AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Good morning, everyone!!

BB, good for you for dumping out the vino. Although throwing up the vino would have been nasty all in itself. I remember back in the day drinking some red and ended up throwing it up after a couple of sips. It just gagged the shit out of me. Not a nice feeling!! No harm done, really. You didn't drink it all, you didn't enjoy it, you barfed. I bet after that you don't miss it or have any fantasy of how 'nice' it would be to have any today or in the near future!! Have a fantastic day with your beautiful little Princess!

DG, I had a hellava-time driving in the dark the past several years!! I would refrain as much as I possibly could from having to do so. I would literally have anxiety attacks and pull over because I could NOT see those lines on the roads. Thank GOD my optometrist said that all I needed were glasses for driving at night. Prescribed with a special anti-glare coating on them. Seeing it get's dark here at 5pm in the Fall/Winter - and stays dark until 8am in the morning; it was very stressful!! I am so thankful I don't have to worry about it now. I am like a Bat now! Or even a Cat now! Zipping along in the dark with such ease!

Greenie, I would not help if you don't want to help. If she intends on just clearing out for the sake of refilling the space, then don't waste your time. Be selfish! Tell her you would like to but simply cannot because you have a zillion things to do. It is her mess. Only to be re-messed, so nah! Just my 2 cents.

Well, it was an early night for me. Little AFM and I did some reading and she retired early as well. She has caught a cold. Tis the season! So, today, we are going to the library to see what goodies we can find. Sometimes they have some classic movies for kids, etc... and I need a couple of good books to read. I am also thinking about borrowing a book on animal anatomy to get a jump into my studies before they start! :H Yes, I am a nerdball! But I am bored!!!! Need something to stimulate my mind during these long dark nights!!

Have a fantastic day everyone!!! :l

[Pride before Fall]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Hi guys, dolls, and bitches!

Will post more later (getting rental apt in my old house ready to, well, rent), but am posting this for Greenie (I have the same problem; boundaries are not my strong point, so I either completely avoid people or give away the store. Striving for middle ground! Onward and upward! (And to the park, not to someone else's dump. xoxoxo)
http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationshi...mentid=8319095

[momof3]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Back again,

The whole feeling selfish/boundaries issue is huge for me but much better with more and more AF time under my belt.

Hey Pride, Do you live in Concord? I lived in Plymouth, NH for awhile. Yes, the UU church has been great for me and my family. I joined a few months after I put down my last drink. A really great, eclectic group of folks.

ItsJustForMe. It's great that you are dusting off the gym membership. Exercise has probably been the biggest contributor to my recovery

Hi AFM. Isn't it nice to be around your kids, fully present, without a hangover?

M3

[Gaia]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Hello Abbies.

How's it going?

For y'all who are drinking, what are your triggers? What could you do next time to stay AF? Are you sure you really want to be AF? There's nothing wrong with wanting to mod.

With love,
T.

[peacenik]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

hello!
when i get romantic about wine, i remember the sour feeling it gives my poor tummy and how i feel the next morning (because i would NEVER drink a glass, a bottle was never enough, it had to be at least 1.5, often 2). yuck sour stomach...good reminder gia, thanks.

i won't drink today, and i hope nobody else does either.

peace

[LVT25]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Hello friends,

I missed you all so much! I can't help but wish that we were "real" friends instead of "cyber-friends". I mean, we have so much in common, share the same struggles and those that have been there-done that have so much to offer those just now going through it.:h

Gia--I am terrible with words, but I totally understand the need to just do it and get rid of that nagging feeling. I think the whole experience will only make you stronger! It needed to happen, and now you can move on.

IJM--no wonder your wife punishes you with those damn bats! Calling her a hillbilly! :H Anyway, I'm glad you got through last night with flying colors. I have almost always been able to squash those cravings with food. I used to replace food with beer and ciggies, and eating instead worked for me.

Good to see you again Sara!

As you know my sister had another set-back and we nearly lost her again this week. But--she is strong and persevered once again. She doesn't want to die and with everyone's prayers and healing energy I think that helps give her the strength to fight. So, thank you all for that! I spent the night with her in her hospital room, and we had a good talk. She asked lots of hard questions about faith and other things. I guess it is good practice for me to talk about it, it has always been a very personal and private thing, and I hope it helped her. I was glad I was able to send my BIL home to give him a break and a chance to get some decent rest. He has always been there for her, and I feel for him too. Anyway, I could go on and on, but I won't.

The interesting part of the whole trip was the altercation I had with my big brother via e-mail. I have been upset with him because he really hasn't shown my sister and bil much support through all this. He is content letting my other brother and SIL do everything and he goes about his business as usual. This has been eating away at me because I feel so helpless and worry because I am 250 miles away with 2 kids at home and I simply can't help as much as I want. It's frustrating. Anyway, I e-mailed him as a subtle hint to ask if he had been to see her or had plans to and I got no reply, which is odd, because he always replies instantly. Then I talked to sil who mentioned she thought he had gone fishing. So I sent another e-mail simply stating that I heard he was fishing and that maybe he could go see her when he was back if she was still with us. Was that an intentional guilt inducer--yes. Evidently it made him mad, because the response was that he "fished for 5 hours on Sunday". WTF?? I really didn't know what he meant by that so I came back with "How many hours have you spent with your sick sister??"
Seriously, he lives 70 miles from her, he lives 40 minutes away from the hospital she is in. He is almost 60 years old and self employed and his busy time has not started yet.
That really angered him and he kept retaliating with e-mails and I was checking my e-mail from my sisters house before we left to go to the hospital. I love my brother, but he has always been a bully and I am intimidated by him because he is arrogant and knows he is smarter than me. He does our taxes and I hate to ask him anything because he talks to me like I'm stupid. I HATE that. Anyway, he wondered why I was trying to piss him off and I asked him why that pissed him off maybe he felt bad because he SHOULD! He was using the F bomb and was including his wife and my other brother and SIL in his e mails back to me. That made me mad, why include them in this? I was so upset I was shaking I tried to call him no answer. He called me 3 times I didn't answer.
He showed up at the hospital that afternoon. I wasn't there.
Of course my other sil is upset and worried, but don't want to get int he middle. I had another e mail from him when I got home, and I'm still trying to decide how to reply. I'm not going to hold on to resentment and let this come between our family. But I am going to tell him how I feel.

I guess the whole point is how much more assertive I have become since being af and learning to be myself without being under the influence. It doesn't go over well with some people who are used to the pushover me. I am going to stand up for myself and those I love and the things I believe in. And then I'm not going to feel bad about it. So the key is remembering how to respond rather than react.

Wheww..Glad to get that out! Hope no one starved to death hearing THAT saga!

Greenie--follow your feeling, don't do anything you don't want to do. There is a difference between selfish and realistic.

Have a great sober feeling. I love you all!:h (I meant sober weekend--but this works too!)

[Pride before Fall]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

I am intimidated by him because he is arrogant and knows he is smarter than me. >>

He may be smart but he's nowhere near as wise or brave as you, LVT. There are different kinds of intelligence, and he seems to be lacking in some significant ones. My guess is he's overwhelmed by your sister's illness, but he'll regret that he wasn't able to face it.

You did the right thing, telling him it bothers you. My family is always surprised when I get "uppity" too. They HATE it when we change roles. Well, tough. :l

[papmom3]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

LVT-so glad Terry made it through and you were able to talk.
Good for you for standing up to your brother. I totally get how hard it is to do that. I have always had a huge problem expressing how I really feel and usually it would build up until I blew up over something small or imagined and then my family would think I was nuts for getting so upset. of course it never helped that AL was fueling the feelings. I still have that problem, but luckily since I've gone AF a lot of stuff that used to bother me doesn't anymore. I hope I will have your courage and clarity when and if the time comes I need to assert myself. Oh and don't worry-no starving going on here :H.

[Marshy]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

LVT - I'm very interested in your story about your brother. My brother has behaved in a similar way over my mum's illness. He lives about THREE miles away from my parents and visited her in hospital maybe twice the whole time she was there, whereas I live 250 miles away and went to stay so I could go to nearly every visiting session, and have visited since when she's been at home and speak to her on the phone a lot. I spoke to her today and she said she hadn't heard from my brother for a couple of weeks.
Anyway, similar stuff, except I didn't argue with him about it although I was annoyed that he didn't go to see her in hospital more.

I assumed he was being thoughtless, selfish, all that stuff (even though I DO love him to pieces) but I hadn't considered this...

Pride before Fall;1002761 wrote: My guess is he's overwhelmed by your sister's illness,

Maybe some people stay away because they can't cope with the reality of the illness.

Anyway, zooming! Hello to everyone. Greenie - don't do it!

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

LVT, that puts you in such a hard situation to be in. I think it's really great you stood up to your brother, he doesn't deserve special treatment for anything and you don't deserve to be talked down to. People can be such jerks sometimes, and unfortunately most times its brought on by the one we're supposed to be the closest too. They know where to target to cause the most damage.

[Lavande]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

LVT, so glad to hear Terry pulled through again. She's lucky to have such a good sister!
My 3 brothers were absent & totally useless all the years I cared for our parents, honestly. I even moved them into my house!!! Never did I get an offer of any kind of help or concern. One of my brothers announced to the world about a year ago on Facebook that I am the 'Ultimate Bitch'. I saw that & quietly, privately told him to feck off. Don't need him!

Finally remembered to post my chick pics on Photobcket. This is their 8 week pics & they will be 10 weeks in just a few days!! They're big & don't pose nicely for the camera anymore.

Chicks Week 8 pictures by elkmills - Photobucket

Good news - my big dog Maxie has been returned, finally!
She's a good companion with a big bark.......I feel safer with her here

[papmom3]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Lav-they certainly are not chicks anymore!! What kind are they again? I wonder if I saw their breed at the poultry show last weekend.
Welcome Home Maxie!! You keep mama safe now ya hear??? or I'll send DD over to show you how!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Hi all. Lot's going on today. The morning and meeting and breakfast were all great. Not Weight Watcher friendly at all.

LVT, I'm so happy to read about the close time you got to spend with your sister. It sounds like you had some very meaningful discussion and for me, that sort of thing draws me closer to a person and if you are that way too, I bet that feels really good (despite the lousy circumstances).

One of my struggles in relationshiops (family, friends, business associates, etc.) is finding the balance between not being a doormat, and keeping my nose out of other people's business aka not delving into resentment territory. I battled a resentment against my oldest brother for a very long time. It has old roots in old things, but in my current life, I resent that he sits in FL all year, with many opinions about things, and then visits once per year and spends a portion of his one week here doing a few things to help Mom & Dad. I could go on with the details but I'm sure you get the picture. My resentment was eating ME alive and was not changing his behavior at all.

What I have learned....

My opinion of his involvement (or not) in my parents life really doesn't matter. However involved he is (or not) is his business, and something only he has to live with. If I am to be completely honest, I often think I should be doing more and rather than focus on what needs to be fixed in my own behavior, it's much easier to turn it around and lay blame at his feet for not spending enough time (in my opinion). This circular BS in my head doesn't accomplish anything for me or for him or for my parents. I have let that one go and now try to keep my focus on my own actions in my relationship with my parents. That is what I can control / change. FWIW. Also, I really don't like my brother. I don't talk to him much. It's not an anger thing, it just is. I've gotten over my guilt feelings there as well.

I would suggest a new accountant. If my account belittled me and made me feel stupid, he would be fired. Nothing personal - just a professional decision. You can fire family too.

Lav, I'm so glad you got your dog back!! I also see you linked the eating machines. Will look at those in a bit.

BB, maybe you will be a lucky one and your intense craving days are over. But they probably are not over. That's the insanity of this thing. I would not personally feel safe in assuming that the mere fact I threw up would prevent me from wanting to drink in the future. In fact, I was sick on booze hundreds of times and I still wanted. Just suggesting that you modify your plan so that you have a different response next time the cravings come.

To all of our fabulous newly AF people on this thread. PM's can be great but there is also a lot of strength in talking to multiple people. Don't just rely on one or two people to help you in times of intense need. Reach out to a broader community - that's what we're here for. I also suggest making sure you have some longer timer AF people on your list of people to reach out to. I've seen it time and time again here at MWO where a newly AF person talks to another newly AF person about their desire to drink, and before you know it, 2 people have relapsed. So I also suggest to anyone, but especially the newly AF to make sure when you are trying to help someone that YOU have your oxygen mask on first. If you start feeling shaky, then back out. Ultimately, we each have to be responsible for our own sobriety. In AA, it is strongly suggested that we never do "12th step work" alone. (generally speaking, helping someone who is probalby in a critical state with their drinking). I didn't think that applied to me until I got myself into a situation where some difficult decisions had to be made. Thank God I was able to reach my sponsor. I would not have wanted to do what I ended up having to do without additional input. Anyway....there is a lot of strength out here in the public forum.

I am rambling on and on. I think I shall end this post and give you time to grab a sandwich while I work on the next one.

DG

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Carrying on...

Marshy, I guess we can't fix brothers. Heck, I can't even understand them. You _________ oops I mean hangin' with XNGF this weekend (between work and what not)?

Pride, I like that link you provided. I need to bookmark that. All the wisdom needed for life in one itsy bitsy link. :H (seems that way anyhow!! )

Peace, all we can do is make that decision not to drink, one day at a time. Glad you are in! I can't do it alone. I tried and tried and tried to control it, and until I came out of the closet and connected with others, I couldn't manage a single day without booze.

Gaia, I can't speak for anyone else, but there was something wrong with me wanting to mod. I BADLY wanted to mod. I can't. So to WANT to is a fantasy that will never come true. Wanting to mod kept me stuck in a really bad place. There is nothing wrong with Mr. Doggy wanting to mod. He could care less about AL so modding is a natural for him. Actually, I'm sure he doesn't "want" to mod because that would imply he thinks about it at all. He doesn't. Wanting badly to mod and having trouble with that is probably a sign that modding is an unlikely outcome. Is that a circular logic sort of thing?

G, what would it take for you to be convinced to change that avatar????? :egad: I'll toss you my undies. Better yet, I'll toss you some hot 29 year old's undies. Just change it please!!

Greenie, what you are struggling with is in the camp of issues that I am contemplating in my onion peel. I would talk more about it but I am struggling to put it all in words. I want to be free of the bondage of self. (selfishness, self centeredness, etc.) I don't think that means I must do everything that everyone asks of me. I am struggling with the boundaries and the reasons, and trying to stop my own mental bullshit. It's almost like the occassional moments of clarity are a blessing and a curse. When I feel true freedom from my selfish thinking, I love it and I want more of it. I guess I just have more growing to do before I am ready to let go and fly right all the time. I think only you can know what is right in this situation. To put myself in your friend's shoes, just because I want someone to help me with something doesn't mean that is the right thing.

I often find myself doing the right thing these days (and that is forward progress from the time that I thought ONLY of myself...). However I frequently don't care for what is going on in my mind when I'm doing it. That is what I'm working on.

Sara, I am really glad you decided to post here. Alcholism is progressive. This saying might sound trite, but I believe it's true. If you think you have a problem, then you probably do. It sounds as though you are asking yourself good questions - things such as "why is drinking so important to me?" Why take a risk with it? Why would you want to keep on drinking just to see if things really would get worse for you? What would be gained if even if you won that gamble? Let's just say you CAN keep on drinking a little here and a little there and the consequences never get worse than they are today. What does that get you? Is drinking worth the risk?

P3, I loved reading every word of your first post on todays thread. So much strength and wisdom there. YOU ROCK!!!

Choppersmom, you handled your cravings like a trooper. Congratulations! Going to bed early is a favorite strategy of mine. If the day is a struggle with AL, why not just end it early? Tomorrow will be a clean slate as long as I don't *F* up and drink today. If I drink, who knows what messes I might be cleaning up tomorrow. If it was just my own puke then I would consider myself lucky for getting off easy.

AFM, thanks for sharing about your awesome night driving glasses! That helps me know that it will definitely be worth pursuing them once the full healing (changing) is done. Be careful saying you are like a bat though. That could get you in trouble around here. (_________ bats and all) :H

Hi M3. Hope you are experiencing positive remodeling vibes today.

Well, I have rambled too long. Thanks for listening. (or ignoring, either way is fine!)

One thing is for sure..

DG

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!

Doggygirl;1002935 wrote:
Be careful saying you are like a bat though. That could get you in trouble around here. (_________ bats and all) :H

DG

I am definitely not getting _________ like those bats! Those lucky bat-stards! :H