sat 9 oct af daily

[bear73]

Morning all - been catching up on threads. spent all evening yesterday reading 'Dry' wow!
Didn't skate - was knackered and wanted to stay in so I did.Grab a sandwich!

Rollercoaster week emotionally - sober I usually start my day feeling calm - did a LOT at work this week. Had another chat with job share - this will be an ongoing thing for me not to feel put down by her - and she needs to know the impact of her behaviour.

Then coaching session that explored my fears about what others think of me - ended up sobbing as I realised that it's my opinion of me! She then asked me what i was feeling - I didn't know - then I thought I often don't know. She then asked what would it take for me to put all my anxieties down and what would it feel like for me to do that. I said to tell myself it's ok not to worry, and it would feel amazing - cue more sobbing!:upset::upset:

This is all related to drinking/smoking/eating junk - it's how I (used to!) squash down painful feelings so I don't feel them (so it takes me ages to say how i do feel). Now I can't as I am af/smoke free - I really don't want stress/comfort eating to worsen so am asking myself what I'm feeling when I want junk/how can I express it/comfort myself. So I really identified when in rehab Augusten Burroughs was given a face card to identify feelings.

Onion layers I guess!Can anyone recommend any AA books?I have living sober and am thinking something that size.
Good day to come everyone with your fanny warmers - it is quite cold here today - he he :H

[bear73]

sat 9 oct af daily

maybe a piece of fruit rather than a sandwich - this looked longer when i was typing!

[bear73]

sat 9 oct af daily

there is more - from Thursday's thread and Marshy's thought!

I really identify with the ' your opinion of me is none of my business' I really need to take this on. Usually it's my bad opinion of me that I'm projecting onto others though.

I'm wondering if all my resentment and squashing my feelings is actualy at the root of my depression - if I could find a way of feeling them/expressing them that would solve a lot of problems in my life I think.

Cos I keep hold of things they get bigger and I feel resentful towards others but don't express this - anger turned inwards = depression is a theory isn't it? I'm assertive in terms of saying when I disagree but not when it comes to expressing my feelings,what I need from people emotionally,how they are treating me then I get resentful when I don't get it.

Is that a sandwich post (split into 2?)

[greeneyes]

sat 9 oct af daily

:H:H:H bear!!! I've got to go get a cuppa AND a sandwich before I tackle those.

[greeneyes]

sat 9 oct af daily

bear, I don't know why, but my heart warmed at the sight of your new avatar. :h It felt like a new bear emerging full of hope. Those sessions must be tough, but I'm so thrilled for you to be digging up your roots to plant elsewhere. I don't know if your job-share person will ever understand the impact of her behavior, and while I know it is important to you now, her understanding may not be at issue. I do think that this is an example of a difficult person being in our life as one of our best teachers. She seems integral in your path of self-discovery and healing. I'm so proud of you for doing this work and hanging on to your sobriety!! :l

Don't have house guest yet. She stayed at former BIL's house (45 min away) last night. She flies by the seat of her pants which is fine. And I mean that sincerely. I am peacefully carrying on with what I want to do. I am happy to see I am not bothered by trying to make plans around her and control her actions. REAL happy! That's a really freeing experience! Yesterday I went to a thoroughly depressing/alarming health care seminar. Then I met a GF fall plant festival at the new farmer's market. We went to a new vietnamese sandwich place and then to her house to hang out until rush hour was over. Every now and then she'd say "What about your friend?" and I'd say "I don't know". :H Had bubble tea at the sandwich place - heard of it? It had black tapioca balls in the bottom that you could suck up with a fat straw.

Here's a link to a yogo pose for the blues. A Yoga Pose for the Blues - Dr. Weil's Weekend Tip

Marshy, nothing with the painter. I need him to fix a motion light he installed but have been too busy (putting off) calling him.

Have a satisfying saturday! I think I'll go to a yoga class at the gym before the outdoor musuem fling. One thing is for sure.......

Lav, how'd the craft sho go???

[Pride before Fall]

sat 9 oct af daily

Had bubble tea ... black tapioca balls in the bottom that you could suck up with a fat straw >>>

Ermmmm, think I'm gonna take a pass on the bubble tea! :egad:

TWO weddings this weekend: one love's old, one love's new, a lot of stuff's borrowed, and nobody's blue.

Bear, I've been flooded with feelings I barely recognize, have been numbing them for so long--not pleasant ones; anxiety, fear, grief, shame, doubt (my personal Greek chorus). A few years ago, a therapist had me isolate the voices in my head, characterize them (drill sargeant, martyr, etc.), then write down what they were saying. The ratio of negative to positive was eye-opening (and kind of horrifying).

This weekend, I'm so looking forward to feeling joy for these two couples unclouded by alcohol. And what a stranger that feeling has been!

Have a wonderful weekend, all.

Pride

[universal]

sat 9 oct af daily

Morning everyone!

Bear, I had a rough week emotionally too - good for you for not drinking through it and tackling the feelings head on! :l :goodjob:
My therapist had me draw empty barrells and write down at the top of each page who or what the barrell represented that was contributing to my pain/feelings (ex: dad, boyfriend etc.). That way at least it is labelled and when I am ready I can fill up the barrels with feelings around those subjects. It helped me to get those things out on paper.

Today I am heading to an AA meeting this morning and then doing some step work with my sponser. This afternoon I am going to be doing some housework with my BF and some tiling in the kitchen. Almost done that renovation!

I hope everyone has a great AF day - One thing is for sure over here!

Love and hugs,
Uni
:h

[Marshy]

sat 9 oct af daily

Hello all

Zooming!

Good section in The Tao of Sobriety about how to control all those voices in your head and put yourself in charge of them.

Amazon.com: The Tao of Sobriety: Helping You to Recover from Alcohol and Drug Addiction (9780312242503): David Gregson, Jay S. Efran, G. Alan Marlatt: Books

I'm always recommending this. Not on commission, honest!

I'm two hours into a 12-hour shift. Things can only get better

[Doggygirl]

sat 9 oct af daily

Yo Beauties!!! Happy Saturday!!

Bear, I am just :l and happy over your post. It seems like you are starting to make some real break throughs now that the cloud of AL has cleared. It won't be easy but dealing with life and our feelings head on is SO much better in the long run. As they say, one day at a time. For me it's become such a good mantra for just about everything life has to offer!

Books....I actually read your post much earlier before I left for AA and then Curves, etc. So I had some time to think. It's not "AA Material" per se, but there is a book of daily readings/meditations that we use in the "tough chicks" women's meeting I go to. I really really like it and think many of the readings might hit home for you too. It is geared towards women who are in recovery. Of any kind - not just AA Amazon.com: Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women (9780894861611): Karen Casey: Books. I have the version I linked, but I noticed there is another version which appears to have the readings, but also a blank area for journaling. That would be nice. There is also a similar book of daily readings on the topic of self esteem which looks interesting. But I HAVE the book I linked and like that one. The rest is just speculation.

Greenie Beanie! Black balls that you suck through a straw. Hmmm.... :H I am taking such inspiration from the way you are handling things with your needy friend. I am taking note of how you are just calmly going along taking things one day at a time without getting worked up.

Marshy, I really need to pick up the Tao again. When I tried to read it before I was not ready I don't think. (it seemed to go right over my head) Better move it up on my library list. Sounds like you too have a good attitude about a long day.

Uni - sending you positive remodel vibes! I would be interested in hearing a bit about how you and your sponsor approach the steps together. People have different ways of going about it, and I'm always curious if you care to share. Probably more appropriate on the AA thread. Your day sound great except for the cleaning part! :H

Pride, I like that little ditty you came up with about old and new, etc. Have fun at the weddings! It is so cool to take on a life event sober for the first time, and then KNOW we can do it. And it's better.

Sending positive remodel vibes to M3 too. And positive craft show vibes to Lav and positive agility trial vibes to P3. And some general positive vibes to everyone!!!!

I just made Mr. Doggy a deal. I will go to the vet (a bit of a drive to this one) to pick up Kimba's meds. He will empty all the dirt out of my porch pots and put them away for winter, and take the dirt to the garden. He said "I'll TAKE that deal! I would have had to move the dirt anyway!!" :H He is right, but this way I will feel more entitled when I nag. Oh the mind games we play.

Well, gotta go! One thing is for sure....

DG

[greeneyes]

sat 9 oct af daily

What a lovely day so far! Me & my vibes went to the museum thing. I was all set for some BBQ and feck if I didn't arrive sans purse! sunscreen - check, straw hat - check, lipstick - check, purse - uh oh. Of course there were vendors there along with the bluegrass and bbq and having no money put an interesting twist on things. There was no brain haggling! It was great! Then I wandered inside and stumbled on a FANTASTIC photographic portrait contest exhibit!! I got a great seat for the documentary movie which I thoroughly enjoyed even without glasses. And having Mr. Pearl speak afterwards was a real treat. His website is down but here's a sample. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxk23JhMKjI[/video]]YouTube - Pearl Fryar's Topiary Neither GF possibility went with but I had my typical grand greenie extravaganza. Friend is on her way over and is tired so I'll just figure out what to cook and take it from there. Movie is tomorrow night with 2 other GFs.

Vibrant vibes to all!

[Lavande]

sat 9 oct af daily

Hey Abbers!

Back from a very long but profitable day at the craft fair
Didn't make quite enough to take us all to Paris but..........I'm happy to have the business cards from 5 people who want embroidery done for their businesses! Cool!

bear, you are doing so well! You will get used to feeling all these feelings, just takes a while. Be kinder to yourself, others will follow suit.

Marshy, hope your day has gone well. I can honestly say that I do not miss those 12 hr. shifts, ugh!

Greenie, very cool topiaries! Longwood Gardens (near by me in the Mushroom capital of the world) has a lot of them too. It's awesome when they put lights on them at Christmas.

DG, I'm at the point where doing physical work just doesn't interest me anymore. Good for you pawning off the dirt work

I'm looking forward to an early night - have been running around like a crazy woman since 6 am - yikes!
Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.
Lav

[Pamina]

sat 9 oct af daily

Nighty night abbers,

What a long evening! I really do wish you'd all been with me this evening. I had a very long conversation with a friend about AA. And I don't even go to AA!!!! But since I've been reading your stories, I felt like I was passing that on. This friend drinks too much. But the conversation was about his young European relative who's living here unemployed, is not entitled to benefits and keeps getting into scrapes because of his drinking. He's literally almost gotten himself killed twice, once in a brawl and once in an accident. The kid is considering attending AA but this older friend is very sceptical and quizzed me on what I think is the 'mechanism' whereby AA helps people. The issue is obviously too close for comfort. Still, I was surprised he hadn't even heard of the 12 steps. As the conversation wore on it just hit me, not that I've ever been to an AA meeting, but the whole point of going is that you WANT TO stop drinking. AA doesn't exist to persuade anyone to want that. So for my friend, who still wants to carry on drinking, AA is irrelevant. Whatever happens in their meetings does not apply to him. In the end I said AA could help the young guy to stop and to stay stopped if that's what he wants. That threshold separates those, like my friend, for whom AA would most likely be useless, from those, like this kid hopefully, for whom it can open up a new way of living.

Maybe I should attend an AA meeting one of these days. Goonight friends.

[Accountable for Me]

sat 9 oct af daily

Hello friends in ab-land!

I just got home from work. I take care of a wheel-chaired, 82 year old on the weekends. Her daughter can only afford to pay $10/hr and I saw her post online a couple of times over the last few months. She has been through a few girls. Low pay, weekends.... So I responded. I have been working with her for almost a month now. I don't give a rats ass how much it pays. She is the pleasant-est lady ever. I actually find it relaxing getting away from home!!! I just love her to bits. The daughter has an active life. She had weightloss surgery, and I saw the pics of her before and after today. HOLY SMOKES! She is so dedicated; even after a year. You wouldn't even recognize her from before.

Anyway, I am going to chill out. The highway was completely filled with water and I pretty much hydroplaned all the way home. Kind of rattled at the moment.

I am feeling a lot better after my last weekend drinking. I certainly don't miss it at all. Life sober is marvelous.

Have a great night everyone!

ps. Bear - you are doing amazing, woman!! I have 'known' you on these boards for a very long time and I can see a real transformation in you. Keep it up girlfriend!!

[Determinator]

sat 9 oct af daily

Happy Thanksgiving weekend Canada!

wow, so much going on here and it's so late here my brain is already in neutral. at any rate, nice to see your shiny sober faces nice quiet night at home for me.

be well

[Doggygirl]

sat 9 oct af daily

Pamina, I listened to an AA speaker tape recently and the woman used a saying I like. "AA is not for people who need it. It's for people who want it." For me that sums it up. A desire to stop drinking is the only requirement for membership. So you did very good understanding and explaining that! You would be an asset to AA should you ever decide to go. It is so difficult to watch someone wasting their life beating their head against that wall....just like I used to be doing on a daily basis.

AFM, there is another line from the Big Book that is one of my favorites and I love it whether it's an "AA saying" or not. "The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." What you ar doing for this elderly woman and her daughter is to me, the crux of a spiritual life. Doing good for others. I had no idea all those years I wasted selfishly drinking how good *I* can feel doing good for others. Your drive home sounds scary!!!!!! Glad you made it safely.

Deter, it's good to see you! Is it still raining in the dessert? (If so, I hope you have built an ark)

Greenie, I thought of you last night when Mr. Doggy (a treasure hunter :H) was reading an article in his treasure hunters magazine about an awesome find. I guess somebody bought some....plates? films? Something photography related for $50 or something. I guess it turned out to be Ansel Adams work from his Yosemite project. Stuff nobody knew about. What a find THAT was! I told Mr. Doggy he needs to get busy and get serious. FIND ME SOME DIAMONDS!!!! Hope your evening with NGF (needy girl friend) went well.

Lav, good to hear you sold stuff and also got some great leads from the craft day!! There is a lady here in town who does screen printing and embroidery from her home. Her forte is the ability to do relatively small quantities at a good price (where the set up fee doesn't kill you!). She does our company logod stuff and Mr. Doggy fixes her computers that run her fancy machines. I always think of you when I see her!

Off to find a thread for today...

DG