Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Thank you rebirth. You are a gem. Step Coach would tell you to hang with the winners around the tables. Do what they do and maybe you will get what they got - another day of contented sobriety. You will get there.

Hi Gyco. It's always good to see you.

One of my AA friends is stopping by tomorrow afternoon on her way home from work just to hang for a bit and visit. I never wanted to do anything like that for several years - I would be way too drunk by late afternoon to want anyone to "know." I'm so glad I don't feel compelled to isolate and drink any more.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

DG: Isn't it amazing how we thought drinking made us more spontaneous when in reality it chained us to our homes alone & isolated? I too have people drop in or jump in the car & go somewhere as needed wo/a single thought otherwise. I don't have to worry about driving impaired. I can do whatever I want.

In the past my responsibilities loomed very large in my life: children, grandchildren, mother, home, etc. I felt I needed to escape them through drink which made them loom larger. Now, I take care of them w/time left over for myself (not a lot of time, but some).

In reading your post, DG, I realize that I don't have to escape from life. Life is meant to be lived...good & bad.

Mary

PS: I was kind of complaining to my sponsor about my life being turned upside down by circumstances beyond my control. She reminded me that things will change in "God's time" not mine "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." That was a wake-up call.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Good morning DG and Mary,

I also love the fact that I can jump into my car and drive anywhere. I met my sponsor yesterday and we talked through step one in depth. It was like a mini meeting. I LOVED it!!We talked about the states we would get into because of drinking (many cringeful memories ) and our thinking it was normal behaviour. It still never ceases to surprise me when someone tells me that they have experienced similar incidents and thoughts as me because of drink. I dont know why.

She is a great influence on me so I do feel I am with a winner.

A lovely thursday to you both and anyone who visits this thread. x

It's a new day, its a new dawn and I'm feeling good.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Rebirth: I too am working on Step 1. My sponsor gave me a little pamphlet to fill in. One of the questions I had to answer was (I paraphrase): "What have you done under the influence that you wouldn't do while sober?" Talk about cringeful memories!
-Sneaking drinks
-Refilling bottles that I had emptied
-Finding out-of-the-way trash barrels to dump empties
-Driving drunk
-etc.

I know that one of the promises is: "We'll not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" ...but there are certainly things I wish I hadn't done. At least now I can talk about it & not keep it all as a deep dark secret.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Hi Mary and rebirth. I love the feeling that "I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." Like other states of mind, I am not in that place 100% of the time. But when I DO manage to be in that place, I feel balanced. I can be honest and help other alcoholics through common experience that I am not ashamed to discuss. I don't feel like romanticizing my past to make it seem better than it was, nor do I feel like awfulizing my past to make it worse than it was. It's just facts of my life that are important to my growth. Like I said, I don't always manage to stay there. But I can see the value of being there as much as possible.

Step Coach is having surgery today - the tracheotomy (sp) for help with breathing. Then tomorrow they will be doing another procedure to insert a feeding tube. The saddest part of all this is he will likely not be able to have visitors on Monday - his 35 year sober anniversary. But we will figure something out to make that day as special as possible for him. He has done such service to others in his lifetime. I am so blessed to have had him as a role model - no matter how briefly. I hope I get to talk with him one more time.

My friend who stopped by yesterday gave me an awesome prayer sheet that she put together. She consolidated several wonderful prayers into a one page front/back document. Some of them I've not seen before and thought I would share one here:

The Weaving

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft' times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

Have a wonderful sober day all. Strength and hope to anyone who is struggling today.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

DG - Thats a beautiful prayer! I hope you get to see Stepcoach too! How sad! Wonder if you could sneak something into his room on monday because 35 years is definitely a cause for celebration. I will think of him just before I sleep tonight.

Mary How long are you on Step one? My sponsor also gave me phamplets to fill out. One of the questions is " Have you ever awakened in the morning after drinking and found that you could not remember some parts of the evening?"

Some? More like ALL of the entire evening in my case! I would have a monthly blackout and not remember how I got home! Use to look around my house and not understand...my phone was missing, mess in the kitchen, bits of my clothes everywhere, food spilted on the sofa and carpet, missing cash in my purse. Dear me. And then you remember parts of the evening eventuelly..falling on the floor, irritating people, not being able to stand up.

It's tough to fill out the forms but I need to remind myself that I cannot drink. I would also empty my bottles in my recycling bin before it was collected just so it looked normal. My glass recycling bin was always heaving to the brim with empty bottles of wine. I always told my neighbors that I entertained alot if they looked at my bin suspiciously. I am sure they smelt it on me anyway!

Not sure if I ever said this but I am described as a functioning alcoholic.. succesful business, nice home, good mum and drank secretly at home. I always thought you were only an alcoholic is you were a tramp living on a bench.

Anyway, I am going to my home group meeting tomorrow night and and I am going to have to spill the beans about my slip last sunday. No one knows as yet except for my sponsor and my mentor.

Should I tell others? What should I do? I am afraid of being told off. Not that thery would make me cry as such, just that I am already feeling vunerable and dont need to be told that I did a very bad thing. Or am I being too sensitive?

[dancelot]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Rebirth - I have never seen anyone told off when admitting they slipped. What I see is everyone feeling their pain, and offering unconditional support. They know what it feels like. They can all relate. Will your sponsor or mentor be there, or would one of them if you asked? Could you talk to your sponsor first, share your fears with her, ask her advice? Is there someone you're comfortable with who goes to the same meeting you could confide in first, call them, maybe meet them there? I've seen several women who have someone with them at times like this (I assume their sponsor, but have no way of knowing). Either way, I know it will be OK. :l:h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Rebirth, both of my sponsees had slips and asked for my input about telling at a meeting. My sponsor has taught me (and for me it's true through experience) that my secrets are my enemy. I suggested to both sponsees that they just share simply and honestly about it at a meeting. Both of them said they were glad they did - that honesty "out loud" was not nearly as horrible as they thought it would be, and they were able to just get on with it and get back to focusing on today.

ITA with Dance to ask your sponsor's input if you are concerend.

I'm off to tough chicks meeting. Couldn't get there last week so I'm excited!

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Dance my sponsor and mentor cant make it tonight but I have thought about it and I think it will be good for me to tell people about my slip...otherwise they will carry on thinking that I have been sober for over five months.I cant pretend and I would be lying to myself.

I will just blurt it out, then disappear to the kitchen and wash up coffee cups after the meeting. Ha ha

[momof3]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

Hi Rebirth,

I just read about your recent 1 night relapse and wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I did something very similar after about 7 weeks of being AF. It was for only one night but it was a doozie and it scared me. That was it for me.

It sounds like you are on the right track and have a good program and support in place. In the early days, it is hard because your mind can play tricks on you. Even when the physical cravings are gone, the voice in your head keeps working on you for awhile. It romanticizes drinking and tells you that you can moderate or that you really can have just a few once in awhile. We often have to learn the hard way that this is just not the case.

Carry on,
M3

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread - Nov. 1 - Nov. 7

rebirth: I did the whole 12 steps during my first year of sobriety in AA. I did them quite expeditiously, because I really needed to understand the concepts & get some understanding of myself. I also needed to make amends, particularly to my husband & kids. This time around w/the steps, I'm taking it a little more slowly. I've been working on step 1 for about 2 months. That said: Everyone has his/her own pace w/the steps. My work on the steps the first time around was continual. I worked a little every day, reading & writing. It didn't take a lot of time out of my day, but I was expected to do a little something every single day. My sponsor also wanted me to call every day for at least a few minutes.

This time around, my sponsor is much more casual. I do most of my contact w/her through email & phone calls, though I get together w/her at meetings & outside meetings too. She leaves the pace up to me.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that every sponsor & every sponsee is different. Go w/what is right for you.

Mary