October Optimism - Week 4

[sdlovespackers]

October Optimism - Week 4

Hi All!
I don't want to even begin with what (another) awful week of work I've had....not one minute of free time there and then when i get home, absolutely emotional and mentally exhausted...all I want to do is lay down, but can't cuz it's just me here to do everything as well...it's pathetic..not sure what to do??!! On a positive note, I've remained AF through even the worst of these days!!

Rusty--Any word on the Favre man?? I heard he took off the boot and is questionable to play this weekend?!?! My son and I are heading into the cities next Friday for the game at the Dome!! So excited....just to get out of town for a couple days!!!

Cyn--Thanks for the noodle recipe...I'm SOOOO making that this weekend!!! It's sounds AWESOME!!!!

LBH--I loved the Letting Go Poem!! Totally spoke to me!! Just thought about this whole process as a real inner thing...not really something to be made into a big production of some kind....it's a journey with yourself...and along the way we've met some amazing people to share this journey with and help us and guide us along the way.:h

Dill--you mention your evil supervisor taking your lunch hour...I'm having the HUGEST moral and ethical dilemma right now with my "supervisor"...it's seriously tearing me apart inside....I have staff one hand telling me to go above him and report and whenI tell my mom she tells me to keep my mouth shut and just do my job. But 'my job' is to protect kids and keep kids safe....even if that means from someone in the school too right...even if it's my boss??? UGH!!! I'm so conflicted!!! It's not like a I have a husband's income i can lean on if I would "happen" to lose my job over this, ya know...kinda on my own here. Have you ever been in any situation like this in the school setting??

Star--Cravings??? Don't get me started..LOL!!! I'm on 50mg of topa and take gaba daily. I really don't get "cravings"...it's only when I start drinking I think I usually run into the ravings for more starting. Like tonight...my mom had a party at her house before we all went to the play my step dad is in...EVERYONE was throwin' back....did I want a drink...sure...but, I stuck with diet coke and instead made sure everyone had a ride to the theater. But dang, a glass (or two or three) of wine would have gone down pretty easy after this week. I would have been SO mad at myself...I only have a couple days left in October....then we'll see what November brings...ODAT!!!

Sped--thanks for remembering...even though it's been a few days since I've been around!!

I'm sorry folks for not addressing everyone...I'm so beat....I'm falling asleep typing!!! Looking forward to November...although Monday I have my Written Exams and then the 18th my Orals...yikes!!! Busy weekend!!! Have a great Saturday...this gal is SLEEPING IN!!!
GOOD NIGHT!
Sd

[rustop61]

October Optimism - Week 4

Good morning everyone

Sorry you had such a horrible day SD and hope that you get a nice long lie in today. That's one of the great advantages of moving Cyn, you get to clear out all the clutter.

Very early check in as I am off for the day. Its my birthday, 29 again!!! well it rhymes with its 49 but who's counting. I have an all day meditation/yoga day that is part of the course I am doing. It just happened that it fell on this Saturday which is perfect. I am so looking forward to it. Leaving hubby to deal with the demands of the two!!

Hope you all have a wonderful Saturday.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 4

Good morning Guys


RUSTOP HAPPY (29th :H) BIRTHDAY!!!!
:bday3::bday3::bday3:

Your day sounds just perfect! Funny how in my previous life Id have thought birthdays should be about drinking as much as we possibly could, forgetting half the day and feeling like shit the next day :H what planet was I on??!!

I have lots of news but im off to the gym now so will check back in later when I have more time. Wishing everyone a wonderful Saturday......

[Stargazerlily]

October Optimism - Week 4

Hey all,

Thanks for revisiting the craving situation. It was interesting to know that some are continuing on meds, supplements, etc. I have to say watching what your eat and drink really helps. Meaning, little to no caffeine, sugar, fast food and the like.

Lav, my heart goes out to you. The end of a marriage of so many years is going to be a long process of grief: anger, depression, acceptance, bargaining, confusion, exhaustion. Then creating the new life: joy, adventure, reaching out, peace, patience, new interests, acceptance. So, be really good to yourself, we are here for you.

Dill, I too have a job where they will take your lunch for a training or something. This on top of 10 hour days. So unfair and creates an atmosphere of resentment. Breaks are there so we can refresh ourselves. I just deal with it the best I can. Hope you are doing well.

SD, about reporting. Is the person putting someone in an unsafe situation? Do you have a paper trail with dates, events, witnesses, etc? You are right, reporting someone is placing yourself at risk. In the last year or so a colleague with whom I work closely was doing unethical stuff, over and over. I began to document, dates, events, etc. Then after a time I went to my supervisor and said, I hate to do this, but it is getting so bad.....Eventually we have resolved a few of the issues, but not all. I continue to address this individual when something comes up. In the last six weeks, I had to go to my supervisor again, he talked to her and she came at me with anger and resentment, but I held firm. The last time, between the two of us. She denied what happened and put it on me. I continued to insist that we have to talk about it, that it cannot continue, so sometimes it helps, other times not. It was a huge risk in the beginning, but I was desperate and miserable, having to do something. Some individuals have no boundaries and bring there personal stuff into work in a big way. It stinks.

Last night, went to a high school football game, fresh crisp fall evening, it was wonderful. The energy there was positive and being outdoors invigorating. Today, lunch with a girlfriend, Then later in the day, handing out trick or treats and lighting up my jack o'lanterns. I have got to keep busy, my son is starting to drive me nuts. He has not found a job yet, no friends, and is in a holding pattern till he can take this state exam later this week. I am careful to keep busy, stay neutral, and patient. Send me positive energy, please

Have a great day, AF.:l

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 4

good morning on this next to last day of October Optimism!! I too vote for November Nurturing.

Chill-you tease you!! I can't wait to get to work and read all your news!!! Do I see a huge smile through the internet packets??

SD-I'm so sorry you've had such a hellish week but so PROUD of you for staying AF!! :goodjob:. I know we all know deep down that AL doesn't solve anything but oh, to be able to sink into oblivion sometimes is so tempting isn't it? But, in the morning the problems are still there, possibly with additional ones added. Plus, the hangover, the fatigue, the craving for junk food. Is it worth those few hours of numbness? NO WAY!! It's all part of our rebirth (hi ya hon!!) to learn how to deal with the tough stuff AF. There are other ways.

Cravings: I wouldn't say I have physical cravings anymore. It's more like what I described above. The whole WTF attitude-the lack of self worth during a particular moment-the desire to just sink into the numbness and oblivion. On top of all that, the "why me?" thinking. "Everyone else gets to have wine during dinner, Thanksgiving, celebrations, Christmas etc." "Why can't I?" "Why me?????" (in a very annoying whiny voice). This is what I struggle with and I have to constantly replay over and over the hangover which will inevitiably come the next morning. How feeling that way just is NOT worth those endless glasses of wine. It just isn't. End of story. I have realized that lately I have been negleting my morning supps so that may be contributing to the stinkin' thinkin' lately.

Sounds like a busy day for all! Rusty-hope you're enjoying a respite at home this weekend!! pamper yourself today or tomorrow or both!!

I've got to get off this bed and get ready for work. Will check in later for the latest installment of Mr and Mrs. Libra!!

:l

[Lavande]

October Optimism - Week 4

GM friends,

Bright, sunny & frosty here this morning! I guess we've finally returned to seasonal temps.

I pushed myself yesterday & removed about 200 lbs. of Mr Lav's things from my bedroom closet. It's all in trash bags in his garage now where it can sit for eternity. Felt good to get the job done but it didn't stop me from having several nightmares last night. Cyn - I really do need to get my smudge stick in there now, should have done it last night!!!

SD, sorry to hear about your troubles at work - hang in there, you are doing so well

Don't know what I'm doing yet today, suppose I should go figure that out.
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Saturday!

Lav

[rebirth]

October Optimism - Week 4

papmom3;992921 wrote: Cravings: I wouldn't say I have physical cravings anymore. It's more like what I described above. The whole WTF attitude-the lack of self worth during a particular moment-the desire to just sink into the numbness and oblivion. On top of all that, the "why me?" thinking. "Everyone else gets to have wine during dinner, Thanksgiving, celebrations, Christmas etc." "Why can't I?" "Why me?????" (in a very annoying whiny voice). This is what I struggle with and I have to constantly replay over and over the hangover which will inevitiably come the next morning. How feeling that way just is NOT worth those endless glasses of wine. It just isn't. End of story. :l

P3 I feel the same as you. I also like sinking into that numbness as it stops me from thinking ( mental holiday for me) but I also replay the morning after and I know that I will wake up with a terrible hangover. Plus regret and disappointment in myself. Not worth those few hours of drinking..Its difficult though because I can feel very very sorry for myslef and think I deserve a drink.....I guess it will take a very long time.
By the way I love your new avatar!

Anyway, thats all i am saying right now folks. Wishing everyone a safe and wonderful weekend. x

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 4

thanks RB for the avatar compliment and for echoing what I've been feeling. We just need to find another way to take a mental holiday I guess!!
Hey, can you tell my boy is wearing a lobster costume?

[Lavande]

October Optimism - Week 4

Dip him in clarified butter.......that's a good looking lobster P3 :H:H

Forgot to say :bday7: to Rustop! Hope your day was a good one

I was outside with the hedge clippers again today. I fantasized a head rolling across the lawn with every chop

Getting chilly, better be sure the coop is closed up tight for the nite.

[cyntree]

October Optimism - Week 4

Hello optimizers -

Rustop - Happy Birthday!!!! Your day sounds like it is just right for you - hope you have had fun --:flower:

SD - your situation sounds really tough - CONGRATS on getting through all of this AF. Glad you are going to the TCs - say hello to the Dome for me! RE: work, being a sole proprietor my whole life, I have only myself to complain about (which I do!), so I'm not a resource, but I think Star gave great advice. Seems like even careful documenting will give you a sense of power over the situation. And girl, too bad you don't have a lot going on - whew! Hope you can take care of yourself this weekend, and 'fill the well'.

Star - you are so wise, congrats on staying neutral and patient. You really are 'walking the talk' of taking steps to keep yourself safe and sane. So impressive, and of course I am sending you buckets of positive energy.

Lav - 200 lbs? Hmmmm, sounds like a good metaphor for a certain person.... I love the fact that the stuff is in garbage bags in the garage -- perfect! Hope you can smudge and get some psychic relief. You did it!!

RE: the 'whiney' voices; does anyone remember where the writings about Gratitude are - in the Toolbox section? Anyway, I think that piece is a great help toward replacing the 'poor me' thinking with 'thank goodness I'm not in prison anymore'. Maybe as we go into the holidays we could talk about that as part of the Nurturing theme - honoring ourselves, seeing the poison for what it is. I'm always making a point to remember the 'toxic' part of intoxicate...

Good Saturday, all -

[Rusty]

October Optimism - Week 4

:bday7:HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUSTOP!

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 4

:day4::bday3::bday2::bday1:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSTOP!! Doesn't it feel great to be 29??? :H

[Chillgirl]

October Optimism - Week 4

Hi everyone
I have been very absent from here and miss you all very much, I have been giving my Parents my undivided attention and it has been exhausting. I even had a random AL thought today as i can feel the tension building in my body and I just want a release. Luckily I have learned enough to know there are far better options and i intend to give myself lots of TLC to get back on track.

My Parents have been staying with me for 10 days and there isnt a lot of space so i have had no privacy, something I struggle hugely with as I love my solitude and Chill-time. I havent been able to meditate since they have been here or do any of my usual routine and im feeling very stressed. They are moving tomorrow to their timeshare apartment for the next 10 days and i will get back my space even though they will only be 5 minutes away. I hope this doesnt sound negative, i love them dearly and they are wonderful house guests, im just not good in constant company and its my failing not theirs.

Anyway tomorrow I should have time to post again as normal

[papmom3]

October Optimism - Week 4

Way to go Chill for not giving into the Beast!! Like you said, you'll have your space back tomorrow and yet your beloved parents will only be 5 min away. Best of both worlds!!
Looking forward to your posts tomorrow. Hopefully you are sleeping soundly right now, little doggie snuggled up tight.
:l

[rustop61]

October Optimism - Week 4

Good morning everyone

The greatest gift that you can give yourself is a little bit of your own attention.
--Anthony J. D'Angelo

This would have been a lovely reading to start tomorrows thread with but it appeared to day so I decided to post it anyways. Thank you all for your birthday wishes. I had a lovely day. We started off with sitting meditation and then mindful walking. It was a beautiful morning with the sun shining. The course is taking place right on a Victorian promenade, so we walked on either the beach or the promenade, individually, in silence and mindfully. What a beautiful experience, especially for me as I walk with the doggies but at such a pace I really hardly notice whats around me. In fact the whole morning was in silence as was about half our lunch. We each brought a dish and shared. It was amazing how much more you noticed the taste of the food when you ate mindfully. After lunch we had yoga, more meditation and sharing. All in all a wonderful day and very peaceful and relaxing. Finished the day with a chinese take out and watched the omnibus of Cornation Street. Wish every day could be like that but its nice once in a while.

I totally understand your need for routine and space Chill. We all need it and especially when struggling with Al, I think routine is essential. Lav -well done on the clear out, baby steps you will get there. Everyone else big hello and have a great Sunday.

Rustop