Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I was struck by the laughs that we had at last night's meeting. No effort went into someone trying to be funny. We just had a nice time together. I certainly remember the "drinking" good times. I kept drinking & drinking to try & hold on to that light-hearted feeling. I didn't know that it's much easier to maintain when I'm sober.

Sometimes people will remenisce (sp?) about the "good" times they had drinking. I can't even remember when I had a really memorable positive experience while drinking. After the first 2 drinks, I was always chasing that high wo/seeming to do so. I was always on my guard regarding the slurring, staggering, etc. That isn't my idea of fun anymore.

I just feel grateful that I have sobriety today.

Mary

PS: I mentioned to my daughter that I was going on a hike w/some of my AA friends. She told me to be "careful" around them. She pictures all kinds of shady types of people. When I told her I knew teachers, lawyers, priests, nuns, etc. in the fellowship, she seemed skeptical. There are a lot of misconceptions out there. If I thought I could get her to one, I'd take her to a meeting in order to break the stereotype.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Hi Mary,
I had the same issues with my partner. He had a very stereotypical view of the types of people at AA meetings. I took him to one in august and he was pleasantly surprised. I remembered him crying when someone was sharing. He commented on the amazing people at the meeting. I think it's a great idea to take your daughter to one. Tell her the biscuits are yummy!

Yes...it's about working the programme. Well that is something I have not been doing properly. I nearly drank on saturday. I woke up with such a head on me and I just thought f**k it. The craving was very intense. By early evening I bought a bottle of wine and let it chill in the fridge. For a last resort I called an AA friend but I decided that i was going to drink. I then called another AA friend and then one more after that. ..In the end I poured the poison down the drain.

I have to get myself a sponsor ( tomorrow's meeting!!) and I have to start step work otherwise there is NO hope for me.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Mary, I enjoyed reading about your laughter with your friends. It really IS so wonderful to laugh sincerely and soberly - not the drunken surreal stuff from the days of old. There was a time when I guess I had a lot of fun drinking (but paid the price with the hangovers, and other drunken behaviors). But that was a LOOOOOOONNNGGGGG time ago. It was just a ball and chain, and no fun at all for many years.

Rebirth, I am SO PROUD OF YOU for doing the right thing on Saturday. You worked your program by picking up the phone. You wanted sobriety a little bit more than you wanted that drink. GOOD FOR YOU!!! I think you will find that working the steps with a good sponsor will make this easier. I haven't had a craving like that for AL in a long long time. (we won't talk about sweets here!!! )

I'm looking forward to AA tomorow morning especially since I didn't get to go today. Mary, I too hope your daughter will go one day. Since AA is very important in your life, it would be nice if she had a more accurate perception of the people involved.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Mary, that's so funny! I've met some real shady folks there too - doctors, teachers, clergy, housewives, grandmothers, soccer moms, yup, wouldn't want to meet any of them in a dark alley! I think a lot of people would be surprised who you'd meet at AA - regular people you might see anywhere. Hopefully she'll go with you sometime.

Rebirth, good for you calling those people and dumping that poison. That's what they are there for. Be upfront about needing a sponsor - let it be known when you speak during the meeting - I've always seen positive responses when ever anyone does this. If the person you want as a sponsor isn't there, or not available, get someone, ask around, never assume everyone knows by looking at you or remembers if you mentioned it before. As a precaution. For the longest time I didn't realize I need to take the initiative. Wishing you the very best with that!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

(and a would be mayoral candidate....)



Later all....zoom zoom

DG

[Choochie]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Thanks all for this post about AA. I'm thinking of going and this makes me think I should. Rebirth, I'm so happy that you didn't crater. Thanks for sharing, though. It helps remind us that the craving is always a danger and to not become complacent!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Rebirth: At the beginning of many of our meetings, the chairperson asks if there are any "burning desires" or sobriety-threatening issues we'd like to bring up. I've heard people say: "I just feel like I'm going to relapse." Just getting that thought out is liberating, & then afterwards the person is often surrounded by people who are willing to help. Good luck on getting a sponsor.

Yesterday, my husband, dog, & I went for a rigorous hike w/some AA friends. What a wonderful time! Yes, we talked some about our sobriety & AA, but there was also a lot of joking around & just plain fun.

Take care one & all.


Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Thank you mary, dance, dg and coochie for your encouraging words. I feel so vunerable and teary today because I almost lost my sobriety on the weekend. I feel like a little lost girl girl desparatley trying to find home.
I am still shocked how I nearly drank. I am really looking forward to this meeting tonight because I need to share and be around people who understand me.
Will give you a report. x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Choochie, glad the posts on this thread are helping you decide what you want to do. There is certainly no harm in checking out AA to see if it will help you. Meetings vary widely in terms of the group dynamic. I encourate anyone who is exploring AA to attend a variety of meetings before making up your mind. I noticed there is a reference to Buddhism in your signature line. There is a book that might be of interest to you - "One Breath at a Time - Buddhism and the Twelve Steps."

Has anyone heard from j-vo recently? I'm going to send her a PM. Hope she's OK. Anyone else gone missing from this thread???

Rebirth - like Mary I encourage you to be completely honest at you meeting. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. (whoever "they" are..) Will look forward to you report. Truly accepting our alcholism and the cunning, baffling and powerful nature of AL is a humbling process. You did the right things and the program worked the way it is supposed to - even though it was a frightening experience for you. You got through it. If this happens again, you know exactly what to do. Mean time, pursuing step work with a sponsor is a great move. For me, the step work has resulted in a removal of that fear and compulsion.

I loved todays meeting. It was "open topic Tuesday" and a new guy is chairing who is fairly new to AA, and this was his first time chairing a meeting. He was very nervous but he did just fine. It was so nice to be there offering support and encouragement along with the others who are regulars and therefore, knew how scary this was for him. He chose a great topic - guilt. It was another one of those meetings that I wish I could "play back" here in detail. There are not enough sandwiches for that. There were so very many thought provoking comments. I am so grateful that I have this program which teaches me how to deal with my wrongdoings and guilt (of the past and also of anything I do today that I end up regretting). I am not bogged down by a lot of guilt today, and that's a blessing considering the "wreckage" that I left in my wake over the years.

There is one guy who I always like to see because he just challenges me intellectually. I usually feel like I only "get" about half of what he's saying. But over time I am "getting" more of it so I enjoy the challenge. He raised a point today that I found thought provoking. He believed there is a very fine line between guilt and self pity. He gave examples of times he thought he was wallowing in legitimate guilt but really, he was having a self serving pity party.

I left the meeting thinking that a twinge of guilt is good - just like a twinge of worry is good. They tell me I have a conscience about my past and future. But if I am wallowing in either feeling, then I am probably avoiding something I should be doing (making an amend, changing a behavior, accepting something I don't want to accept, etc.). Or hosting a pity party and seeking attention. It was definitely food for thought for me. I love finding new ways to examine my thoughts and feelings and seek the TRUTH in them. (not some fictional version of the truth meant to manipulate my own view of the world, or someone else's.)

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Hi everyone,
I had a great meeting. It was a big meeting so I didnt get time to share unfortunatley. My hope to be sponsor wasnt there again...argghh! How frustrating! Maybe I ought to give up on that one and just find anyone who will have me?

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Lol. I sound so desparate

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Rebirth, when I think back, I had a similar "f**k it" feeling at just around the same time AF as you did. Interesting. That's when I started looking into AA too (after that I mean!). It too totally took me by surprise and really shook me up. There do seem to be points where a lot of people either relapse or feel on the verge of it - I wonder exactly why? I always take to heart what I hear from more experienced members on that topic.

If they do "burning desires" (when time is running short, so not everyone will get a chance to speak, and anyone with a burning desire can speak up) at your meetings, you might want to jump in there. Maybe let everyone you talk to know you are looking - possibly someone could suggest someone (though I know one of the ones someone suggested to me was someone who grates on my nerves, and wouldn't pick myself )? Maybe ask experienced members to recommend someone? Then your original one will show back up for sure! :H It couldn't hurt to have options though. I have 3 or 4 I'm considering - I guess I need to start talking to all of them and feel them out. Or decide which one I think I want & ask that one first! You're helping me out be asking for help (or something!).

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Welcome to you too Choochie!

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

Dance I was thinking the same thing..A few AA friends of mine relapsed around the 4 to 5 month mark. Maybe it's because the novelty has worn off and the bad feelings with drinking has softened.. I dont know either.
But it was an awful moment to see that bottle of wine in my house. I was gutted that I even purchase it. Oh Thank God is all I say! Thank you HP for not letting me down.
You have three or four potential sponsors? Gosh you are lucky! I think I am really fussy. Too fussy. Too controlling. I think I need to start chilling out a bit more.
This sobriety is showing alot about me..I am far too wound up for my liking!!

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 11 - Oct. 17

3 or 4 I'm thinking of as possibilities..... I need to stop procrastinating and just do it. As I get to know people more, different ones look good, and then I can't decide.