AF Daily-SATURDAY Nov 13!
Jeez! What is it about brothers? DG--you too??! Did I mention that mine is an alcoholic. No one in the family talks about that either. I guess because we have all gotten along so well, we just leave well enough alone. My brother is a unique individual, a funny guy and loving too. But also very self absorbed and self-involved. And absolutely the whole idea of him having to deal with someone he loves sick and in the hospital keeps him away. He was the same way when my parents were sick and when the rest of us were there with them when they passed, he managed to not be around. And, I absolutely never and still do not blame him for that. At that time he did other things for mom and dad that were less emotionally binding. When we all took turns taking care of dad, so he could stay at home, he sent his wife. Same with Terry, except when I talked to my sil the other day, even she hadn't been there for a long time.
Could I have handled the situation better. Sure. A phone call would have been better than an e-mail, but I absolutely hate the phone. And honestly he is the one that got defensive right away, and even though I could have handled it better, I didn't totally blow it like I would have if he had answered the phone when I called. I never cussed and I did hold back some of the nasty, mean things I wanted to say to him. So I am learning to speak my feelings slowly, and to respond rather than react. Now, I just need to answer his last e-mail and put this to rest. I'm glad to have this off my chest, I feel it needed to be said, and I'm glad I stood up to him (even if it was in an e-mail.) It is just hard to understand why he can't step out of his comfort zone and support them. But, now that he knows how I feel, maybe he'll do a little more, if not, so be it. I still love him.
And yes, I think I'll find a new accountant if I can.
Thanks again!:h
Marshy;1002819 wrote: LVT - I'm very interested in your story about your brother. My brother has behaved in a similar way over my mum's illness. He lives about THREE miles away from my parents and visited her in hospital maybe twice the whole time she was there, whereas I live 250 miles away and went to stay so I could go to nearly every visiting session, and have visited since when she's been at home and speak to her on the phone a lot. I spoke to her today and she said she hadn't heard from my brother for a couple of weeks.
Anyway, similar stuff, except I didn't argue with him about it although I was annoyed that he didn't go to see her in hospital more.
I assumed he was being thoughtless, selfish, all that stuff (even though I DO love him to pieces) but I hadn't considered this...
Maybe some people stay away because they can't cope with the reality of the illness.
Anyway, zooming! Hello to everyone. Greenie - don't do it!
Anyway, similar stuff, except I didn't argue with him about it although I was annoyed that he didn't go to see her in hospital more.
I assumed he was being thoughtless, selfish, all that stuff (even though I DO love him to pieces) but I hadn't considered this...
Maybe some people stay away because they can't cope with the reality of the illness.
Anyway, zooming! Hello to everyone. Greenie - don't do it!
Could I have handled the situation better. Sure. A phone call would have been better than an e-mail, but I absolutely hate the phone. And honestly he is the one that got defensive right away, and even though I could have handled it better, I didn't totally blow it like I would have if he had answered the phone when I called. I never cussed and I did hold back some of the nasty, mean things I wanted to say to him. So I am learning to speak my feelings slowly, and to respond rather than react. Now, I just need to answer his last e-mail and put this to rest. I'm glad to have this off my chest, I feel it needed to be said, and I'm glad I stood up to him (even if it was in an e-mail.) It is just hard to understand why he can't step out of his comfort zone and support them. But, now that he knows how I feel, maybe he'll do a little more, if not, so be it. I still love him.
And yes, I think I'll find a new accountant if I can.
Thanks again!:h
ray:
I'm just going keep my side of the street clean. There are no unforseen circumstances, acts of God, health impairments or deadlines involved in her mess. 
. 
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