Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

[retteacher]

I don't have much time to get this started. I just wanted to mention a discussion that came up at last night's meeting. It was a BB meeting, & we were reading the chapter to the wives. Right before we began reading, one woman raised her hand & talked about how outdated the concept & language in this chapter are. Another woman agreed. Of course, we read the chapter anyway. I really thought about whether this could translate into the 21st century for me. I found that it could. This book has survived 70+ years in its original form (the first part on how it all works). Just as Shakespeare & Chaucer have survived the years, we learn to put the concepts into our modern lives. One man who had attended the conference in San Antonio said that one of the committee meetings was about whether the first part of the BB should be revised. The agreement was that it shouldn't. The underlying message is unchanging. Circumstances have changed, but I can see beyond that. I was the alcoholic in my family, so "To the Wives" really doesn't apply to me if I take it literally. I try to use the power of my reasoning to help me understand how it fits my life. That's my take on the antiquated language of the BB for what its worth.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

I agree, Mary. The underlying message is the same, and I can apply any of it to myself. We sometimes have a laugh about terms like "character defects." I'm trying to think of a more modern term for the same thing, and can't come up with it at the moment. Shortcomings, issues, something like that. The meaning behind the terms is more important than the words themselves. The chapter "To wives" doesn't bother me. It can be reversed and mean the same thing.

In some ways I like that it is left how it was written. To me this reinforces that this problem has existed for a long, long time. It makes the stories more real. Finding out I'm not so different than people from my grandparents era. The dark side of Ozzie and Harriet maybe?

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

hi teach and dance,i tried to look up who the writer of to the wives,was,i was told they were gonna let bills wife write it, and the men changed there minds,figured sh e would tell to much,as you can see after time in AA there is a lot of beurocracy,AA is not much different then many organizations,many people that i no that have left,left because they found out truths of AA,loooking up the early history of AA,will give you what you want to no,i beleive that is why it doesnt work for all,and the book suggests that and so many other things,sometimes things werent ment to be changed,hav a good day gyco

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Gyco: I only know what I read about AA today. The step book hints at some of the growing pains that AA went through in the beginning. I must admit that I don't see AA as a beaurocracy in the traditional sense. (I was a professional in a fairly large beaurocracy.) I see AA as what it is to me. An organization that runs weekly meetings wo/any chosen leaders or dues.

Dance: I've heard a lot of baulking about the term, "character defects." I think this is because it's saying straight out what it is we need to get rid of. There's no sugar-coating there. I've heard people in Alanon use the term "coping mechanisms" or "unhealthy strategies," but in my humble opinion, these are just euphemisms. For the first time in a long time, I'm being honest about myself. Yes, I have character defects! I couldn't have carried on w/my drinking wo/lying, betrayal, subterfuge, etc., etc. And that's just the tip of the iceburg.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Good morning folks!

Mary - My sobriety has been a real eye opener as it has really emphasized my character defects. I thought alot of my bad behaviour was due to drinking but its not. There is alot of work to be done on myself but I am so happy I have started! Getting rid of the drinking was a good first step!

Out of interest..does anyone know the difference between an alcohol abuser and an alcoholic? I was reading it up on the internet and they seem very similar. I think I am an alcohol abuser but i am not sure. It's not really important what I am as I know that its better for me to abstain.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

To me, if I think I have a problem w/alcohol consumption, then I'm probably an alcoholic. Normal drinkers do not:
-try to control their drinking.
-try to moderate.
-think about their drinking.
-go on-line w/questions about drinking.
-obsess about drinking.
-in short, normal drinkers drink, but it's not a problem in their lives.

I abused alcohol & am an alcoholic.
-I drank too much.
-I drank alone.
-I refilled/replaced bottles I had emptied.
-I couldn't stop once I started.
-I thought about when, where, & how I'd have my next drink.
-etc.

I feel (& this is just my opinion) that when people try to make the distinction between problem drinkers, alcohol abusers, heavy drinkers, & alcoholics, they are in denial. I know this because I spent years denying my alcoholism. It was only when I admitted it to myself & others that I could finally stop & stay stopped.

Mary

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi everyone,

Mary, I have had alot of people say how antiquated the BB is.. but the message I have always heard is that you need to look for the similarities, not the differences. and I am Always amazed at how so much hit home for me.. even though it was written in the 30s!!!

Thanks for the reminder of why I know I'm an alcoholic. I can never get enough reminders.. especially the longer I stay sober.

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Evening Mary. Thanks for your imput. And you are right to think its silly to make distinctions as it all boils down to the same problem in the end.

Meeting my sponsor tomorrow for more step work. Really looking forward to it!

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi Cher

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi everyone. Mary, as always I really enjoy the way you summarize things and net them out. I had a lot of FEAR for many years over the term alcoholic. I was afraid I was an alcholic. And my fear was not about increasingly negative consequences, or ending up under a bridge peeing on myself someday. My FEAR was based in my belief that if I WAS an alcholic, that meant the solution was abstinence. And I did NOT want to quit drinking. I couldn't imagine my life without drinking. How could I make it through a day without drinking? SURELY I was not an alcoholic because stopping drinking was just not something I was willing to imagine myself doing.

Now, is that the circular non-logic of an alkie or what? :H

It was truly a relief the day I finally, deep down, accepted it. That is when the fantasies of being able to safely drinking in moderation really stopped for me. I then had to deal with a new fear - a fear of relapse. Once I finally accpted 100% that I am an alcoholic who cannot safely drink, ever, then I started to worry about how on earth I could STAY stopped. (and then I finally went to AA and that mind gripping fear has been lifted)

I am leaving on Friday for a weekend at Soberfest in Lake Geneva Wisconsin. I'm going there with the same friend who went with me to the International in San Antonio. I'm very excited!

Have a wonderful day one and all.

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

BTW...Love the thread on Big book. :-)

Hi everyone,
Wish i could be at the comfort of my own home...oh well, whats to be, is to be.
Wanted to share with you two things that happen to me last week.
Well the first one is that one day last week my son come home late from a club, turn on my bedroom lights and call me to come downstair at first i thought i was hearing things ! I was shocked to see him covered in blood his tshirt and jeans, my heart started beating fasts, got downstairs, and he explain to me what happen, the bouncies in the club told him to leave because he had to much to drink, he could not tell his friends because he had to leave the club, straight away. On the way to the bus stop he realize, the bus would be another 20minutes so he thought he go back to the club and wait for his friends, got near the club and 3 guys jumped him he was very lucky, that at the time his friends was outside the club and helped him out.
what am trying to say is that if i was drinking i would not of been there for him 100% percent, i would of been in totally blackout not remembering a think the next morning, and would of been asking him what had happen. Today I am grateful for my sobrity knowning iam there for my family.
The second thing is that i go big book study and the guy that takes it i have a resentment against him now....It happen at my last bb meeting i went to, what happen was that i was just about to share and say the tools of sobriety is, i could not get the word out sobreity right, but i looked at him and he had a smirk on his face looking at the guy opposite him, straight away i said in a calm voice, i do know what your doing and i do get parnoid and he put his head down, thank god no one realize why i said this but only he did. The thing is i felt like its knocked my self-esteemand my confidence, i told my sponsor that i dont want to share there no more or even read the book there or if i feel uncomfortable i might stop going bb until another person takes over. My sponsor said that if i start doing that you will find yourself slowly backing away from AA, and that she known quite a few cases where this has happen and lead them back to drinking. She told me to put him on my resentment list and when am ready say sorry but dont say it, only if you mean it, because it will not mean nothing, am hoping this weekend he will come to me and say something and than i can let it go finally words.
This has made me take my tool box folder out , i was reading the P.A.W (post acute withdrawl) again and there are 6 group symptoms. 1. inability to think clearly 2. Memeory problems 3.Emotional overreactions or numbness. 4. sleep disturances 5. physical co ordination problems 6. stress sensitivity.
I dont have number 5 but i do feel i do have the others, then i come across Emotional Anonymous, which was first formed in USA, (in my tool box that i have never seen before but it seemed to stoodout for me this time) i cant seem to find any in my area, plus i was going to go to OA, but i think first thig first.
Thanks for reading, if anyone knows anythings about EO (emotional anonymous) or have been to a meeting would love to hear from you. I do not log on here every day but when i do i will go back and read post. Thanks again.x
Keep safe everyone and l:hve to you all...:l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Catch: I too mispeak, stumble, trip, goof up, forget obvious stuff etc. in sobriety. I do that because I'm human & fallible...not because I'm drunk. When I was drinking I was very much on my guard for any kind of mistake or flub up. I was afraid I'd be discovered! Strangely, I'm sure my overly-careful speech pattern made people aware of my intoxication. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should follow your sponsor's advice. Keep going to meetings & sharing! Don't let somone's suspicions hurt you. I've heard some pretty crazy sharings at meetings. I've also seen drunk people at meetings who try to share. One of the my character defects that I'm trying to work on is my over-sensitiveness. I've got the tendency to take myself too seriously. When I lighten up about myself, life is much easier.

Mary

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hey Catch.. I really relate to your experience with your son. My daughter came home one evening really upset because she had gotten some test results that made her feel that she might have been doing some "unsafe" stuff in a black out and wanted to talk to me about AA!!! I NEVER would have been there for her without AA!! I pray for her constantly now. Thats about all I can do.
and about sharing in a big book study.. keep going back!!!! don't let that guy get to you. We all flub up and that doesn't matter.. remember its progress NOT perfection we are striving for. The saying goes.. they start a new AA meeting because of a resentment.. don't let that happen. The majority are all so welcoming..don't you find???

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi all! Catch, that's a wonderful thing that you were able to be there for your son. I'm sure you setting an example in recovery will be a positive for him, whether he ever needs recovery himself or not. I cherish those moments when I realize I am able to be there for a loved one when I simply could not do it before.

I'm with the others on the meetings. Just the other day I was trying to say something and my words kept coming out all mixed up!! Don't know what that is all about but it happens sometimes. Like Mary often says, I'm glad I can just attribute stuff like that to *whatever* and not be paranoid about things like that because I'm drunk. Don't ever let single individuals put you off of a meeting or your important sobriety activities. I'm learning through AA to look at the bigger picture rather than zero in on the one thing or person that is bothersome to me. Also, from everything you've shared here over time, it sounds like you have an awesome sponsor!

My friend that I'm going to Soberfest with called me tonight as I was leaving the Chamber business after hours. She was stuck at work with her car broken down. It was great to be able to go give her a ride and not worry about 1) drunk driving to get there and/or 2) resenting the delay in getting home to do some REAL drinking, which is what I would have been salivating for in the old days leaving those events.

I'm grateful to be sober today.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Doggygirl;1005544 wrote: I had a lot of FEAR for many years over the term alcoholic. I was afraid I was an alcholic. And my fear was not about increasingly negative consequences, or ending up under a bridge peeing on myself someday. My FEAR was based in my belief that if I WAS an alcholic, that meant the solution was abstinence. And I did NOT want to quit drinking. I couldn't imagine my life without drinking. How could I make it through a day without drinking? SURELY I was not an alcoholic because stopping drinking was just not something I was willing to imagine myself doing.

Now, is that the circular non-logic of an alkie or what? :H

ItDG

DG you ALWAYS write things that hit home. Sometimes I think you can read my mind.:H..or maybe it's time to admit to myself that I am a typical alcoholic! I met my sponsor yesterday and we spoke about my 90% desire to stop drinking as I STILL think that I may possibly be able to moderate in the future. She told me that this was very normal thinking. Infact this kind of thinking was written in the BB somewhere...

Oh well. One day at a time. I just need to keep attending meetings and doing step work

Catch - I was just thinking last night about the many times I would be drunk in the evenings. What if something happened to my son, what if I needed to drive him to hospital? Isnt it cool to be sober!! As for blundering up at meetings..I do all the time and now dont care how I come across.

Have a good day Cher, Mary , Phil , Dance and anyone else who pops in