December Determination - Week 2

[cyntree]

December Determination - Week 2

Hello Determinators =
uuugh, just was putting the finishing touches on my post, and hit the wrong key and it aborted...guess I should stop writing in the semi-darkness of the kitchen, wedged between my two sleeping pooches!

Sending big hugs to everyone - Star, sorry you are feeling lonely - I understand, sounds like you are a one-person army there, taking care of things. About holiday drinking, no thanks not even one for me. I want to be happy with ALL the memories of this season: I'll be sticking with Lav's Cranberry Gingerale.

Rustop, I have 2 dogs, and they are what keep me from feeling lonely - should I worry that I don't have a cat? I think of you and Dill, knowing that you have these keen losses, the holidays make it harder, I think. My Dad passed away in '04, but the passage of time does not seem to make the sadness disappear. RE: teenagers. Try not to worry about your girls, my HB single-parented his daughter in her teens, and they had a very rocky time of it, but now they could not be closer or more loving.

Sooty, we'll all have to sing 'White Christmas' for you! I am working on a program to give this Thursday, not holiday songs, but standards - and I love those songs so much. Chill and Lav, have been thinking particularly about you two as I work on 'Somewhere over the Rainbow'. Great lyrics of hope, Chill -- Lav I watched the video of the original with Judy Garland - I'd forgotten that it takes place in the barn yard of the Kansas farm -- tons of chickens walking around! Of course, she sings the song to Toto the dog, and by the end I was sitting in front of my computer sobbing. I guess the holidays have all of our emotions running high.

I have a long day ahead of me, but will be thinking of you all - will try to check in later - take care of yourselves!

[Rusty]

December Determination - Week 2

Good Morning Friends,

I'm taking a break from work and just thought I would check in and say hello, from a 4 degrees below zero Artic Wisconsin.

Hi to Sooty and Rustop-I hope the cold spell breaks for you guys soon. Just the winter weather here would probably prevent you from ever wanting to visit Wisconsin.:H

Star-you asked me if I had concerns about imbibing over the holidays. YES. I had some grim reminders of my worst drinking days yesterday. Who was I kidding...or who is anybody kidding....when they say that abusing alcohol hasn't affected their work? Oh no, I saw it yesterday....some work-related remnants of those days. :upset: I have made some mistakes...overlooked important things. I am SOOOOO lucky to still have a very successful career. I never want to go back to that person who thought the answer was in a wine bottle, or worse yet, a fifth of vodka.

Thanks everyone for your feedback on starting a new thread on "What I Accomplished Today Because I Did Not Drink." I decided to wait until Sunday night to start and the reason is that Sundays are very depressing days for me. I have to keep the beast at bay. By Friday, I will have my plan in place to send the beast packing.

Rustop and Dill, you always give us good food for thought with your quotes, and for the last several months since I have addressed my issues with AL, I think of song lyrics that talk about my relationship with AL. I listen to music on my Ipod when I work out, and this song by Elton John, up until a year ago, reminded me of my ending a long-term relationship with a man whom I was in love with for a long time, but then who disappointed me in the end. This song also reminds me of Lav, Sped, and SD, with regards to their current relationships with YB, father and HB. Now this song reminds me of my past with AL.

I'm Still Standing
Music by Elton John, with Bernie Taupin


You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, i'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while i'm still standing you just fade away
Don't you know i'm still standing better than i ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once i never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

For all of you I missed, have a wonderful AF Tuesday!

[Lavande]

December Determination - Week 2

Good song lyrics Rusty! That's exactly what YB is doing - fading away! I've asked him over & over if that's what he truly wants...... I sure as hell am still standing

Mental note to myself:
Lav, when the temp is 19 degrees & the wind chill is zero - wear gloves & a hat in addition to your nice, warm jacket - DUH! I ran out to the supermarket for a few things & decided to stop & fill my gas tank. I damn near froze to death pumping gas :H

Had a few ebay sales today that I need to take care of tonight - good distraction from the perpetual lonliness around here - boo hoo. I cleanned out my fireplace today so I will park myself in front of a fire later.

Stay warm determined ones
Lav

[rebirth]

December Determination - Week 2

Good evening determinators,

My tree is decorated and looks really lovely! Santa is visiting this weekend and will be putting presents under the tree for my son. My son is soooo excited!Christmas parties everywhere..ugh! Everyone asking me out for a drink..sigh. It is still difficult not to fall into temptation.

I am determined NOT to be a drunk this christmas!

[mylife]

December Determination - Week 2

Hi Determinators!

It is freezing outside, but we have our tree up and the lights are twinkling outside! I also want to enjoy this Christmas without running to the bottle and remembering it through a blur! I'm determined to make it through Christmas AND New Years. Now THAT will be a first.

Have a great evening.

[Lavande]

December Determination - Week 2

Good for you mylife!
I enjoyed my sober Christmas last year & am looking forward to my 2nd this year

rebirth - you hang tough! You can do it too - you'll be so proud getting thru the holidays unscathed.

cyn, I really do like the cranberry gingerale, it's not too sweet & kind of matches my personality :H I hope you sell your house soon, it's such a relief!

OK, back to the cozy fire.
Good night all.

[paguy]

December Determination - Week 2

Hello Friends:

Lav ? I could use a nice warm cozy fire in my hotel room at the moment. I just can?t seem to get warm. The skin on my legs is so dry right now ? I?m going to turn into one big flake :H

Boy did I have a stressful day at work today. We are in the midst of rolling out more employee impacting communications (no layoffs this time but reductions in merit increases) and our HR organization is a complete disaster. The next time they want to clean house and save money, I know exactly which department they should go after ? UGH! We are all so frustrated beyond belief at this point. But, I am being a good little soldier and doing what I need to do to get through these tough times.

Needless to say, today?s stress really had me thinking ?wouldn?t it be nice to belt down a few stiff drinks?. Here I am, on the road, surrounded by all of my old stomping grounds in my drinking days. In the past, I would start off by having at least 3 glasses of wine at the hotel bar; followed by 2 martinis and a glass of wine with dinner; followed by a ?nightcap? of at least 2 more glasses of wine at the hotel bar before I stumbled back to my room. Attractive, huh? But, don?t worry, I kept to my senses and didn?t cave in. I?ve come too far to throw in the towel and for what? Getting aggravated over an incompetent HR department? Why should I let them ruin my life? It?s not going to happen.

Star ? You asked me to share what made me decide to go AF. Well, I had been abusing AL for 30+ years (I?m 56 now) and my drinking really started to escalate about 4 years ago. I fell into a depression after my mother passed away and drinking became my solace. I?m an educated and intelligent fellow ? I knew I had a problem ? I knew that drinking AL would eventually kill me. About 2 years ago I had a rude awakening as a result of getting wellness testing at work. My scores were atrocious ? I was 30 pounds overweight, my blood pressure and blood sugar levels were high and my kidney function tests were abnormal. This was my wakeup call. So, I worked with a personal trainer and took off the weight (I lost about 35 pounds) and started running. The transformation took me about 10 months but it took lots of hard work and determination. Once I accomplished this, I knew that AL was still the one monkey on my back that I needed to get off. More and more, I realized that I was bored with my drinking and most of it was out of habit.

Although I was exercising, I would still plan my exercise schedule and running around my drinking habits. Drinking was my first priority. So, when I had my foot injury in July, I realized I had an opportunity to tackle the monkey. I knew I was going to be on strong pain meds and things like Tylenol for a while and did not want to risk mixing alcohol with the meds. I needed to recover from my injury and I also did not want to compromise myself any further by continuing to add alcohol to the mix. So, I made a commitment to apply the same steely determination that I had applied to my weight loss and physical fitness accomplishments to become AF. So there you have it. Sorry it?s a bit long winded but that?s my story. And, the good news is that when I was tested this fall, my wellness score went from a 65 to 98! My weight, blood pressure, blood sugar and kidney function tests were all normal. So, that in itself keeps me inspired to stick with my determination to remain AF.

Rusty ? The lyrics to ?I?m still standing? are so appropriate for many of us. Yes, we are still standing despite some of the cards we?ve been dealt and we?re all the better for it!

Rebirth and others ? This is going to be my first sober Christmas and believe me it will be a challenge as I will be surrounded by my partner?s dysfunctional family which is enough to drive anyone to drink. But, like I?ve said before, I am not going to let other people?s dysfunctions and behaviors lead me to a place where I do not want to be. I am in control of what I do to my body. Amen.

I am so glad I decided to pack my personal laptop with me on this trip. Dill ? you asked if I had any trouble getting through security with 2 computers. Nope ? it didn?t raise any suspicions and I got through just fine.

Travelling to Texas tomorrow so I hope to be greeted by some warmer temperatures?.

Sweet dreams tonight folks!

[papmom3]

December Determination - Week 2

Hey everyone! Been a busy 2 days for me and yet no xmas shopping got done!!

John-hearty congrats on 5 months!! You are such an inspiration!! Great news about being able to run 2 miles yesterday! Rock on! Have a great trip this week and enjoy the warm Texas weather!!

This will be my first sober christmas and I'm really looking forward to it!! I'm feeling so much stronger in my sobriety than even a month ago. There is no doubt this is the right path for me.

Rustop-thank you so much for that quote. So true!! I'm lucky that one of my cats thinks he's a dog so I'm only ignored by one kitty, not two :H!!

Rusty-I LOVE that song by EJ!! Thanks for posting the lyrics. I hear ya on it describing our relationship with AL as well as people.

My sick doggie is finally feeling better. So wish I could figure out what he gets into out in the yard in 5 min!!

Still enjoying my ME time at PF. Last nite I was there for 1.5 hours!! I earned myself 10 WW activity points too!!

It's so unbelievably cold now after a weekend of 50 degree weather and torrential downpours. I feel like I live in hoodies and down comforters!!

I'm off tomorrow so hoping to check in a little more often. Good nite my friends!!

[rustop61]

December Determination - Week 2

Good morning everyone

"Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your
energies on moving forward toward finding the answer."
--Denis Waitley

I feel that this is exactly what I have been doing since joining MWO and all of your are my inspiration. Lav, John, Papmom and others who have already gone through an AF Christmas, you give me hope.

We are promised a big freeze this week-end so off to stock up on supplies. Sent off the last of my Christmas cards yesterday and got the tree. You really see the effects of the recession in the shops. Its become a tradition for myself and the girls to get the tree at a local garden centre. They have a large pot bellied stove burning and a petting zoo. The stock of xmas trees was half what it was last year and they had no 8ft ones. We have a large sun room and we always put the real large tree in there and an artificial one in the sitting room. We had to settle for a smaller tree but it is a nice one, may not look quite as good with the high ceilings but we are lucky to have so much so not complaining. I think it is good for the girls to see this recession happening. Things had become way too materialistic here.

Anyway have a great AF Hump day everyone.

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

December Determination - Week 2

Good morning DD's.

PAguy, thanks for taking the time to post the events that led to making changes. The wellness test improvements over one year are amazing. I was struck by your description of what you would drink in an evening. I would drink in a similar way, and feel horrible the next day. So glad you brought your laptop, it is good to hear from you. Traveling sounds stressful, but interesting.

Rusty, loved the lyrics to the Elton song...

Rebirth, I am trying to focus on mocktails if asked out for a drink, also, just saying no if I have to.

Papmom, you are doing awesome with your exercise plan. I was able to attend a class last night, interval, and it felt great. This weather is enough to wipe you out, exercise really helps keep the energy level up.

I just realized that this weekend I have to shop for food, presents, wrap, send Christmas cards, etc. Whew, the stress of it. I will get everything done AF. With a smile on my face, and lots of Christmas carols to help my motivation.

Everyone,enjoy the lights, snow, and that Christmassy feeling.

[Lavande]

December Determination - Week 2

GM Determined ones & Happy Humpday as well

Temps heading up to a balmy 30 degrees today - woo hoo!
John I will have that fire going again this evening. Hope you don't flake away :H

Works awaits me so I should get going for now.
Will check in later. Hope everyone has a marvelous AF Wednesday.

Lav

[cyntree]

December Determination - Week 2

Happy Humpday!
John - thanks so much for staying connected - good luck with these stressful days, and GREAT JOB staying AF.

Rusty, Lav, of course you're still standing, strong excellent women. What a reminder to free ourselves from anyone, anything that doesn't have our best interests at heart. Rebirth, wishing you strength to hang in there.

Lav, how is the Ebay going for you? I want to put some things on, this is a perfect time to let go of some of my excess belongings that are in beautiful shape, but we don't use...I just put a DeLonghi 60 cup coffee maker (what was I thinking?) on Amazon - we'll see if it sells. I have some 4 qt chafing dishes that I want to get on Ebay today if I get time...


Rustop, the story about buying your Christmas tree was beautiful. The best part was that the girls were with you - do they help decorate too? Star, good luck with all the details of the holiday. Dill, are you hanging in there with the last weeks of school before the break?

Hello Chill - Sped, you there - have you found a knitting store yet? PMom, stay warm!

Looking at another long day today, but each day I am taking a fear and facing it and getting things done, so I feel tired but proud. Greetings to all, stay warm!

[Lavande]

December Determination - Week 2

cyn - ebay is good to me this time of the year. People looking for inexpensive unusual gifts, etc love to shop ebay. I've had 7 sales so far this week

John, about the dry, flakey skin.........I use Curel Ultra Healing lotion. It works great

I'll have to get Sped to knit me something if that's what she's up to!!!!
I'll trade something sewn & or embroidered for something hand knit. Never could learn that skill.

I see dog hair piling up around me so vacuuming (again) is next on my list.

[mylife]

December Determination - Week 2

Hi All,

Still Determined for December and now on day 19. Thanks for all the great posts -- I read and get something from each one. Yes, I am enjoying the lights, and the Christmassy feelings! No snow here, but that's okay too!

Have a great AF day.

[Dewdrop]

December Determination - Week 2

Star and Chill what lovely posts and I love the sentiments behind them, I know that I am really embracing the ?spiritual? side of myself more and more as I progress on this journey. Chill it?s good to hear you sound so upbeat and positive, I know you are going through an awful soul searching time and probably have many difficult decisions to make at the moment Take the time you need to get a solid plan together for your future and then throw yourself into it 110% without looking back.

Rusty I had to smile at the image of you happy as a clam in your flannel jammies tucked up in front of the fire ? sounds bliss to me (with the addition of a mug of hot chocolate) Papmom when I moved into my house I almost had the coal fire blocked off and a gas one installed but couldn?t afford it and now I wouldn?t be without it. A few years ago I had an extension added and put a log burner in and love that too, the burner is cleaner than an open coal fire but both are so cosy and relaxing especially after a long cold day at work. Keep the dream of your new home alive by starting a scrapbook of all the lovely things you would wish for and one of these days you might just get them.

PAguy thanks for the book recommendations I bought a lovely journal and am keeping a list of recommended books, I haven?t joined a library yet but will need to find one at the rate I am reading. Good luck with your business trip it sounds like you have a good plan in place. I?ve managed a couple of business trips so far and had few problems but had my plan in place and was ready for anything, keeping busy was my main distraction.

I?m sorry to hear that some of you are feeling lonely I wonder if it?s the time of year? I think it can be hard for some people especially if family are not close to hand. The loneliest I ever felt was when I was at the end of my marriage prior to us separating and I am sure that to those on the outside we looked quite the happy couple. Funnily enough I never feel lonely living on my own however my family are all still around and I am very grateful for that.

Thank goodness Wednesday is over and we are heading for the weekend

Dewdrop :h