sunday 24 Oct

[bear73]

Good morning all - I drank - i had been having thoughts all day and I wasn't smart enought to catch myself. I bought booze for the party for the host - but booze I would like - rather than red wine that I wouldn't touch I got my favourite white wine. Others weren't drinking at the party so I could easily have done that too. I didn't drive - someone else did.

I didn't drink loads but really wanted to.Today feel headachy and disappointed with myself.
I can't find my most inspirational book by Tania Glyde!

I don't want to drink because of

weight gain
smoking
anxiety
depression
money
feeling out of control
not developing confidence
not exercising - following through on plans
not drinking has given me insight into myself

Back to it today - re -reading old posts - re-focusing.
This is not going to be part of a big slip /gradual decline for me but a wake up call.

[bear73]

sunday 24 Oct

Found an old post from me - I am going to re-read this many times today.

"I have decided I can't drink - removing the tiring debate will be a relief.
I have struggled with the 'do i need to stop totally/AA approach' idea because i binge drank socially, held down my job, am not yet physically damaged from alcohol (as far as i know)etc etc

To be honest i felt like i would have been seen as a fraud if I had gone to an AA meeting - as I wasn't at rock bottom - compared to others my problems seem minor.
BUT they escalate - do I carry on - stop now when there are some warning signs - I have decided what my old approach meant was that I was waiting to get seriously ill/jobless before I stopped - that makes no sense!

So far alcohol has caused me to smoke/put on weight/miss out on exercise/feel low/possibly caused my depression/keep me stuck/spend too much money. I realise that's not liver damage/drinking all day YET but it's not a happy way of life.

I also cannot control it - and if I do it's a real effort - when I drink there is always a part of me that wants to get blasted.

This dilemma /seesaw has gone on for too long - yes I love smell of wine/idea of a nice glass with a meal. I am exhausted with the 'did i lapse because I can't go af' internal debate - or 'because I can and should mod'.
No one will ever truly 100% know how the future will pan out - but there are enough indications that if i carry on drinking it will not turn out well."

[Lavande]

sunday 24 Oct

GM Abbers!

Sunny but chilly here this morning & I'm coming back to life ever so slowly.

Sorry to hear about your decision to drink bear.
The decision to drink or not is always yours.........

Despite my ever growing list of problems, I know for sure that drinking will NOT help me. It will depress me & make me anxious & I don't need to deal with those problems too.
I'm hiking up my TBGP's & moving forward. I intend to make today as good as possible

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!
Lav

[greeneyes]

sunday 24 Oct

Bear I feel such disapointment in a empathetic way as I recall those feelings in myself, not judgemental by any means. What's scary is that it was so well thought out in advance. Perhaps it's tim to re-read those posts where long time abbers have advised you to stay home.


Good Morning FABBIES!!!

Did you SEE the moon this AM?? When I went out to get the paper, it was at the height of a gorgeous PINK sunrise and in the western sky which was pink at the bottom and blue at the top, the huge plump round white moon sat up there with a big satisfied smile. I'm always compelled to stand barefoot in the wet grass in moments like that; filled with gratitude at the magnificent start to a fresh new day full of magic and wonder. And an asparagus fritatta. I've settled on that for brekkie today. Just need to find a recipe.
Today will include the gym. Now that I've gotten there a couple times for class, I'm ready to go do something else like weights or swim. The tundra beckons and I think I'll trim some shrubs - if only Lav were here to help me. :H But first, I'm into soft music a lit candle a coffee and the newspaper. I also need to do some smudging. I released a TON of negative stuff doing that program. Phew!!! Oh, And I'm going to put my hula hoop in the living room right now!

Zoom!

Have a succulent sunday! X

[greeneyes]

sunday 24 Oct

Lav, you and M3 need to come visit greenie right now!

[papmom3]

sunday 24 Oct

Greenie-I think we ALL need to come visit you!! Your description this morning of your corner of the world was magnificent. It's a mild but "dull" (that's how the newscaster described it) morning here in NE with no improvement over the course of the day. And here I could have SWORN that yesterday I heard the forecast to be sunny and warm!! I really need to get these delusions under control!!

Bear-I feel for ya hon. the only thing I will disagree with you on is your statement that you didn't catch yourself in time. You woke up knowing you would drink last nite and you didn't use the tools available to you to help you through the rough patch. Now having said that, I have to be honest and say that as far as my sugar addiction goes, I am not using the tools available to me either. When I want a sugary dessert, I buy it and then I overindulge. So, I have as much work to do as you do. Can we do this together? I know that we both will feel so much better physically and mentally if we can abstain from our 2 weaknesses.

OK, fabbie sunday abbers!! Let's all go out there and enjoy our "day of rest" (ha!!) before the new week starts. No matter what the weather. Walk those dogs, feed those chics, trim those hedges, clean that house (papmom3!!). The day is full of possibilties and NONE of them include AL. We are too busy and love ourselves too much for that. I will try to bring that same thinking to sugar today.

Interesting Fact: Baclofen is used in the treatment of Restless Leg Syndrome. Hmmmmm.

:l

[Wally22]

sunday 24 Oct

Greeneyes, what a wonderful picture you paint. I felt calmer just reading your post. Delish.
Bear, I hope you day goes better from here. I'm sorry you made a bad decision. Give yoursefl a shake and then get on with it. Given how you are feeling maybe a scented candle and a warm tub might be the way to shake the blues and then come out refreshed renewed and resolved to not make that decision again. big hugs to you

[LVT25]

sunday 24 Oct

Hello friends!

Just a quickie here this am. I have 4 roasters and a crock pot with enough sweet corn to feed 360 people for our church fundraiser today. Must go stir, lest is scorches!

But did want to thank DG for sharing the reading from "letting go". This is what I struggle with THE most and always have. Taking on other people's shit! Constantly have to remind myself it's not my shit it's their shit. (See I still have 1 bad habit):H

Thanks also G-spot, I mean G-man for the great advice and esteem booster. I will work on that. It's always great to have some positive reinforcement!!:thanks::thanks::thanks:

Gotta go!:h

[Doggygirl]

sunday 24 Oct

Yo Fabbies!

Bear, thanks for getting us started today. When something isn't working, time to change the plan. I can relate to lots of stuff that is on your list today, and also in your previous post that you quoted. One additional thing that is on my own list is that I am addicted to alcohol. It's not just a little problem for me, I'm an alcoholic. I always have the choice to drink, but I can NEVER drink safely. Game over. Not sure if that is true for you - only you can figure that one out. Maybe food for thought? Is acceptance an issue?

Speaking of acceptance - I am right there with ya P3 on the sugar struggles. My cravings lately for all manner of junk foods has been insane. I truly believe the problem for me lies in sugar and grains and then by default, processed foods (which always contain highly reactive foods!). I'm trying to do better eating (without complete success) and I'm also trying to do some reading and researching to find something that will inspire me to commit to solving this problem. (which is accepting the truth about foods I just can't eat without negative consequences.)

I am reading a book that is a bit interesting - "The False Fat Diet" by Dr. Elson Haas. (is he related to the eater egg coloring kit people? Isn't that Haas?) His premise is that weight and health problems are often connect to food sensitivities (whether fully defined as allergies or not) and that figuring out the exact foods is important. If I decide I think this approach has merit for me, I will eventually embark on an elimination diet to sort it out. Mean time, here is his list of 7 foods that tend to be the most reactive for the most people. I'm going to try to cut these out right away as I already believe most of them cause me trouble:

The Sensitive Seven

1. Dairy Products
2. Wheat
3. Corn
4. Eggs
5. Soy
6. Peanuts
7. Sugar

All of these except soy have been a bigger and bigger part of my diet in recent months and my cravings for crap are through the roof. If anyone is interested, I can also post his list of the foods that tend to be least reactive for the most amount of people - this list will eventually be incorporated into an elimination program if I do it.

P3, when you are done cleaning would you like to come here? Greenie, same invite when you are done trimming? Greenie your morning sounds fabulous. It's cloudy here but the fall colors are glorious out my temporary office windows and I'm sure enjoying that!

Lav, I admire you. I just know there are glorious things ahead for you in your life. Keep trudging!!

Hi Wally it's good to see you. How's it going?

Well, I need to finish some work on the project for Community Leadership School today. No time like the present. I'm going to do that next before I start reading and doing other personal stuff.

Hi to all fabbies yet to come!

One thing is for sure.....

DG

[papmom3]

sunday 24 Oct

Hi Wally!! Nice to see you!!

DG-glad you like the new look to the blog. It makes me smile when I look at it so I think it's a keeper.
That book sounds very interesting and I may need to see if my library has it. All of the 7 bad foods are what i eat in abundance and I KNOW I'm lactose intolerant so all my ice cream eating makes no sense what so ever unless you look at it in terms of allergy=addiction. Not so much different than being allergic addicted to AL if you ask me (not that anyone did but too bad ).

DG-I'm curious as to what brought on your sugar addiction all of a sudden? You did so well with WW right after you stopped drinking 2+ years ago and if I remember correctly you lost a lot of weight. What is different now do you think? For me, it's the absence of AL which was feeding my sugar addiction and I just haven't been able to figure out how to control that yet. Giving up AL just seemed to open up the gates of hell in terms of sugar cravings. I know if I don't get this under control I will be entering the land of diabetes very soon and that is NOT a good place to reside.
dishes done. now on to vacuuming.

[Doggygirl]

sunday 24 Oct

Hi P3. When I first quit drinking, I followed the diet suggestions offered up in the My Way Out book + some addition reading, etc. on my own. Low carb. It worked. (along with getting my Thyroid properly medicated)

I let sugar creep back in. Then the battle began.

Before I stopped drinking, my issues really were not so much with sugar. (as you said, I think AL was feeding that craving). Back then is was over abundance of junk food, fast food, processed food and "comfort food" ie. pasta and stuff like that.

I liked the idea of Weight Watchers (and still do) because of the group support. And I plan to continue with Weight Watchers I think. The points program doesn't dictate WHAT foods to eat - just a method for keeping portions in line. The problem for me is that I went crazy on the wrong kinds of foods (rather than going back in the direction of my low carb roots). Eventually the cravings seemed to get so out of control that I just ....lost control. Now I have to fight to get it back.

Like with AL, I think there are just some foods that I have to accept the need to abstain from. Sugar, artificial sweeteners (they seem to trigger cravings in me that are at least as bad as the real thing) are definite no nos. I also know that peanuts are a huge trigger. In fact, that's what I found so facinating about seeing that list. I already knew about sugar. But I have always had issues with peanuts. I simply CANNOT eat 1 tablespoon of peanut butter spread on something. Once I start I can't seem to stop. Then I really bloat up, which he says is a major sign of a sensitivity. I already was aware of this with peanuts, but didn't want to really accept it. (imagine that! :H)

Anyway...you might fing it an interesting book. I'm still in the early part of it. I know that an elimination diet is NOT easy. One of my friends has some very challenging health problems and she goes round and round with food sensitivity issues. But if I can pinpoint exactly what gives me trouble besides sugar and peanuts, I think that will be a good thing. So we shall see.

I like todays Hazelden reading. It's from "Worthy of Love" by Karen Casey.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The evolution of human growth is an evolution from an absolute need to be loved towards a full readiness to give love.
--Dr. Karl Stern

As children, we looked to our parents for love, for clothes and food, for an indication of who we were. If our needs were met, we felt secure. As developing adults, we still seek love. We continue yearning for security and all too often our self-definition comes through someone else. But a healthy sign of our growth is revealed each time we extend love to another with no thought that love is owed us in return.

We can show our love in myriad ways - a genuine smile, a note of appreciation, an unexpected favor, perhaps flowers, or a phone call. Warmly giving another attention in any form is an act of love, one that will be repaid in full by someone, at some time.

The ease with which we genuinely love others is directly proportional to our commitment to loving as a priority in our lives. To love is a decision first, an action second, a value next.

I need to focus more of my energy on how to give love than with why I'm not getting enough love, and who isn't doing me right. (:H) When I go through small stretches where I am mainly in a giving spirit, more love than I imagine comes back to me.

Hope everyone is having a good day! I just finished some....well....BS on my project paper. Reminds me of college. :H

I bet Marshy is finishing up packing and getting ready to leave for the XNGF outing by the sea. Boy will she be suprised to see all of us there.

One thing is for sure...

DG

[Doggygirl]

sunday 24 Oct

OK Fabbies! I need your help! I need to submit a question that will be asked to a panel at the next Community Leadership School. I'm drawing a blank!!! Here are the descriptions of who is on the panel. If this were a similar panel in your city, what would you want to ask them?

Manager - County Workforce Investment Board (they are responsible for policy direction and oversight of several workforce development programs across the county)

VP - Manufacturer's Association of our Area - a non-profit that advances the interests of local manufacturers

Superintendent of our local public High School District

President of the local Junior College

Obviously this is a convergence of people responsible for educating the emerging workforce, and some job oriented people. I'm just drawing a blank but I know you guys can help me out here. What would YOU want to know?

Thanks!

DG

[Determinator]

sunday 24 Oct

Happy Sunday ABeroooos!

DoggyGirl, how about almond butter? it's super yummy and healthy too.

you definitely don't want me asking questions of any local gov! lol

big storm here, so Dx and I are snuggled inside and may just watch some movies.

hang tight Bear, you know the routine xxxxx

be well everyone

[papmom3]

sunday 24 Oct

Superindentent: How are you and the school district addressing the problem of bullying in our schools? What steps are being taken to prevent/address incidents and what steps are being taken to educate teachers, administrators, parents and students?

[Doggygirl]

sunday 24 Oct

Determinator;988618 wrote:

you definitely don't want me asking questions of any local gov! lol

Yes I do! I am not afraid to ask provocative questions. You should have heard me with the State Senator. You would have been proud of me I think. So...what would YOU ask?

P3, I think that is a great question. I will put it on the list.

DG