friday af 24 sept

[bear73]

morning all - still feeling anxious - think it may be about weekend - just feeling a bit blue - came of pill recently so maybe hormones are playing up.

I have my firm plan tho - no booze - if I am tempted will go back to room and watch TV.
Taking inhalator instead of cigarettes. I KNOW I won't drink - I didn't drink at this festival same time last year and no one noticed and I had a great time.So I have previous success to call back on.

Hope that it lifts soon anyway, this too will pass - may go for a swim/steam after physio - some exercise may be needed.

[bear73]

friday af 24 sept

right - packing then hitting the gym.No time for this mooching!

[momof3]

friday af 24 sept

Good Morning All,

Bear, I hope you enjoy your weekend. Pay attention to the "wisdom" in your anxiety...a warning signal to take care of yourself and be careful.

LVT, I read your post from last night. You have every right to vent and to feel angry with your husband. It does no good to keep it in. Don't think for one minute that his behavior doesn't impact your boys. I grew up with an alcoholic father. My mother rarely said anything about it in front of us but I could feel her seething resentment. If you ignore it or try to "cope" with it all on your own, it becomes the pink elephant in the living room that no one talks about. Your boys need to know that you are on their side and that your husband's behavior is not acceptable. It hard to hear how alcohol makes people so angry and unappreciative of those who love them. It's all about "me, me, me" with this disease. So proud and amazed that you have remained Af in the midst of it all. Keep up the good work.

I'm going to finalize my kitchen cabinet order today. I had to kick some butt this week (in a nice way) because the guy I was working with was very slow in getting back to me and when he sent me the kitchen design changes based on my feedback, they were sloppy, sloppy. I hate a "half ass" job.

Big weekend planned. One of my neighbor's is having a big engagement shin dig for her daughter. We have some old neighbors coming in from out of town with their children. It will be fun all around. It's nice that I don't give too much thought anymore to being around people who drink anymore. It's just a natural way of being now.

M3

[greeneyes]

friday af 24 sept

Morning fabbies!!

bear I hope you have an even better time than last year and think about what M3 said about listening to your inner voice.

M3 I know what you mean about the half-assed work. Remember when ya'll told me to fire that first painter? Boy, that was spot-on advice!

There is a lot going on this weekend too. I love that about fall - all the festivals. My little town has a festival every fall and guess what the theme is?..... ready?...... no laughing..... OKRA!!! :H:H:H It starts tonight with a street dance but I'll go in the AM for fried okra and to check out the vendors - food and crafts. Tomorrow afternoon in the hip part of the city is a big food tasting extravaganza from upscale restos in the streets with music and such. Next weekend is a 2 day annual Blues Festival that is paired with a chili cookoff. That's always fun. I know the producers and always volunteer, which used to mean free booze and getting too high but now I drink water and actually work hard!

This was part of the daily om... (about life being like a roller coaster)
We can give in to our fear and anxiety, or we can surrender to this great mystery with courage. When we see people on a roller coaster, we see that there are those with their faces tight with fear and then there are those that smile broadly, with their hands in the air, carried through the ride on a wave of freedom and joy. This powerful image reminds us that often the only control we have is choosing how we are going to respond to the ride.

Have a great AF friday and put your hands in the air!

[papmom3]

friday af 24 sept

Fecking awesome quote Greenie!! I am the person with the face tight with fear-or I would be if I actually ever got on a roller coaster!!

Have fun at the Okra festival (i reisted the urge to put blech smilies on either side of that word just for you!!). It actually sounds like a great time and next weekends Blues festival sounds superb. since you have pull you should try to get G in the lineup next year!!!

M3-good luck with the cabinets and the shindig.

Bear-deep breaths and listen to your gut. Don't get pulled in a direction you don't want to go in no matter how familiar it might feel. :l

Last real day of vacation today and very low on motivation. The 2 big projects may have to wait until another day (like next year :H). Or I could try the flylady 15 min thing with the office at least over the next few weeks.

I know one thing for sure..... AND I don't want to go back to work!! :upset:

Have fab day everyone. Oh, and anyone else voting for G to bring back his previous avatar????

:l

[Lavande]

friday af 24 sept

GM Abbers!

Stick to your plan & do listen to the inner voice this weekend bear! Have a good time

LVT, I feel for you.........my FH's personality completely changed 15 years ago & it had nothing to do with AL. All these years I've been praying & hoping that he would revert back into his old self - well that didn't work. I pushed him into getting psychiatric help 7 years ago, that didn't help either. Do you think he would be OK if he stopped drinking? Have your kids asked him to stop drinking? He may comply if the kids get after him - just a thought.

Papmom, enjoy the last day of your vacation - screw the projects

Greenie, I love the Fall festivals too - my favorite time of the year!

I posted on the Weekly thread about my encounter with a 5 ft. long Black Rat Snake last night!!!!!!!!!
Found the sucker sitting in the chicken coop eyeing up 25 dinner snacks - OMG!
Couldn't get YB on the phone of course so I walked/ran (carrying EB) over to my BIL's house. He successfully bagged the snake & released it into the heavily wooded area behind his home. The chicks are all OK & I will be too - eventually

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF, snakeless Friday!!!!!!
Lav

[LVT25]

friday af 24 sept

Hello friends,

I hope you've had breakfast, if not you may want to fix a snack.

Just popping in to thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Since hubby shut the door on our bedroom, which said to me stay away, I got to sleep on the couch. This morning we didn't speak. I'm pretty tired of the scenario, but honestly don't see anything changing, except maybe he won't come around me after drinking. He is a very stubborn and strong willed man that has never ever liked the thought of anyone telling him what to do. I know, sounds pretty immature right? But so is drinking 5 nights a week to the point of slurring and personality change. I guess I feel when I quit it was almost a natural time of life to do so. With him it's like he's going to be a drunken old man. He would argue that he never drinks in the morning, goes to work, takes care of his responsibilities, blah, blah, blah. So what if he drinks a little almost every night. What would I have him hanging around me sitting around watching tv all the time??? I also think he has become dependent on the alcohol to settle his troubled mind. He is a worrier. He doesn't worry about trivial things like schedules, kids, bills, etc. He worries about the world. We absolutely have never been able to communicate feelings. I'm probably just as bad as him (I know I was when drinking) but he gets really, really defensive anytime I've brought up the drinking, and it is absolutely impossible to discuss. Impossible. So many times I've told myself that that is how it is and always will be so I've been trying so hard to let go of that. But last night when he was giving my son hell and basically ruined my birthday already and he asked.....
Greenie, I guess the counseling I have done seemed just like I was paying someone to be my friend and listen. She did offer some good suggestions as to how to handle the situation and perhaps bring it up to him that I am concerned about his health and longevity. If I even suggested though that it was affecting the boys, that would piss him off too. The counselor had me meditating and other techniques to keep from reacting to him so much. I may have to track down some old friends or start talking to the new ones that might understand, just to have a place to vent.
I know it must be hard to hear my woes without thinking....why don't you just leave him? It is not an option. I still love the man inside. I just have a problem when he drinks. He is a good guy--he has lots of flaws and seems to be changing in some ways. But I love him and our life for the most part, and it is still better this way for the boys. Now, what happens in 6 years when they are grown up and we are empty nesters? That could be a problem if we don't figure out pretty soon how to treat each other now.

Thank you for being here to listen to my rants. I will pick up and carry on, I always do.

Have a great weekend all!:h

[LVT25]

friday af 24 sept

Cross post-Lav. UGH!!! I would have had a heart attack!!!!:goodjob:
and
:thanks:

[greeneyes]

friday af 24 sept

LVT, I feel angry that YOU slept on the couch and I want to give your husb a haircut. I was thinking you probably know the coping tricks already and if you need to vent, you sure don't need to pay someone, especially with your jam packed schedule and the end of the cemetary income. Gosh, I sound so bossy! Sorry! And I don't mean to be dismissive of counseling. I just suspect that you already own the skills you would expect to gain from it. :l

[Marshy]

friday af 24 sept

Bear - you've done it once, you can do it again!

Mom3 - Your comment about drunken crushes struck me. Maybe it is the lack of alcohol in my system that's making me actually think about this one rather than being impulsive. Food for thought.
I hope your kitchen upheaval isn't too stressful. I don't think anybody likes having workmen is their space.

Greenie - Okra for breakfast - *shudder*. Hope you enjoy it!
I also love autumn. I know a lot of people don't like shorter days and less sunlight but I always think it's a cosy time of year. Until it's dark and cold wet when I'm trying to get home from work, that is. :H
The only control we have is choosing how we are going to respond to the ride. I love that. I've been feeling a bit antsy the past couple of days and that's exactly what I need to bear in mind.

Papmom - there was a piece in The Onion once about a guy taking time off work and listing all the jobs he was going to do around his house - one of which was organising his CD collection alphabetically - but of course he didn't get round to doing anything. Now, me and a friend always joke when we meant to have a really productive weekend but have actually done absolutely nothing that we "didn't even get around to organising my CD collection".

LVT - I often behaved really unpleasantly when I was drunk too. It goes with the territory for many of us. Has he ever tried to cut down or stop? Does he want to?

Lav - yikes - that would really freak me out! I'd never go out to the chicken coop again.

[Lavande]

friday af 24 sept

Just for shits & giggles - I found a video of a guy in my state (Pennsylvania) showing off one of these snakes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7OlRUYY770[/video]]YouTube - Black Snake

[Lavande]

friday af 24 sept

LVT,

I'm hoping there is a special place in heaven?? for those of us who continue to love these men.........

Get on here & bitch all you want - I sure do

[Gaia]

friday af 24 sept

Hello,
Busy morning here. Online too, I see.

LV I am sorry for what you are going through. My dad, an alcoholic, yelled at my mom all the time for this that and the other thing all my life. He is such a child. He never learned how to keep control of his emotions. I hated it. I hated him, her, them both, my life, their life. I wanted my mother to leave him. I wanted him to die. It is so terrible to see your father berate your mother. If I ever interfered he would yell, threaten, scare the bejezus out of me. Sometimes he would be violent. Although I was never seriously hurt I was hit. Thrown down the stairs. And very scared. What sort of example is he setting for your sons? Will they grow up and treat their wives this way? You could ask him that. Did his father treat his mother that way? Why did she take it?

I know what you mean about still loving him though because my dad is a real sweetheart deep down. His growth was so stunted by what he grew up with, and how my mother is, that they both did not really start maturing into adults until recently. It took pain suffering and near death for them both to wake up. Still, my mom loves my dad. I have to question why sometimes. I think it was just fear of abandonment.

SO, sorry for the lunch thread.

Must get going. Bear you can do this. The first 10 minutes when everyone starts drinking is the worst, then they forget and you forget. And you never have to worry about what you say when you are drunk - you can be as blunt, silly ridiculous, even insulting, and no one can say what a sot. This is one of the liberties of sobriety.

Hi Greenie, Marshy, DG, M3, Papmom, Lav, Det, and all our other Abbie friends. Gotta run.

[greeneyes]

friday af 24 sept

Gaia;966728 wrote: you can be as blunt, silly ridiculous, even insulting, and no one can say what a sot. This is one of the liberties of sobriety.

:H I nominate this quote of the day!!

[Marshy]

friday af 24 sept

OK, I have a question for everyone. Non-GF is going to an all-weekend party where copious amounts of drugs and alcohol will be consumed. (I'm not going so it's not anything to do with my attendance/non-attendance).

Why does this bother me? Is it:
a. She'll think I'm dull and boring because I can't/don't do that any more.
b. I think I'm dull and boring because I don't/can't do that any more
c. I subconciously want to do it and resent that I can't
d. Some other reason

Any ideas?