Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

[GoAwayCabernet]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

I'm going to jump in here. I haven't been on this sight in years, and yet, there's Doggygirl and Mary, still posting away and most importantly, still sober. Wonderful to see that! I've reached a point in which I've decided, time permitting between 3 small children and husband's work schedule, that I need to begin to attend AA Meetings. I've attended several in the past. I've even read the first 168 pages as instructed. But, I feel that having an open book on this website will help to inlighten me on The Big Book. I know that as they say, you'll do whatever it takes to get sober and to some that means attending 30 meetings in 30 days. I also know that in my personal life, I do not have the autonomy to make this happen. Therefore, I have committed to going on this thread daily in an effort to open my mind and further my knowledge. Thank you to all that contribute.

[dancelot]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

A few things stood out for me in "the Doctor's Opinion." First, the "allergy." There is definitely something like in me, and it doesn't matter whether I call it an allergy, disease, or whatever. It's definitely there!


It was eye opening to me that most people didn't see alcohol the way I did. Even more shocking (to me) was, there are people who don't like the effects of alcohol, and say things like "they got drunk one time, and it was horrible!" That is something I absolutely could not relate to!


Another point that I find meaningful is the part where he says it is more helpful when the alcoholic's brain is cleared a little before approaching him. I find this a good thing to keep in mind. It is easy to feel frustrated when trying to help someone, when from the outside it appears so obvious. I need to remember how foggy I was at the beginning. In some ways it's amazing any of us do quit - in that state we're in, it is so hard to take in and make sense of information - it was in my case. Looking back, I remember the people I met in chat, but very little about what anyone said to me on the forum, or who they were. It also reinforces the need to "hit bottom" - whatever that means to each individual - before being able to make changes. In my case, I believe that was the only way.


On the "psychic change" - to me what that was "acceptance." I had to be able to accept defeat, so to speak, before I could fight (if that makes sense). I am all for giving it all you've got, going to any lengths - but without acceptance, it will only go so far. Accepting my limitations as they are (such as I cannot safely drink), I can then look for workable solutions. That is a thousand times easier than total willpower. That might do for awhile (I thought it would), but that's an awful lot of energy to be expending for the rest of my life. The good thing is, the psychic change seems to grow and evolve over time (at least in my case). Acceptance was a huge first and necessary step.

[Doggygirl]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

:welcome: GoAwayCabernet! All are welcome to read the Big Book and comment, whether you attend AA or not. You are also welcome to join us on the Weekly AA thread which is just for general comments and topics "as the spirit moves" people. I'm looking forward to your comments!

Wow, these are posts about The Doctors Opinion are really hitting home for me. Dance, I gave some thought to your point about acceptance and going to any length to get sober. I think for me, I did not become WILLING to go to ANY length until I finally accepted, 100%, my alcoholism and absolute need for abstinence. Up until that point, there were still things (such as go to AA) that were "off the table" as anything I was willing to consider.

I also enjoyed the posts and us v. normies, and some of the suprises! I recall a business trip to a sales meeting. We were on an island of the California coast. They always did a "team building" for one afternoon of these sales meetings. On that trip, the "team building" event was a scavenger hunt around the island. We were in teams of 4 in golf carts tooling around the island finding things from clues. I remember one of my team mates saying early on "we should find a bar and have a margurita!" I thought "GREAT! I'm with drinkers! We'll find a bar and blow off this stupid scavenger hunt, and drink!"

Well, much to my frustration throughout the day, none of the bars we passed seemed to be "The Perfect Spot" to enjoy that margurita, so we kept on going. Then when we finally DID stop for a margurita, it was "A" margurita, as in ONE. I couldn't believe it! I remember saying stuff like "oh it's so nice sitting here enjoying the view. We could just skip the rest of the scavenger hunt - who would know?" And these 3 people looked at me like I was nuts.

I KNEW I had a drinking problem at that time, but still didn't "get" how abnormal I really was.

Are we ready for Bill's Story? I'm really looking forward to your continued comments. I get a lot from that.

DG

[GoAwayCabernet]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

I'm ready to tackle Bill's Story this evening.

[retteacher]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

I'll read Bill's story ASAP.

GoAway: Welcome! I hope this thread helps to clear things up for you in terms of AA. Also, I'm sure you're aware of the weekly AA thread. It also has some great stuff.

My life is not as busy as yours, but I do have some responsibilities. Sometimes I feel that I don't have time for AA meetings. I use excuses:
-too cold
-too tired
-too rainy
-etc.

However, I remember that AA meetings are how I got & am staying sober...which, for me, is a much better existence. Take care of yourself...nobody will do that for you.

Mary

PS: If I sound preachy, go ahead & scold me. I don't mind.

[j-vo]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Hi everyone,
This section is pretty fresh for me. Some things that I related to: "Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity." It was a necessity for me in that it wasn't ok to go through a night at home, or a dinner out, or a social gathering without having alcohol. It was necessary because my body was addicted to it, as was my mind.

"The remorse, horror, and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable." The severity of these three words was not always the same, but who wants those feelings in the morning, or ever? How we even got through the day having remorse, horror, and hopelessness is incomprehensible.

"Hydrotherapy and mild exercise helped much." I agree, this always helps. I still have to push myself to drink enough water, but when I do, I know the difference.

I like the part where he says in alcoholics, the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects. This is where our HP comes in, and thankfully he is there, because our will is not going to get us through ODAT.

"Alcohol was my master!" My master, my best friend, lover...

"I was cataputled into the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefullness in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. AMEN!

It has been proved to me that "God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough." I'm seeing, feeling, and believing today. Without him, I was lost. So true.

In my daily prayers, my sponsor has suggested that I ask for "direction and strength." I do that now. I pray somewhat differently than I used to, although it's been hard not to ask for specific things.

Essential Requirements: Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things were the essential requirements. The steps that we work on daily is the essential requirement.

There's so much in this section that is important to me.

[Doggygirl]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

j-vo, I love your comments on "Bill's Story." You are right - it's a very robust chapter. I plan to write my own thoughts later today. Bill's Story is very special to me because it is the common ground between me and my sponsor (and Step Coach) and also me and my sponsees. I learned this from Step Coach. We each read Bill's Story (on our own) so it is fresh in our minds. Then we get together and discuss the ways that we can identify with Bill W. It helps establish common ground in the program of AA, and common ground with each other. So Bill's Story is really an important point of connection between me and AA.

DG

[retteacher]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Everyone: I just read Bill W's story again. It's always inspirational & never fails to bring something up in my mind. The part about his many relapses was what really caught my attention. "Remorse, horror, & hopelessness" are the perfect words to describe how I felt after every relapse...especially after vehemently promising myself that I wouldn't drink again, ever.

I also liked the part about his doubts about a HP being of any help. He did say he was "willing." That's all we need to stay sober: a willingness to believe that a HP can do for us what we could not do for ourselves. In my case, it wasn't through lack of effort. I tried & tried. Until I could admit that I could not restore myself to sanity, true sobriety didn't happen.

I'll read w/interest any & all thoughts about Bill W's story.

Mary

[GoAwayCabernet]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

I haven't commented on the book yet, but I have been reading your posts. I found the introductions to be very insightful, but the numbers are not surprising. To be honest with you, I think the number of alcoholics out there was way more than we could imagine back in the day, but during those times, everyone kept their problems secret.
As I read The Dr.s Opinion, I only wished I could send a copy of that to my best friend's husband. She is a struggling alcoholic and he does not understand why she drinks. She doesn't understand either, but he thinks it's a choice and she should just choose not to drink. Very cut and dry. I sent her a letter about this thread and am hoping she will take me up on my invitation to follow along with this "Book Club". Ironically enough, she is the one who introduced me to this sight years ago.
I read Bill's Story. I recall reading it before. The thing that stood out to me the most was how accomplished he could become, despite being an alcoholic. Typical functioning alcoholic. And other than the stock market crash, it was the alcoholism that brought him back down as well. What a wonderful wife he had to stand by his side through all his sickness.
I really related to the chapter on There Is A Solution. I found a lot of myself in this section.
I'd like to offer direct quotes, but I haven't enough time to go back through the book. Maybe I need to read it with a highlighter in hand.
I think I also need to take time to read it sometime during the daytime. I've made it a night time read, while in bed, and begin to get very sleepy by the end of the chapter. To be honest with you, since I haven't been drinking this week, I've been really exhaused by the end of my day. Here I thought it was the alcohol that helped put me to sleep. NOT!
FYI: I might not post all the time, but I am daily reading your posts. I have 3 small children (3yrs, 6 yrs, and 7 1/2 yrs) so my computer time is very limited. When I do get on, I usually spend the majority of the time reading the posts, rather than commenting on them.

[catch22]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Hi ALL,
Bill story where do i start, i can relate to a lot, and there is a lot in this chapter.
The bits i have highlight for me, I commenced to forge the weapon that one day would turn in its flight like a boomerang and all cut me to ribbons. (so many times that boomerang hit me but now a days i know when to duck down and not get hit again)
I had written lots of sweet promises....( i had not written, but i have always said to my son and daughter i am not going to drink today, today is The day i Promised them so much and i believe in myself, the look i would get from them. But today they have there mum back)
confidence began to be replace by cocksureness ( still i have to be carefull not to be full of myself and not be over condfidence, because this illness is so canning and buffling.)
I told myself i would manage better next time, but might as well get good and drunk then. And i did. ( yes so did i many times over and over again)
should i kill myself? No -not now...( no there is still more drinking to do)
The mind and body are marvelous mechanisms. ( I know if i was to pick up it would not take that long for my mental state of mind to return.)
Hydrotherapy and mild exercise.( how many times i would have a cold shower or even a cold bath to wake myself up and say to myself i feel much better now and an hour later i would feel bad again not feeling to good.)
Self-Knowledge. ( change, believe and action, does not matter how many boooks you read you have got to put the work in. 1 change:be willing to do so, 2 Believe: you can do so. 3 Action, decision: get results and then you get faith.)
DT, ( it so good not to see things in the middle of the night,) heart failure. ( there were times when i though i was going to have a heart attack t nightime very scary)
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair i found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. i had met my master.( how true this is )
Page 12/13 really stands out for me now because i did not realize that step 1 to 12 are in them.
I use to be willing to go to any lenghts to get a drink, but now i am willing to go to any lenghts to get to a meeting how is that.
I can say i have worked my guts and asre off toget this far ! thanks to everyone.

[Cherbear]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Hi everyone!

Bill's Story is an amazing chapter with so much that is familiar to me.. even 70?? years later.. If this isn't my HP speaking to me I don't know what is.
especially reading it this time, what spoke to me was " It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weak but remained strong in other areas of my life.... understanding myself now..( big laugh), I knew the answer...self knowledge was the key . That was me to exactly everytime I tried to stop drinking before. That self knowledge..("I'm an intelligent woman in all other aspects of my life, now I can tackle this one too right!!!) WRONG. As he said, the goose hung high for 3-4 months.. that was me.. but rarely past 2 months for me on my own.

[retteacher]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Cher: Me too. I could accumulate some time, & then for no apparent reason, I'd go out & drink. I too had all kinds of discipline in other areas of my life. I was downright perfectionistic in my job. I overdid as a parent & g-parent. But, w/alcohol, I was mush. I HAD to admit to myself & others that yes, I'm an alcoholic, I'm powerless of alcohol, my life (especially my spiritual/moral life) was unmanageable. I had to ask for help both from other alcoholics & from HP. I absolutely cannot do this alone. I tried w/all my might & just could not. I wish you could all visit Bill W's home in VT, USA. His legacy is there. It was a privilege to go there & see it all, including his & Lois's graves. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

Hi everyone. I've been tied up away from the computer most of the time this week. I don't want to hold up the group! I'm hoping someone will just take the lead to move on to the next Chapter if everyone is ready.

There is so much in Bill's Story that I can identify with - certainly what you all have mentioned so far. Another light bulb moment for me in this story is how he always thought the moving to another place would solve all the problems. It wasn't until I read this story and heard about the "geographic solution" that I connected my own dots. I ran geographically, always with the belief that "it" would all be better somewhere else for my entire adult life.

After 2 years of college, moved to a small Missouri town. ()
After a couple years of that, moved back to IL.
Moved to another town and finished school.
Moved to Chicago.
Moved to Texas
Moved back to IL
Moved back to Chicago.
Moved to Clearwater.
Moved to Silicon Valley.
Moved back to Clearwater.
Moved back to IL.

I've come full circle. And my alcoholism followed me everywhere and kept on progressing long before I knew it was "the problem."

Of course my moves were always justified on the surface. "A new job." "Going back to school." etc.. But in my OWN mind was always the misery and fear. And I was running. It didn't work. The new locations never fulfilled the promise they held because the REAL problem was inside of me the whole time.

Will check back in when I can - mean time, here is a link to the next Chapter "There Is A Solution."

DG

[j-vo]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

There is a Solution:
"We feel the elimination of our drinking is but a beginning." How true. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm just beginning, having had my last drink on 8/13/10. But slowly and putting the tools, the principals of AA into practice.

"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help to meet their needs." This is our fellowship, our new connections to people like us, and non AAer's. I feel the quality of my relationships is growing stronger, I'm caring so much more for others and their needs.

"We are without defense against the first drink." Before AA, before having the 12 steps, tools... we were without defense against the first drink.

"There is a solution. We saw that it really worked in others, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. Our Program of AA written by Bill and Dr. Bob. "We accept spiritual help because there is no middle of the road solution.

We have been given a "design for living" that really works. I see the this daily in my fellowship. I feel it within myself. This design is changing my life (has changed my life) in the small amount of time that I have followed it.

God Bless Bill and Dr. Bob.

[retteacher]

Book Discussion - Big Book of AA

I always need a reminder about that first drink! There is such a temptation to feel I have the problem licked. "Oh, now I can drink, because I haven't for over a year & a half." I've heard over & over at meetings about relapse after long periods of time. People were back to drinking at or beyond old levels after a very short period of time. Why would I be any different? Why do I feel that I can now magically drink safely? I'm doing fine wo/drinking. Why would I want to spoil that?

Tonight we have our neighborhood holiday party across the street at our good friends' home. There will be drinking, & I know that we'll leave before the big consumption takes place. I'm looking forward to the party & have no reservations or feelings of deprivation.

Mary