it too, but chose to ignore it) how different we are from others. Even among a group of college age people, some of us just stand out.


Today we discussed "24 hours" as in staying sober day by day - I think because there were a few new people here too, but since I was 10 minutes late, I can't say for sure. Several people talked about the need to break things down into smaller pieces, whether it's staying sober or just doing housework or anything, and how they learned that at AA and were applying it to other aspects of their lives. Just like the idea of "never drinking again," it was too overwhelming otherwise. Which went to "my mind is like a pinball machine" to "I think I have adult ADHD," so of course by the time it got to me, it's "well I do have ADHD." The point is, breaking things down into small bits is the only way I can accomplish anything ever. This is something I figured out on my own as a necessity to survive.


So that's what I talked about - how I was diagnosed with this disorder (by a specialist and by undergoing a lot of testing). ADHD is a huge pain in the ass (and a whole lot of people find us to be that too). uch: It effects all areas of life - school, work, relationships. It's not a "sometimes" thing, it is constant, and it is overwhelming, sometimes to the point of being debilitating.


On the plus side, I think it (ADHD) helped me tremendously in getting sober. The lack of being able to long term plan actually helped me rather than hindered me. Long term planning, goal setting, the concept of time, among other things, are all governed by the same sector of the brain. In ADD people, there's just not a lot of activity in this area. For this reason, we are always "in the moment" at least in relation to the past and future.


With something we are truly interested in, we may do what is called "hyperfocus," which is basically see nothing but whatever it is that catches our interest, from every conceivable angle, have the desire to absorb every molecule of information on it, to the exclusion of everything else. Unfortunately, we can't pick and choose where we use it, and it cannot be called up at will or on as needed basis. But it worked well as far as me getting sober, and making it through those first weeks. Obviously I was ready for me to be that committed.


The other reason I'm bringing this up here is J-vo and some others were discussing depression and medications for it. I got back on Adderall in May, and it is something I am better off for when it comes to maintaining long term sobriety. I know some people in AA frown on the use of any medications they consider "mind altering." The official AA stance does not say "no drugs" - it says if that is a necessary part of maintaining your mental health, and therefore your sobriety, it is yours and your doctor's decision as to what is the best for you, not the opinion of other AA members.


While a stimulant such as Adderall does have the potential for abuse (and for that reason is a Schedule II controlled substance), used as prescribed, it is a safer and far better alternative than alcohol. A therapeutic dose is also a miniscule amount. I have never had any desire to abuse this drug, and it does not give me any type of "high," (a cup of coffee gives me a buzz by comparison). It is estimated that 30 - 50% of people with undiagnosed ADHD become substance abusers (and are more likely to relapse). On the ADD forum I also participate on, there are lots of recovering alcoholics, and many are AAs.


I personally believe many of us do have other issues such as anxiety and depression that may need addressing. I have had both because of the previously undiagnosed ADHD - I have learned since this is quite common, and is more the rule than the exception. Sometimes it's not immediately apparent whether it's the alcohol causing the problems (it definitely does), or the long term masking of the problem by using alcohol. Getting some sober time in is the only way to tell.


I was concerned my sharing might be a little off topic, and wasn't sure I even should bring it up. I said this to one experienced member who told me, it doesn't matter so much what you say, but that it comes from the heart. I was also told it was a great share. What is the best in my mind though, is that I am feeling comfortable enough in this group to really say who I am and what I am about - being able to be honest with others about anything. That is one of the most wonderful aspects of AA, in my opinion, and is very liberating. I hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend. :h

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi Everyone!
I dropped by to tell you that today I am 31 days AF!! I am so friggin proud of myself. I havent accomplished that in a long, long time.

And the way I did it was by becoming serious about AA. Sure, I have "dabbled" in AA for over a year. I suppose I thought I would "get what they had" by osmosis. But that was never gonna happen. So I made it a point to go to at least 3 meetings a week and my higher power found me a wonderful sponser with 27yrs of sobriety, who is a retired teacher (and a definite godsend to me). I read AA literature nightly along with some other books on addiction and I pray like hell.

I am only on step 3, because I have a problem with this one. I know some of you can relate. But I have faith and willingness, so I know I will be able to move on from this. I am looking forward to the next few steps, I have heard they can be very cleansing.

The first couple of weeks were relatively easy for me, but in all honesty, last week was a bit of a challenge for me. I have had lots of drinking dreams, where I never had any while drinking. My husband has not drank (to my knowledge) so this is a temendous help to me. I had a very stressful week last week and on Friday he came home and looked in the fridge and commented, I'm glad (not?) you didn't bring any wine home??? WTF...this brought back a flood of old memories, how we used to play this game with each other, then we would say...ah WTF, lets go get some wine. So I was so grateful to have a meeting to attend that night. It was a womens meeting, so I felt comfortable to share that experience with them.

There are so many women (and men at the mixed meetings) withe 20-30+ years of sobriety, it give me strenth and hope in those rooms.

DG, I don't want to steal your slogan ( If I can do it, anyone can!), but to anyone reading this, that is the truth. I wasn't a hardcore drinker, but I could not give it up. I spent thousands of dollars on hypnosis and drug counselors, etc. All to no avail. But AA is the one thing that is working. It really does work if you work it.

Thanks to all my friends here. I have been here since July 2007 and have not managed this much sobriety until now. AA really work (least for some) and I encourage anyone with an open mind to give it a try. Your life just may depend on it. The love in those rooms is unbelieveable.

Hugs...R2C

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - 9/20 - 9/26

Hi dance and ready2!!!!

So glad for your posts!! so inspiring.. esp if someone is just cruising this thread.. Ready.. I was like you, never could put more than 2 weeks together without AA. It is an incredible program.. pulls everything that us Alcys need to stay sober. Its alot of work but I feel so much better now that the work is actually a joy.
I know for me, the face to face fellowship and the true honesty that you can palpate in those meetings is a treasure that I don't ever want to give up. and the only way I would give it up is if I pick up a drink! right now. today thats a no brainer for me.

Hope everyone is doing well.