Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

[retteacher]

Everyone: I'm starting off quickly & will be back. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

I just wanted to read the end of last week's AA thread. Interesting.

I wanted to start off w/relapses. DG had mentioned a guy who got sober (4 years) then relapsed & lost everything a second time. I see relapsing around me over & over. Sometimes people come back right away. I think they have the best chance of recovering their sobriety. Some people stay out there, because they are too ashamed to come back & admit they slipped. In my experience, I've never seen judgementalism toward a person coming back. We've all been there w/relapsing, either within AA or outside. I've seen that people begin neglecting attendance at meetings, & that seems to be the beginning of the end. Not that AA is the only way to stop drinking...even the BB says there are all kinds of ways to stop. But, now that I've chosen AA (or has AA chosen me?), I must continue:
-working the steps.
-going to meetings.
-staying connected w/the people in the fellowship.

On the subject of living w/active alcoholism: Alanon is a fellowship of people who are helping people cope w/active alcoholism in their lives. They do not give advice: "Leave an active alcoholic!" or "Tell him/her to stop or else." Alanon helps a person focus on his/her own life. My husband goes to Alanon, because he lives w/an alcoholic. It helps him see that he has to make changes in his own life. That said: My husband is much like DG's. He can take alcohol or leave it. He's a sober person wo/being completely abstinent. He too has one maybe two drinks in an evening & is content w/that. I'm not sure how I'd cope w/an active alcoholic.

When I focus on my own life exclusively & I make the changes I need to make, the relationship automatically shifts. I don't have to engineer anything. One day at a time applies to relationships as well as drinking.

Good luck!

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

I just read the end of last week's thread, & Cindi, saw your post. Good luck to you! If you can go to a meeting each day, you will make it until Oct. 15.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Lovely post Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Greetings all. Cindi, good to see you here, well last week's post anyway.
Mary thanks for getting us started. I will be in Framingham this Wed., how are leaves looking?

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Hi all! Mary, thanks for getting things started for the week in a new thread. I agree with rebirth that your kick off post is excellent. Those are the things I need to do as well.

Hi rebirth and Phil! Phil, tell us how the meetings are in Framingham! I have still not made it to the Mustard Seed. I'm starting to get the itch for a road trip.

Cindi, I was thinking about your comment that you haven't found meetings you like in Chicago. I'm sure it's a bit intimidating in a strange town and you are probably limited by transportation options, schedule, etc. For some reason, and I'm not even sure why, thinking about this dilema has brought into my mind the voice of j-vo's sponsor (speaker on CD) saying "AA is not for people who need it. AA is for people who want it." (I know many have used this AAism but it's j-vo's sponsor's voice I hear in my head!!!!!) I know that I need AA. That's a given. I guess the question I'm asking myself is if I WANT AA and sobriety bad enough to go to any meeting even if I don't particularly care for it, and can't find one that I like?

Well, it's past my bed time! Just wanted to say "hi" on the new weeks thread. Travel safely friends.

DG

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

DG,

It was more of a safety issue than a not liking the meetings issue. Hard to explain. Probably just the meetings I found in my general area.

Remember, I had to walk.

Good news is, I am done with that gig!!

Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

There are definitely some scary parts of Chicago where I would not want to be walking. Will you have to go back there before rehab this week or next? If so, I could at least try to ask around and see if anyone in my groups has a suggestion. There are several people in my home group who lived right in the city in the past. PM the location if you would need help. Don't know if I can turn up anything useful but I'm willing to try.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

There are definitely some meetings I like better than others. I really like a mix of people rather than almost all male meetings (which are common here). However, I always try to choose a meeting instead of NOT going.

Anyhow, my life feels very full right now. I have a lot of child care & am worried about Patty. She's tired (cancer meds plus hectic work schedule). I have to remember to manage my own life, & that means going to meetings & staying on a spiritual path. I have to remember that everyone has his/her own HP...& it isn't me.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Phil: The foliage hasn't quite turned completely yet, but you'll see some. Enjoy. Mary

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Hi Everyone,

wanted to check in.. haven't been here in awhile. Was out of town and just general business. But,
I'm excited and nervous because I have a date with my sponsor to do my 5th step on Thursday!!
Alittle scared and weirded out but also very glad I'm at this point.
re: relapse , everyone says you have to work the steps.. then rework the steps.. like Mary is to keep it working for you. I fully intend to keep on with it.

wish me luck

Have a great rest of the week everyone

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Mary, I really like the way you say that..."everyone has their own HP and it isn't me." I need to write that one in Sharpie marker on my palm or something. I hope Patty is holding up OK even though it's difficult. She is so blessed to have you on her side - sober, clear thinking, and well grounded. My own mother tends to get a bit hysterical over serious matters with her kids, (which ends up sort of making it about her) and that is never helpful.

Cher, congratulations on your progress. I think you will find this to be an excellent experience and very freeing. I can't wait to hear you describe how it feels if you choose to share. (not the details...the feeling)

I was just thinking yesterday about my re-working of the steps. Sister and I left off at Step 2 (I did 1,2 and 3 with my first sponsor so we are now re-working those in Sister's way of doing it.) It's been so as much of our time together has been spent more on doctors appointments and just help with Sisters recovery from Breast Cancer. We will eventually get through those and beyond. It doesn't have to happen in "my time."

Hello to everyone else. We often talk about our fear of "somebody seeing us" at meetings. One of the men who attends often and has been an AA for years mentioned something a few weeks ago about considering a run for a political office. He's not held a political office before so I was thinking City Council or something. I later heard his name mentioned at a Chamber event asscociated with the office he's considering running for. It's something higher profile than CC. If he can even consider running for that office with the many people who have seen him at AA over the years, then I've got nothing to worry about. I admire his courage to consider it, and whether he runs or not that is an excellent example of how far we can come with the goals we set for ourselves in life. (I had no goals other than "the next drink" and "I'd rather be dead" in the end of my active alcoholism) Also, this is certainly an example of getting over that self centered fear.

Off to Curves and then AA. I'm looking forward to both of them this morning!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Cher: The 5th step was very transformative for me. It was the first time I told ANYONE the entire story of my drinking. I remember feeling just completely free of baggage.

DG: Yes, doing the steps again w/a new sponsor is different. My new sponsor is very laid back & doesn't rush. I email or call every few days & see her at meetings. I'm still on step 1 & that feels great to me.

I absolutely need to hear about seeing outside people at meetings. I still have an inhibition about it, but it is decreasing. I recognize that it's my pride that responds to that particular situation. I don't want people knowing I have an addicition. I know God puts people in my life to teach me my lessons...so, I expect to keep seeing people at meetings well into the future.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

Mary, DG and Cher:
I was just advised by an AA member that I shouldnt do step work? That I dont have the right temperament for it and I should wait at least a year or two after being sober. Can anyone explain as I am confused...

What is meant by the right temperament?

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 4 - Oct. 10

rebirth;975163 wrote: Mary, DG and Cher:
I was just advised by an AA member that I shouldnt do step work? That I dont have the right temperament for it and I should wait at least a year or two after being sober. Can anyone explain as I am confused...

What is meant by the right temperament?

Wait a year to start Step work??? Well, everyone has an opinion. I'm not sure where that one comes from.

What I DO think is that we all need sponsors, and a good sponsor helps us take the steps and understand what we're doing. In fact, in a meeting earlier this week we ended up on the topic of sponsors, how important they are, and why we sometimes want to do what is called "sponsor ourselves." Sponsoring yourself means one either does not have a sponsor, or has a sponsor in name only - no real relationship or step work is actually going on, but having a sponsor "on paper" means you can get people off your back and/or kid yourself.

It is an important experience to humble yourself to 1) ask someone and 2) take direction. Most of us are reluctant to do that. I sure was. I didn't go sponsorless, but I chose a weak sponsor and I don't think that was by accident. I think it was intentional, even if a bit subconscious. I had a "sponsor on paper" and proceeded to work Steps 1 - 3 myself. (or tried to). THAT DID NOT WORK. (I then started working with Step Coach)

rebirth, another benefit to having a sponsor of YOUR choice that you trust and look up to is that you will have a specific live person to discuss these sorts of opinions with. (the opinion you got today that to me, seems odd) A sponsor will help you defray a lot of these types of concerns.

That is my opinion for today. ((((rebirth)))) we love ya!!!

DG