December Determinators - Week 1

[Dewdrop]

December Determinators - Week 1

Well it’s Friday evening and the work week is done and it feels great. I have been snowed in much of this week although I can get about a bit, the main roads have been gritted and are driveable however the side roads are not good and we are being asked to stay home unless it’s urgent. I live outside the village and my road is not high on the priority list, my nearby neighbours are great though so we have been helping each other out. I can walk into the village but even with my wellies on the snow was coming over the top of them, good exercise though. However it has allowed me some time to catch up on things around the house and I’m planning to put the Christmas tree up tomorrow, it looks so beautiful outside with a blanket of snow that it feels quite Christmassy.

I have friends coming for lunch tomorrow and they are going to drive as close as possible and walk the rest of the way so tonight I am busy cooking. I’ve found a recipe for beetroot, orange and goats cheese salad which I am going to try as a starter, you have to marinade the beetroot overnight, not sure how it will turn out.

I don’t know where to start responding to all of you but I just wanted to say Chill I hope things turn out okay for you and with your attitude and determination I am sure that you will find a way through this. Like Star I have had experience of something similar and although it seems like the end of the world when you are in the middle of it, life goes on and we cope one way or another. Keep your sobriety above everything.

Happy weekend everyone

Dewdrop :h

[Lavande]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good evening Determined Ones

My day was busier than expected but good!

I wanted to share a quote by Helen Keller I ran across yesterday on the DailOM:
A happy life consists not in the absence but in the mastery of hardships

Cyn, we're going to keep a good eye on you
The CDs really drove the message home for me. Even if you fall asleep listening to them (which I usually did) your sub-conscious is paying attention, thank goodness

Good job on Day 3 Don, stay focused!

Hi Raven.

Sooty, be careful out there. I assume the Sober Bus has been winterized!
Wherever you take us is fine with me!

Dewdrop, hope your guests arrive safely & unfrozen! Your salad sounds very good. Post the recipe for us when you have a moment.

Time to relax, I'm tired.
Wishing everyone a comfy evening.

Lav

[sdlovespackers]

December Determinators - Week 1

Hi all!
I've tried everyday to jump on here either at work (NOT HAPPENING) or here at home...lately...NOT HAPPENING!!!! I'm really struggling here folks....I don't mean to always seem to be the drama queen here but I'm not sure how much more I can take of my job!! I want to address everyone...but fear of running out of time, I'm going to address Chill....I so admire your strength...you just have no idea!!! I feel my financial problems I have a fantastic way of hiding from everyone...rob Peter to pay Paul so to speak! And the thing is I don't live extravagant by ANY means (I'm a teacher for heaven sakes)....I just make like minimum wage...lol...lowest in salary in the States anyway. I just can't make ends meet...and live on credit! NOT GOOD! However my biggest stress right now again, is my job. This week has been so horrible!! I know as the holidays get closer it gets hard on families and abuse rates rise...but this week....it's really hit home with two of my kids I'm SOOOO close to. Tonight being a 6 year old boy that disclosed being sexually abused...with I suspected...but he finally told me today....in 10 years I never walked out of a room shaking the way I was after I talked to him...keeping my hands under the table. Anyway...that was on of 3 abuse reports I made today....and just follows along with the rest of my week. I wish I was stronger...I don't think I am...sometimes this stuff just gets too hard for me and I don't know how to deal with it! At least I waited until my son went to bed to open the bottle of wine...and get on the computer and write this to you all....I'm sorry.....perhaps this isn't the thread I should be on right now. :upset: Congrats Chill on your 11 months...your are an amazing women with such strength and I admire you so much!!! I admire you ALL so much!!!:l:l
I don't know...maybe I can kick my butt in gear here and chalk it up to a tough week...I sure hope so...all this hard work the last couple months can't be for nothing!! Have a great night everyone!!!
SD

[rustop61]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good morning everyone

Another quick check in from me. Apologies I have not time to respond to everyone. Just about catching up on the posts. Still loads of snow here. Luckily we have all our ski gear from Canada so we are well protected. We went out to a Christmas dinner last night and walked to the village where we got a taxi. SD I dont know where you get the strength to do your job, do they provide any counselling for teachers like you? I imagine dealing with stuff like that day in, day out you would really need it.

Chief - Good to see you back. I remember how strong you were when I first joined and how helpful. I am sure you will get back to that again, well done on 3 days.

Everyone else big hello and have a great AF week-end.

Rustop

[sooty]

December Determinators - Week 1

Just a quick post as I'm out in 10 minutes but had to say to SD please don't beat yourself up and please don't feel that you can't stay on this thread. Lots of us (myself included)have had slips or worse and have been treated with compassion and understanding by the lovely folks on here. Please stay with us.

for what its worth I used to work in Child Protection (I was a social worker) and I identify so strongly with what you are going through. My husband used to have a gin and tonic ready for me when I walked through the door! Please take some time for yourself - Rustop has a good idea when she talks of counselling. It was available for me but I didn't use it .... thought that I didn't need it. Now with hindsight and the job behind me I see how much I needed it at the time.

Have a good day everyone, we had lots of rain last night so I'm hoping all the ice is gone.
Keep safe
See you later
love Sooty

[gypsi]

December Determinators - Week 1

Determinators - I like that title. Day 1 for me. Hi all~

[papmom3]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good Morning everyone!! Thought I was going to win the prize for the earliest post today but Sooty and Gypsy beat me to it!

SD-I echo Sooty-don't beat yourself up. You have a wonderful sense of humor and you have been handling the stresses of your job with aplomb and grace. I totally indentify with you on the financial stressors as well. Although I make far more than minimum wage, I'm doing everything myself and trying to take care of 5 animals and myself. I too have a horrible time making ends meet and after a five year hiatus broke out the credit card and no, it's not good at all!!
Now having said all that, I'd like to offer you a gentle reminder that AL doesn't solve any problems. The next morning the poor children have still suffered abuse, the higherups are still acting like jack arses and your financial situation hasn't changed. The next morning Chill is still facing losing her home. But was we've seen, she's facing it sober and with a clear head. She is indeed a wonderful inspiration on how to deal with life's adversities without AL. If the hour or so of numbness and escape helped you see things more clearly this morning and helped you divise a plan of action to deal with everything then I say power to you and AL. However, my guess is that none of that happened and this morning you feel horrible and full of remorse. Unless you change your job and/or get a $$ windfall, these problems are going to remain. So, how are you going to handle the next horrible day or period of blueness and helplessness? What can you do to alleviate the pain without going numb? What can you do that will help you see the problems clearly and help you come up with some solutions? These are the questions I ask myself almost every night as I drive home. Granted some days are better than others but hanging over my head every second is "will I have the money to pay the mortgage and put food in my pets' bowls this month?". No, I am not dealing with unspeakable acts being done to children I know and love but we all have our problems and issues and they are all important to us individually. Please revist the Toolbox and see if there aren't any other alternatives you can implement before jumping into a bottle of wine. I think Sooty's suggestion of counseling, whether offered by your school district or not is very good and should probably be the number one priority on your list. You can't take care of the kids if you don't take care of yourself. We love ya SD and want to see you be successful in everything that is important to you. We're hear to give you whatever support you need but we can't take the bottle out of your hands. That's totally up to you.

:l :h

[Stargazerlily]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good morning,

SD, we are here for you, so don't go away. Do you have a person you can talk to face to face to deal with your feelings, rather than with alcohol? It is unbelievable the suffering of so many, but you must be a trusted loved person for the kids to confide in and ask for help. Take care of yourself, we are here for you. I feel that you have not lost the time you have been AF, you know how to do this, you know the benefits. Can you get back on the wagon?

Papmom, you are so strong in your journey, thanks for the questions and sharing. Very helpful. Money is such an issue, it seems like it is harder to have the same standard of living since the Great Recession. I am on a budget, and really pay my bills first, then if there is some left over, play.

Had a cosy AF evening, and now up too early. That is just what happens as you get older, I guess. We are supposed to get nailed with snow today. I hope Sped is safely at her son's. I am making out my grocery list and going early, just in case we get snowed in. I kind of like the snow, I must be crazy.

Will check in later.

[spedteach]

December Determinators - Week 1

Star, that's a problem, I am about 6 hours west of my son. Guess I'm headed right into it. Anybody remember that movie The Perfect Storm where George Clooney and his crew decided to head into the storm! It's dry here in central Missouri. Am getting on the road here toute suite.

SD, I feel for what you're going through. I worked so many years in that field. For a couple of years I worked at a childrens' psychiatric hospital. At least there I knew when they left my classroom that they were going to a safe place. And please don't leave us. You've been with us too long. We would worry if you left us. This thread has always been so supportive no matter what any of us are going through.

Rusty, you big meanie! Here I sit in a Super 8! I do like Hampton Inns. I'm not very discriminating.

Okay all, will check in later today.

[dill]

December Determinators - Week 1

Greetings Determined Ones!

Well done, Chief!

:welcome:Gypsi! We look forward to getting to know you.

SD, you must stay with us, especially now.

Papmom, your post was so wise and so gently put. Thank you.

Star, I'm following your lead and getting to the grocery store early before the weather gets here!

I'll try to check in later.

[Rusty]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good Morning Everyone,

Chief-GREAT JOB!

Gypsi:welcome: Tell us a little bit about yourself so we can get to know you better. We're a very friendly thread here.

SD:l...Please don't leave this thread....I'll miss you terribly. If you PM me, I'll send you my e-mail address....I have been saving this cartoon for you ever since you came on our thread. It's called "THE JOB THAT ATE MY BRAIN!":H You have such a wonderful sense of humor and I enjoy reading your posts, and when you feel weak is the perfect time to post or just lurk and read. I am echoing everyone here....seek counseling for yourself, for both the horrific job stress, as well as from a debt counselor. I had good friends who were in your situation and they sought help from a debt counselor and they say it changed their lives. They put it off for years out of embarrassment, and they had racked up so much credit card debt they never thought they could get out, but they did. As far as your slip, most of us have been in your shoes, and Papmom's questions and suggestions were spot on. The problem with drowning your fear and anxiety with wine is that the wine is not going to do it for you much longer if this becomes a nightly practice. If you're anything like me, when I drank out of job distress, the wine was like drinking water and wanted something with an extra punch, like vodka or scotch. Remind yourself of your vulnerability before the beast takes over you, my dear little friend.

Shelley-I owe you a HUGE apology, and I feel like a real dumbass.:brainfart::stomper: As soon as I mentioned Super 8s, I thought, OMG, what did I say? My clients pay for my expenses, which is why I can stay at Hamptons. They also have a free breakfast and most have great workout rooms. If I had to pay for my room, I know I would stay at Super 8s. I hope you will forgive me and we can hook up over the holidays....then you can give me my lump of coal for Christmas.

Dill and Star-happy grocery shopping....we were supposed to get blasted with snow yesterday but it was just a light dusting here.

Hi to Sooty and Rustop-trying to avoid the nasty weather in Europe. Drive safely, please.

Star-I'm with you....snow is really Christmassy and I plan to decorate my outside decks and put up at least one of my 2 Xmas trees today....put on some Christmas music and sing. Even though I can't carry a tune. Sooty, it's a day like today where I wish I had your voice. For our newcomers, Sooty is in a choir.

Papmom-I think it's a perfect day to make your chicken foils. YUM YUM.

Hi Cyn-how are you doing today?

Love to everyone who stops by, have a wonderful AF Saturday!

[Guitarista]

December Determinators - Week 1

Greeting's all,

SD, look after yourself. It sounds like you need to leave that job now, or at least take some leave before you have a breakdown, if you aren't in the midst of one already. You are responding like anyone would to such situation's, but if it's having such a drastic effect on you personally, away from work, (and understandably) and you're struggling to deal with it, you're in trouble, and perhap's drastic action/change is needed. Is some time off an option for you?

A safe, sober, and magical weekend to all!

[Chillgirl]

December Determinators - Week 1

Hi guys :hallo:

SD - I have to agree with Mr G, your job sounds horrendous and how much more can you take till you reach breaking point. Is looking for something else an option right now? You are doing amazing and to be doing so for so little pay is crazy, the quality of your life is too important to put up with this constant stress and anxiety. Please stay close to us and we will help you through this.

I have been very down and didnt check in yesterday as had nothing positive to share and boy have you lot been busy!! So im sorry for not addressing you all individually.

Cyn - Big CHILL hugs to you and your dear doggy.

Chief & Gipsi- :welcome: Look forward to hearing more from you.

Sooty - You are such a great Mum.

Star - You sharing your similar demise really helps me, I know this cant last forever, somehow there will be a way out.

Ok this is going to be a bit long winded so as Doggygirl would say go grab a ham sandwich :H
I had a very upsetting meeting yesterday with my ex and he is so finished. I have a strong feeling he may do a runner next year and leave Portugal altogether leaving the debt behind. His girlfriend is Dutch and I think they may go live in Holland. Anyway, Im not going to be able to salvage one single penny from him. I cant believe at 46 I have less than I had at 21. I have no savings, no healthcare, no pension, no home, no car and barely a job. He tells me there is a bond on the house where i live which will cover the mortgage for 12 months, after that the bank will take it back. So short term I cant afford to worry about that, i just have to work out how I can afford to eat and pay the bills.

I didnt feel much like company last night but after being ill with the cold all week and the lightening striking my house, Mr McLibra wanted to come over to cheer me up. I have never told him of my financial woes and last night I finally confessed all. He got about doing what he does best and dealing with the practicalities. I made a list of all my outgoings and we worked through where savings can be made. I can change phone company and save 20 euros, close a bank a/c which charges me 10 euros a month, shop around for cheaper contact lens, change my grocery shopping to a budget store. I have a small swimming pool and the poolman costs me 90 euros a month, I cant drain it as it will cause damage so need to maintain it. McLibra is coming back over today with his pool cleaning equipment and a ph kit and is going to give me a lesson on pool maintenance!! Im a bit concerned about knowing about the pump, valves and filter clock but I CAN LEARN!

I will have to buy some equipment but by next month will be making a saving, in fact I joking said "I could start cleaning other peoples pools!" and McLibra didnt think that was such a crazy idea. I think it would be a great job, out in the fresh air, especially in summer, and I love cleaning! Anyway just a thought. Im hoping my other job, which is only 2 days a week will take off after New Year and if it becomes fulltime I would be able to cover the bills and eat, phew!

Right now I have decided I cant deal with the big picture, I dont know how to get out of this hole and it takes me to a very dark place when I think about it so..... Im not going to. Im going to deal with what I can deal with and thats today! Today Im safe, I have food in the fridge and logs for the fire (they should last till end of Jan). So today im Ok, im healthy, I have the most adorable dog in the world, I have great friends and im SOBER!!! Thats quite a lot to be grateful for. Im also realizing that McLibra was sent into my life to teach me stuff I wouldnt otherwise learn.... isnt that amazing

[Lavande]

December Determinators - Week 1

Good morning Determined Ones!

So much going on here with everyone! And I'm about to have a meeting with YB!!!!!
Think I'll come back afterwards to make comments

Welcome Gypsi!

SD & Chill - I have two empty bedrooms here. If you guys want to take a break from life.....

Later,
Lav

[Rusty]

December Determinators - Week 1

Dear Chill,

I think the world of you, and I think you know the answers to your financial woes...you need to get back to work, and not just 2 days a week. You have mentioned in previous posts that you don't know Portugese and that will hinder you from finding a job. But now, you have a part-time job where you don't need to know the language, and maybe your boss will be able to suggest an additional job for you, even if it's in a different line of work than the one you're in now. Now you know you don't need the Portugese language to find a job. Several of us here, including myself, work way over 40 hours per week to keep up with bills, children's needs, lifestyles. Join the club. Sending you tough loving vibes, a loving kick in the ass, and support your way. I know if I were in your situation, you would do the same for me.

Chill, I have never allowed myself to be taken care of by a husband, BF, etc. I have always taken care of myself. You can do the same. If I can do it, you can do it. I will always be here for you.:h