September Serenity - week 4

[sdlovespackers]

September Serenity - week 4

Dill---
I've been reading and searching on here for the past two weeks for you!!! Today I finally found a post from you!! I cried when I read it!!! I too, have been battling (but alone, secretly) with what once has creeped back into my life!! I have NEVER left this site...but like you said....when drinking...should you post???? I'm the closest I've EVER been at the thought of treatment for myself! It would ruin my career, potential have my son taken from me....and I'd lose my job....DUHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! why doesn't THAT compute...stop drinking!!!!!

[cyntree]

September Serenity - week 4

SD - SO good to hear from you! I was just thinking about you, wondering how you were - I think we started on this thread about the same time last September, right? Things were pretty desperate for me then.... Please stay with us here - the point is to keep the faith in yourself alive. I know you can do it - it's just about time to start a new month, and you can sail on to better days with the support of this group...

Dill, great to hear from you. I once was in a theater class where we had to let ourselves fall backwards and be caught by another person - Trust. That's what we're here for, to take each other's weight, while reminding each other that we can and will succeed. Please keep posting.

Chill - what interesting information you're gathering. I bet there's a way to make it all happen - sending you good vibes.

Lav - I loved the detail about EB noticing the harvest moon while you're trying to deal with the snake. How true to life! Kids are so in the moment...

LBH?????

Everybody, everybody stay well and take good care of yourselves, you are all treasures....

[papmom3]

September Serenity - week 4

Dill-so glad you're back. We'll help you anyway we can but of course the only one who can really get you to where you want to be is YOU!! I think coming here and posting about your couple of slips was really important for you to get back on track. We really missed you. Please don't leave us again no matter what, OK?

I've got to get ready for work but will post when I get settled at my desk as I'm 100% postive there will be nothing to do!!!! It's going to be 85 today and sunny so the beaches are calling all house hunters I'm sure!!

:l

[Rusty]

September Serenity - week 4

Good Morning Serenity Friends,

I am back from Missouri and it feels sooo good to be home. I didn't know where I was or what day it was when I woke up at my usual time of 3:30 a.m. That's par for the course for me on a Saturday. It's funny how good things can come out of tragedy. I had dinner Thursday night with a dear friend of mine who is a federal attorney. We met only a few years ago because I reached out to her after the sudden death of her brother, whom I dated when we were at graduate school 25 years ago. He was engaged at the time of his death but she didn't care for his fiancee. She is still grieving his loss 22 years later. She is a wonderful friend and I enjoy spending time with her.

SD-:welcome: I don't think I have ever met you.

Dill-I am so glad you're back! I have missed you terribly. Don't beat yourself up because you had a few days of drinking, and please don't feel like you can't post here when you hit a bump in the road. This is why we are here....to help each other. I am so turned off by people who develop this veiled arrogance because they have so much AF time under their belts. Well, you know what? It can happen to ANYONE, and that arrogance has come back and bitten them in the *ss.

Lav-OMG!:shocked::shocked: A Black Rat Snake? Holy Sh*t! I am soooo glad that EB wasn't wandering in the coop by himself when that happened and that your chicks didn't become a snake hors d'oeuvre. Good thing you had a clear head and thought to call your BIL when Mr. Lav didn't answer his phone. Talk about feeling like a weenie! :H

Rebirth-where are you, exotic one?

Ladybird....I'm worried about you and I miss your posts.

John-hope you're enjoying your weekend with your sister!

Chill-So sorry about all the financial stress. I guess it's time to think about either learning the language so you can find work in Portugal or taking in a renter, maybe? It would be regular income and would help you out tremendously. I know having a stranger move into your lovely home is probably a scary thought, though. Sending you positive vibes and lots of:l I admire your courage and going through all this stress AF! Good for you....you should be proud of yourself.

Papmom-I've seen pictures of the trials...you did post them. I really like seeing those pics because my grandfather was very active in the Field Trial Club. You live in MA? My cousins grew up in Fitchburg. I was thinking about your hoarding friend. That is one OC disorder I just don't get. Good for you for speaking up and handling the traffic so calmly and not jumping into a bottle afterward.

A warm hello to Shelley, Cyn, Star, Sooty, G, Rustop, Spuddle, and anyone I may have missed....have a splendid AF Saturday!

xoxox

Rusty

[dill]

September Serenity - week 4

Thank you Paguy, Cyn, Lav, Rusty, for your kind and supportive words. You don't know how much it means to me.

And SD!!!! So great to see you! Please join us and get back in the game. I so often think of you and wonder how you are doing. Cyn is right. There is a new month upon us and an opportunity for a new beginning. Join us. You can do it. Remember when you didn't think you could break the 4 day barrier? But you did it! We did it together. We can do it again. You are always welcome to PM me, too.

OK, it will be an AF Saturday, Serene Ones. Peace and strength to all, especially those in most need.:h

[Lavande]

September Serenity - week 4

:yay: SD is back :yay:
Stay with us. please! We missed you

I hope you have a big bottle of TUMS on hand John - I haven't been able to eat that kind of stuff for a long time..........just as well

Great to see everyone this morning!
The driveways guys are finally here so I guess I'll poke my head outside & make sure they get the whole job done, properly

Will be back later.
Have a super AF Saturday.
Lav

[rustop61]

September Serenity - week 4

Hi everyone

Just a quick check in as it is the usual busy Saturday here. Got up early and walked for nearly an hour with the dogs and managed to get in my 40 min meditation.

Sped - It's mindfulness based stress reduction meditation and I do it to a tape. What I am doing at the moment is the body scan. I only started on Tuesday but am finding it very relaxing. I cant do it at night because I would never stay awake but it is difficult to try and get time to do it during the day when everyone is around but I will have to try and fit it in.

Dill - Welcome back, we missed you. You have been given some great advice. I love the way Cyn especially words things. I know how easy it is to stay away when you slip but then Al is winning and we cant have that so stay on board. I would love to have been one of those people who managed to get continous sobriety from day 1 but I have struggled. However, I am determined not to let Al win so I keep on trying, thats all any of us can do.

Lav - a snake yikees!!! Glad the chickens are ok.

SD - Welcome back. I wasnt here last time you posted so looking forward to getting to know you.

Papmom - Well done on dealing with you friend.

Rusty - Bet you are glad to be back home. When are you off to Paris?

LBH - check in if you get a chance, we miss you.

Everyone else big hello, hope you are all enjoying your Saturday.

Rustop

[rebirth]

September Serenity - week 4

Hi all,

Dill sending you a massive hug today. It's great how you are back on track again? I just couldnt do that sadly. Once I start drinking i cant stop.
I have had a very bad week and have been struggling not to drink all week...wow this is hard. I am sure this phase will pass soon...

But glad to hear that everyone's okay. x

[dill]

September Serenity - week 4

:lRebirth:l,


It is a stupid mistake I made and I am hoping that I am out of the woods. It is dangerous to let alc back in. I must say though, that you have a hugely wonderful reason to stay AF even when it gets tough: that adorable son of yours! If I had a child like him in my life I wouldn't waste a minute of our time on alcohol. What a waste that would be. The children grow up so fast it seems like the blink of an eye.

Hang in there!

[papmom3]

September Serenity - week 4

Hey RB-we are here for you!! I've hopped into Chat the couple of times I really thought I was going to cave and it really helped!! Whatever is going on in your life will sort itself out, you know that, and you know that drinking won't help the process. It might feel good to get numb and not think about it but in the end it will make matters worse. Get thee to a meeting or a 100 as those really seem to help you!!

Rusty-I've never seen field trials except on TV but I have so much respect for the dogs and handlers that do that! It's amazing how smart those dogs are!! I'm not far from Fitchburg at all. I don't think I handled the traffic too well-felt like I was going to explode!! But thanks anyway!! Yep, I don't get her hoarding either. I get feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start but I don't get not taking steps to do something about it and just talking about it constantly. Frustrating.

Hey Rustop-good for you for an hour walk with doggies. I'm hoping to an afternoon of hiking with them tomorrow as it will be truly fall like and beautiful (I hope). I'll have to check into the body scan thing but like you I can't do anything like that at nite as I fall asleep and then wake up and can't get back to sleep and I have trouble fitting anything in before work except getting dressed (somewhat important :H).

John-hope your having a fabulous time at your sisters!!

Hello to everyone else who stops by today!!

:l

[ladybirdheart]

September Serenity - week 4

Thank you Dill so much for your PM encouraging me to come back and read what has been going on. I deeply appreciate your message and your post. And SD am I glad to find you here! Please stay. Do not despair, sweetie (and Dill and Star), and neither will I, I keep thinking there is a way out. I have not known where to go (you will never get a straight line like that from me again) but I have been afraid to be on this thread as my relapse has left me really shaken. I have to remind myself that there is a reason this is a monthly thread broken down into weeks, sometimes we need to be able to think small and there has to be a way to do that where people don?t get afraid to post, where nobody gets left behind. I was weepy (the good kind) to read that people asked for me, I have been feeling so estranged, like I don?t belong anywhere and once again as if I can?t live with alcohol or without it. I am glad we have a new month, a new week. I have gone back to planning out my evenings ahead of time, filling them in with things that are incompatible with drinking, hoping it becomes more natural again and that the tightness I feel will melt. Let?s never be afraid to tell the truth or go so far away we can't hear it. Love, Ladybird.

[sdlovespackers]

September Serenity - week 4

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome back!!! I'm guessing that is why my doctor has been so insistent I just post "one time". He knew what kind of emotion this would evoke in me. Getting back on here today was even harder then posting the first time last night. To be honest with you all, I'm in a scary place right now...you know the one where it's becoming more and more clear this might not be something I can tackle! I want to so bad! I know how good it feels to be sober! I just don't know??? I'm not even sure if I did come back here regularly where to even begin??
I was just SO SURE coming here the first time WAS THE ANSWER! I was certain of it. I thought I was going to be different. I told I could quit for awhile and then mod...nope. I told myself I would just do every other month...nope. I've told myself so many things....it can't be that bad... I have a good job, just finishing my 2nd Master's degree, take care of my son and my home by myself....then why do I feel so crappy all the time (on the inside)...I don't understand why I'm not happy! I'm sorry to come back and dump all this...I guess I'm just lost and not sure where to go next...or where to even start in this site....again.
Any advice would be very much appreciated!!! Again, thank you everyone for your welcoming me back...I've missed you all and thought about you often!!
SD:l

[sdlovespackers]

September Serenity - week 4

LBH--So good to hear from you!!! I've missed you! And I loved your post...I always thought you had such a way with words!! I have to say...the thought of a new month is becoming more and more appealing knowing you are all here...it sure makes it seem less scary (if that makes sense). Looking forward to your posts!!
SD ((HUGS))

[papmom3]

September Serenity - week 4

LBH-I'm so glad to see you here again!! I was so worried but didn't want to impose. I know now that a PM now and then to someone who you're worried about won't hurt anyone so i will try to be more sensitive that way. Please don't leave us again no matter how you are feeling. I think it's good your relapse scared the bejeezers out of you. I can feel how gentle a soul you are and I know you can be the best you want to be.

SD-I wasn't on here when you first joined but I do know how you're feeling about being disappointed that life didn't change tremendously when you stopped drinking. I'm still getting over that disappointment but I'm slowly learning that my Life will be what I make it-no one or nothing will do that for me. I've also decided to get some professional counseling to try to figure out where the hole in me is coming from that I tried to fill it with AL and now food. I truly hope I'm not bad enough to warrent ADs but if that is what the professional opinion is then I will try it. I guess as far as where do you go next and how do you start, here is how I see it. You come here and post anything you want daily or more if you need to. And it's ODAT. Make it a goal to be AF for one day. The next day make a decision again, either way. One foot in front of the other. For me keeping a journal in the General Section https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...nal-42229.html, the supplements and the ALL ONE made a world of difference and got me over the hump so that I could cope with the reality of not having AL in my life anymore. So I'm not coping that great but I am coping. I'm now looking at different tools available to me. ODAT OK?

:l

[Lavande]

September Serenity - week 4

:kissyface: SD
:kissyface: Dill
:kissyface: LBH

I'm very happy you are all back - no matter what!!!! I invite each of you to dip into my vast pot of 'Lavan-ittude'! Take all you want, all you need to meet your goals!
That's just a nice way of saying no more BS - just kidding :H
Please check in every day, it really does help.

OK, enough about you.......here's my BS:
I just want to share that I put Mr Lav on notice this afternoon. He has 1 month to make up his mind. Either come back (sans the chronic negativity) or stay away forever!!!!!
After the snake incident Thursday evening plus a few other heart wrenching incidents this week (that I didn't even mention to you) I've decided that I have finally hit the wall!
He is a constant source of heartache to me, I can't change him but I can stop the emotional assaults. I told him all this in plain English. He said he understands & will decide No wonder I'm so damn tired!

Going out to check on the chicks now - will take pics again very soon.
Wishing everyone a peaceful, restful night.
Lav