Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Hey all,

Another day, another 2 meetings. i am having a stressful and confusing day and didn't really want to go at all - which is exactly when you SHOULD go right? So I ended up going to two to spite myself

It's true that you just do feel better after a meeting - whether it's by just not isolating yourself, getting some human contact, keeping yourself safe when you feel vulnerable or whatever, there is a reason why these meetings work.

So I went to the first meeting, which was in a new location to me - it was a newcomers and beginners meeting with the chair focussed on the first 3 steps, so I thought it would be a good one to go to. I didn't expect to see anyone I recognised, but there were quite a few people I knew so I had a chat with some of them and then ended up walking up to the second meeting with a couple of the guys who were going to it too.

The second meeting was quite emotional - a lot of the people sharing were experiencing grieving and pain - but it was good as well. I haven't been to a meeting yet where I haven't heard something useful, whether it's a reminder of the destructive power of drink, a tip on using the programme or the story of someone who has stayed sober through AA and now has peace of mind and a happy life - it's all good.

I'm still not on top of the world but the feelings of distress I felt earlier have lessened to a great degree and I'm just not panicking any more. Because what I'm panicking about today will be ancient news in a couple of months. All I have to do is focus on AA, staying sober, do what I can about the situation, not worry about what I can't change about it and get through it.

Even though it's very early days (my last meeting today was the first ever one I went to last week), I feel already that AA is teaching me a lot. I got the Big Book today and will start reading it tonight.

So another day sober, another day grateful to be able to function and be out of the chaos my drinking caused.
K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Kim: You are doing incredibly well. Of course you're emotional. You just stopped putting alcohol into your body. Remember that AA is one day at a time. I tried not to think too far ahead in the beginning. You did the exact right thing by going to meetings. Mary

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Kim,

Good for you. Mary is right when she said you did the right thing by going when you really did not want to. I have found that when I make myself go when I don't want to get out in the cold or whatever, seems I am always so grateful that I did. It is true that we always hear something we are needing to hear.

I am trying to make myself participate more at meetings and here, because even after going through the steps, I still feel that I haven't let go enough of the insecurities I have and they are interfering with my progress. I need to go through the steps again maybe at a slower pace this time.

I was so scared that I would talk myself out of working the steps, that I think perhaps I rushed them too much.

Thanks Again for all the positive input here.

Have a safe, super, sober evening

HG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Kim - That sounds like the right thing to do. I can't think of ever a meeting I got nothing out of. If nothing else it prevents me from isolating. Even when I have work (which I currently don't), I work at home. Not surprisingly, most of my drinking, especially in the later years was at home.

One guy in my group said he literally stayed at the meeting place all day on weekends to avoid drinking. He went to every meeting, and in between he did stuff like rent a carpet cleaner and steam cleaned the carpets, or anything else he saw that looked like it needed doing. It got him through those first days.

I think you said you are in London? If so, there are probably a wide variety of meetings at any given time. That sounds like a good opportunity to explore as many as you need to. I'm glad to see you getting more brave about about walking in alone. I was so scared at first. I was having anxiety attacks writing about here on this thread. :H Now I think I'd feel welcome in any meeting anywhere.


You were asking about concepts of a higher power. One I've heard that works well for atheists and agnostics is G.O.D. - "good old drunks" around a table, meaning using the power of the group itself, sort of the group consciousness I guess.

Another I liked was the wind. One woman described this as letting go of your troubles and letting the wind carry them away. I liked that visual, particularly when they talk about giving your problems over to HP to deal with.

I'm going to go check out a step speaker meeting right now. See you guys later!

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Marriedgirl,
Way to go. That is a tough step. You are correct that you need to be selfish about your sobriety. Hopefully you will find that your friends won't care about your sobriety and may even support your efforts.
Keep coming back.

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Kimberly, phil said it. Keep goin back. It works if you work it!

Horsegirl, everyone is different as far as how quickly they work the steps. For example, many people work through their 4th step with a time limit, such as a month. For some, it will take longer. Every individual has different needs. Certainly it would not hurt if you did the steps again at a slower pace. I am currently on step 4, and the way my sponsor has instructed me to do this step is the way she did the step. It took her almost a year! And she is 22 years sober. She did something right. But then again, some may think that dragging it on like that might threaten their sobriety. So again, take it at your own pace and what will meet your needs.

I went to a Grapevine meeting for the first time tonight. They read an article from the magazine, then pose a question. We took turns reading the article, then the chair chose a topic based on the article. Tonight's question was, "What was the moment or day or event that you realized you needed help for your alcoholism, and how did you go about getting the help you needed?" I know I had come to MWO in 2008 looking for answers to my problems. I struggled long before coming to this site. I got lots of suggestions, ideas, and tried many methods. It was by the Grace of God that I had read someone's post about AA, then began to look into it. I know there had been more posts like that on this forum, but something struck me at that time that I should try something new. I'm tired. I'm as low as I can possibly go. I have no energy or life anymore. And I can't handle this distance from my husband, son, and other family members. I've sunk.

How did you come to the realization that AA might be "you're way out?"

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

I think the steps become a way of life. You can do them over & over. I know someone who does a 4th/5th step yearly. Whatever you're doing is great as long as you're doing something. Mary

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Good Morning All!!!!

J-vo - Good question. Funny thing is I had the same experience here that you did. I came here I guess out of fear that my drinking was out of control and soon my life would be out of control. I was a secret drinker who had a hard time admitting I was an alcoholic because I hadn't yet had any serious consequences from drinking. I went to work daily, still had my family and my home, no trouble with the law, etc. Someone on here the other day stated that their spiritual and moral lives had become unmanagable. That is me in a nutshell.

I was first attracted to this site because of the "moderation drinking" possibility. I was very reluctant to give up alcohol because I "enjoyed" it so much. (Insanity!!!!!) It was absolutely the posts here in this thread that made me research AA. The posters here were so much different. I could see their serenity and peace although I did not yet know what that was all about in regards to AA.

I will always be so grateful to the members here for sharing their AA experiences. I guess I was trying to avoid 12 step programs and thought I could recover in secret just as I had drank in secret. The ironic thing for me is that my attempts to avoid 12 step programs led me right into AA's 12 step program. Forever Grateful for that!!!!!!!!!!


Have a super day all!!!!


HG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Horsegirl: What a wonderful post! It's wonderful to think that this site & thread made such a difference in your life. I too was a secret drinker (even my husb of 38 years was unaware of the extent) whose spiritual life had become bandrupt. A bad drinking experience in 2009 pushed me into AA. Before that experience, I had no intention of admitting openly to my alcoholism or of joining AA. The "bottom" I had is what pushed me into AA. Even though I was doing crazy things (hiding bottles, going from liquor store to liquor store, secretly getting rid of empties), I still didn't want to identify as an alcoholic &/or give up drinking for good. Paradoxically though, when I admitted my alcoholism, I found freedom & sanity.

I sure hope you group gives you a medallion for your 1 year anni. It's such a wonderful experience.

Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Hi all,

Thanks for your ideas re HP, dancelot. I think I'll have to use the group - for the time being anyway.

J-vo re your question,I think AA just might be the answer because I realise I have been trying to do it my way, and do it alone, for too long. And while I've made progress, I can't do the last little bit of it on my own. I need to ask others for help - something I'm very bad at. But it's what I need to do.

Well I'm feeling very depressed today again. I had to go and see my therapist and after that I have just walked the streets for hours, because it was the only thing I could do. I just felt like giving up. I feel like I have a mountain to climb and I just don't have it in me any more. But I told myself that I didn't feel like that yesterday and I may not feel that way tomorrow. It still hurts, but means I have talked myself out of doing anything daft. I will be grateful to get to a meeting later that's for sure. Then we'll probably have a little tea afterwards. And then the day will be drawing to an end and I'll have remained sober - and that's all I can do. I guess sometimes that'll be the way it is.

Hope everyone else is having a better day,
K x

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Kimberly- Hang in there! I had a day just like that on Sunday...I actually just took a nap finally to get out of my head, I have been advised sometimes that can be the best thing to do, just get your head under covers. It worked-I felt better when I woke up, then waaay better the next day. I felt like making it through that day opened me up for a better day the next day. I had to stick it out and I called my sponsor and told her how I was feeling and went to a meeting.

Thanks everyone for your input on the situation with my best friend. She didn't call me back, but yesterday I texted her about the haircut I was getting and we wrote back and forth for awhile and she told me she wants to go to nursing school and I offered to help her with researching and doing her applications. So, I felt better that we talked and things are good.

I made a new friend at the meeting where I picked up my white chip last week, and we went to a meeting Saturday, then also today and we are going to another meeting this coming Sat. and then for coffee. So, God is good- even though I won't be able to hang out as much with my best friend, I already have a new 4 years sober friend and we get along really well already...we were talking today about how some of the party friends can be the "fair weather" type, but AA friends are really great because we relate on a level that is so real and genuine(and don't need booze as a social lubricant). :l

I volunteered to do a homeless shelter dinner tonight from 4:30-6:30. Haven't done before so that always makes me a little nervous-trying new things-but this is my last week off work before I go back to school so I wanted to do something for someone besides myself or my husband......I hope it goes well.

Almost Friday! I have one week sober!

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Hey all,

Thanks for the encouragement Married. It is now Friday here, so in my book you've done a week Good on you for working with the homeless - I used to volunteer at a shelter years ago and I absolutely loved it. It feels so good to give back.

It's great how we can keep making these new sober friends hey. I went to my meeting this evening and there were people I knew, but not that well. So I made the effort and went out to tea with them afterwards, and got to know the ones I knew a bit even better and met some more new people too.

So yes, despite feeling crappy today I have made it another day sober and made some more friends. I do feel like I am leanring a little something every day. I still look at the guys who have 10 or 20 years sober with absolute awe and feel like I'll never achieve that, but every day sober is another step towards it, so I've got to stop worrying about it and just stay sober for the next day. Everyine had to start at the beginning and I'm no exception.

K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

K: My sponsor doesn't even like to mention the 20+++ years she has sober. She says she is no better than the newest newbie...even closer to the drink than a newcomer. She often says she is only sober for this 24 hours...that's all any of us has. When you finally get all the alcohol out of your system, you start to feel feelings you used to numb out. I definitely had those days like yours today. However, you stayed sober today, went to a meeting, & went out for tea afterwards. Pat yourself on the back...you did very, very well. Tomorrow is another day, & I'm sure it'll be better. Just keep your focus on not drinking & going to meetings. Your life will change for the better. Just think how horrible you would have felt if you had picked up a drink today. You'd be beyond miserable. I know I would.

I'm in my second year of sobriety, & I must say that it was a difficult one. My 37 year old daughter, teacher, wife, mother of 2 little boys was diagnosed w/breast cancer & is now in treatment. It's been a struggle to work through my emotions, but that's just what I'm doing. If I was drinking, I wouldn't be doing that. I wouldn't be the help to her & the grandsons that I can be as a sober person. I guess what I'm saying is that life is going to present challenges. Sobriety offers us a spiritual & good way through them.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

love it

Kimberley;1041213 wrote: Hey all,

Thanks for the encouragement Married. It is now Friday here, so in my book you've done a week Good on you for working with the homeless - I used to volunteer at a shelter years ago and I absolutely loved it. It feels so good to give back.

It's great how we can keep making these new sober friends hey. I went to my meeting this evening and there were people I knew, but not that well. So I made the effort and went out to tea with them afterwards, and got to know the ones I knew a bit even better and met some more new people too.

So yes, despite feeling crappy today I have made it another day sober and made some more friends. I do feel like I am leanring a little something every day. I still look at the guys who have 10 or 20 years sober with absolute awe and feel like I'll never achieve that, but every day sober is another step towards it, so I've got to stop worrying about it and just stay sober for the next day. Everyine had to start at the beginning and I'm no exception.

K x

hi kim and the rest of you fine folks,you said it Kim.it is all in the day,i have a friend with 30 somthin years sobriety,would you think it would be a worry :upset: he s going on an all inclusive vacation, everything is paid for,,his comment was maybe he would see the priest and get a savatical for 2 weeks,it never ends,i keep saying it,,this al thing is not as big as people make it out to be ?:goodjob::thanks:gyco

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 10 - 16

Hi all,

Well I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. Thankfully I slept a bit earlier as well - my screwy sleeping patterns have NOT been helping my mental state at all. My appetite is back, too - yesterday I had to force myself to eat. I did feel like isolating to be honest, so I spent a few hours just by myself watching YouTube and then dragged myself off to a late meeting. So another day, another meeting, another 24 hours sober.

I hope I feel even better tomorrow, but I guess if I don't then I don't and I'll just have to wait for it to pass. I am giving myself a treat and going to get my hair done so I hope that'll cheer me up too. Plus I am looking forward to the candlelit Saturday night meeting that I enjoyed so much last week.

Hope everyone's had a good day and thanks for your words of encouragement as ever,
K x