Yesterday, I was at the supermarket just after lunchtime, checking out with my chicken and biscuits and pomegranite juice. I noticed a very thin woman with long light brown curly hair come in through the front door, with a little girl of about 5-6. The little girl was blond, dressed in a coat, and not unkempt looking but very quiet. She was drinking a gigantic milkshake - they call it a Concrete here - which looked much too big and sweet for a child. I knew it was not milk because it had the curved clear plastic top on it, like what they serve the hot chocolate in at Starbucks to leave room for the whipped cream.
The mom was talking loudly, and they went to the movie rental machine. "Now just press Toy Story 3" said the mom. She didn't look really out of line, other than she was talking a bit too loudly. She wasn't swaying or anything, although she seemed to be talking the way I think I did sometimes after a few drinks when I was trying to appear "normal". As if by making a pointed effort to be doing normal things, I would appear normal. In fact, I was actually trying to BE normal, not just appear normal. Maybe a part of me was thinking that I was still normal.
Anyway, the little girl did not seem unhappy. Children trust their parents so. It takes a long time before they notice that something is amiss. Once they do, and we do, it is only by the grace of the gods, or some stroke of luck, that something terrible has not already happened. Thank heavens for that innocence, because in the absence of a life-threatening event it is the only thing that lets us repair damages that we have caused.
They took a long time getting the movie out of the machine, and reminding myself that I can sometimes make up things which are completely untrue, especially about strangers, I allowed my mind to focus on other things as I left the store.
I went to my car, unloaded my bags into the trunk, and went to return the shopping cart. As I came back, I saw that that woman's car was parked just next to mine. She was still talking loudly to the silent girl, getting her into the car and saying, a little too loudly, "now we are going to get some gas." I waited obediently at my car door for her to close hers, as our driver side doors were next to each other. She looked at me nervously, and I looked back at her, curiously through my sunglasses. I glanced at the front passenger seat and saw a brand new case of beer. I knew it! I knew it had to be there! That woman was setting up a day of feeding her girl a huge milkshake, big enough to keep her sucking the straw for at least an hour, and then watch a movie or two, while mama drank that case of beer! I felt a slight wave a nausea hit my stomach. She said, "are you waiting for me?" I responded, "I just thought it would be easier to open my door after you finished." I'd like to say there was more to it than that, but she then drove off towards the exit from the parking lot. Because there was traffic, I found myself behind her, and she drove out and across the intersection faster than I would normally drive, but not erratically enough to cause an accident or give rise to the police.
I believe that she sensed me, that she knew that I knew. And that made her very uncomfortable. But, perhaps I put too much emphasis on myself, and I could have been anyone. And she felt nothing at all out of the ordinary.
We sense them. Do they sense us? That is my question.
The mom was talking loudly, and they went to the movie rental machine. "Now just press Toy Story 3" said the mom. She didn't look really out of line, other than she was talking a bit too loudly. She wasn't swaying or anything, although she seemed to be talking the way I think I did sometimes after a few drinks when I was trying to appear "normal". As if by making a pointed effort to be doing normal things, I would appear normal. In fact, I was actually trying to BE normal, not just appear normal. Maybe a part of me was thinking that I was still normal.
Anyway, the little girl did not seem unhappy. Children trust their parents so. It takes a long time before they notice that something is amiss. Once they do, and we do, it is only by the grace of the gods, or some stroke of luck, that something terrible has not already happened. Thank heavens for that innocence, because in the absence of a life-threatening event it is the only thing that lets us repair damages that we have caused.
They took a long time getting the movie out of the machine, and reminding myself that I can sometimes make up things which are completely untrue, especially about strangers, I allowed my mind to focus on other things as I left the store.
I went to my car, unloaded my bags into the trunk, and went to return the shopping cart. As I came back, I saw that that woman's car was parked just next to mine. She was still talking loudly to the silent girl, getting her into the car and saying, a little too loudly, "now we are going to get some gas." I waited obediently at my car door for her to close hers, as our driver side doors were next to each other. She looked at me nervously, and I looked back at her, curiously through my sunglasses. I glanced at the front passenger seat and saw a brand new case of beer. I knew it! I knew it had to be there! That woman was setting up a day of feeding her girl a huge milkshake, big enough to keep her sucking the straw for at least an hour, and then watch a movie or two, while mama drank that case of beer! I felt a slight wave a nausea hit my stomach. She said, "are you waiting for me?" I responded, "I just thought it would be easier to open my door after you finished." I'd like to say there was more to it than that, but she then drove off towards the exit from the parking lot. Because there was traffic, I found myself behind her, and she drove out and across the intersection faster than I would normally drive, but not erratically enough to cause an accident or give rise to the police.
I believe that she sensed me, that she knew that I knew. And that made her very uncomfortable. But, perhaps I put too much emphasis on myself, and I could have been anyone. And she felt nothing at all out of the ordinary.
We sense them. Do they sense us? That is my question.
ray:
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