October Optimism - Week 3

[Stargazerlily]

October Optimism - Week 3

Happy hump day.

SD, wow what a day. So many troubled kids who just can't handle school. It is hard on them, the staff, and makes it impossible for the other kids to learn. In our community we used to have, at a mental health center, something called day treatment for kids with disruptive behaviors. All the funding for those programs was cut and now there is nowhere for those poor kids to go. Because believe me, when you are that out of control, you are miserable. What are the schools supposed to do? SD, so good you vented. Take special care of yourself. It is full moon time.

Dill, PA, and all others who were supportive about the family stuff, thanks. It gave me alot to think about. My brother is one of those who just talks, won't listen, and then says, let's pray about it. What a lot of baloney. Accountability, honesty, forgiveness, those are the things he needs to work on. He needs to forgive himself because he created a mess in his own life and is blaming others, feeling sorry for himself and very arrogant. He is one of those people who has gone to therapy for years and has not moved forward, but is one of the walking wounded, wearing that badge proudly. He hasn't been in my life for over a year and it has been OK. You can tell I just get tired of the same tired old tape.

Chill, hope you feel better. You certainly have a lot to look forward to, another trip this weekend. Lucky you.

The AF journey is a daily decision, last night my husband said, let's go out. I pointed out that we would probably want a drink, I was tired and hungry, so let's stay home, he agreed, and we did. However, it is always there, the temptation, even on a Tuesday. I know that he did not want to go out to eat, but probably a drink. So happy we stayed home as I slept soundly, woke up rested and can now prepare for my day. AFter a time it becomes a habit, eating at home, never drinking, finding other things to do. However, in one wrong decision, one weak moment, it could change. I just need to keep that in mind.

Lav, like hearing that you are taking care of yourself.

Hi to all, have a great AF day.

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Morning my dear Friends

SD - OMG what an ordeal, I cant believe that is the environment you have to work in, it would be bad enough as a one off encounter!! My heart goes out to you and I can see how unwinding in a bottle at the end of the day would seem appealing but dealing with that sort of day hungover is just unthinkable. Im sending you some special positive Chill vibes.

Star - Im glad you stayed home last night but your post made me think about a lot I have on my mind at the moment. My AF life is very controlable in my own safe environment. When I go about my daily life and regular routine drinking rarely enters my head and i am 100% commited to being sober. Like you I rarely eat out and spend my evenings at home alone. However, take me out of that safe haven, into the big wide world and I find it terrifying and temptation seems to be everywhere. I quickly retreat back to Chillworld and to safety. I now realize though that I cant life out the rest of my life like this, its just a ridiculous option. So now I have to pull on some hidden inner strength to get through what I see as phase 2 of my sobriety, and cope with the big bad world.

My parents arrive tomorrow for a few weeks so my peace will be disturbed again although they are doing me a favor and dogsitting during my trip to Ireland. Like everything else I need to adapt better to change as I am in danger of becoming a very set in her ways old maid!

Have a great humpday everyone......

[Rusty]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Morning Friends,

SD-I can't imagine the terrifying experience you endured! You must have a brass spine. Great that you handled it AF! It takes a special person to do your job well....and it seems like you do.

Star-I had the same problem with my brother as you have with yours, and I feel so badly for you...we can't change them. My brother blamed everyone else for his problems and was always playing the victim. We had to distance ourselves and I think you handled that situation with your usual aplomb. Good for you and your husband that you made the decision to stay home if you knew you would be tempted to drink. You are committed and I admire you.

Rustop-I loved your quote today-Communication is the key to unlocking many doors in life. I am dealing with an uncommunicative client and of course, he is trying to blame me for his frustration

Rustop-I loved your quotes today....and I so appreciate you taking the time to share them with us.

Love to everyone here....it will be another long day.

Wonderful AF day to everyone here!

[Rusty]

October Optimism - Week 3

Hi Chill-

Sorry-cross post! Give my love to everyone at the meet-up next weekend. I love the people on that thread.

[dill]

October Optimism - Week 3

Cyn, I’ll jump on your “give the gents a break” wagon for a while. I must admit to being rather short tempered an grumpy of late. Sometimes just being AF takes a lot of energy, add to that a full day’s work, little life stresses, and I can sometimes be defeated and become short fused. Cyn, I hope you won’t snap my head off, but I’d really like to know how you make the cold sesame noodles that Mr. Cyn (assuming your married, I honestly don’t know) likes so well?

Oh, SD, what a day. I am glad you were not dealing with all that and dragging a hangover along at the same time. I really couldn’t believe it all. It sounded like you were just describing a nightmare, not a real day. I do hope the children involved get the treatment they need and that there is a good educational setting available to meet there needs. I sounds like 2-3 of them may have need of a separate educational facility for the time being. You poor dear. And then the letter from your dad. Be strong, dear one.

Rustop, in the class, do they give a “lecture” or do they go straight to guided meditation? How long is the guided meditation in class, and how long is the one you are supposed to do daily? Do you go with a friend or on your own? I have gotten away from my meditation practice lately (Jon Kabat-Zann) and felt like I was doing alright. However, yesterday, stress crept up on me big time! I should have taken some time to meditate, but didn’t. It didn’t occur to me until much later in the evening. I must get back in the habit.

Red, I have a SIL just like your brother. She is one that is best kept at a distance, especially if you are weak and vulnerable. She is a user and a manipulator. It was hard over the years watching her run through people who loved her. She would use them until they finally understood what was happening and after much pain, would pull away. Her children check on her and love her, but are extremely cautious around her and keep a healthy emotional and even geographical distance. The last Christmas she shared with us was a MESS. I won’t say she completely ruined the day, but, she did cause quite a ruckus of chaos and hurt. It was only her, her brothers and their wives there, no children or grand children, fortunately, so the damage was limited and everyone there knew the score, after all these years. Everyone but her, I should say. She sees life through a different lens. Our realities are the same, and yet perceptions are so different. I don’t think I am explaining this well. I’m sorry if I’m not making myself clear. BTW, good for you on staying home to stay AF. I have made that choice many times. Of course, there are restaurants that one can go to that don’t serve alcohol. I often do that, too. I like to go to Frisches and and order off the senior menu sometimes.

Choochie, I have been meaning to tell you, but have really not had a lot of time lately for posting, so I’ve let it slide. But, you and I are exactly the same age! I don’t have my age posted on my bio. In fact, I don’t have much of anything on my bio. But, since you are new here and for the enlightenment of others on the thread that have begun more recently such as papmom and paguy, let me(re) introduce myself: I’m 2 years away from retirement, and like SD, I work in the school environment. I am a Speech Therapist for preschool through grade 12 and live in a rural area. I tried AA a couple of years ago, but the closest meeting to me was not a match and I got nothing out of it. I don’t want to drive a long way to find a meeting and where I live, that’s a given. Plus, there is no such thing as anonymity around here and I have a public image to keep as I work with youngsters. I live with my hb, 2 dogs, 1 cat and some cows. I have two grown children, both on their own. Quitting alcohol started years ago, but more in earnest in 20009. I didn’t have a problem with alc while raising my children, but have developed it progressively, especially accelerating when we became ‘empty nesters’. That’s me in a nutshell.

Chill, your AF world now includes your new friend. If your relationship grows and continues, it is awesome that it will have a strong AF foundation!

Good morning Rusty, Are you still in Ohio? It's a chilly 39 out here in the countryside!

[Lavande]

October Optimism - Week 3

GM kids!

Yep, sisters Dill & Lav - the original 'empty nesters' drinkers! So much truth to that statement!!

SD, in my old home town when kids got that out of control the school called the police dept. There was something very effective about parents having to retrieve their kids from a bench in the lobby. I think it had a lot to do with parental humiliation :H

Well, believe it or not - Mr Lav showed up anyway last night! He said he didn't see my email, BS. I told him he had no reason to be here so he had to leave. He was shocked but he did leave! I have to keep my stress level down for my own health & sanity. He can be so stupid.

Well, EB will be here at noon, staying until 9:30 tonight. Oh yes.......a long day with my buddy but I love it :h

Wishing everyonea fantastic Humpday!
Lav

[paguy]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Morning and Happy Hump Day Folks:

My goodness, this is such a busy thread! Reading through everyone?s posts is a testament to all of the struggles and challenges we are faced with every day and how we are coping.

SD ? Whenever I think I?m having a bad day, I?ll just think of you and realize that nothing could be as daunting as what you were faced with yesterday. You must have nerves of steel ? I can?t imagine the stress you felt.

Star ? Good decision to stay home last night. Reading your message reminded me of all the times we would use the same excuse during the week to be able to go out and have a few drinks. It was always ?ok? to drink during the week if we were going out to dinner. Of course, as the years progressed, I no longer needed that excuse and drank at home every night. So glad those days are over.

Chill ? Your comments on being in your safe haven (so to speak) hit home for me. My life has been very restricted and controlled these past 6 weeks. I know that once I get more mobile and interactive, I?ll be faced with more stressors that will challenge my AF goals. I?m glad that I have an awareness of this because I am playing out in my mind how I will react when I?m faced with these challenges.

Lav ? Not sure what more there is to say about Mr. Lav that already hasn?t been said. He really seems to be completely self-absorbed living in his own world. You take care of yourself and your sanity. :l

I had my first Physical Therapy session yesterday and it went well. I really like the therapist so that made me feel good. Mobility and strength training are the goals for the next 6 weeks. Also, she helped me set more realistic expectations for my running. It looks like I won?t be able to start running again until March so now I have a specific goal to reach. There is an annual 10-mile run in Philadelphia each May so it looks like that will be my next long race. It seems a long way off right now but we all know how time flies!

Greetings to everyone and I hope you all have a great hump day?.

[sooty]

October Optimism - Week 3

SD I can't believe the day you had, I do hope that today has been better!

Happy humpday everyone. Mr S and I trawled round the DIY shops today looking for paint for the outside of the house and we've settled on magnolia! We are not very adventurous I'm afraid.

I'm sorry I haven't had much time to post lately but I do think about you all and am sending you lots of love across the airwaves.

Big spending review announced here today (a budget in disguise) I haven't heard it all yet but its going to be bad news for the old, the sick and the poor. There will be demonstrations and unrest I am sure ....happy days!

Take care gang, things should be more normal here next week (she says hopefully)
love to all
Sooty

[Choochie]

October Optimism - Week 3

Wow - this thread is really active. Dill, thank you for introducing yourself to me - what a good idea. When I joined this thread I didn't think to do that, but thought I would now. Will try to keep it brief so you guys aren't overwhelmed by reading.

I'm 58 - female, married 15 years, no kids, 4 cats (surrogate kids), live on 13.5 acres in my "dream" house that is my sanctuary. Have been drinking all my life but the habit got progressively problematic in about the last 7 years -- the same drill as most - needing more and having great amount of sleep disturbance, feeling horrible the next day. Problems really came to a head when my husband was diagnosed with cancer 1 1/2 years ago. It recurred and he had to have a major, life-changing surgery. So, stress and dealing with the unknown really catapulted me into an abyss. He is doing much better now, finally. Found this site on the web and have been trying to stick close to it ever since. Am 16 days AF today (yea) and feeling wonderful. I attribute it to all of you wonderful people and being ready.

Dill, sounds like I have things in common with you and SD - was a teacher 4th and 8th grade. 8th grade did me in. I went into real estate sales after teaching 4 years (think Chill is in real estate?) and now work from home doing some human resources work for a small firm.

SD - your story sounds familiar. I saw some pretty ugly stuff in middle school and just knew I couldn't face that every day. So, those of you have been able to stick it out have my undying admiration - people have no idea what a tough job it is.

I sound so much like you guys in so many ways. I have had similar complex family issues that are now much less so for a multitude of reasons, but I've been there.

Chill, I can also really relate to the dilemma you're facing - the ability to stay AF in the comfort of your controlled, peaceful home versus the difficulty of being in social settings where temptation is all around. It's easier at my age (58) when life is much less centered around social events (at least for me). At your age you'll have more situations. I hope you find a way, because I know it will be trickly. From what I read, though, lots of people here are managing it - they take their "Sprite" or whatever to parties, etc. Hope you have a great time this weekend with the other MWO people - think it sounds wonderful to meet others from here!

PG - good luck with your therapy - sounds like you're on the right track by not doing to much too soon. The worst would be a reinjury for sure!

To all the runners - I jog 3 mi/day most days - really admire those of you who are able to do more!

RB, LBH, Cyn, Star, 3, Sooty, Mr. G, Rustop, Rusty, Sped (hope I'm not forgetting anyone -- it's a long thread) - it's nice to meet everyone here. I get so much from your postings and appreciate your letting me be part of the group. I'm determined to stay AF and find all of your information personal and AL related comforting, helpful, etc!

Hugs,
Choochie
P.S. - Just looked at my post - SORRY it's way too long :upset:

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 3

Choochie - Lovely of you to share your story! It was not too long, I loved reading every bit of it. (I was in real estate before the market crashed over here) Anyway just a quick hello from me as McDreamy is bringing over a pizza! Im feeling a bit apprehensive as I think hes ready to lay his cards on the table about not wanting a serious relationship...... Will report back with all the details.

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

Dill and Cyn - Okay me too. I have also been very difficult to be around. Short tempered, irritable, annoyed. I use to numb these feelings with wine in the past. Now I let out an occasional screeching outburst. I cant do that forever.

Can you also tell me the cold sesame noodle recipe?

Rustop I just text my BF the quote about communication. Lol. He is not going to understand that one

Chill I hung out at pubs at the weekend. Since I have stopped drinking I tend to stay at home a lot. Now I am starting to get bored of staying at home. . .I could go out but I find the company of typsy people rather boring…Argh. I don’t know. let us know what happened with Mcdreamy

So my friends..am I the youngest on this thread? I am 40 next year.

[dill]

October Optimism - Week 3

RB, I think SD might be the youngest. But you two are very close in age and both have wonderful sons.

Choochie, thanks for your introduction. It was not too long at all and I enjoyed getting to know more about you. I sure wish I could run for 3 miles! I am a walker though and 3 miles is not unusual for me when I have time. I get a lot of walking in during summer break. I enjoy listening to novels on my Ipod as I walk, or walking with a good friend and having a conversation.

Chill, I'll bet you are worrying over nothing! I'll bet he is going to tell you how much he is enjoying the relationship and that he wants to take it slow and enjoy each minute of it!

Sooty, I read the headlines about all the govt cutbacks in UK. It sounds quite drastic. Will you be affected in any way?

Paguy, March seems a long way off, but it will be here before you know it. I think PT is wonderful. It is amazing what people can overcome and how far they can come back from injuries and surgeries. You sound like a particularly motivated patient. I'll bet you'll be one of your therapist's favorites.

Lav, I can't believe Mr. L showed up unexpectedly. I'll bet he was confused by your response though. Might have been good for him...get his head out of the fog, or whatever it's in!

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 3

good evening my optimistic friends! Lots of good posts over the past 2 days (yes I've read every one!!). Can't comment on everything or my post would be pages long but suffice to say I'm so glad you guys are here and share so honestly!!
My story is no different in terms of the AL progression, the progressive isolation etc. I'm 53, single (never married or even in a long term relationship). I live with my 3 dogs and 2 cats. My immediate family is close and we have no real issues. We're all very close and love each other very much and support each other the best we can. So why the AL problem? No clue. In therapy to try to figure that out. I am very grateful now every day that I wake up unhung and ready to go. I'm sleeping much much better FINALLY!!! So why do I sometimes want to go back to vegging out in front of the TV with a bottle or 2 of wine? Going to try to figure that one out too. In the meantime I hop on here when I'm feeling vulnerable, I'm trying to do better in the healthy food department (borderline diabetes and kidney disease) and I'm walking at least once a day-this week it's been twice a day. I try to jog sometimes but can't go more than a few hundred yards at a time.
I can't wait until I can retire but I'm very scared I won't be able to afford to do that until I'm about 80!! My one passion in life right now is my dogs and competing in agility. I would LOVE to travel the country in an RV competing on the weekends until I'm too old to do a front cross without breaking a hip. Pipedream I'm afraid. I work in higher ed-have for the past 20 years or so in different capacities. I did do student teaching in College and quickly realized I wasn't cut out to handle the discipline part of it. My hat is off to all of you teachers on this thread. You are better people than me.

Hope everyone had a great day and it was really interesting to read the stories.

:l

[cyntree]

October Optimism - Week 3

Checked in during the day, but no time to write -- late now, so I'm going to snooze for a bit, then up at silly o'clock to finish up the house for the realtor pics at 11:00 - then I think I'll go back to bed - I am like all of the 7 dwarves at once: sleepy, dopey, grumpy, etc....

Tomorrow I promise the cold sesame noodle recipe - no grumbling attached!

Sleep tight - happy Thursday -

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Morning Optimizers!!

My face cant stop smiling today

McDreamy did come over with a pizza and we as I thought he isnt ready to jump into a serious relationship having only ended one (well he was dumped) only 4 months ago. He is a real over thinker, I thought I was bad! He said he looks at me and my personality and doesnt understand why he's not head over heals in love with me?! Duh! Talk about impatient! (Hopefully he's not in love with me...yet!) We are just going to take it really slowly.

We had the most wonderful evening, talking about everything under the sun and I enjoyed every single second of his company. I cant tell you enough how happy I am to be experiencing this sober! In the past I would only be able to remember half the evening and now knowing how he is, there is no way he'd be interested in a girl who drinks too much. Now I have got over the initial nerves of being with him I think sober dating is the best think in the world! IM SO HAPPY TO BE AF!!! Today I feel I have definitely passed another test and all the hard work has been so worth it.....