monday 27 sep af daily

[bear73]

mornign all - blimey is it really this Autumny already?
I made it - still AF - wasn't hard once I got my head round it - tho did go to bed at 12.30am on Friday while others carried on until 2.30am.
All looked pretty rough next day.I smoked LOADS though - think that helped me through.
I am coming up to 4 weeks on Saturday so will tackle it after that I think.

I did check in each day on my mobile - can't post but it was good to see all your inspiring posts.Mood really starting to lift now - almost finished 'drinking a love story' I'm not exactly at the stage that she got to but it's on it's way.

There was a great quote about do you have to hit rock bottom or not that points out that real rock bottom is death!Helped with my 'I'm not bad enough yet' debates. I also liked the cucumber/pickle analogy - you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber but you can stop a cucumber from becoming a pickle.I really identify with the drinking to block stuff out,how alcohol seems like the solution but keeps you stuck and how we drink to become the person we want to be.
Great stuff - good day all to come.

[papmom3]

monday 27 sep af daily

Breakfast warning!!

good Morning and Merry Monday!!
Thanks for starting us off Bear and so good to hear from you and to hear that you were true to yourself this weekend. :goodjob:

Coming here second thing in the morning-first is walking doggies- really helps me start my day and stay grounded. This thread and the weekly thread always gives me somthing to think about and I usually come up with an answer of some sort. For instance, I've been trying to figure out why I always blow what ever great eating plan I've been following all day at nite. Always!! At first the answer came to me: "I hate dinnertime". I don't look forward to it and therefore I don't make an effort. Why? Well, I think that dinnertime = family time to me. When I was growing up we always came together at dinner, no matter what the activites were for the afternoon/evening. Course back then, practices always ended before 5 or began after 6, same with games. None of this practicing, playing through dinner time. Same with jobs. My PT job in HS always ended by 6-I would go in right after school. Anyway, I think I hate the lonliness and letdown that dinner has represented for me since I started living on my own about 20 years ago. Especially early in my career I was always running around, traveling, putting out fires, taking care of everyone else. When I got home all I wanted to do was veg out and have a few beers to relax. Never ate correctly at dinner. Never. Over the years, I think AL started to fill that void and now that I don't have that anymore, the void is as big as the Grand Canyon and I'm sad. Just doesn't seem worth the effort to feed myself as I would feed a family. I just want the nite to be over. I really look forward to breakfast and lunch tho-there are rituals there: Tea in the morning and a hearty breakfast and diet coke at lunch and usually with co workers except on the weekends but I'm usually running around or working. Dinner was always the wine and it covered up that I don't have anyone to share dinner with. So, looks like I have a topic to share with my counselor at my first session on Wednesday!!
In a circular way all this kind of comes back to Bear's quotes, at least the one about AL seeming like the solution.
Hope I haven't been a Debbie Downer too bad this morning but I've been thinking about this all yesterday and last nite and just had to share.

Also wanted to tell you guys again how much you mean to me and are helping me on this wonderful, maddening, mysterious journey!!
:l

[Marshy]

monday 27 sep af daily

Well done Bear!

I'm off to spend afternoon with non-GF. I've asked her over to my place after to drink the wine I was given at work. She's coming over but says she's not sure about any wine because she has a big day at work tomorrow. It's only two bottles! Lightweight normal drinkers! :H:H (OK, she may do drugs but she's not a drinker). If she doesn't take the wine away with her, it's going down the sink tonight. Sick of it hanging around here.

(Not. A. Date.)

Papmom - good on you for going to counselling!

Zooming!

Have a good day all!

[greeneyes]

monday 27 sep af daily

Swimmers take your mark!! love mondays!

I never got dressed yesterday. It was great.
Lots to get done today though. Tonight is the meet-up with the artsy friends and there is actually "doing art" as in producing something in tune with a theme on the agenda for the evening. "WTF am I doing in this group???" she says in a high-pitched voice fraught with anxiety and feelings of inadequacy...... If I bring a tasy appetizer do you think they won't notice I can't draw? I know! I'll wrap a bandage on my hand! :H feck... really.

Bear :goodjob:. So PROUD of you! And 30 days this Saturday, wow!

Lav lets see those chickies again! DG, lets see worker boys!

Gaia, I did see that Sinefeld episode and always wondered why they would want to be master of their domain. (snigger)

I'm tempted to go walk in the rain... we didn't have rain for a month and a half. I hope some soaked in.

Happy AF Monday!!

[greeneyes]

monday 27 sep af daily

Marshy;968281 wrote: (Not. A. Date.)

I'm not seeing the action you took to be able to reserve the right to qualify it as a non-date.....AND, is dinner in there somewhere? huh? huh? *(insert popcorn thingy)*

[Doggygirl]

monday 27 sep af daily

DATE!!!! Hi Marshy. Oh the memories. If it were back in the drinking days and I was going to a friends house to drink some wine, and there were only two bottles, even if my friend didn't drink wine, I would be nervous before I even went about here being enough. I would be bringing a box just to make sure we didn't run out especially if my friend decided to drink some. Yes, I am definitely a pickle. Have a great time this afternoon on your DATE. *popcorn munching smilie*

Bear, thanks for kicking things off today! Good for you making it through the weekend AF. Sounds like it was a positive experience for you on many levels. One thing at a time, one day at a time. Don't flog yourself about the smoking. Quitting drinking is difficult - maybe give that a little time? Yes - to me death is the ultimate bottom. I like to think of my drinking years as a trip down the elevator. I got on at the top. Was I going to ride it down to minor problems? Major problems? Death? Glad I got off before the end of the line. You are doing a good job looking for the similarities in the story rather than the differences as an "I'm not that bad" justification. It's progressive and it always gets worse - never better - if we keep going.

P3, I think it's great that you are discovering these important things about yourself. Sober, we can learn and grow. We could not when we were drowning it all in AL. I think that will make a great topic for your counseling session! You are doing so well in your sobriety. I'm very happy for you and proud to call you my friend. I have a bunch of eating issues too and they go way back to the teen years. Not easy stuff.

The crew is really moving along fast! I couldn't get any eye candy piccies yesterday. Couldn't get into the work area until after they left as they were working right behind the door. Should have gotten the camera out earlier when they were still outside! Anyway, in addition to get the outside done around the new windows (except for painting) they got all the framing done for the new master bathroom (all interior walls are moved!) I didn't realize that the old bathtub was actually heated whenever the furnace was on!!! I'm not a "bath" person - just a shower person. I never had the chance to appreciate that the tub was never cold on my feet! Just didn't notice! I wonder if the new shower floor will feel cold. It's certainly not getting it's own special heat!

Today is a light day for the schedule. Leads group, Curves, a couple of errands. I plan to take advantage of this opportunity to get caught up on the administrivia which has piled up on my desk.

One thing is for sure, I'm not going to ruin my good life by drinking today.

DG

[Doggygirl]

monday 27 sep af daily

Cross post Greenie! Good morning! Make some food art to decorate your appetizer? Go and have fun! A walk in the rain sounds....cold. I'm SO grateful it's finally....cold! I love Sundays where I don't get dressed. Haven't had one in a long time. Yesterday almost qualified. After my morning AA stuff I put on the flannel jammie britches and a sweat shirt for the rest of the day.

DG

[greeneyes]

monday 27 sep af daily

P3, a diet coke is your lunch? I'm glad you are wanting to explore the dinner issue. They say lots of times emotional things are tied to food patterns. Sounds like you have that part figured out though. Now... how to change it eh?

[greeneyes]

monday 27 sep af daily

A heated bathtub!!! My life would truly be complete if I had a heated bathtub!!:bath2: I LOVE a bath.

[Doggygirl]

monday 27 sep af daily

greeneyes;968311 wrote: A heated bathtub!!! My life would truly be complete if I had a heated bathtub!!:bath2: I LOVE a bath.

There are so many hidden oddities in this house. Every time we dig around behind walls or under floors we seem to find something unusual. I hate that I did not APPRECIATE the non-coldness all these years! :H Contractor says "this house is sure built to last" which made me feel very good. (but then we will go on to find some cheap short cut they took for something else......) This house is a history mystery, that's for sure.

Is your bathroom all redecorated and fixed????? I think I missed something about that along the way...

DG

[greeneyes]

monday 27 sep af daily

No, I'm still in too many choices paralysis mode. But I'm trying. I actually went to Lowes and looked a bathroom magazines.

[momof3]

monday 27 sep af daily

Greenie. Congrats on 11 months! Hot bath and peppermint ice cream for you!!

Bear. Bloody well done!! So pleased and proud for you.

M3

[universal]

monday 27 sep af daily

Morning abbies!

Bear - good for you! You said something key in your post - you're not there YET......Remember that YET part - very important. Keep drinking and YET becomes a reality really fast.

I'm tired this morning - the cold bug is running rampant around here and just when we think we've got it licked, one of us gets it again. Very annoying. I don't have a very busy week so I'm lucky - just puttering around the house, going to my meetings and that kind of thing. I have some school work to do - I am finishing a second diploma in addictions therapy (believe it or not!). I started it 2 years ago and am almost done - I figured I would take this time off to finish it. It's nice to have the time to complete it now.

Well, I guess I'll go tidy the kitchen from last nights dinner and do my morning meditation readings.

I'll check in later - have a great day everyone!!

Uni

[LVT25]

monday 27 sep af daily

Hello friends,

I checked in late last night and had lots to comment on but of course I can't remember now.:H

I did finally get to hear G's music on youtube though! Awesome! I absolutely love it. I was a little taken back by your given name though. It is the same as a good friend we lost a few years ago to cancer. So now I picture him when I think of you and trust me that is a very good thing!

Bear you're sounding great. Don't let your guard down.

Pap, one thing about getting clear headed--we gain some insight into why we do the things we do or don't do, huh? I'm anxious to hear how your counseling goes. I went to one a few times, and she was nice and helpful, but we didn't really "connect".

DG- I don't use my tub much because the water cools off too fast. It would be wonderful to have a heated tub!!

Good for you Greenie on trying new things. I cannot draw even a good stick person.

Shout outs to everyone else for the week. I hope you're all doing well and feeling well. I can't compete with the likes of DG who has a gift of commenting to one and all. But I do care and think of ALL of you as friends.:h:h

This will be a busy week for me. It is Homecoming and I am secretary of the "Booster Club" so we are in charge of making this happen. Yesterday the kids decorated inside the school and we painted paw prints on the street. It was fun, but took the whole afternoon and into the evening. The boys have 2 away games this week, a big tailgate/pep rally/parade.......throw in an orthodontist appointment out of town....when in the heck am I going to do anything else??? I am on my final time of mowing at the cemetery, except for a couple of sections that have trees with leaves. I can take my time with that, but am starting to worry about losing that income. I did apply for a substitute mail carrier position so I hope I get that. It pays really well, but won't be many hours.

Our anniversary was very non-eventful. At least for me. DH was digging some trenches to bury some electrical lines and I asked if he could run one to the greenhouse. Turns out the septic tank AND the phone line were in the path. He spent the whole day working on that while I was doing my "things". Oh well.
Found out my new friend wants to leave her husband. I'm not too sure how to handle this situation. The rumor mill is that she is seeing someone else. Guess I'll be a good listener for now.

Considering how much I have to do this week, I better get busy. In case I don't get to check in again.....take a look at my signature line......2 years!!!!

[Gaia]

monday 27 sep af daily

Hi there,

Wow the day is already halfway gone and I'm no where near halfway done!

Bear congratulations on your AF weekend. You did it! I thinking reading about recovery helps a lot to stay focused. And Drinking is for sure a good source of inspiration.

Papmom I've been thinking about your post about dinnertime since I read it a few hours ago. That's so interesting - and logical - that it was easy to slip into heavier drinking by not eating at night. Great realization. Here you are at almost 5 months sobriety and look at the things which are becoming clearer. Now that you know this feeling you could maybe work on a plan to change it. Maybe put on a bunch of Mr. G's tunes to get you in the mood for a healthy meal? Well I think you are doing great!

Uni how are you dear? It must be so good to be home, and sounds great to finish the diploma.

Greenie you coconut. I think you should get a heated tub like DG. DG your remodeling job sounds like its going to be just fab.

Hi LV and M3. Hope you have a good day both. Hi Lav too. And Det.

Learned some more about myself today. DH is narcissist. I am co-dependent. They go together like a duck on a june bug. Like a house on fire. Like the lips on the pope. Guess I just added something back to the list.

Back to work...