October Optimism - Week 3

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 3

Choochie - Thank you so much for your post, I really appreciate it so much, you too Mr G.
Im 46 and I used to be pretty confindent and flirty around men but now I realize that was the AL and I used it as a crutch for my insecurities. Now Im having to get used to life without it and have pretty much mastered it whilst on my own and in my comfortable little "chill" world. Now being out of my comfort zone without AL is damn scary and I think thats where Im struggling with self confidence. I know like every other obstacle I face AF, once Im over this I will be stronger but that doesnt make it easy when your in the midst of it. "what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger".

[Choochie]

October Optimism - Week 3

Oh, can I relate - can't imagine going on a date sober. Scary......maybe it will actually give you a better chance of making it with someone - no illusions!

[sdlovespackers]

October Optimism - Week 3

Hi!
Just jumping in quick...way too much to do today and way too little time!!! UGH!!

But...Chill..I just wanted to say I totally commend you for even getting out there and dating...sober...I am completely where you are...fearing that someone wouldn't really find me all that interesting (without my liquid courage). If he keeps asking you out, I'd go with it and just have fun!! Try not to over analyze where the relationship MIGHT go...because then 'we' have a tendency to sabotage it before it even gets started. THis coming from the girl who's been told to STOP ANALYZING EVERY LITTLE THING!:H I'm really trying to get better at that and trying to step back and see situations and comments for what they really are...not how I want to perceive them (usually in a negative way towards myself). You are a lovely person with an awesome sense of humor and this guy has picked up on in pretty quickly!! I say just go with it and have fun---just take it slow!

Rusty--I loved your quotes!! THe ones on forgiveness really struck a chord...as I've said my dad and I have had a huge falling out...haven't spoke since July 4th. I'm not sure I even care...he was pretty hurtful and disrespectful to me in front of my son (again) to the point where I cracked and exploded and told him off and that we wouldn't be around again! Of course, he's the victim and been 'so hurt and upset' and been talking about it to my sisters, of course which gets back to me. This emotional abuse from him, I've been taking for years!!! He doesn't do this to my sisters...I contribute it to my mom and I being very similar in nature and this is how he treated her (they are divorced..have been since I was 8 years old...and haven't spoke in 20+ years I bet...not even at my wedding!!!). I dunno...he's also told me he has no respect for teachers...which is what I am too. So forgiveness....I know it's the right thing to do and maybe a some point I'll get there...but I just don't know...I think another huge part of me not drinking is I don't want to be my dad and EVER have the relationships (or lack of relationships) he has with people because he is such a hurtful, horrible drunk!!
Sorry about my rant...I've kind been grouchy all weekend...your quotes I have written down and will give them some real thought this week...thank you!!!:l

I didn't mean to even be on the computer this long...I better get movin'! LBH--send the limo this way would ya!!
Dill--Geneva on the Bay....does that sound familiar?? That's the little town I stayed in when I went fishing up there!
Have a great Sunday everyone...maybe Brett will cheer my up with a win!!! (hope, hope)
SD:l

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

Hell0 peeps,
Can stay long on here as I have company and was quickly checking my emails.Hope everyone is okay..

Will post longer tomorrow. x

[sooty]

October Optimism - Week 3

Hi everyone, a late Sunday log in for me - very busy day. Had meditation course this morning and then went straight to dress rehearsal for the choir - we have our first performance on Friday night, so nervous making but exciting at the same time!
We're only doing 4 songs but ooh the pressure and as I'm in the front row I'm really scared of making a mistake so there'll be lots of practicing going on in our house this week (hope the neighbours won't complain )

Only got home a few minutes ago from my Sunday night visiting so I'm going to make hot drink and curl up with my book I think.

Goodnight all, hope your Sunday has gone well. See you tomorrow
love Sooty

[Choochie]

October Optimism - Week 3

SD - I think bad parents should really just be looked at as sperm doners, don't you? Takes more than that to actually be a father!

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 3

Evening all!

Chill-I am so far out of the dating game it's not even funny anymore but I just want to echo everyone who's said to just go with the flow but take it slow. he seems very nice and down to earth and I KNOW how wonderful you are. you mentioned in a much early post that he knows your ex and what's happening in his life so I'm guessing he knows about the financial situation as well. Doesn't seem like it matters to him. I hope you decide to go to the boat launch and have fun. You are beautiful, classy, real and very composed because you are Chillgirl!! Just summon up as much Zen as you can and you'll be fine.

SD-you rant all you want. So sorry you and your dad had such a falling out but you need to take care of yourself and your son first and foremost. Nobody has the right to treat us badly, not even our parents. Big :l for you.

Nice day today. the playday was small which was lovely as I got to really chat with more people than I usually do. Nephew's birthday party was nice too. He's such a nice young man. Even gave me a hug when I came in!! 17!! We had a nice chat about starting to look at colleges this year. He's very interested in Chemistry and is leaning towards Chemical Engineering. Wow!! What great kids the two boys have turned out to be.

It's getting late, I'm stuffed to the gills with great food and WAY too many sweets so off to swig some Maalox and try to get some sleep.

Nite Nite. :l

[Guitarista]

October Optimism - Week 3

Chilli sure is beautiful, classy, and composed. And i would add smart, warm, selfless i suspect, interesting, a thinker, reflective, funny, and a quiet strength about her, just like you P3, and just like all the folk's on this thread, including us blokes of course!

A safe, sober and magical weekend to all!

[cyntree]

October Optimism - Week 3

Quick good night/morning to all - I'm going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight for the first time in weeks, but wanted to check in first. Good thing - there is always a ton of info! Can't give my two cents on everything and everyone just now, but thank you all for your thoughts. Just one thing for our sweet Chill -- my favorite mentor used to tell me this a lot --
"All growth is from the known to the unknown" In other words, if you're growing, it's going to be 'damn scary'! We celebrate you -

And Choochie, how great to have your words here! Early congrats on day 14 - great job! PA - good luck with the 'casting off'.

Take care everyone, I'll try to post earlier tomorrow --

[rustop61]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good morning everyone

Dark and dreary here. Feel like staying in bed but no such luck! I am having all the neighbours over this evening so have a lot of cleaning and preparing to do today.

Did you enjoy your meditation class Sooty? I have 4 of them over now and am really getting into it. At this stage we are doing the body scan, hatha yoga, sitting meditation. I like the mix.

Chill - like Papmom, I am so far removed from dating it is not funny but would go with the idea of just going with the flow and enjoy every moment of it.

Everyone else big hello and have a great week. Here are a few more readings that I received his morning.

"To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at
yourself is maturity."
--William A. Ward

To remain young while growing old is the highest blessing.
--German Proverb

"Make rest a necessity, not an objective."
--Jim Rohn

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."
--Benjamin Disraeli

"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."
--L. Thomas Holdcroft

"Once you say you are going to settle for second, that's what happens to you."
--John F. Kennedy

Friends are the sunshine of life.
--John Hay

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

October Optimism - Week 3

Monday and raining here. Good. It makes it easier to go to work.

I feel so much better after the flu. Very sensitive to food and that is a good thing. It will make me mindful of what I am putting in my body. Had a useful, busy day yesterday, and spoke to a sibling with whom there is a falling out. I have tried to be part of a peacemaking effort, but there is no accountablity on their part, only victimhood and blame. No forgiveness or accountability. It is really sad and infuriating. I notice that we all have the general need to be right, but being accountable for our actions is important. As part of our AF journey, we have all tried to and have been, accountable for our actions while drinking. I think things become clearer as time goes on and we realize where we have been and where we want to go.

Chill, you would probably not be so clearheaded in this budding relationship if you were drinking. Instead, you are thoughtful and wondering if you even want to be with the beautiful people, wondering if that is where you belong at this point in your life. Only you can say. He sounds like a nice guy, and I would say go for it, it takes time to get to know someone, as we peel away the layers, getting to know the real person. Whether it works out longterm or not, you are learning about yourself in your first AF male/female realtionship. Please tell us how it is different being AF and dating.

I think the beginning of relationships are so interesting and fresh. On the other hand, I was talking to a friend yesterday who is married for over 25 years, and that is where the real work is, in some cases. YOu would think not, but it is so hard to get along. Accept what you cannot change and be loving and forgiving. It is just ongoing and you have to be really committed to get through everything. And I am not even talking about big stuff life infidelity or abuse. No matter in a new or long term relationship, we bring ourselves with us. It is only possible to be real if we are AF, as drinking puts a different spin on everything.

I am going to be careful to not get in the middle of the family stuff, as I cannot resolve it. It seems that no one is ready to really talk honestly. And, without honesty, there is nothing. I have to protect myself and will. Lots to think about.

SD, we have to protect ourselves from the old patterns in our family. Sorry your dad is so negative and feels it acceptable to cut you down. It hurts and is so unnecessary and unproductive.

Hey all, have a great AF day.

[Rusty]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Monday Morning Everyone!

I am short on time today as I am flying out today and my apologies for not addressing all my friends here individually.

Rustop-thank you, once again, you have provided us with quotes that we can take with us all day long. This is my favorite today: "Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action." --Benjamin Disraeli Rustop, You sound so peaceful, too....it must be the meditation class.

Sooty-I love hearing about your involvement in the choir, and you are in the front row, and you should be. I admire your talent. (as we all know, I can't carry a tune ) To be able to sing well and express yourself in song, what a gift!

Paguy-I'll be the chairwoman of your "Cast-Off Party." That will be such a relief to you! And you will be able to get back to the gym and start rebuilding all your lost muscle mass due to your injury. Ooh La La!

Papmom-I am so glad you had a nice time at your nephew's b-day party, and I can just tell he loves being with you. It sounds like you're the doting, single, and I might add, FAVORITE aunt. So am I, by the way! I think our nieces and nephews like to be around we single women so we can spoil them. I spoil mine, I know that!

Chilli-Of course this guy is nuts about you! I agree with you...tread softly if he is just recovering from a bad break-up. You wouldn't want to be the "rebound relationship," because they seldom work out in the long-term. (personal experience). Just enjoy the relationship ODAT. You are also wise to take everything slowly, and AF! Good for you!

Star-I am so sorry about the falling out with your sibling. :l You are such a smart, sensible person with your pragmatic approach to the situation. I had the same problem with my brother-for 30 years! No accountability on his part-pointing the finger at everyone for the hurt he caused his family (his wife, children, siblings and parents). My parents accepted their parts in it-they were very young parents-overprotective and my dad-wayyyy too strict and not available physically or emotionally. We distanced ourselves from our brother because he was toxic....he would have destroyed the rest of our family with his cunning, manipulative ways.

I am convinced that in this world, you are either a contributor or you are a consumer, a predator. Do you help build things and make life better or do you just consume people, and then when you are done with that person, you move on to the next victim? My brother was like that....I had a boss like that....and they do NOT see how destructive and self-destructive they are with their predatorial ways.

Choochie-I agree with your response to SD:l I think bad parents should really just be looked at as sperm doners, don't you? Takes more than that to actually be a father!

SD-So sorry about the falling out with your father :l-my dad and I had a few of those over the years-but he was not a drunk. But, I have a long history of alcoholism on both sides of my family and I can tell you it's his "drinkin thinkin" that makes him act that way. Yup, I agree with you....my dad took a lot out on me because I was like my mom in a lot of ways....the people pleaser, etc. He said he doesn't like teachers.....well, if his drinking is that bad, I'm telling you, he doesn't like ANYTHING!

Ah, well, this is typical....I said I didn't have a lot of time and look what I've done! YIKES!

Have a great AF day everyone!!!

Love,

Rusty

[dill]

October Optimism - Week 3

I overslept this morning so have no time, but wanted to respond to a couple of things quickly.

First, LET'S ALL DO THE WOBBLE DANCE!!! Thinking of you Paguy!

Chill, I completely agree with the advice of go with the flow. Don't try to anticipate what will be. Just enjoy this unfolding be open.

Rusty, I understand your viewpoint that there are two kinds of people: contributers or consumer/predators. I have often thought about that. It's important to know what you are dealing with so that you are not taken advantage of, yet you don't want to close up completely. That's why it is important to know yourself and your own strengths and weaknesses.

SD, yes, I do know of Geneva. It is on the far east side of Cleveland. The Marina we are looking at is an hour west of Cleveland.

Star, I loved The Help from start to finish. Even though it was long, I didn't want it to end.

LBH, that luncheon story was a fascinating one. I must ask if you hostess' hb is mentally still clear? Her approach of allowing him to keep the gun and bullets, but disable the gun in some way shows a deep care in coming up with a solution. I think you need to continue this association. There appears to be a wealth of things to learn from these ladies.

Oh, I wish I had more time!

Have a great AF Monday, all!

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

A good morning to you all.

I should be working but I feel I should first say hello on this thread too. I love this thread..I love the people on here and the insight I get from everyone's lives. So much going on!

Rusty I totally agree. There are two types of people in this world, givers and takers. I try to eleiminate ant takers in my life but they are very clever people. They disguise themselves as nice people and then trap me!! I am learning though.

John You must be estatic today! I really hope that they have sorted out your leg this time.

Star I like your philosophical outlook today. Interesting comments. I am not good at fresh relationships. Its all very nice but I personally prefere when a relationship is more established. To lie next to your man in your pajamas , not a scrap of makeup and know that your partner has seen the good and bad on you and STILL loves you.. Heaven.

Oops. Must go. x

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

Hi Dill. x