Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

[dancelot]

Hi everyone! I'll start the thread since I'm the first one here.

I had my second sober Christmas, and I'll say it was really nice. I was feeling so stressed out last year around Christmas. That was the one time I really felt my sobriety was in jeopardy.
It did motivate me to look into AA though, and for that I am grateful. Grateful too to all of you here that gave me any advice and information I asked for.

I went to a BB meeting last night. I used to go to this one. It's run by an older man who I can imagine brawling in a Texas roadhouse back in the day. He runs such a great meeting though, and is so full of wise advice about anything that comes up. He wasn't there last week when I went for the first time in awhile, and I was a little disappointed. Fortunately he'd only been out of town, and still does this meeting.

I went to a tiny women's meeting Saturday (5 people, when it's normally huge). I went to Birthday Night. It's great to hear all the stories of new and old alike. I need to make more of those. It was a great way to spend my Christmas day (I do family stuff in Christmas Eve anyway).

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Dance: I too had my second sober Christmas. Holidays tend to be noisy & active, because we have lots of active g-children, nieces, nephews & rowdy dogs. That said: there is still much less stress, because I don't have the constant obsession w/alcohol & its effects. This year there was hardly any drinking at all during either Christmas or Thanksgiving. My daughter isn't supposed to drink, because of the cancer med, my husb can't care less about drinking, my son is a recovering person, & my SIL just sort of went along for a pretty sober ride. SIL (as much as I love him) tends to be a heavy drinker. It tends to be the culture in his family of origin. This year, especially at Christmas time, he really laid off the booze & seemed very relaxed. I loved seeing him that way.

That said: He & my daughter are having a New Year's Eve party, & he said: "Mom, you & Dad are welcome to come, but I don't really think you'd want to be here." I think they'll be some heavy drinking going on. He's a police officer & officers can be pretty heavy drinkers...I've witnessed it first hand.

I hope all is well w/everyone out there in MWO-land. I'm really looking forward to the new year.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Hi Dance and Mary. I'm always happy to see the new thread for the week just knowing your guys are here!

Dance, I enjoyed your description of the guy who chairs that meeting. Your description made me think of some old timers I know. They can be gruff but so loving and passionate about helping others get and stay sober. Gotta love those guys!

Mary, it sounds like you had a nice Christmas with the family. I agree that drinking just ADDED monumentally to the stress. One guy at a meeting Christmas morning summed it up. He described being ANGRY so much of the holiday time because he couldn't just drink like he wanted to. Had to wait until the kids were done opening presents, or had to stay sober to drive somewhere for Christmas dinner, etc. That was me. ANGRY when I couldn't drink like I wanted to. The commercial and obligatory side of Christmas is not my favorite thing, but at least it's not for THAT reason these days!

Todays meeting was a bit of a tribute to the woman who passed away a few days ago. Nobody in the AA circle knows yet what really happened to her. It is still so shocking that she is just gone. She came to this morning meeting either dressed up fancy for work, or in her "pajamas" (flannel pants, sweatshirt, baseball cap). A few people came dressed in similar "pajamas" this morning in honor of her memory. One guy brought flowers and put them in front of an empty chair in the area where she always sat.

I was talking to Mr. Doggy last night about the fact that several people I know from AA have passed in the last year. He had an interesting perspective to offer up. He commented that I'm no longer living in isolation avoiding people and friends. I'm out there embracing new friendships and new activities and the fellowship. He pointed out that by interacting with more people, the odds go up for both good times and bad as a result. He is very happy for me that I have come out of isolation and am experiencing life with others - all aspects of that. I thought that was a good point and it helped me.

Today is precious.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Hi Dance, Mary, and DG,
Congrats to you, Dance and Mary, on your second sober x-mas. You both sound so peaceful and contented. This was my first, and I did notice that I was much more relaxed as a result of not drinking. I haven't been around alcobol much in the past 4 months, so it was a little unnerving to see others drinking freely. But that wouldn't have been me doing that. I'd have been counting my drinks, so that I'd make sure I wouldn't go above what I could handle and start slurring my words, or just get stupid. So that a blessing just being in the moment and not obsessing about the drink.

Good point, Mr. Doggy! And not being isolated does increase both good and bad, but now we can handle the bad much better! Thanks for that DG.

I met about 8 women from my homegroup for dinner tonight at King's then we went to a speaker meeting. What a nice way to spend an evening.

Have a great night.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

j-vo, I smiled when I read the line about you meeting up with friends for dinner and then speaker meeting. That sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening. Would you ever have thought we'd be saying that "back when?" :H

The visitation along with a memorial service for the young woman who dies is tomorrow. I am definitely going to the visitation but for some reason, I am hesitating about the memorial service. Not sure why. I don't have a lot of experience attending those things - I'm sure that's part of it. It will be extremely emotional - no doubt about that. I'm hoping to talk to my sponsor about it later today. The longer I'm in this, the more value I see in the sponsorship program. It's nice to have someone to ask input who is operating (or trying to every day!) from the same set of values.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

DG: We're learning to live life sober. After years of blunting everything w/AL, some of these experiences (memorial service, holidays, etc.) are first-timers sober. I too don't always know if I'm doing the right thing or not. Yes, we'll make mistakes, but they're sober mistakes, not drunken blunders. Last night at the meeting, one of my women friends thought she said something offensive to me...I didn't take it that way. As soon as the meeting was over, she cleared it up. Nobody went home w/anything on their mind. That's how AA is (the 10th step)...we're always keeping our side of the street cleared so that there isn't anything taking up space in our brains.

Good luck w/this crisis in your women's meeting. I know it will work out the way it's supposed to. Feel your feelings...they won't kill you. I think I numbed out so much, because I was very afraid of my feelings.

Mary

[j-vo]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Good points Mary. I like that "feel your feelings, they won't kill you." I numbed myself with good and bad feelings. I was, too, afraid of everything. Slowly, I'm beginning to allow myself to be afraid, or not feels as though I'm "no good" because I'm afraid.

DG, that's a great idea - to call your sponsor about this. Most of the time, we go to the funeral home to pay our respects and go to a memorial service if there is no visitation. If it's very close friends or of course, relatives, we'll do both. People appreiciate your being at the visitation so much.

One of the girls that I've become friends with through AA is going through very rough times. Her husband is dieing (OMG, spelling!) of cancer. She's 4 years sober and has mentioned that without her sobriety, she could not have done it. I feel good knowing that I'm able to support her and be there when she needs to talk. It's a wonderful feeling, being able to care so much for others and being there for them.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

j-vo: In reference to your friend whose husb is gravely ill: isn't it ironic that we thought the only way to go through a crisis is to blunt it w/drink. I'm so grateful that I'm going through my daughter's cancer experience sober. Yes, I would have babysat, cooked, helped out, etc. as needed. But I wouldn't have been able to be there for her as I am now.

[j-vo]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

How is your daughter doing now Mary? Yes, quite a difference going through that experience without the drink, feeling sad or angry when you need to feel that way, but also having a clear and sharp mind so that you can be there for her and her children.

Today at a meeting, a woman brought up a topic who is 3 months sober. She stated that she almost picked up a drink the day after x-mas, that all of these resentments that she has not let go of almost made her drink (she has not gotten to step 4 as of yet). She wanted to know how to communicate with these people, because she doesn't want to risk the chance of drinking because of them. There was a lot of good advice for her. Some of them:

1. Pray for those individuals whom you have resentments towards
2. Don't rush into a 4th step just to get your resentments out of the way. Follow the steps thoroughly, and ask HP for help. Possibly redo steps 1-3.
3. Journal your angry or sad thoughts (that was mine, because I've been doing that and I found it has helped me to get my thoughts on paper and off my mind).
4. Call your sponsor and talk about these issues on your mind.
5. Attend more meetings as this may help get through a rough time such as the holidays.
6. Call other friends from AA, those that may understand what you're going through - reach out for help.
7. Know it's ok not to feel good all the time.
8. Be aware of H.A.L.T.
9. Read your big book, daily reflections, and anything that can take your mind to a better place.

I know there were more good responses to this, but that's all I can think of now. This was a new meeting that I've never gone to because it was at 12:00 and I'm usually at work. There were lots of years of sobriety there! I think I may try to make this meeting happen when I'm off in the summertime.

Have a good nite!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

j-vo, that is a fabulous list. I will not be going to a meeting today so this is a terrific reflection for me! Thanks for posting it. Isn't it awesome to try new meetings and then end up finding new ones you like? It is so wonderful that you are "there" for your friend whose husband is dying. I can't imagine what that would be like. I believe I would WANT to isolate and it's comforting to know that in AA, people would be reaching out in an effort to keep me from doing that to myself. I see that sort of caring often in the fellowship and am begining to have faith that the caring will be there for me too in times of trouble.

Yes Mary - how is your daughter doing? Is she able to rest up over the holiday break, or is it just as hectic as work with Christmas and little ones?

Hello to all other travelers!

The visitation yesterday for our young friend who passed was very emotional. Her friends and family did a wonderful job putting together pictures and other memorabelia that chronicled her life. I have been fighting a cold and trying not to pass it all over town, so I went right when it opened at 3PM thinking that would be a quiet time. I'm guessing it was probably the "quietest" time, but there were so many many people there already. LOTS of AA people. In one corner of the room there was a recieving line of sorts to express sympathies to the family. Her brother and his wife where there, and her best friend, and her Dad. Her brother was the first in the line and was asking people how they knew Debbie (in a very polite way - just for context I think). Some friends from AA were in front of me, and were open in saying "I knew Debbie from AA." All of the family expressed how much AA meant to Debbie. So when the time came for me to say how I knew her, I too said "from AA." Even though it turns out that I know her SIL through business. I am so grateful to be reaching a point where revealing my membership in AA (when the circumstances seem appropriate) is no longer a big deal to me. It's very freeing.

Embrace today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

First: My daughter is doing OK. She has a cold, as the cancer med compromises her immune system. She has the implants put in on 2/9/11...it's a big operation, but she's really looking forward to it. She'll feel she'll look more normal. After that, a small surgery in the spring or summer. Then, all there is left is monitoring by the docs for recurrance (not!).

Resentments: j-vo, your suggestions are right on! Non-alcoholics have resentments too. They don't drink over them, & we don't have to either. I find that when I'm living my life, doing the next right thing for the next right reason, my resentments don't dominate me. I don't have to be in my head all the time. I hear at meetings that we alcoholics are pretty self-centered, & that's certainly true for me. When I get out of myself by doing what you suggest, j-vo, I find the resentment diminishes. Also, I think that I must accept that resentments crop up now & then. I, as an alcoholic, operate under the delusion that life should be perfect: that people should do what I want, & things should go my way. Guess what! That's not reality. When I let go of control & let life do its own thing, I'm a much happier person.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Also, I think step 12 works well against resentments. When we're helping someone else, it's almost impossible to feel resentful. M

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Mary, I love your post about resentments! You have a terrific way of summarizing things. And you are very right about 12th step work. When I start feeling crazy, I snap right out of it when I go do volunteer work or help someone in AA, etc. The place where I volunteer is not an AA based recovery program, but a big part of what they do there involved addiction recovery. So for me, it still feels like the sort of work that AA suggests - helping another alcoholic.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

Hi Everyone,
DG, again, sorry about your friend. And it's interesting how it does get less important for us to hide the the fact we're associated with AA. I feel comfortable telling my girlfriend from work that I've been working step 4 and about my new sponsor. I feel comfortable that my family knows and is supportive of me. But...I wouldn't yet be comfortable with hubby's family knowing, and don't know that I ever will. I think we know who we can and cannot trust, and obviously everyone is not understanding and can be judgmental. That can cause discomfort.

Mary, glad to hear your daughter is doing well. We've all got colds here too. Lots of stomach viruses going around as well. And I like your addition of Step 12 to the resentment list. Yes, it does help so much when we get out of our heads and help others. I'm experiencing that with just communicating with other "newer" AA members and I feel our support for each other is helping each of us to stay sober. I can see why it will be important to have sponsees in the future!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA thread Dec. 27 - Jan. 2

First: Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2011 will be a great year for us all. While I don't take my sobriety for granted, I'm not resolving to stop drinking for the year. I have AA, & ODAT I'm not drinking as long as I use the tools of the program.

I'm having an AA get-together tomorrow afternoon to ring in the new year. It feels great to be celebrating it w/sober friends.

j-vo: There are people whom I divulge my AA membership to, & others I do not. I think that's OK. That's why we have the 12th tradition. I'm finding that as I go to meetings & see people from the "outside," it gets easier & easier to admit my alcoholism to others. I recently saw a former student of mine at a meeting. She seemed surprised that I was a member, but we had a nice talk & a hug. Her husb happened to be the speaker that night. I remember him from school as well. What a difference: now he's a responsible dad looking at going to college, then he was a burned-out drug addict.

Mary