Morning Abbies,
What's shakin' today? I have such a busy day. It will be nonstop activity. That is fine.
DG I wanted to come back to the Al-anon discussion. I have been to a few meetings, and so has my mom. This was done in support of my father. It was my mom that told me that you're not supposed to give praise to the alcoholic for not drinking. Praising can be enabling, for some, in that after praise it's cause for a celebration! Conversely, if for some reason the praise is not delivered (or, in the mind of the alcoholic looking for a hunting license to drink) in the right way, it becomes the trigger. So better to avoid all praise from third parties and leave it to the alkie to develop a sense of self-pride in not drinking.
However, my dad has never met a milestone, as far as I know, and never has been involved in any public sessions or meetings so maybe she only got half the story.
Additionally, I could be extrapolating due to my DH's attitude, which is "why say something supportive if you can say something cutting?" What I wrote yesterday are his words, exactly. He is getting advice from somewhere, and in my opinion this advice is destructive to our relationship. But what I don't know is how much of this is what the source says and how much of it is his own attitude.
I have never received any pat on the back from him for making six months. Only a few times in my life has he ever told me "good job" for anything. For a co-dependent person this is hell.
So again I put a bit of my own situation in to my response but the gist is the same.
Oh how I envy those of you with support from your spouse! It must be so nice.
What's shakin' today? I have such a busy day. It will be nonstop activity. That is fine.
DG I wanted to come back to the Al-anon discussion. I have been to a few meetings, and so has my mom. This was done in support of my father. It was my mom that told me that you're not supposed to give praise to the alcoholic for not drinking. Praising can be enabling, for some, in that after praise it's cause for a celebration! Conversely, if for some reason the praise is not delivered (or, in the mind of the alcoholic looking for a hunting license to drink) in the right way, it becomes the trigger. So better to avoid all praise from third parties and leave it to the alkie to develop a sense of self-pride in not drinking.
However, my dad has never met a milestone, as far as I know, and never has been involved in any public sessions or meetings so maybe she only got half the story.
Additionally, I could be extrapolating due to my DH's attitude, which is "why say something supportive if you can say something cutting?" What I wrote yesterday are his words, exactly. He is getting advice from somewhere, and in my opinion this advice is destructive to our relationship. But what I don't know is how much of this is what the source says and how much of it is his own attitude.
I have never received any pat on the back from him for making six months. Only a few times in my life has he ever told me "good job" for anything. For a co-dependent person this is hell.
So again I put a bit of my own situation in to my response but the gist is the same.
Oh how I envy those of you with support from your spouse! It must be so nice.
It's not ful tilt, but it ain't gone missin'. I think I'm having practice in self-centering/grounding in relationships. When I think about this, in the past one thing would build upon the other and I would fuel my feelings of (usually indignance at other's behaviors) with alcohol until I spun out into the orbit of full blown victimhood and anger. Ring a bell, anyone? Oh 'tis so good to be a clear-headed, rational queen! 
ray:
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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