Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Welcome J-vo!! was hoping you were still sober!!! just busy, yay I was right. I have a hard time juggling it all too and DON'T feel guilty!!

I had a great BB study meeting last night. once a month we read a story from experience, strength and hope and it was a fantastic story, everyone could relate to. Talking about what is a high bottom vs a low bottom and how the perception is so varied. and what matters is that we come into the rooms of AA because we are DONE!

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Thank to you all for re-welcoming me. I think I was finding a hard time with the "time" issue. Recently, we got a laptop, and it's much easier sitting on my comfy couch reading these posts instead of sitting at a desk.

How about those AA group anniversaries! I've been to several of them, and they always have great food and great speakers. I've been finding that I look foward to the anniversaries and much more, my home group. Our anniversary will be in Feb. and we've already met as a committee to begin to organize the event.

Mary, my story is very similar to yours. I was not a bar drinker, but don't get me wrong. If we were at a bar, I was drinking. Functional, yes, to a point. I would take at least 10 sick days per year, and I only work 10 months a year! But a lonely drinker, I was. Hide, yes. Sneak, yep. Slur, uh, yes. Embarrassing moments that I'm glad I've not had to worry about.

Thanks DG for the Hazelton thought. It is wonderful being able to know we don't have to do it all on our own. The retreat sounds awesome!

Have a peaceful night all.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Wow! Anniverary parties! That sounds like a lot of fun. None of the groups I regularly meet with do it that way. :upset: I wuzrobbed!

I mentioned it on the Daily thread last night but thought it was relevant here. Last night I decided to open up about my own recovery with one of the guys at the Mission. I work with him regularly in the kitchen. He is mentoring a really young guy who recently entered their program. This young kid seems so pleasant and yet so very fragile. The guy I was talking to about recovery is "looking out for him" and being a mentor for him. Without mentioning any details. The older guy said the young guy has "been through a lot of horrible things." I guess I sensed that. When I said "I'm so happy that you are mentoring him - I'm sure that is so good for him" the older guy said "it helps me too." The Mission is not an AA based program but it's clear that the concepts work in recovery whether they are under the AA umbrella or not.

We then got talking about alcoholism and how low it takes us spiritually. He said "YOU????" Yes me. Maybe that's why I feel so very happy and comfortable working there. I am among people just like me. If they know that I too am in recovery, maybe that will bring a little extra hope along with the smile I always try to bring with me whenever I am there.

Good to see you Mary and Cher and j-vo! Mary, I like that bullet list of things you could identify with. Me too.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

DG: I get that too: "You, an alcoholic!" I guess dignified-looking grandma types don't fit the stereotype...except there really is no stereotype, is there.

Anniversaries are so cool! The last one I went to was celebrating 26 years as an AA group. There was food...sometimes it's done pot-luck...& plenty of speakers.

Take care one & all.

Cindi: if you're there, I'd love to see you.

Mary

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

That sounds great DG. What a good feeling moment that was for both of you. Connecting is what it's all about, not just in AA like you said. But I've done more "connecting" with others in the past three months than I have in 30 years. It's a good thing.

The anniversaries are really great. It's usually great food, good company, and always a good speaker.

The weirdest thing happened today. My sister-in-law, whom I have had lots of resentment in the past, texted me out of nowhere. She never, ever calls or texts. We had a fun texting conversation like we've never had. I've been praying for her like my sponsor told me. It's working!

Have a great nite.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

j'vo: The SIL experience is interesting in light of your prayers. I forget about the power of prayer until I hear about an experience like yours. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

j-vo, that is a good reminder to me too about the power of prayer. I like hearing examples like the one you gave. I need to hear that stuff! I hope this is the start of healing for you and your sis.

Yes Mary - the 'stereotype' that I think exists out there about 'what an alcoholic looks like' is complete fiction, isn't it. The % of acoholics who are living under a bridge drinking cheap wine out of a bottle in a brown paper bag is very low. I think there is a much higher % of total alkies who are wearing suits and living in middle class suburbs.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

I'm getting ready to go to basketball. I talked to DG about this a few weeks ago, and I thought everything was ok. I'm unsure about my sponsor. It's just some things that I'm having a hard time pinpointing my frustrations, but I think it's the fact that I don't feel the encouragement from her. She's a good person. But I also don't think our values are similar or as similar as they should be. I'm really confused right now, and had a good cry because I just don't know what to do. Gosh. I don't even have time to type this let alone try and explain it while my thoughts are so scattered, so I'll just put the computer away and try to refocus. Thanks for listening to this crazy post.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

J-vo, sometimes one day at a time is too much for me. I have to break it down to one minute at a time, moment by moment. That is when I focus on the next right thing. I just do the next right thing. So far it is working for me. I hope y'all have a great Friday.
Greetings from Winston-Salem.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Hi j-vo. Every sponsor situation doesn't work out. Doesn't make either of you "bad people" it just makes us all different people. Don't feel bad if things don't work. Part of the learning experience for me in changing sponsors was just learning how to deal with it soberly and maturely. In the past, "breaking up" with anyone - boyfriend, gal pal, whatever was always filled with high drama and of course, lots of drinking and making myself "right." It was good to go through a sponsor change and learn to handle things differently.

Whichever way this ends up going for you (whatever you decide) it really will be OK and a positive experience in the long run. (even though I know it feels uncomfortable right now!)

HP will help...you will know what to do when the time is right. :l

Hi Phil and everyone else. zoom zoom..

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Thanks for the words of encouragement DG. I didn't think about it too much today (obsess!). I tried to focus on just work and keeping my students on task. Sometimes not an easy thing to do, especially on Friday's.

Since I'm a little more focused now and can think a little more clearly, I'll try to explain some of my doubts, and maybe some of you can let me know if my expectations are a little too high, or maybe that what I thought was a sponsor "job" is different than what it actually is. My expectations can be very high at times, and I can be a little too hard on myself and everyone else.

What I'm bothered by the most is that I'll tell her something big is coming up, then she never asks me how it went or inquires about it at all. A few weeks ago, my Dad had prostate surgery. We found out he had an aggressive form of cancer and we didn't know if it was going to be contained within the tumor when he had surgery. Luckily it was contained within. She never asked how the surgery went or even about my Dad, although I had expressed my concern and worry.

Also, my son and husband are the two most important people in my life. She never asks me about them. I tell her about them, hoping to give her insight into my personal life. But it ends there. She knew I would be busy this week with basketball, work...but she never said, "How's it going with your schedule?"

She keeps the meetings she attends weekly consistent and the same. She believes in consistency which is a good thing. I guess my health values are not the same as hers either. I feel a holistic, balanced way of life is so important to sobriety. Exercise, although it's a little difficult at this time of year with everything else going on, x-mas...is important to me. My girlfriends and I went to a special fitness class (pole dancing) and it was a bunch of girls getting some serious fitness and having serious fun without alcohol. She rolled her eyes at that.

Just some insight into what is happening. I'd like to know if it's just my supersensitive side coming out and I need to just "get over it" or if what I'm experiencing is not ok in a sponsee/sponsor relationship. Thanks for your input.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Hi everyone,
Have to be quick the story of my life.....But wanted to share this with you the daily reflection really stood out for me today the bit where it says I need to attend meeting because to recharge my batteries so that i have light when its needed. Got me thinking when i was drinking i could not open my front door because i was blinded by the light, but today i really see the light for what it really is.........
J-vo sorry to hear about ur dad:l
If i tell my sponsor something she does ask me how things are, am not sure really what to say everyone is different i am sort of close to my sponsor but i dont ring her a lot, i should of told her about my xmas dinner party tonight, wish i had more time but am sure, but my time is up on the p.c .......
Take care everyone and keep safe:l

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Hi everyone. Went to tough chicks yesterday and it was awesome to be back there after missing one Friday for Soberfest and also the Friday after Thanksgiving. I didn't realize how MUCH I missed it until I walked through the door. We are discussing Step 4 right now and I'm finding that I really like the treatment of this Step in the Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps material. It is much more in depth in terms of explanation of the purpose and key points than the Big Book and 12&12 - in a way that I like. While step 4 is NOT about "taking our parents inventory" our reading and discussion yesterday centered on taking a look at our formative years to find possible causes for our problematic behavior. It was a very interesting discussion.

Tomorrow the chair of that meeting is speaking at an open speaker meeting that I've never been to. I'm going. She is a very colorful personality so I'm betting this will be good!

j-vo, I'm so glad your Dad's cancer was contained. What course of treatment did they decide on? I have so much respect for the way you have been very measured and patient in deciding what you want to do about your sponsor situation. Definitely better to really think it through than to "knee jerk" (my tendency!). I don't think there is really a "right way" or "wrong way" for a sponsor/sponsee relationship to be. (well, within reason!) The important thing IMO is whether YOU feel it's a good relationship. To me, the main thing I want in my sponsor relationship is a study of the steps. I am also grateful that I can go to my sponsor when I am struggling with a decision and get her input. As a sub-point to that, I am grateful that she doesn't take offense at all whether I do as she suggests or do something different - regardless of outcome.

Other than that we are very different people. I would say we have grown very close over time, but my relationship with her is more like that of a teacher or professional. I have developed some great "gal pals" in AA - that is not the sort of relationship I have with my sponsor.

And if you asked 10 different people what their relationship with their sponsor is like, you wold probably get 10 different answers!!

The important thing is that YOU are happy with it. I don't think it's unreasonable to want a close enough relationship with a sponsor where there would be some level of mutual concern about each other's well being. (i.e. caring about your Dad's surgery) If you are not comfortable with it, then I suggest looking for another sponsor.

There doesn't have to be any big dramatic reason(s) to change sponsors. It's your call and you don't HAVE to have a reason at all. I used to operate as though "high drama" was required if I wanted to change a relationship. So I would exaggerate things or in some other way "make up the facts" to justify my desire for a change. (not suggesting you are doing that - this is something I realized when I changed my first sponsor). My inclination is to find a way to make things "the other person's fault."

I'm realizing to day that I can make changes "just because." I don't have to have 50 valid reasons or have blame to place. This was quite a learning experience.

I also know people who are very much in a routine with the meetings and other AA activities they attend. And I know others who are as unpredictable as the weather in their participation. And everything in between.

I wish you a calm mind as you make this decision. Please don't make it a bigger deal (and cause yourself undue grief) than it needs to be. As usual, you got a HUGE sandwich for your 2 cents.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

Thanks for your input catch and DG. I really am trying to get a better handle on what is "suppose" to be like - the sponsor/sponsee relationship, and I'm gleaning that there are no definitive explanations to how this relationship transpires. If I have some preconceived notion of what the relationship is suppose to be, and it's not like that, then yes, I'll be disappointed. But maybe that's my problem. In my head, I guess I thought it should be a relationship that "I" deem as good. Who the hell am I to make that decision anyway! I'm new to all of this. That's why I appreciate all of your input greatly.

What I'm getting is that a sponsor/sponsee relationship could be more like a student/teacher relationship, boss/employee...if it happens that the two people get close, then maybe that's a perk. She's taken me through steps 1, 2, and 3 just fine. She suggests things, and I listen. Just like the praying for SIL whom I've had major resentments in the past and she ended up texting me this week. She's got understanding of the big book and steps, has 15-16 years sobriety. I'm going to try and look at it as this: Yes, we have somewhat different life values, we are at different points of our lives and careers, but our common value is AA and working the steps. I guess I've never had great relationships with too many people, and I think it is a great learning experience for me. Maybe I need to learn acceptance - and accept when she doesn't agree with me if I don't follow a certain schedule of hers. I think my expectations were in the wrong area. I need to expect my sponsor to know the steps, work wtih me on the steps, and listen to me when I have a problem. Ok. Thanks for letting me get that out. I think I'm getting closer to feeling ok just by typing this. OH! Thanks! xxxxxoooo

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 29 - Dec. 5

j-vo, I really like that we can get input in this thread. I know it has helped me many times - and especially when I was going through angst with sponsor #1.

I'm looking forward to the meeting this morning. The speaker is "dually addicted." Al + heroin. I know that her life experiences are very different from mine, just from getting to know her at meetings. But as always, we have that one thing in common. (and actually, more other things than I ever would have guessed).

AA is teaching me patience, love and tolerance for others. That is something that in general, I never had before. Not like this - not even close. I am grateful. I was not able to be open towards others before because I was so ashamed and fearful within myself. The fear and guilt and shame kept me "stuck" in a place of isolation and judgement. It feels so good to have a more open and honest and willing spirit, at least much of the time. I am human and I revert to old behaviors. AA has given me the tools and insight and relationships to SEE when I'm doing that. (or have it pointed out to me - and I can accept that now!) What a gift!

DG