October Optimism - Week 3

[rustop61]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good morning everyone

S T E P S = Solutions To Every Problem in Sobriety.

C H A N G E = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Every day.

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that
action.
--Mother Teresa

Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep it for yourself. In giving it,
you will accumulate a deposit of joy greater than you ever believed possible.
--Norman Vincent Peale, Positive Thinking Every Day

I feel that while I was drinking my life was on standstill mode, I was not growing, just going through daily motions. Nothing beats waking up and living life sober. Last night I dropped one of my daughters off to a class and decided to wait as it was only for an hour. It was nearly dark and there was practically a full moon. I walked on a path above the ocean for about 20 minutes, the moon was lighting up the water and the waves were lapping. It was absolute heaven.

Choochie - Thanks for filling us in. I'm 48 (nearly 49) married for 26 years and have two teenage daughters. 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 rabbit and daughter has a connemara pony. Not a runner but am a daily walker. Drank socially since my early 20's but gradually became a daily wine drinker. Could moderate at times especially when drinking with hubby (who still drinks wine but does not have a problem) but when drinking alone would drink to blackout. I think you asked about AA. Well I tried it a few times but could not identify. In fact I found it very depressing. Most people there seemed to have reached rock bottom and just kept going, over and over the same stuff all the time. It certainly bore no resemblance to what the people here speak about on the AA thread. Joined MWO a few years ago and while I have not achieved total sobriety, have gone from drinking every day to about 90% AF. I refuse to give up so that is the main thing.

Star - You made the right decision to stay at home. All any of us can do is take it ODAT.

Chill - Glad the pizza date went well. Good idea to take things slowly.

Paguy - March is not that long away and it is good to have something to strive for. Glad the PT went well.

Sooty - Did not hear any news yesterday, how did the cutbacks go? We are facing the same thing in December.

Lav - Good for you for sending the YB packing. Maybe a little bit more of that treatment will work wonders!!

Dill - The course I am doing is Mindfulness based stress reduction and it was developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It's 2 and a half hours once a week. We start off with either the body scan/sitting meditation or yoga. There are about 12 in the class and the instructor goes around everyone and asks how their week went. You can share or not. Then we go through our topic for the next week. Last week it was stopping and being present. This week it is acceptance, allowing and letting be. I am really enjoying it.

Hi to Papmom, Sped, Cyn, rusty, Rebirth, SD, Guitarista and anyone else I missed. Have a great Thursday.

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good morning friends,

We are all so busy living our lives, AF. Whether we have reached total sobriety or not, I see and feel so much progress, better problem solving skills, and more stable emotions. It is all good. I was reading a bit on the just starting and feel so much for people beginning this journey. Even if you slip, you gain knowledge and know what to expect. I think the unknown is frightening for newcomers. That said, every slip could mean a downward spiral, not being able to get back on the wagon.

Chill, sounds like a sensible stable guy, without making him sound boring. Work on the friendship part first and see where it goes. How lovely at the start of a new relationship. It was interesting to read your comments about your next phase of sobriety. You are right, we cannot stay in forever. However, I don't know how much partying anyone can particpate in if they are going to be sober. At my daughter's wedding, the drinker's went out afterward. The nondrinker's or reasonable drinker's, went home after the dancing was over. Finding the right balance is key, I imagine. Keep sharing, we are learning from each other all the time.

Rustop, thanks for the quotes again. I loved your insight regarding the beauty and wonder of living life sober, feeling well physically, and being able to enjoy each moment. Impossible to do while under the influence of chemicals.

Dill, the school around here have tomorrow off for fall break. Hope you do too. A little R & R seems in order.

Lav, loved your attitude with you husband, I think he came on purpose, but maybe I am cynical.

Papmom, I don't know if I will ever be able to retire either. I am trying to enjoy each work day. I cannot believe it is Thursday already. Love your posts.

Choochie, thanks for sharing your life story. You are a wonderful addition to this thread. Feels like I've known you a while. Life sober is so much better. I too have 4 cats, I love animals so much. Teaching junior high has to be the toughest job there is in the education world, IMHO. Good you found a better fit.

To all, have a peaceful, productive AF day.

[paguy]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Morning Friends:

rustop61;986187 wrote: I feel that while I was drinking my life was on standstill mode, I was not growing, just going through daily motions.

Rustop ? This describes me perfectly. I felt the exact same way when I was focused on drinking every day. I was just going through the daily motions and every day there was a plan as to when I would have my first drink. What a complete waste of time! I?ve even noticed that all of my senses are more keen and active since I?ve stopped drinking. I can smell and taste things that I never noticed before. What a blessing to be able to live life now with a much stronger sense of awareness!

Yesterday, I missed an opportunity to ?Respond rather than React?. I know these past 6 weeks have been stressful for my partner and his way of dealing with the stress is to talk to and treat me like a child sometimes. Talking to me in a scolding tone, ?You should be doing this, You shouldn?t be doing that? blah? blah? blah?? Well, I lost it first thing yesterday morning and I reacted to his tone of message delivery and it set a bad mood for the day. I did apologize when he came home from work and all is OK now. But, it gave me pause to stop and think about what was happening and I could have provided a more thoughtful response rather than lashing out. Man, this is hard but at least I?m aware of my actions and will try to improve my behaviors ? Promise.

Chill ? I can see the smile on your face and hear the joy in your voice across the Atlantic! I knew you would settle in and feel more comfortable with what is developing with McDreamy. And being aware of how much better it is experiencing this new relationship AF must be an awesome experience for you. You really deserve this!

I recently realized that I don?t think I?ve ever shared my story with all of you on this thread. So, I?m digging up one of my posts on another thread and will post it here on our Optimism thread.

Hoping you all have a peaceful day. It?s Thursday already!

[spedteach]

October Optimism - Week 3

Can't believe I'm at the end of the thread. Have been reading for almost an hour.
I'm in Indiana. Settling in at my son's. Autumn in the midwest is so wonderful. Feeling so nostalgic. Grew up and went to college in the midwest. Running along the Wabash River yesterday.

SD, read your post and thought, I've had days like that. 12 years working with kids with behavior and emotional issues. It's so tough and so sad. In NM the only alternative educational facility was a psychiatric hospital and believe me (I worked there too), it was full of kids. Hang in there. Sorry you've got family stuff on top of work stuff.

Star, thanks for your insightful comment about how miserable those acting out kids are. Once I learned never to take the stuff they threw at me personally, I was really able to connect with a lot of kids. Most are only coming from a lot of hurt.

Cyn, my sister has been recommending Writing Down the Bones forever. May just have to find myself a copy. Hear that author also has a new book. Good luck with your real estate endeavor. Where are you going after you sell your house?

Chill, how fun to be infatuated. Can we call him something other than McDreamy? Somehow that seems too trite. Have so much fun in Dublin this weekend.
Heard a radio story about a Portuguese singer, think it was Emelia Rodriquez. She sang something called fado?? the Portuguese blues. Do you know who I'm talking about?

Dill, taking the back roads through Iowa and Illinois to get here, I drove by a lot of farms I imagine look like yours. I always fantasized about living on a farm. How close are you to a town?

John, I too am thinking about my next race. Am going to poke around and see if I can find a running club or group here in IN. I have really enjoyed running with a group. Good luck with your PT.

Rustop, loved your description of your walk by the ocean. Felt that way running yesterday. Only sober could I really appreciate the leaves, the cool breeze. Love those moments when you just feel flat out happy.

Sooty, your posts have such a nostalgic feel, like it's not really 2010 in Wales yet. The cliffs, the choir, your walks. How big is your town?

Lav, Choochie,LBH, morning everybody.

Going to Chicago tomorrow. Homecoming at Northwestern for my son and his California girlfriend.
I'm staying with friends in the high rise by Lake Michigan.
One thing hard to get used to. I'm on the western edge of the Eastern time zone. It's after 7 and no sun at all yet. Leaf blowers in the dark out in force though.

[paguy]

October Optimism - Week 3

**Warning** - Long Post - Grab a cup or bottle of your favorite beverage (AF) before you start reading**

Sharing my story with my Optimism thread friends...

I am 56 years old and have been with my partner for 21 years. We live, along with our 6 year old West Highland Terrier ("Westie"), in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

After abusing alcohol for 30+ years, my drinking started to become everything that I was about ? always planning to make sure I had plenty of vodka ready in the freezer and I always had my eye on that level at the bottom of the bottle. I never started drinking until I was sure there was enough in the bottle for the night and if there wasn?t, then that was the trigger for an automatic trip to the liquor store to get another bottle. I hated myself for doing this and since I was hitting the liquor store 3 or 4 times a week, I made sure to keep track of which store I went to last for fear that I would be recognized. What a loser! I remember getting busted on this approach when the clerks started to rotate the stores where they worked so my strategic plan for avoiding humiliation was a failure ? duh!

I tried moderating over the years and about 9 years ago I actually went AF for as long as 10 months. However, I eventually lapsed and since then, my drinking just got worse and worse. Over the last year, before becoming AF, there was rarely a day that went by when I didn?t knock down anywhere between 4 and 6 vodkas with a ?dash? of cranberry. That was my drink of choice. Oh, and if I was in a situation where wine was being served, I never drank less than what amounted to a full bottle.

My first AHA moment came about 3 years ago when I participated in an employee wellness program at work and was mortified with my test results. I was 35 pounds overweight, borderline hypertensive, borderline diabetic, high cholesterol, elevated liver enzymes and impaired renal function. I thought to myself, this cannot be true! I?ve always been fit and healthy. What an idiot ? I had been in such denial.

So, step #1 for me was to get physically active. I worked with a personal trainer, learned how to eat healthfully, and I took the pounds off. Additionally, I discovered that I really enjoyed running and have since become an avid jogger/runner and have run a multitude of long distance races including half-marathons and 10-mile races. What I learned through all this is that I am capable of accomplishing a goal if I have the determination and motivation to do so.

However, even with these accomplishments, I continued to drink and my blood tests were no better. So, I knew deep down that I had to stop the drinking. And for me, I knew that I had to stop completely because the beast just won?t allow me to moderate. Once I have the taste, it is that slippery slope down the Venus flytrap (Allen Carr?s analogy) and all I want is more until I pass out into oblivion.

My next AHA moment came this summer after I finished running a series of 7 different 5-K races. I did much better than I hoped, finishing in the top 10 for my age group (55-60) for 5 of the races! I felt so good about myself and my accomplishments but I was very well aware of the monkey that was still on my back ? ALCOHOL. So, I started thinking, if I applied the same determination and motivation to being AF as I did to my physical fitness and running, perhaps I could lick this once and for all.

So, that was it. In July, I made a pact with myself that I was doing this for ME, not anyone else. I wanted to apply the same steely determination that I used to lose the weight and get into shape to be a runner, to become AF. I did my research on the internet, downloaded a couple of self-help programs to stop drinking and got re-acquainted with the MWO community which, by the way, I find to be an absolute godsend.

I started my AF journey on 7/13/10 and am so thankful for making the decision to do so. Is it EASY ? heck NO! Just as it was not easy losing the weight and learning how to train for aerobic endurance and efficiency. It takes A LOT of determination and motivation. What keeps me motivated is a keen awareness and understanding of what ALCOHOL does to me and believe me, it is not pretty.

Anytime I think I may be ?deserving? of a drink for some type of celebration, I immediately remind myself of what that would mean for the next day: endless guilt, exhaustion, dehydration, lack of ambition, worriment of what I may have said or done or even worse, the realization that I may have injured someone or myself in the car. That is enough for me to stay motivated to just say to myself, ?No, I don?t drink anymore.?

My real payoff will be when I receive my wellness profile from work later next month. I am expecting to be in the GREEN zone for all of the measures and I won?t settle for anything less!

UPDATE: I received this year's wellness test results yesterday and I scored a 98.25 out of 100!! All of my blood chemistries, including glucose, cholesterol, triglycerides, HDL, LDL, liver enzymes, etc. are within normal limits. I could not have done this if I was still drinking Alcohol!!!

[spedteach]

October Optimism - Week 3

Yea John!! Congratulations.
Isn't running so much easier with no al in the system?

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 3

:yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo:

Whoo Hoo John!! Way to go!! You are such an inspiration!! I sincerely hope that one day my test results will be within normal limits as well. Right now I'm still scratching my head as to why I'm still pre diabetic and I haven't had a drink in over 5 months!! Hmmm, 40 lbs overweight, traded AL addiction for sugar addiction, little to no exercise (that is slowly changing). Ya think????

Anyway-good on you as our over the pond friends say. Keep up the great work and remember that lapse after 10 months of being AF. Never go back there OK??? We'll all help each other stay true.

:l

[spedteach]

October Optimism - Week 3

Morning Pap,
How are you and them doggies?

[Lavande]

October Optimism - Week 3

GM ffriends,

I think it just took me an hour to read thru all the morning posts!!

John, a big congrats to you! You've done a great job improving your health so quickly.......your heart will thank you

Shelley, feel like a trip to the Philly area? Come check out the farmland in Souther Chester County. Hope you are enjoying some peace.

Had a super bizarre dream last night involving you know who.............. I smudged the house last night but I better do it again tonigh

OK, wishing everyone a terrfic AF Thursday. Must run & get some things done before EB arrives. (I don't do any house cleaning until after he leaves) :H

Lav

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3



Good morning folks.

Weather is gorgeous today so I took ther opportunity to take a picture.I cross this river every morning on the way to work. Will read up on everyone's posts when I get home.

Hope your thursday is peaceful. x

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 3

Oh Rebirth!! That is gorgeous!! You are very lucky to live where you do!! I love those taxi (?) boats!! There was an episode on Barking Mad (another dog training reality show) a few years back that tackled a golden retriever who thought the whole river was his and let everyone who passed them in another boat know it!! Loved the shots of the river and surrounding area.

Hi Sped-doggies and i are doing fine. Took DD for a nice long walk last nite (second nite in a row) and the other 2 this morning. I'm really starting to look forward to these walks and my stress level is a bit better now that I've figured out how walk all 3 dogs once a day (can't walk them all together due to the 2 dog limit in my city). Now I know they are all getting exercise and bonding time with mom plus nose work with all the smells!! Yes it means sacrificing some sleep in the morning on my part and no stopping on the way home at nite in order to do this but it's going to benefit all of us. I have reflective vests for all of them (need to get one for me now!!) and a small flashlight to carry as it's dark in the morning and getting darker earlier in the evening. That was actually my biggest excuse all these years for not walking them in the fall/winter/spring-the darkness. Now I'm being brave and pray everyday we don't get ambushed by a loose pitbull. Maybe I need to carry a bigger flashlight!!

[Choochie]

October Optimism - Week 3

RB - wow - how lucky you are -- this would really calm me if I could see it every day. I live in a beautiful area, but this is amazing. Lucky girl!

PM3 - you are doing so well. I can really relate to the trading of Al for food/sugar. I find myself doing the same. Even though I eat really health foods, my craving has definitely morphed into something very different. I'm exercising too -- just hoping it settles down after a bit since I'm so early on. Way to go on your time sober -- very admirable and inspiring.

John - thanks for posting your story. It's nice to know more about you. It sounds like you and your partner have a strong and long history together which enables you to weather the daily trials and tribulations that plague us all. Just curious - I'm always wondering how others handle drinking with their partners. Does you partner drink? If so, is that ever a temptation for you? You may never see my questions because there are a lot of posts here - but if you do would love to know. Best of luck with your running. I'm impressed with your distance. Wow! And congrats on getting your vitals in order. That has to really make you feel like you've done something worthwhile (above and beyond just feeling so much better) by giving up alcohol!

Star, thanks for your kind words - this is a wonderful group of people and all of you are a big help to me. And, so you're a cat person too. You know, I love animals and grew up with dogs and then later in life cats started adopting me. I am totally hooked. Still love dogs, but have become totally enamored with cats. Most people never get to know a cat well and think they're too independent - not lovey dovey enough. But, at least from my experience, I am closer to my cats than I am to most people I know. I'm sure people think I'm a little off because of it..............I'll be one of those old ladies they do a news story about found with 100 cats (not really but I do love them).

Chill, so happy to hear that things are going well for you - sounds like it was a great night! Just think - he is getting to know the real you instead of you and your "other self" which I always found to be NOT the real me! I used to question that for a while. I think getting to know someone sober would mitigate lots of typical problems that could be involved in getting to know someone -- totally honest -- nothing "gamey." So happy to hear that things are progressing. I always think ...."if it's meant to be".... granted you have to take some things into your own hands but things always seem to have a way of working out in the long run.

RT - really enjoying your quotes.

And to all you other great people on this thread - have a wonderful AF Thursday.

[sdlovespackers]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good Evening All!

Sorry, I missed posting yesterday...wish I could say it was a better day than Tuesday...it was not. I had a meeting first thing in the morning...it's suppose to be one that we atll sit down and try to figure out ways to help our kids in need...it seems as we are fighting our own team members to get anything done!! I finally had enough of their (the Psyc. doctor and sped director) flippant ways about which they talked to the staff and teachers about the ways in which we were handling the kids...I blew up!!! According to the speech therapist, it was like watching a morning glory firework during the 4th of July!!! :H Urg! It was just so frustrating as one teacher began to cry listening to them...I couldn't take it anymore...ecspecially whenI know this teacher is amazing and gives 200% to her kids everyday!!! That's one way to push my buttons...insult a good teach or not help "my" kids in the building that need it! Anyway...that day ended with a child abuse report....:upset:

Today....started with a subpoena to appear in court on the 5th....YUCK!!!!! A SUPER nasty court battle!!! And tonight I have to be at school until 9:00 because of conferences!!! I'm beat, my friends!!!

I have read all your posts and have enjoyed catching up on all your lives and hearing some background info. on some of you...I didn't know!! RB--awesome picture!!! Also....yeah, sounds like I just mught be the youngest one on here...I'm 36....have one son, age 8...one dog (Molly, age 1....aka...SUPER BRAT!!) I was married for 7 years, been divorced for almost 5 now...WOW!! ....taught in Phoenix as well as Houston...and have been counseling now for 10 years....who knows what next year will bring????
I'll have to check back in later...perhaps tomorrow...I have a parent waiting to see me outside my door...opps!!! Gotta run!!
PEACE!!!
SD:l

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

Good evening all.I love reading up on everyone's history. Arnt we all doing so well!!

P3- those boats are called houseboats and people live in them. They are really cute!! Your dogs would love the park here.

Thanks for the comments guys. I guess I am lucky to be living here but one never sees it that way. I get so bogged down by the stress of work that I forget to look around me. Taking pictures made me see how pretty this town is.

Mind you. You should see the place on a weekend...drunk people everywhere, spilling their food or vomiting...

RUSTY WHERE ART THOU??

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 3

yuuuhoooo rusty come out wherever you are