September Serenity - week 4

[Guitarista]

September Serenity - week 4

Hello everyone,

Great to see you LBH! And you Dill, and SD.

Hang in there LBH, as it is just simply worth it. Big time. Once we're on our way with a bit of af time under our belt's, for me, there doesn't need to be any turning back, and we get stronger and stronger each af day. Nail the bullshit thinking, dispense with it, replace it with who you really are, where you want to go, all your possibilities, and go for it.

A glorious sunny spring day here in Melbourne town!

Best wishes all.

[sdlovespackers]

September Serenity - week 4

Wow Lav!...I'm not even going to lie....you and I posted for a year before this and I knew nothing to this level about you ....just your butt kicking attitude we all took from you because you were so, so strong!!! And even now, when life is still tough, you remain, strong!! You know you are doing what is right, but I sense the fact that it's gone in this long it's soo super hard!!!.........You are such a powerhouse to us all...please lean on us right now (((the weakest one speaking)))!!!!!! We've all leaned on you for years, hun!!!!
ERIN ((HUGS---SD))))

[cyntree]

September Serenity - week 4

Thank you, Rustop for these very wise words: "I know how easy it is to stay away when you slip but then Al is winning and we cant have that so stay on board. I would love to have been one of those people who managed to get continous sobriety from day 1 but I have struggled. However, I am determined not to let Al win so I keep on trying, thats all any of us can do." That really is the bottom line for me; whenever I have felt, as you do now SD, that maybe there is no way out, I remember that we can affect this change, and connection here is a major part of that.

Thank you for your return, LBH!! I hope that you and Dill did read all the posts since the 16th, and can see what an integral part of this thread you both are. Even if you don't do if for yourself, stay on here for us! I find that I count on the wisdom of everyone here - it is a brilliant kaleidoscope of intuition, energy, caring, strength, and thank god occasional Hilarity. Whew, I feel like my dogs when the 'pack' has been torn asunder and then gets back together. PARTY!

RB - sorry for the struggle this week - hang in there. You are right, you don't want to open the door to AL, just lock the door tight, and push a dresser in front of it if you have to!

P3 - if your friend is really interested in confronting her hoarding, there are groups that she can join. Or she can find a professional organizer that is specially trained - check out the Study Group for the Chronically Disorganized. It is a problem with many facets, and a terrible burden to live with. I hope she gets some help.

SD - here's an idea - just show up! I promised myself that I would post here everyday this month - no matter what - and it has been my best month of my sobriety. Sometimes I have had to get myself out of bed at night, realizing that I hadn't posted, sometimes it has really aggravated my HB, sometimes I have been really aggravated about it, but I did it, and it has really helped. Also, check out 'Seven Weeks to Sobriety' by Joan Mathews Larson. If you like to be given a plan to 'work' this is an option, and the book is filled with info about the biochemical part of the food/alcohol/depression equation. (Also, she runs the Center for Health Recovery in Minneapolis....)

Lav - congrats on your decision to talk to Mr. Lav. Courageous!

Wishing you all Serenity for this Saturday/Sunday beginning. Thanks for being here...

[rustop61]

September Serenity - week 4

Good morning everyone

Lav - I think you have made the right decision. Make or break time. You are one strong lady and feel free to kick our buts any time.

To those of you struggling we are coming to the end of this month and facing a new one. One of the names I suggested last week was October Optimists? Any other suggestions?

Some of things I find useful when struggling are:
Taking an antabuse tablet to get me over those first few horrible days, I wont drink on it and once I get on a roll I find it much easier.
Taking it ODAT, one day at a time
Taking my supplements, I find they really help with the cravings
Checking in here, sometimes its easier to stay away but ultimately it will keep you focussed.

I'm on an AF roll at the moment but have been where many of you are at the moment. I plan to make it an AF October and look forward to sharing it with all you wonderful ladies and men.

Rustop

[Guitarista]

September Serenity - week 4

Hi folk's,

Good point's Rustop. Other strategies, or thinking might be role model's, examples to look to, read about, hang out with, who have come out the other side, and are living full, productive, happy and harmonious lives, well, mostly. I've found 'latching' onto someone i admire, (who has stopped drinking, and is now living well) whether that be a writer, musician, 7/11 worker, bus driver, parent, friend, footballer, whoever, and using this as inspiration, and for strength. Book's and websites by those who have been through this addiction can be inspiring, and keep our mind's on the job too. For me it's really all about my thinking, attitude, and where that's at, and going. Maintainence. Just some thought's. L8tr.

[Rusty]

September Serenity - week 4

Good Sunday Morning Everyone,

Ladybird, you're back!:yay::yougo: I missed you so much! Your gift of prose each day is something I look forward to and NEED.

Welcome back again to Dill and SD! Dill, I was sad when I didn't see your quotes in the morning. So glad you're back with us.

SD- Two masters' degrees and a single parent? Wow, I'm impessed! I look forward to getting to know you. I'll introduce myself. I'm Rusty, I'm a 49-year-old single, female businesswoman from Wisconsin. I travel all over the world and face challenges every day in my career: there is an endless supply of often free booze everywhere I go. My battle with AL has been going on almost 4 years.....I have come full circle since May of this year, when I started logging on to this thread every day, becoming AF (98% of the time) with the help of Baclofen. This thread saved not only my life, but my soul.:huggy. When I was feeling particularly low and weak, or after I'd had a horrific binge and feeling so lost, sometimes on a Saturday, I would just hang out here for hours.....I so needed the support and comraderie, and still do. When I would go out on a binge, I felt so low that I didn't deserve to post here, but that's when I needed it the most, and everyone has been so supportive.

G-I think your point about latching on to someone who has successfully beaten this addiction is so true....it's an incredible motivator. I think part of the problem is that the media glamorizes AL like it used to do with cigarettes (EEWWWW!....what is glamorous about smoking?) and that makes it harder for us to be AF, doesn't it?

Cyn-thank you for the suggestion to pick up "Seven Weeks to Sobriety." A number of people here have recommended good books on addiction and I intend to increase my library with books like these.

Papmom:l I found therapy to be very helpful when confronted by my family about my drinking. A great idea....and I think depression is very common when one is AF....because we've lost out best "friend," right? At least that's what my therapist told me. I'll PM you later about your agility training because I want to learn more. I'm a dog lover.

Lav-ALL RIGHT! Now you're talking! Good thing you forced Mr. Lav's hand. I'm proud of you, the vision of strength and sobriety!

Rebirth-are you feeling any better, dear one? Maybe you could find an AA meeting where you feel comfortable and free to share your true thoughts. Not all groups are created equal, I think. Struggling is miserable, isn't it? Feeling blah...yup, I've felt that way before....many times.

Rustop-I like October Optimists. The reason is that I just noticed yesterday that Fall is really upon us, with the leaves turning such beautiful colors....and that it is a new season of change for all of us....a positive change that hopefully will bring peace to many of us here who are struggling. I leave for Paris in less than two weeks. Did you know that the security alert in Paris is now RED? There's a female terrorist who apparently is targeting an attack somewhere in Paris's public transportation system.

Sped-hope you're enjoying your guests.

Paguy-I hope your weekend with your family is relaxing and AF!

Hi to Star, Sooty, Spuddle, and anyone I may have missed....have a wonderful AF Sunday!

[Guitarista]

September Serenity - week 4

Hi Rusty!

Yep, al advertising and glamourising hit's us on all front's. It can't be avoided. I just go with it, live within it, well, what choice do i have. It was all i needed to see in the early af day's sometimes! But once i found my path, and had made up my mind to live af, it is easier, and i work as a musician in bar's, which was torture in the earlier day's, but once i got my head screwed on, it doesn't bother me now.

Hope you have a great weekend.

[spedteach]

September Serenity - week 4

Morning everybody,
Glad to see everyone back, Dill and LBH. SD, you've been gone for a long time. I hope I'm not alone in saying this is not a judgmental thread. Our common ground is our problem with alcohol. Most of us will probably relapse but don't let that stop people from posting and asking for support. Hearing about others' struggles helps me stay connected which helps me stay sober. Agree with Cyn about not just posting for yourself but for others as well.

I am feeling out of sorts this morning. Am not getting enough sleep and am tired of waking up at 3:30 in the morning. (Rusty, what time do you go to sleep?) Maybe I'm prepping myself for my trip to Indiana in October. In Indiana it will be 5:30. Wedding guests don't start arriving until tomorrow. Then it's like an avalanche, with people arriving every day.

Lav, you sound like you've had enough. Know if there weren't a wedding going on, my marriage would be something to be dealt with. Right now it's going to have to wait. Your interaction with Mr. Lav reminds me of how I felt moderating with al. Like I just wanted to be done with it once and for all. Wanted it out of my life forever.

Rustop, I apprecited your sobriety suggestions. I am so relieved to have Antabuse on board, knowing this is going to be one sober wedding, at least for the mother of the groom.

Mr. G., I forget you are down under. It's your spring to most of our autumns.

Time to meet my running group. Hopefully that will get me out of this funk.

[Stargazerlily]

September Serenity - week 4

It took me some time to catch up on everyone's posts. This is such a great thread.

Dill and LBH, so glad to have you back. We are all in this together, and it is hard. Our sensitivity to depression and anxiety just gets so much worse after drinking. I love LBH saying that she is going to plan her evenings. Me too. Let's make a list of things to do in the evenings to help each other and see what we are all into. Dill, you are so right that changing routine is a hard and can be a trigger to drinking.

Lav, good for you in telling Mr. Lav what you need, either be here or don't, but quit the game playing. That takes courage and comes from a place of strength. Love the lavan-ittude.

Rusty, good to hear from you and appreciated you comments about keeping it real on this thread. No veiled arrogance, just helpful support and understanding.

Cyn, I did not realize that you had made a committment to post daily. It is helpful to stay on this site.

Chill, it makes sense that you feel comfortable and strong in your home country. I think it will be possible to get a job there and support yourself. Living in limbo and worrying is just so hard. Making plans and moving forward is strengthening, and I heard hope in your post.

To everyone, have a great AF day, ODAT. I like October Optimists.

[dill]

September Serenity - week 4

The distance doesn?t matter; only the first step is difficult.---Mme. Marquise du Deffand
During our addiction, we were on a path leading to death---death of our spirit, mind, and body.
On that path, we tired not to think about where it would lead. We didn?t want to get there. We just followed the path toward death, with one drink, pill, snort or toke at a time.
Now we?ve chosen a new path for our lives. Making that choice was hard. We knew only the old path. We were afraid to change. But we did it. That was the hardest part.
We are excited to follow our new path. We know it leads to good things. = Recovery Readings

Sped, get those endorphins pumping! As for waking up at 3:30, that is truly a problem. Have you tried any sleep medications or supplements? I have been having good luck with Alteril.

Lav, it must be so frustrating having this thing just drag on unresolved. I agree with Sped. Its like trying to moderate!! Nothing but an occassional, fleeting good momemt, then endless frustration. Ugghh!!

Mr. G, that is good advice to find someone who has succeeded and use them as an inspiration. Someone in the 3D world. For me, it is my younger brother. He's been over 20 years sober!!

Rusty, I did not know that France was on a RED level of security. I hope they resolve that before your trip. And, will you still be able to post while on this trip? I surely hope so.

Rustop, thanks for sharing your tips. Very practical and doable. I got some antabuse through River Pharmacy. I am not taking it currently, but maybe I will.

Cyn, Thanks for your advice about just showing up. It has meant a great deal to me to read your posts. I gain strength just knowing you're out there and you're still in the game. You have such wonderful insights.

SD, take Cyn's advice. It's solid gold! I hope you keep posting with us.

Papmom, have you begun counseling or is it yet to come? I think it is a wonderful idea. I hope you don?t need Antidepressants. I took Lexapro at one time and my drinking escalated while on it. But that was before I joined MWO and I wasn?t in any support groups of any kind.

Paguy, I hope you are enjoying your visit.


:lLBH:l

[Lavande]

September Serenity - week 4

GM kids!

Great to see everyone today
Even with my extreme attitude I still take comfort being part of this group!

I hope our friend rebirth checks in soon. She didn't sound great yesterday. Staying close to the group allows for a lot of :l

Very overcast but cooler this morning, time to turn the AC off, thank goodness.
Today is going to be a focus on 'me' day - I deserve it :H

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Sunday!
Lav

[papmom3]

September Serenity - week 4

Good Morning all!!

Rusty-I think your introduction was fabulous and I'm going to do mine. I'll try not to make it a sandwich intro!!:H

Hi, I'm papmom3. I'm 53 and have been a college administrator for all of my career. I'm currently in a stable job but one that doesn't challenge me (except for staying on my boss's good side which is tough because we are like oil and water-he once didn't speak to me for 3 months! No SH**T!!). Unfortunately I've hit the age barrier and although I keep looking I don't think I will ever be able to change job within Higher Ed so I am trying to be thankful for what I have.
I am the proud furmom to 3 dogs and 2 cats. I do agility with my newest dog who I nicknamed Devil Dog (DD) as he is my problem child. We've done very well in agility in our first year of trialing starting in May. We've gotten 3 titles and tons of blue ribbons and lots of Qs. I just now need to find a way to finance this "hobby" so I can do it full time LOL!!
My drinking, although always a problem I now know, escalated when I took this latest job in 2007. To the point where I have missed more time due to hangovers than in the past 30 years of working. Breaking 2 wrists one year apart (one of which was due to being tipsy) didn't help and provided an excuse for long pity parties even tho to my family and co workers I was a trooper and annoyingly positive through the whole thing.
I joined MWO in March of this year after calling in sick 2 days in a row due to hangovers which in my mind was the "bottom". I've been AF for over 4 months now, almost 5 and before that, had 2 slips of one nite each one month apart. I still struggling with feelings of "is it worth it" and deprivation and I'm anxious about the upcoming holidays as my family loves their wine as I once did. Nice to meet you all!! :H

Dill- I am going to my first counseling appt on Wed evening in hopes that I can figure out some things and start to move forward. My friend told me on the ride home she's been on Lexpro for years and it really helps her keep her balance. Of course nothing seems to bother her, even to the point of not being concerned about being super tardy for things which bugs the hell out of me so I don't think I want to be that balanced!! that and the hoarding issue.

Rusty-I would LOVE to talk to you about agility!! My fav subject these days so PM away!!

Cyn-I've given my friend as much info on helping her situation as I can find. She knows the tools are out there. She needs to be willing to take that first step, like all addicts. She's not willing yet.

G-great advice. Right now all of you are my role models but when and if I get the courage up to go to AA or WIS, then maybe I'll find face to face ones.

SPED-did the run help you at all? Sorry you're in a funk but I would be too with the thought of 12 people invading my space and the marriage thing hovering in the background like a teeny tiny pink elephant. :l

Lav-tons of :l to you!! enjoy this awesome fall weather!!

Hi to everyone else and I too like October Optimists.

:l :h

[ladybirdheart]

September Serenity - week 4

Goodness this has been a busy day but my yard has its early fall groom, my house is sparkling (except for Lord Bird Heart’s ground zero construction zone where somehow the washer and dryer are now gone and there is a cat box in their place:upset, and I am set for a long work day tomorrow and then a bit of break. What Sped said this morning about how being in limbo was like trying to “moderate” made such sense to me and it seems to be a big recurring theme here whether involving relationships, employment, where we live, or alcohol. We can be paralyzed by uncertainty and just fail to act, waiting for something else to happen, rescue, a sign, a move by someone else. I have to remember that when I do this it makes me crazy. I have a little saying but forget to say it, “no anxiety, no fear, no anger…Take Control”. At least if I jump of the fence I have a fifty per cent chance of landing on the right side:H. I would like to think that even if I am incorrect I have regained the ability to act, to take control of my fate. Anyway thanks everybody for giving me things to think about. Off to assemble food. Love, Ladybird.

[cyntree]

September Serenity - week 4

Evening/morning all! Your words are like a cascade around me, thanks for all the thoughts and images.

Sped - best best wishes for the week to come - please know that you will be receiving energy 'special delivery' to support you. The best part is - it's going to happen, and you don't have to wait or plan anymore!!

RB - are you there? Missing your voice -

Here we go - last 4 days of September - I feel like turning on the optimism machine...getting the engine warmed up for October....

[rustop61]

September Serenity - week 4

Good morning everyone

Yes September is drawing to a close and looking forward with optimism to October. Rebirth - hope you are ok, let us know how you are doing. You too Sooty, know its not always easy to get near the computer when your daughter is home but we need a driver for next month!!!

Busy day planned, off in a few minutes for walk with the dogs and then I have to bring my daughter into the city. They had Friday and today off school. In some ways its good as you get to do things that you would not normally fit in at week-ends.

Have a great week everyone, will check in later.

Rustop