AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

[Gaia]

Wakey wakey YB's!

It's fall here. CHilly enough to think about turning on the furnace. And the damper. What's a damper? Sounds like pampers. For champers!

I have good news and bad news. Good news is for another recovery website I now qualify to write a general post for them! You need 3 months of continuous sobriety to qualify, so now I do! That feels good. Part of wanting this sobriety time was linked to wanting qualify to write. Bad news is, now I have to write something! I don't want to be sad and morbid, but upbeat and hopeful. I've also been assigned the topic of relationships, which is a red herring for me. I'll have to do some thinking about it today.

Other thing is I'm hitting the gym for the first time since May. So later today you'll hear numerous groans through the cyberwaves. Hope it clears my head.

Seriously, doesn't sobriety feel great?

With love,
T.

[Doggygirl]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Yo Beauties!!!!!

Gaia, congratulations on 3 months of continuous sobriety! That is fabulous! Can we start a cheer thread for you? I will probably just do it anyway if someone else has not already done it. Like DESERVING a birthday cake, so then you get one!! Thanks for getting us started today. On that other web site, if you just share what's in your heart - good and bad - you will surely touch a chord in someone else. Perfection is not important. Honesty is.

I am happy to be sober today. I was thinking (danger!!) as I was getting ready this morning. We often say "I put my sobriety first." "I'm willing to go to any length to stay sober." What does that really mean to us? I'm wondering if some good examples from this fabbie crowd might help newcomers understand what that means.

I know I'll think of many examples today but here are a couple for me.

1. I have mustered up the courage to say "I don't drink" whenever I am offered an AL beverage. No leaving the door ajar by offering up some other explanation that might be temporary in nature. (I'm on a diet...I'm on medication..., etc.) That has a finality to it but if I leave the door open for al the tiniest bit, he will sneak through. I have to put my fear of failure aside, put aside my pride that cares what other people think of me, and put my sobriety first. I DON'T DRINK.

2. I had to put my pride aside and put my sobriety first to walk through the doors of AA. I was afraid of relaspe and it seemed the right thing to do. I needed that fear to go away. If I couldn't get rid of it sober, maybe I would drink to just get it over with already and make it go away. I had all the usual worries - someone I know will see my car in the parking lot. (and mine is full of logos and graphics and phone numbers and web addresses for our business!) I was afraid of seeing someone I know in a meeting. I was afraid religion would be shoved down my throat. But I put my sobriety first and walked through the doors.

How about you?

I have made my decision for today. I will not drink. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. That one thing is for sure....
DG

[Gaia]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Hi DG,

Just to clarify - tomorrow I have 5 months of continuous sobriety - but when they did the series last time I only had 2 months.

Yeah, I say I don't drink as well.

[Pride before Fall]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Hi Gaia,

Congratulations on the writing gig! I'd love to be doing something more creative than just rehashing science for the masses. If you're authentic (which you are), sad, morbid, upbeat, and hopeful will all work, IMHO.

As for the gym, I'll see your groans and raise you some cracking knees.

I ENJOYED my sober-focused day off very much yesterday, cracking knees and all. One thing I did was list a bunch of things I'm grateful for:

health
great kids
a good job and an understanding boss (who helps people with alcohol dependence! 4 stars for Rich)
a solid, mutual relationship with a great guy (never thought I'd pull that one off)
humor
a nice, warm, lively house
seeing the world through my eyes, not AL's

And the wonderful people at MWO: the shock absorbers on the bumpy road to sobriety.

Much love all around,

xoxo D.

[Pride before Fall]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

x-post DG (good morning!) Five months, Gaia--WOOOOOOT!

[greeneyes]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Morning abbers!

Laying low today. Little sore throatish and really did my lower back a disservice with the vacuum this AM. Is the universe trying to tell me to slow down today?

Hope everyone has a good day. Rock on Gaia!!

[universal]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Hi Abbers!

Good job Gaia! That's awesome!

I hear you on the sore knees etc., I am only 36 and I often feel like my body is 80. Maybe it's all the baseball and volleyball I play.........hmmmmm.

I too am still fighting this damn cold. A month now - it's really beginning to piss me off frankly!

I had a rough night at my group therapy aftercare last night. I don't know where it came from but all of a sudden I was realizing that I am just a little 12 year old girl who is so confused and scared and doesn't know what or how to feel and doesn't know what I am feeling and just wants to curl up in a ball with a teddy bear and blanket and have someone take care of me. And the only 2 things that were constant when I was 12 was my mom and my best friend - both of whom are gone now. I was a mess. And I'm still feeling really emotional about it today. I called my therapist to book another appt for this week even though I was only there yesterday and I"m going to call my sponsor as well. It is just really wierd - but I know it's normal. I'm just feeling really lost right now. At least I'm feeling - that's new for me as well.

Anyway - I'm going to go have a hot shower and get today started otherwise I'll end up crawling back into bed and that won't help anyone.

Talk to you guys soon.
Uni

[Pride before Fall]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Sorry you're feeling off, Greenie (and Uni! Hi--an NA toast to feeling, ok?). Maybe this should be the physical therapy thread. Certainly not "Young Bones." Or "Youthful Bodies."

I will stop now.

xoxox Pride

[momof3]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Yo Babes,

A good morning to all of you. And, a big congratulations to Gaia. Yes, sober life rocks. Rock it in the gym today!

I have not been posting much but I do log on and read every day. It's seems like Fall has happened upon us here in Virginia. I enter this season with mixed feelings since I am a warm weather gal at heart even though I grew up in New England. I like the long hours of daylight that Spring and Summer bring.

Demolition of the kitchen starts tomorrow in the early morning. I have spent the last week cleaning out the basement (to make room for all of our stuff) and packing up the kitchen and den. It has been hard work but there is something I really like about purging old stuff. It's very cleansing for the body and soul. Lots more to do before D day tomorrow.

Yep, when I'm in social situations now and I'm offered a drink, I simply say "no thanks" and when I am pressed, I say "I don't drink anymore." It took quite awhile before those words would easily roll off of my tongue. I felt self conscious and embarassed about it and I think there was a part of me that wanted to keep the door open if you know what I mean.

At our big neighborhood gathering for a neighbor's engagement party, my next door neighbor was astonished when I told her that I have not had a drink in 2 1/2 years. Of course, she is a bit of a lush. There are often impromptu "happy hours" in our neighborhood that occur in people's front or back yards while watching children. That she hasn't taken notice that I no longer drink goes to show you that the only ones who are really focused on "not drinking" is us.

Well, I'm off and running to get some more stuff done. It is going to be a noisy, dusty mess in this house for the next few weeks. It is quite unsettling but I am keeping my gratitude for being able to do this in the forefront.

I am sending special prayers and thoughts to our dear friend Cinders. I am amazed at her strength to keep on trying to beat this beast. It is time for her family to take care of her now so she can do what it takes.

I have noticed that lots of folks have been struggling and relapsing over the past month of so. Is it the time of year? Something happening with the planets? Greenie could probably tell us. Feel better Greenie. It's that time of year for sore throats and such for sure.

M3

[momof3]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Uni,

I wanted to send a special reply to you since I read your post yesterday too.

I am sure others have you told you that it is normal and necessary for you to be going through what you are right now. Knowing and experiencing though are two different things. It sucks and we are so accustomed to using alcohol to make those feelings go away. I am guessing that your intial euphoria/pink cloud over being sober has worn off and all of the emotions and sadness that have been inside of you for so long are now having an opportunity to surface.

Folks in AA say that our emotional maturity/growth stops at about the time that we seriously become addicted to alcohol. I know this was true for me. I have grown up alot over the past 2 1/2 years. I was a slobbering mess after I stopped drinking for good and had to deal with the losses of the people I loved most and depended upon in my life-- my mom, dad, fiance, grandmother. I did what I needed to do to get through it. I cried alot, I slept and sometimes I went for long walks out in the country so I could scream and cry as loudly as I wanted to. My sadness doesn't feel as frightening to me anymore. It's just a part of who I am and it makes me a compassionate and empathic person.

It is good that you have a supportive group to go to. Keep on keeping on. You are doing a great job and some important work!!

M3

[Lavande]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

GM all! No Bitches here today

DG, I've had to learn to deflect all the negativity bullets from YB to maintain my sobriety!!
I was just thinking after he left yesterday that it probably IS a good thing that he hasn't been around for the past 5 1/2 months. I was in no way wanting to drink but his continued shitty behavior may have eventually wore me down. Things do happen for a reason!

Gaia, congrats on your writing gig - very cool!!!

Greenie - if you need Nurse Lav just give me the word......take it easy today, OK?

Uni, all this emotional upheaval you are experiencing will be resolved soon. Hang in there, you are doing all the right things.

Pride, are you insinuating that we are acting like Senior Citizens??? How is that possible when we're only 29?

M3, wishing you the best on your remodling project. Ugh, I've been thru it so many times.......but the end result is so nice

Got to run & get some shopping done before EB (with the I'm going on 2 attitude) arrives!!!!!!
Have a great day!
Lav

[LVT25]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Hello friends,

I liked your post Mom3. I feel that way about Cinders too.

Uni--I am so proud of you for doing what it takes to feel better. I think I know the feeling. I am still in search of that inner child that I forced to grow up too fast. Keep up the good work.:l

I had a crappy day yesterday, but I refuse to go through my days feeling sorry for myself and wishing things (people) were different. I know I am in control of me and I will work on me.

Have a great sober day all! Feel better!:h

[greeneyes]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

momof3;974023 wrote: I have noticed that lots of folks have been struggling and relapsing over the past month of so. Is it the time of year? Something happening with the planets?

Who knows really.... Things seem to be energetically more intense lately. Everything, not just the change of season and the autumnal equinox. I'm a believer in the oncoming shift in human consciousness. The end of an era is upon us and things are shifting. Don't you feel the quickening pace in your perception of time? The weather patterns, the breakdown of some ecological patterns, societal structures... People are "waking up". Indigo children. The surge in spirtiualism and healing modalities. I hope struggles and relpases are a sign of people getting solid footing. It is a good time to be on board with your awareness. IMHO (weren't expecting THAT were you? :H)

[Determinator]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Happy Tuesday ABland!

Greeneyes, I hope you are right, I'd be thrilled to have the 'new Earth' Tolle describes. I guess the best thing we can do in the meantime is to set a good example in our own behaviours. Positive, happy, healing people that don't let things get us down Like LVT's excellent attitude about her bad day in the above post. way to go!

Cindi, are you ears burning? xxxxx

I can't believe it, but it's still raining here. I've never seen so much precipitation in 10+ years of being here.

well, off to save the world

be well everyone

[Accountable for Me]

AF Tueday - October 5, 2010

Hi... I am on day one.

I really have been blowing it lately. With my dad being terminally ill, working crazy hours, teenager daughter got pissed off me and moved in with her dad; I haven't been staying away from AL.

I feel really, really, rough after being on a bit of a bender the last couple of days. 2 bottles of vodka, 3 big bottles of red wine. I honestly feel like I am on the verge of a massive anxiety attack.

I am disappointed in myself. But, I know what I need to do.

I love being sober and healthy.

I just ate a big bowl of chicken noodle soup, so I hope that helps with the rough feeling.

Thanks for listening. Have a good day everyone.

ps. thinking of you Cindi! Keep fighting girlfriend!