November Nuturing - Week 3

[cyntree]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Good for you, PA! That kind of situation is exactly what would push me over the edge. You were so strong - congrats. I recently found where I had stashed my MWO folder while 'staging' our home. (I have little room for a home office, so most of my files are now in cabinets in the garage, which were pretty full already - in Arizona, there is no such thing as an attic or a basement, and we have only one floor, so 'stashing' places are non-existent). Anyway, as I said, I found my MWO folder, and was glad to see that at one time I had printed out the post on 'Distress Tolerance'...the idea is that we all have different tolerance for emotional pain just as we have for physical pain. This post talks about how to teach yourself ways of coping with emotional distress -- and it is such a reasonable, clearheaded approach (BTW, one of the skills mentioned is 'mindfulness'). I thought of you, John, as it seems like you did exactly this on your own, but maybe others would like to re-read it...I expect it is in the Toolbox section somewhere. Maybe one of you know how to do a 'bump'?

Rusty, glad that you are home. Sorry about the guy. Your re-decorating sounds wonderful! Lav - hope that you feel better soon. Chill, yes your buoyancy jumps right off the pages! I absolutely meant what I said, glad you felt the truth of it. LBH - the reason I was looking for my MWO folder was to find your African Peanut Soup recipe, but alas - could you post it again? Sped - I hear you about AA; it just doesn't seem to be the right approach for some of us. Whatever works, I say. I personally am getting into reading about Kuan Yin, the Buddist figurehead for compassion, protection and partnership. I love the images of her. Mr G - what ever you need!(organizationally speaking). Rebirth, Sooty, Rustop, Red, so good to hear from all of you.
Must get a bit of work done yet tonight - sleep tight/wake well. See you on Hump Day!

[Lavande]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Decaf green tea in my cup too John. I've learned to love it

Had a long day watching EB, then returning him home & attending a demonstration at my daughter-in-law's house. I really don't care much for those things. This one was for some food products (none of which I eat) so I was pretty bored.

Feeling better with having Maxie here. I'll be vacuuming a lot more often but that's OK! She has a double coat & seems to shed all year long.

Shelley, I'm with you on the Big Book. I can't wrap my head around that sort of thinking. It's OK, we're just fine without it, right?

Rusty, you are truely fortunate to have such a good friend - bless her

Chill, I hoping to develop more cool so I can be just like you!

Think I should call it a night. The rain has stopped now the big winds are moving in, it's noisey out there!
Wishing everyone a good night.
Lav

[sdlovespackers]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Good Evening ALL!

I thought I would quick drop in and say hello!! I know it's been awhile....things just HAVE to slow down around here soon!!! I was hoping to get on here this weekend but was sick in bed...which sadly was ok because it allowed my to just lay there and do some studying between laps!! My Orals are in two days...I'm feeling...ok...I think....no, I'll be fine I'm sure...I'm gonna take some cookies:H
My principal had to meet with the school board and Super today....kinda nervous about going to school tomorrow....will lay REALLY low tomorrow!!!!!
I don't mean to cut it short but I just hopped on quick between doing super dishes and putting my son to bed...I can hear him getting out of the shower now.....off to more studying then....from my quick read through of the week...most everyone sounds pretty good!! Except...what up with the married guy>>>the nerve??!! :shocked:
Good night ALL...You're all in my prayers!!!
SD:l

[Stargazerlily]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Good morning. OK, I am going to create smaller posts, then maybe I won't lose them!!

Rusty, I am touched by your prayers for my son, he needs them. He is waiting on a background check for a job for Christmas.....it is taking forever. He is so bored and lonesome. If I remember correctly, you went through something similar in the past. Keep up the prayers, they are needed. Also, if you are in the mood can you share some of that timeof your life and how you found your way out? Thanks,

Chill, I had a great day yesterday too. Loved my job, my coworkers, etc. It is great to wake up in a good mood.

Sped, I feel about the Big Book and the Bible in the same way. There is truth in both books, but everything in them is not the truth. Looking at it in this way, I can deal with the context, meaning the sexism, etc. Does that make sense? I do believe though that there is more than one way to get sober and it is upsetting that some AA member state that their religion is the only one.

Will try to post.

[Stargazerlily]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Good, shorter posts are the way to go on this computer.

Dill, sorry you are struggling right now. This time of year can be hard with the darkness and now the cold. We live in the same area of the country, and the temp dropped and it started to rain. My bones ache today and my mood is less bright. But, it is early, I need to give myself a chance. I agree that attitude is key to feeling good. Are you reading anything good right now? I'm not and I feel bored at night. I have no time to go to the library during the week. A friend told me that 365 Intellectual Reflections is what her book club is reading.

PAguy, stressful days at work are the worst. You are right, a drink will not make it go away. How difficult to lay people off. Sorry you have to go through that.

Rebirth, just missed you and your posts. I understand not being able to spend as much time online. I spend about an hour or more if I get up early, otherwise, my day is to busy too. I would not be comfortable going online at work. What are you reading?

Trying to post again.

[Stargazerlily]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Again...

Cyn, good to hear from you. Have you sold your house yet? How did you become a declutterer, I now I would be good at that. I would love to help people stage houses, I do not have confidence in my interior design abilities.

Rusty, I forgot to comment on the dishonest married man. What was he thinking, good that you felt something was wrong. If someone does not want to be married, that's fine, but don't bring other people into your marriage by cheating.

Have a happy hump day, AF.

[rustop61]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our
thanksgiving.
--W.T. Purkiser

Thought of all of you in the US who will soon be celebrating your thanksgiving when I saw the above this morning. I guess we should all give thanks for what we have. Things are very bleak in Ireland at the moment. The banks have made a complete mess of things and look like they are going to take the whole country down. Yesterday 4 children and 2 women were murdered in 2 unrelated incidents. A father murdered his 7 and 3 year old girls and then ran his car into a tree and killed himself. Dont know yet what caused it by My God can you imagine being driven to doing something so, so desperate. In the other case the women 21 and 25 and a five year old and a 5 month old were stabbed to death. It really makes you stop and think.

I am like you Star regarding AA and the big book. My experience of AA was nothing like that of those who post on the AA thread here and I do find it annoying that the attitude of a lot of people, medical etc seems to be that AA is the only thing that works. Just reading the AA thread you notice that there are just as many slips there as say here on MWO. Maybe not the people posting but those they see at meetings. Somebody mentioned yesterday that meditation really helps with urges which reminds me to take my tape in the car tonight so i can do mine.

Hope you all have a happy hump day. Hope you are enjoying yourself Sooty, looking forward to hearing all about it when you get back.

Rustop

[Guitarista]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Raven.joy;1004965 wrote: Hi Lav, would love to see the uniform

Me too! :h

[dill]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Here is the post that Cyn was trying to retrieve. Cyn, There is a search tool on the blue bar at the top. If you have the key words it will help you find posts you are looking for. It takes a few minutes, but in this case, it was well worth it. You were correct that this post was in the Tool Box thread.

Good morning to all!

Dill


I Can't Stand It!!! Distress Tolerance and Recovery

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of my mother's favorite expressions was: "I can't STAND it!" She used it a lot, in fact she was in the habit of saying it, in a tone of voice that sounded just a bit panic-stricken, anytime she didn't like something that someone else was doing... and it was a signal for the rest of the family to jump in and do whatever she wanted done, so that she would calm down, and life could go on...

I think that many of us are in the habit of believing that we cannot tolerate (or that we just can't stand!) some things that really we are quite capable of not only tolerating, but overcoming!

So: I've been thinking lately about the topic of "Distress Tolerance" as it relates to recovery for substance abuse/dependence. I decided to write something up, because it's a central issue, and someone might find this helpful.


DISTRESS TOLERANCE


It?s well-known that some people have a higher tolerance for pain than others. These differences have been consistently demonstrated and measured in laboratory settings. Little is known about the reasons that such differences exist, but they are quite real.

Tolerance for physical pain is akin to a tolerance (or lack thereof) for emotional distress. Just as with pain tolerance, some people have especially good capacities for tolerating emotional distress, and others are (or feel) not nearly as capable in this area of functioning.

The capacity for tolerating distress is a major aspect of recovering from alcohol (or other drug) dependence. The central tasks for a person in recovery are to (a) tolerate the emotional pain involved in refraining from doing something (drinking) that s/he very badly wants to do; and (b) tolerate all the other pains and stresses of life, without turning to alcohol; and (c) tolerating the fears generated by her/his own mind, such as the anxiety s/he feels when s/he allows herself to worry that s/he might not be able to live a life without the ?assistance? or ?comfort? of alcohol.

Some of us are naturally lacking in distress tolerance skills (possibly because of difficult or traumatic childhoods); and many of us have failed to build strong skills in distress tolerance because we are in the habit of turning to alcohol as a primary method for dealing with stressful events, anxiety, etc. Regardless, anyone who embarks on a program to give up a life dependent on alcohol will need to strengthen her/his capacity for tolerating discomfort.

The good news is that distress tolerance is a skill (or a set of skills) that can be cultivated and learned. One of the major pioneers in clinical psychology, Dr. Marsha Linehan, developed a program that includes components in which individuals learn to develop their capacities to tolerate distress. Here is an outline of the commonly used methods used in contemporary psychotherapy to enhance distress tolerance:

1. Distraction: this method is very simple (not always easy, but simple). As soon as I notice that I have begun to feel overwhelmed with worry, sadness, fear, anger, a craving for alcohol, or some other very uncomfortable emotional state, I gently shift my thinking (and my behavior) to something else. It can be a very simple shift: for example, I can begin to deliberately count the tiles in a nearby floor, or ceiling; or, speaking silently to myself, I can describe all the books on a nearby bookshelf, including their titles, their authors, the colors of the jackets, etc. One of my own favorites, when I am outside, is just to look at the sky. Gradually, the emotional discomfort will begin to fade. Remember to be patient! None of these methods are ?quick fixes.? It takes time for our minds to relax, for our brains to lower the levels of stress-induced hormones and neurotransmitters.

2. Acceptance: Sometimes our biggest struggles are internally generated. Often, it is not so much the situation itself that is so painful, but our fruitless attempts to change the un-changeable, or mental arguments about how things SHOULD be different, our endless efforts to figure out WHY things are the way they are? all of these are unnecessary add-ons to the difficulties that life presents us with. One of the major differences between people who live happy, meaningful lives and those who are bitter and unhappy is the capacity to accept setbacks and to make the best of difficult circumstances, instead of struggling against the things that cannot be changed.

One excellent role model in this area is the guy in the YouTube video, with no arms or legs? but with a fabulous outlook and love of life! [Here's the link: YouTube - How to get back up...Nick Vujicic (life without limbs):YouTube - How to get back up...Nick Vujicic (life without limbs) ]

An example of someone who is NOT a good role model, because s/he is self-handicapping her/his own life, would be the person with a serious alcohol problem who continues to tell her- or himself that s/he SHOULD be able to ?drink like a normal person?!

The ?Serenity Prayer? is a great tool for enhancing acceptance. When we find ourselves in some kind of mental turmoil, we can begin sorting it out by quietly repeating: ?Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.? Often, upon reflection, we will then realize that the turmoil arises out of trying to change something we cannot change.

3. Mindfulness: Both as a formal meditation practice, and as a way to approach daily life (awareness of the moment, and careful attention placed on whatever is going on right now), mindfulness is a skill par excellence. Much of our emotional distress arises out of a focus on the past (regrets that contribute to depression) and the future (anticipating disasters that contribute to anxiety disorders and panic). When we realize we have allowed our minds to dwell on the past or the future, shifting into the present can be calming, comforting, and effective in helping us to deal with life as it is (not as it was, or as it might be in case something awful happens). Re-focus on physical sensations: deliberately feel the sensations of your breath as it goes in and out, for example. Notice what your thoughts have been telling you (often it may be that your mind has tricked you into a dialog about drinking!). Notice the stress-related sensations you might be feeling in your chest, or belly, or shoulders.

It?s a good idea to practice these skills on a daily basis, so that they will become part of your repertoire, and readily available to call on when you really need them. You can, with practice, become a person who has a good capacity for tolerating emotional distress; and this will make a huge difference in the likelihood that you will be able to meet your goals for long-term (permanent!) freedom from alcohol abuse and dependence! So: if you find yourself saying to yourself (or to others!): "I can't STAND this!" then... think about it. Maybe you can...

[rebirth]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Hey guys!

I have lost FIVE pounds already!!! In ONE day?? How is that possible?? 9 lbs to go!

John- Great willpower to not pour that drink. But be careful cause it seems like a lot of folks waver around the four month mark. I don’t know why…I was feeling very weak around that time.

Rusty – Slate flooring sounds divine. I love the look of slate.Very contemporary. What are the colours you will use to decorate your rooms? Nine years of sobriety eh. That’s such an achievement. That will be me one day! The BF is on his best behaviour. He still irritates me but it’s not because of his drinking…cause he throws towels on the floor, leaves the seat up etc etc. lol. I am always moaning.

Star – I have two books thast I am trying to read at the same time..The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, The Big Book ( sorry). But most of the time I seem to surf the internet, watch tv, work at home or read junk magazines.

In reference to the Big Book I think it’s just another option to use for abstaining/moderating. I dont think it’s the only way and no one in AA has told me different so far. I like how there are many different methods people use. I also shun people who say AA is the only answer as its not fool proof either. At the end of the day it boils down to you and not the methods out there.

[Lavande]

November Nuturing - Week 3

GM everyone!!!

Have been running around surveying storm damage, resetting clocks, etc. Big winds blew thru here last night causing power failures & all that. Better than a snow storm I suppose

I still say do whatever you need to do to quit drinking, remain AF & enjoy a sober life!
For me it was a very strong personal desire because I had let myself develop into a person I didn't even like. Finding MWO was such a blessing, using the Hypno CDs really retrained my brain to think differently, thank God! I also had to get control over a long standing depression problem. I am grateful that I found my way, I won't screw it up now - not for anything or anyone!

G - my current uniform is jeans & a T shirt, comfortable :H:H

Hope everyone has a terrific Hump Day!
Lav

[Raven.joy]

November Nuturing - Week 3

We can all challenege ourselves to change and get there. I think every one on this site has already done so to some degree to be here. I would imagine for most of us its an ongoing journey of enlightenment rather than to enlightenment.
It's constant inspiration going on here on mwo, what people have moved from and what they have become, because they wanted to and did the right things.

[Chillgirl]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Happy humpday nurturers

Another euphoric day for me, it suddenly reminded me that I actually used to feel this way most of the time until my financial troubles hit, id actually forgotten what being happy for no reason felt like. I hope this is the return to that place.

They say we all have a happiness set point and that after a crisis or a particularly joyous event (be it a bereavment or a lottery win) we will automatically go back to our set point within a year. 50% of our happiness is genetic, only 10% is actually down to our circumstances be it financial, marital status, job etc. The other 40% is determined by our habitual thoughts, feelings, words and actions. This means with practice we can influence 40%!!!

Rebirth - Congrats on loosing 5lbs wow! I absolutely loved the book the Kite Runner, be prepared for tears, if you enjoy it you must read "1000 splendid Suns" by the same author, it was fantastic.

Paguy - Sorry for your stresses at work I do hope Dills copy of distress tolerance helps. Just remember how much harder it would be to deal with all this hungover.

SD - Sending you positive vibes for the exams.

Rusty - I have just one thing to say to you "STOP APOLOGIZING!!" :H

Lav - Jeans and a t shirt are my most favorite outfits.

[ladybirdheart]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Have not been around much as it is hard for me to post right now; attempting to write down my feelings elicits a lot a cravings as it did when I first came here, it is better sometimes to just ignore them. In this regard I wanted to thank you for the refresher on distress tolerance as by history I never got it right the first time. As a distraction, I shall talk about the weather which is probably cold enough even for Shelley (twenties) in the morning and then blazing sunny during the day, in the fifties and perfect for hanging out laundry to bring in a good fragrance. Speaking of fragrance, I have been cooking wonderful soups like Mulligatawny (Indian chicken and lentil), Cioppino (Italian seafood), and Spanish seafood (the kind thickened with toasted chopped almonds and bread crumbs), but I may have to go back to just assembling things as cooking an involved dinner on a cold night once again elicits a craving for a cocktail. I hope this ends soon as I used to like to cook very much. Sometimes this alcoholism business can be darn inconvenient:H. My love to all of you in your current incarnations, Star, Dill, Lav, Chill, SD, Rusty, Rustop (thank you for the quote about new eyes), Sooty, Rebirth, Shelley, G., Pappy, PA, Cyn., Raven, et. al. Ladybird.

[cyntree]

November Nuturing - Week 3

Evening all -
Rustop, thanks for that remarkable quote -- I'm so sorry that things are so dire in your country. We have an irish friend who is just starting with a new business venture (she is leaving full-time work elsewhere) and we are so worried about her. What ghastly stories in the news....sending you strength.

Dill - how are you? Brilliant, for sure, thanks for finding and posting the Distress Tolerance. It was really good for me to re-read it. I try to do Search, but never seem to have any luck...

LBH - such tempting soups!! I tried to search for your African Peanut soup -- no go; would you post it again? So sorry about the cravings...I understand...I think it is the change of seasons...

SD - GOOD LUCK WITH ORALS tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you.

Lav - I tried but didn't do much with the Hypnosis CDs - I always feel depression nipping at my heels - maybe I should get back to that.

Cheers to everyone - sesame noodles are ready to eat now - will try to get back on again later -