AF Daily - Thursday November 18

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

Welcome to McHenry's Soberfest Home Page

I sure wish all of you were coming too!!! My same friend who went to San Antonio with me to the AA International has a condo on the Lake. So she goes to this every year. She invited me and I'm so excited to go spend a girly weekend and enjoy the conference!

DG

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

Evening Everyone!! No agility tonite so I've been catching up on some things and enjoying a no guilt free nite.

DG-your conference sounds wonderful!! Not to far from you geographically it looks like? Is Lake Geneva really a lake? Have a great trip! Hope you'll be able to check in at least a few times!

Pride-OK, I'm with you on the accountability to change thing. Lets see, I applied for one job and then withdrew the app, heard about another one but salary too low so at least I'm tryin!! For another change, I think I'm going to join Planet Fitness. If I'm reading it right, it costs about $160/year with start up fees, annual price guarantee fee (total ripoff as far as I'm concerned) and monthly fee. I wasn't going to do it but I keep forgetting Fallon will pay up to $200/year for fitness/wellness activities. Even if I renew my WW coupons, I still have enough in my "account" to cover the PF fees so i'm going for it. It will all have to go on my credit card and I won't get reimbursed until the end of next year but I think I have to do it. My neighbor/fellow dog owner is already a member and needs a buddy to get back to it. We'll go at least 3x/week at night after we walk the dogs. I think this plan is really going to help me with the lack of mojo I've been having in a couple of ways: exercise helps mojo and having something to look forward to in the evening will take my mind off of how lonely I am at night. I love my animals but I hate the thought of coming home now adays. It must be the time change and the darkness. If I can just get through until 8pm I'm fine because then it's time to get ready for bed and reading. So Pride, you can hold me to the gym.

RE: the praise thing. I'm a glutton for it. I have never really gotten what I feel is enough of it in my life. Not that my parents were against praise and they didn't do a lot of negative reinforement either-I just think that I never measured up enough for them. And at work? forget about it. I've NEVER EVER had a boss tell me I do a good job-OK, one and I will always love him for it. It was a part time job however and he went bankrupt a few years ago and had to close. I miss that place. So, it's been very important to me to celebrate my milestones on this journey. Its a big part of what keeps me going. I'm not getting the kudos from my family because they aren't keeping track. I am getting a lot of affirmation from my MWO family and it means the world to me.

AA-very nice to meet you. Hope you stick around for a while!

Greenie-Good for you on the way you're interacting with your dad. I know the feeling all too well of letting another persons reactions dictate how you feel about yourself (or how we USED to let them do that!). My boss called me into his office today, door closed and everthing. I've been helping out in the front office because we're down 3 people and it's been busy. So on top of my own job I've been trying to support the support staff. No one asked me, I just decided it was what needed to be done. He wasn't happy with a few things he saw/heard me doing/saying (different customer service skill sets I say-he has none, I have tons). Anyway, I think 6 months ago I would have been so pissed and angry I probably would have gone into my office and cried. Never been one for any type of critizism. Then I would have ranted and raved to my coworker about him. Then we all know what would have happened when I got home!! Instead I just looked him in the eye, kept a smile on my face and said Yes Sir. Then I went back out and help the students. What he said didn't faze me at all. I was amazed!! It's his power trip, not mine. So Greenie (didn't mean to hijack your thoughts), we're both growing and it feels great doesn't it???

BTC-I haven't looked at all the other threads yet so I don't know what happened except you relapsed. Hit the toolbox and start working on a better plan if you want to stay AF. I don't know what else to say. I know you've been through more than most people could ever tolerate but AL isn't going to change that or help you work through your feelings. You know that right?

BB-Oh my, IJM is going to die when he sees the new avatar :H!!

Gaia-You just stick with us-we love ya and think you are wonderful and doing a bang up job with staying AF despite a hubby badly in need of a haircut!!

Lav-are you passed out yet?

I'm ashamed to admit I have no partie panties. And I don't like tightie whities or jockies for the men either. I'm a boxer kind of girl. I think they are sexy LOL!!

Hi LVT, Choochie, Uni, Chopper, M3, Peace (hope the rest of the tests come back normal too!), AFM. Glad to see you all here today!

OK, off to read some other threads before bed. I will be glad to be back in my office tomorrow where I can sneak in some MWO time!!

:l

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

Soberfest will be awesome!!! DG I bet one day your name will be listed as a speaker at some sober extravaganza!

I went to the art crawl. I was undecided until I actually was in the vicinity (I was out that way on business) and if I saw a decent parking place I'd go; if not I'd go on home. I did and only went in a few places I like on the fringe of it. And I left before it got cranked up. So it was good. Except someone mentioned meeting me for a drink and "I don't drink" came out with an odd tone to it. It took me by suprise and felt awkward. I'll have to work on that. I think I felt awkward also because it was over someone wanting me to meet up with her friend, an english guy. I felt suddenly insecure. Forgot I was queen of the universe for a moment!

I did see a peice of art that was very moving. It was called Transition and it was an abstract figure holding another.... extremely haunting. Gave me chills and made me think of my parents and their frailty in their late years.

AA, great to see you and hear you are doing well. I thought of you when I was reading a big artilcle about the next Harry Potter movie. I loved the way you read those with your son.

Nighty!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

X-post P3! It does sort of wow me when I don't react to something that in the past would have guaranteed a knee-jerk.

IJM, I take my gym bag to the gym! I get in the whirlpool and shower after yoga. I'm working my way backwards to the lifting weights part. :H:H

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

Hello again. P3, I'm happy to hear you are going to make the Big Committment to the gym membership. Exercise truly does help keep my mojo in order. I think you will really like it once you get into a routine. Like you said, beats sitting at home alone too much!

Greenie, the art show sounds really awesome. I wish I could see the piece you found haunting. It was sort of haunting for me to read about it on some level.

I was thinking more about the praise thing. I realize that I was a massive approval seeker while I was drinking. I think I felt guilty all the time for my irresponsibility, and sought a lot of "you're OK" from others, even though deep down I knew I wasn't OK. (drinking inappropriately and excessively, blowing off family and work committments, not taking care of myself or my home, pushing off my responsibilities on Mr. Doggy, etc.) I desparately wanted to be told I was "OK."

I feel like I am starting to grow into my adult self. I'm setting goals and meeting them (or at least making progress!!). I have faced a lot of the garbage from my past and to the best of my ability, made amends and put it behind me. I take an honest inventory each day and give myself credit for what was good, and note areas that need improvement and/or things that I need to make an amend for. So the praise and approval from others isn't as important to me as it used to be. I hope to someday grow beyond a feeling of need for others approval. If I am doing my best to do the next right thing then that should be good enough for me. Anyway...that's sort of what seems to be dawning on me related to the topic at hand. It's a good topic for me to contemplate. I'd rather not be dependent on external praise or approval that is outside of my control.

I'm glad I'm sober at 9:48PM to be able to think coherently about this sort of thing. One thing is for sure..

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday November 18

late greetings AF world. so tired here. drove 13 hours in the last 24 hours and got an early flight tomorrow and working through the weekend. yeeesh. at least I'll be doing this with a clear head.

I'll try to catch up on everyones posts when I get into a hotel tomorrow night, or at the airport perhaps.

be well