Thursday November 9th

[Mackeral]

Good Morning Abbers,

Just a quick opener to get us started..

I've been thinking this morning about how stressfull it can be with the run upto christmas..Its gonna be tough for all of us around this time....I know Gabby is working her socks off...I'm worried about whether the kids will have enough presents ( they always do )...Office parties...Family parties..missing loved ones

So i was talking to my wife last night about how i could avoid drinking over this period.....I used to drink proberly twice as much through chrismas and new year.....Anyway we have come up with a few things to avoid this...Apparently i'm gonna be wrapping presents on christmas eve....And new years eve instead of going to the big family party we usually have we are going to have just me lisa and the kids at home...

I know its gonna be tough but if i can give myself this time to let the idea sink in i think when the time comes it will be easier to do....Hope it works...

Anyway what i think i'm trying to get at is have you got a plan?...I think a bit of forward planning might be a good idea right about now..

I hope everyone has a good day....Take care Macks

[Paddy]

Thursday November 9th

Too right, Macks. Get yourself into the right frame of mind. For me, it's easy. They don't tend to celebrate Christmas in this part of the world, and my folks in Europe don't do Christmas either. So I can avoid all that jazz.

Anyhow, hope everyone has a happy and healthy Thursday. Mine's nearly over. It's gonna be pretty stressful over here next week. APEC leaders are coming down for a meeting. 10,000 delegates, including George W., China's Hu Jin Tao, and Japan's Abe. So this place is going to be a mad house for a whole week.

Might as well, so I'm not tempted to drink, grin...

Best

[dilayne]

Thursday November 9th

Hey Macks and Paddy..I'll respond to the topic later, but now I need to rant a bit..I hope you don't mind..I could use a little support. I just posted this on the mods board too...so forgive the duplicate..

Well, a big trigger has been pointed at me since yesterday afternoon..(caution..venting now) My sorry $&%@*& son in law is in jail and has been calling all night and this morning wanting us to come get him. His parents won't, and obviously no one else can. My daughter (who has 4 children with him) had a friend bring her over last night to use our phone because he has her cell phone (their only phone), and all the money they have (he supposedly was going to go cash his paycheck)..was picked up for wreckless driving and put in jail..the vehicle (which we bought for her because a few months ago she finally left him after countless fuck ups just like this and the fact that he was spending his always less than 40 hours a week paycheck on cocaine..missing work, calling in sick, speeding tickets..ad nauseum, etc. etc.) She was committed to finally getting a divorce, did ok working for her dad and started making a plan for herself..well, she took him back, sold their other junk car, turned the vehicle we bought for her over to him and put herself back in this hopelessly dependent role on the most unreliable person on the planet!!! This is been going on for over 10 years...I started drinking after they had to move in with us..5 of them, when she got pregnant AGAIN..the six of them filled our home with this negative energy..I had to go tell him to get up and go to work on occassion...yes, he was doing cocain during this time..I naively hoped that it wasn't the case...after a year, I finally told them they had to go and accepted that might daughter may have to live in the projects..ANYWAY, it keeps coming back to me, and last night we decided that we have to let them have their problem. It will probably mean him losing his job again, them not having any money, her feeling destitute...it is a huge tug on me, but I've tried to just focus on supporting her in a vision for her future, which has been to start a painting business..she spent the summer painting her father (my ex's) house and learned the trade..I've designed a logo for her this month, printed buisness cards and postcards for mailing and bought her books on how to start a painting contract business...she could do very well with this, she's a hard worker..she just doesn't believe in herself..and God knows why she continues such a pititful cycle..It breaks my heart..of course I carried guilt for a long time because there were those few months that I drank when she was a child and I divorced her father, but you know what? I've looong over compensated for that, and I was a child of divorce and my parents drank and I turned things around very quickly for my kids...(I drank for just a few months and was generally a very loving mother..and I was AF for the remainder of my child rearing days..) So, I don't want to drink, thank God, but I'm totally feeling the trigger, and the temptation to escape these horrible feelings, so I release them here..I don't want to carry this story around with me anymore, I want to focus on this one moment, and when I go pick my daughter up at 8:00 this morning, I want to be able to give her that strength...I'll be taking her to the police station to try to get her phone, his paycheck and to get her vehicle out of where ever it is. I'm NOT putting up bail for him, I'm NOT taking on the problem that he could lose his job (again)..to do so would put my finances in jeopardy and would just prolonge this insanity to the next time...could somebody say a prayer for this situation? Thanks for letting me release all of this here! Dianne

[southernbelle47]

Thursday November 9th

Di,
I'm praying now.
Nancy:l

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday November 9th

Dianne, I'm praying too. I'm glad that you felt that you could come here and let it out.

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday November 9th

Sounds like a good plan, Macks, and good luck this week, Paddy!

[Farmeress]

Thursday November 9th

Di

I sent this after you posted dont know if its in a que to reply to you or time zone others will be in latter
Your doing so well.
Namaste

[TracyA]

Thursday November 9th

dilayne wrote: I'm NOT putting up bail for him, I'm NOT taking on the problem that he could lose his job (again) ...

BRAVO Di! The worse the situation gets, the more likely it is to change. Kudos for not prolonging her agony.

Update here - I'm onbored the ship (bored is the key word today) but we've had fun. Met one major goal in my life - I parasailed and can't wait to do it again. Also fell in love with snorkeling. I've tried it before but found it frustrating, but I didn't know about the spit trick! Tomorrow we snuba in Aruba (snuba: scuba for wussy dummies). Both my son and are sunburned and tired. I drank entirely too much yesterday - and I don't know where my topa is. I don't know where half the stuff I packed is

When we can be out about the islands, I don't even think about drink, but it gets pretty boring if we're stuck on the ship. Ah, poor me, eh?

Miss reading on here but not going to stay long because they charge 55 cents per minute. :wow:

Hope everyone is doing well and being happy.

Love you guys!

Tracy

[Newyear]

Thursday November 9th

Dianne- praying for you today
So hard not to try to 'fix things' for family - esp a daughter. You are doing the right thing. Just keep repeating that to yourself. 'I'm doing the right thing'. We all have to eventually find our own way hmmmm- mwo- and your daughter will as well. I wish you the very best.

Ok....Kathy - clean out that garage!! We can start swapping work out stories
Macks- I think you are right- having a plan is key. Yours sounds good. I am going to my mother and stepdads for Christmas this year...and they don't drink a drop....so I should be ok there. Friends at home are another story. Right now I just working on November.

Gotta run...
Lisa

[MonaCat]

Thursday November 9th

Lady Di,
I just prayed for you, your daughter and grandchildren. I am going to PM you too. My heart goes out to you.

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday November 9th

I just re-read your post again, Dianne. You are doing the right thing, but oh! how hard it is....bless you. I will be thinking of you, your daughter, and your grandchildren today. How hard it is to let them make their own mistakes! Tracy is right, it may have to get worse before it gets better. Try to remember, Di, that you only play a part in this--she has a father, too, and many other influences in her life.

[gabby]

Thursday November 9th

Me too Di....prayin for the whole bunch of you.

[Guest]

Thursday November 9th

Hi guys!
Just checking in after a brief absence. I've been devoting much needed energy into my personal relationships at home, that i kind of put MWO on the back burner. Still here, 36 days abs feeling great now! Starting to get my life back and feeling true joy again.
So sorry Di to hear about the mess going on at home. You and your family are in my prayers!
Mike...love hearing about your Hawaii adventure. You are doing so well! I don't know if I could handle a vacation like that quite yet!
Holidays are soon upon us. Last year, I voluntarily worked most of the holidays to avoid the 'drink' issue. This year I look forward to them and spending quality time with my family. This is a huge change for me.
I will try to check in more regularly. I am forever grateful to so many here at MWO! Take care all! Gina

[Mackeral]

Thursday November 9th

What a situation to be in Dianne...What a nightmare....Where do you draw the line between standing back and interfering....Your daughter sounds like an angel and that she could do so much better....The son inlaw has a serious addiction and is going to get worse if he cant drop it...Your daughter obviously sees something in him to keep taking him back...Maybe if he could sort himself out....I'm only guessing....He's proberly had too many chances already....
She needs YOU now though Dianne and your no good to her either drunk....But you already know that..

Gonna be keeping my fingers crossed for you Dianne and hope this sorts itself out for you as soon as possible:l

Kathy being away a few days i missed what was happening with Maddy.....How is she?:l

[dilayne]

Thursday November 9th

HI Everybody..I'm back..gotta fly by because I missed some work this morning and have to catch up. I wanted to THANK YOU so much for your loving thoughts and prayers..they were with me all morning..their seemed to be a presence greater than me that got us through. My daughter is OK and seems to be seeing things more clearly every day. I came out of it only short $20 for gas and cigarettes (cringing here). He'll be in jail through tomorrow. My daughter wishes it were longer. The car was wrecked..who knows how? He had been smoking pot ..the police told her that..they almost gave him a DUI, but didn't. She has her car and phone and knows that this is how it will be..

Gotta go..just wanted to know that you all were in the car with me this morning and what a difference it made to know that! I hope you don't mind, but I posted this same message on the mods board..they were here with me as well..I HAVE to go to work now..just wanted to thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!
(hugs) Dianne