Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Talk about fear! I was so riddled w/fear before I got sober.
-I'll never be able to drink again!
-I'll never have any enjoyment again!
-My friends will think I'm wierd!
-I can't accept life's ups & downs sober!
-I can't act sociable sober!
-etc.

What a crazy way to think. Now it's so great being total control of whatever I say & do. I don't have to fear the future. I have an HP that will help me through.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Thanks everyone for your reply...
I will still go to the meetings and just see how they go and let you all know:l,

Mary, my sponsor wrote on a bit of paper after i did my step4 and 5, was forgive yourself and be good to yourself...It funny when i was drinking i use to be on my guard a lot like go over and over to make sure i did nothing wrong so no would point the finger at me ! Being too sensitivies is one of my number1 defects.
Cherbear, you put a smile on my when i read start a new AA meeting because of Resentment.:H Your right the majority are all welcoming.
DG. I do feel so gratful and lucky to be here today, and i know what you mean by looking at the bigger picture and not zero, I must remember that always it helps.
Rebirth... Thank you, everytime i share i do feel there is a bit of me healing inside me. It like if i dont am scrare if i might isolate myself.

It funny when i did my step4 Fear was a big thing for me because there was a lot of fear from my back log past (childhood) were i have repeated and repeated over and over again, not dealing with all my feelings emotions and fear i have always drunk on them and feeling i have not felt and repress them down, so it was like digging deeper and deeper until you get to the core of the root of the problem. I know i need to address somethings, can you believe i thought i could do my own counselling by reading some book someone recommend to me, once again fear of getting to the bottom, when i told some guy he said you cant do that it like doing the 12steps all on your own, never thought of it that way.....

Everyone please keep safe and have a good weeekend. L:hts of big H:lgs from me.x:h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hello all! Catch, I realize more and more what a role fear has played in my life and my decisions.

Soberfest is really a fabulous event. They give a prize for the person who came the farthest to participate. So there was a map in the lobby all weekend and people put push pins in it representing the cities they came from. There were people from all over the US! The prize went to a woman from Southern California. I guess in the past there have been people from outside the US. And here I thought this was just a "little" local event. It's pretty big! There were well over 1,000 people at dinner on Saturday - probably closer to 1,500. There were great speakers and other topic meetings and great fellowship. I met several people who do a lot of "sober vacations" and I'm told that Ixtapa trip is February really is FABUOUS!!! (hint hint!) My girlfriend and I promised each other we would start puting $10 a week in the "jar" for 2012. I hope maybe some of you will consider going to an event next year! Soberfest is a good one for the Midwest. I'm also realizing that there are a lot of smaller retreats and things the sound very interesting. It's all a matter of getting plugged in and on mailing / e-mail lists, etc.

There were 4 large AA speaker meetings (and additional Alanon and Atateen speaker meetings). 2 of the 4 speakers were women. There stories were very different but I found plenty to relate to with both.

They did a sobriety countdown at the big dinner on Saturday night. They gave special recognition to the longest sobriety, and also the newest newcomer. There was a man there with 55 years sobriety, and two people with 24 hours. The newcomers got tons of applause and a huge AA welcome. And Big Books.

I find a tremendous amount of comfort in the serenity prayer in these large meetings. (or any meetings). It is such a beautiful and relevant prayer for me, and I feel so incredibly connected to others in recovery when we say it together. It was an incredible experience to be at the big speaker meetings and the dinners, and just feel so at home with so many others "just like me." I found myself remembering vividly the lonliness and isolation and hopelessness that consumed me in my last years of drinking. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people with a common goal of staying sober together, one day at a time. People that understand me and accept me just as I am.

I had you all there with me in my heart.

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Wish i could of been there with you DG, i to get a lot of comfort from the serenity pray.:h
I did go to my big book study last night and i did shared but, am beginning to feel uncomfortable sharing because of this guy, once again he turned his eye brow up and looked at someone on the other side of the room, in the middle of me talking, i wont be going there again until the new year when this other guy that will be taking over the bb meetings. I have to keep myself safe, (once something is playing on my mind i find it hard) there are other meetings i can go to.
Today there was this lady at my fellow up meeting and she is 7months today she said she got this far because of the support she got, But also : she had to Listen ! that word stoodout for me because we alcoholic dont like to listen, she was on nearly 3bottles of vodka a day plus drugs, and now she is going college, that made my day to see her and to listen to her, am so happy for her....

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Morning all,

Been very busy with work etc. Hope everyone is okay.
Man I am fuming.
Yesterday I shared with a member that I am not sure whether I am an alcoholic.I know that I have a drink problem and that I have acted drunk and unappropriately in the past.I also know that my life could spiral out of control of I had kept up with the heavy weekend drinking that I did. But in the six months of sobriety ( except for the day I drank four glasses of wine) I have had no compulsion to drink. I am now wondering if some of my drinking has been habitual. I am not saying that I can drink like a normal person because I know i cant. But I am thinking that it may be possible for me to drink in a controlled manner every few months. I believe I can. I may be wrong but surely thats up to me to judge that?

Well the reaction from this particular member freaked me out! This member has been sober for 22 years and has slipped three times in the past year. She does not know my drinking history but tells me adamantly that I am an alcohlic, I will die if I think the way I do currently and that I am an INSULT to AA for thinking these thoughts. She says there is no point going to AA meeetings if I am not sure if I am an alcoholic... so I shoudnt bother going to meetings.

I thought AA requirement was a desire to stop drinking? I didnt think that you had to be an alcoholic to join AA.

Can someone please shed some light to this because it is really putting me off.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Sorry to hear this rebirth, I would be fuming if it was me,
In my group sessions, it is run by christian fellowship there is a lady there i know from my C.A.T group and she is a alcoholic been in rehab, hospitals she only drinks now at weekends or sometimes she doesnt, but she knows her limit not to go over, or if she does she said she feels like crap in the morning and that not a good sign because that when she will crave for a drink in the morning. There are some poeple who can moderate and some that just cant do it...
Rebirth btw that is how a alocholic mind thinks, so be careful and dont listen to people who say your not, she does not know your history !
I am sure there will be more that will shed some more light on this. Please do not drink on this , big :l from me and keeep safe xXx

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi, everyone -


Rebirth - "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking." That's all.


There are lots of people who come in and are not sure. One older woman I know said when she came to AA, she wanted "to learn to drink like a lady."


Some things I try to keep in mind are:


I try to assume the person's intentions are good.


I try to remember they are coming from the place they are right now, which may be very different from where I am.


When someone appears overzealous, or bothers me in some way, is it me or is it them (or both)? Was it what they said or the way it was said?


I try to keep in mind what may be going on with them. I know in the past, especially when I was newer in sobriety, I may have come across a little too blunt and probably judgmental. It was out of passion and knowing how hard I worked and still had to to maintain my sobriety. I think something else fueling it was my own fear of losing it. I would guess someone that has had three recent relapses would be having some pretty strong feelings and I bet a lot of confusion and mixed emotions. I think I would if I were in that situation.


I've been thinking about this more lately after some of the divisiveness that was going on here recently. I think it's fear and hurt on both ends. Some fear being judged, or fear the possibility of having to give up alcohol, and are hurt because they feel judged, and accuse others of judgement. Someone else trying to offer serious counsel feels judged when they spent their time giving their take, and then feels hurt as well when they feel their advice is rejected. Maybe both of them need to lighten up a little. The best I can do is look at myself, and try my best to see their perspective, and remember what I myself was like when in a similar place. That helps me a lot in stepping back and seeing the situation neutrally. It also helps me to remember that I can respond without compromising my principles if I say "I" rather than "you," and just tell my story, and remember to keep it at that.


I think that's what's one of the best things about AA, the "sharing your experience, strength and hope." I try to do that (share my own experience) as best I can. It's more in the wording. I told someone here recently that all any of us can do is throw a lifeline, but it's up to the other person whether they want to grab it, or how tightly they choose to hold on to it.


I applaud your honesty. If we are not honest then we only create a bigger mess. This includes being honest in the fact that you hope to be able to control your drinking. The decision on whether to drink or not is up to each of us.


My personal experience was, I rarely could. Occasionally I did, then thought I was "cured," or not "as bad" as I previously thought. I might even control it again. What always happened ultimately was, at some point, usually sooner rather than later, I didn't and I never knew when that would be. I know it got progressively worse as I got older. I can't honestly say if I had come in years earlier if I would have listened to others and their experience or not, even though hearing it now, I see so many people that started just like me. I see young women coming in today living just like I used to. I can't tell them, "Don't do it," but I can share what my life was like at that age, and where it went after that.


Wishing you strength and hope, and keep on going to meetings! You have as much right to be there as anybody else - remember that! Progress not perfection. We can only be at the point we are right now, and work from there. :l :h

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Catch thanks for your message and I wont be drinking on this one. It's not worth it x

Dance I really enjoyed reading your post.It was a very thoughtprovoking read and I do know that this particular member is going through a rough time so I will bare this in mind.. It wasnt what she said but the way she said it that annoyed me. There are so many people out there that preach and then do the opposite. She is one of them. I know quite a few people who say they are not drinking at meetings and it's clear that they are..and they still preach on about their length of sobriety as though it's some kind of trophy. It just makes me very annoyed and confused.
Sigh.But I respect what you wrote and I will focus more on myself and my purpose for being in AA.

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi Catch, RB, Dancelot, and AAer's,

Hang in there RB. You da bomb! Great post Dance. :h

[Rusty]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Rebirth,

So sorry you had such a bad experience with a member. I'm sending you a PM in a few moments.

Loved your post, Dance.

Hi G!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Hi everyone. Catch, I'm glad you are just going to try some different meetings for the time being. I am very grateful I live in an area where there are many, many meeting options. It's wonderful to have such choice!

rebirth, it sounds to me like you are doing through the struggle with Step 1 that many of us go through. First and foremost, am I can alcholic (powerless over alcohol) or not? Only you can decide.

I too really liked Dance's post. Very good points in there that I need to take to heart. Another thought I had was that I often expect other people to be "perfect." (read: to act exactly as *I* think they should act) I'm the only one who gets to be imperfect. Of course I don't consciously decide to think this way, but my brain tends to go there before i know it. It's easy for me to get busy judging how someone *should* have made their point, or judging whether or not someone *should* have said something or not, etc. - all in my perfect little world. Like Dance said, I need to remember that other people's intentions are generally very good. People mean well. It's possible for me to take people the wrong way. It's possible for me to misunderstand. It's possible that we are all equally imperfect. I need to remember that I am very free with my opinions on things, and there are probably people who I confuse, or hurt, or frustrate along the way, without even knowing it. Just like other people affect me sometimes. I can't read minds and neither can anyone else.

I will also say that because I am VERY sure that for me, only bad and worse things will happen if I drink, it's difficult to muster up a supportive line of thinking when someone else who admits having a problem with alcohol wants to drink.

Why do you want to drink? What is it that you hope to gain out of the drinking experience that would make it worth the risk of the problems happening again?

Step Coach died yesterday. I just got the call from Mrs. Step Coach. He suffered greatly in the end, so it is a blessing he is finally at peace. The visitation is on Sunday afternoon and I can't even imagine how many people will be paying their respects. He has shared the message of hope and recovery with so very many people. I hope I can live the 12th Step a fraction of the way he lived it.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

DG thank you for your post. They always get me thinking.
I am so so sorry for your loss as I know you cared alot for Step Coach. This must be very difficult for you and it's amazing how you are dealing with your emotions without drinking.
I am truely sorry :l:l:l

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

Step Coached lived the last 35 years of his life without a drop of alcohol. Even when he knew he was going to die soon. If he could go through the fear and uncertainty of death without drinking, then I can go through whatever comes my way today without drinking.

Please remind me of that when i need it.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

DG - I'm sorry about Step Coach. He sounds like he was a wonderful teacher, in the truest sense of the word. :l

Catch, I'm glad you have other meetings available. I read somewhere in AA literature that that's how different groups and meetings sometimes start - the existing ones don't fit for whatever reason, so some folks break away and start their own. It's important that we feel safe and comfortable there, and if that means going somewhere else, so be it.

Hi to Guitarista and Rusty too! To everyone in the US, have a safe Thanksgiving. This will be my second sober one. For that I am grateful. :h

[Raven.joy]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 15 - Nov. 21

35 years is a long time sober and an example to us all.
Hope you guys across the pond all enjoy your thanks giving day.